THIS story is different!

[Hot Coco]

But it's really true isn't it? I mean if you pare it down to the very bare bones that's EXACTLY what it is. OW gets tricked and MM gets treated. It's that simple!

[erika2610]

No, reality is WONDERFUL. My H gave me his heart and I have him mine. We AGREED to belong to each other and to no one else (as lovers and as a married couple)

 

Now, let me ask you this. Do you have kids? Don't know if you do but if you do they are YOUR kids. They BELONG to you and if someone kidnaps them, they are TAKING what BELONGS to you!

 

Did you know you can now sue people who mess with your spouse? Doesn't that tell you that there's a component there of belonging to someone?

 

You're an OW aren't you?

 

This is where you said people belong to each other by the way..

[newbby]

HELLOOO?! I AM the OP? So I'm mad at myself? You say that it's become obvious why I'm so angry at the OP...huh? Well, it made me laugh anyway. Yeah, I'm VERY angry at myself.

 

I'm laughing Nosy because I always thought it meant Original Poster but on a thread I started someone told me today that I hated the OP and kept bashing the OP (or words to that effect.) And I was like huh? I thought I WAS the OP! I was bashing and hating myself?

 

 

:lmao:

right well now you understand what i meant.

Oh, and sorry, I guess I haven't hung around here enough..what's a WS? OH, and newbby, look up the definition of "tricked" (by the way, were you treated too? A little Halloween humor for ya! ) Doesn't being tricked mean you didn't KNOW beforehand that he was married? I mean that happens but I didn't think that was the case with you and I told feel like going back and re-reading. It was painful enough the first time!

there are many ways to be tricked hot coco, i may have known he was married, but i did not know he was happily married with no intention of leaving his wife. he lied basically. other things too that i will not go into as i worry about him reading.

so i was desperate, i admit it. i was extremely desperate and wanted to believe those things and could not have been manipulated without my consent, its true. i had no self respect. i was rather pathetic actually at that time, but, i was still tricked. thats all i was saying. i am not placing the blame at his door for ruining my life (it didnt, by the way), or any other dramatic statement, i was trying to explain how these things can happen, that is all.

oh and thanks for being interested enough in me to read my old threads;)

[erika2610]

Wayward spouse huh? Hmmm, well ok. Call me that if you want to.

 

Diva, I don't know WHY I keep attacking and bashing myself on these posts! I just can't help myself! Sometimes I just say things that are SO out there and I have to come back and set myself straight.

 

I mean where do I get off thinking that my H belongs to me! And he doesn't own me I can go out and have anyone I want! Vows? What's that?

 

And you know what? Being the OW is really a great thing. I mean just think about it. It's ALL treats with no tricks! HA HA Well...there might be a "few" tricks but it's a LOT of treats too! Well, now that I think of it, the MM gets all the treats and the OW gets the treats. Hmmm...let me go thing about this for awhile.

 

Can we tone down the sarcasm a bit? First off, no.. nobody owns anybody. Your H doesn't OWN you. Secondly, nobody said being the OW was great.. it sucks. It does. It's a very tough situation to get out of. And I don't really see you intelligently debating anybody.. I see ya being kinda rude. And that helps nobody.

[elmejor]

About all this "stealing" nonsense. Can you guys please start another thread on it. You've hijackeck my thread. That wasn't my topic. Stick to the topic or start your own. It's really boring already.

 

Thanks!

You started it! When you were corrected (by me) you couldnt take it. oh well, youre still wrong and I'm right. People are not property. That's a fact, no matter what coco thinks or says. Coco, You want to stick to the thread? Ok, how about this? SOME OW do not want the MM full time. Some OW have what they want, and have no interest at all in displacing the (beautiful, non-hostile, perfect in every way wife) Ha Ha Ha. I know several OW like this. AM I an OW? I could be, if I wanted. That would be up to me. Nothing the wife would say or do would matter. Thats part of the reality out there today. Its a smart wife who faces reality, rather than try to make it up as she goes along. And every WS should ask themselves why their spouse does not want THEM full time. Comprende?

[Hot Coco]

This is where you said people belong to each other by the way..

 

Uh, yeah...I know where I said it...what's your point. Show me where I said that people are PROPERTY...didn't say that. YES, people can belong to one another. I'll say it again.

[Hot Coco]

:lmao:

right well now you understand what i meant.

 

there are many ways to be tricked hot coco, i may have known he was married, but i did not know he was happily married with no intention of leaving his wife. he lied basically. other things too that i will not go into as i worry about him reading.

so i was desperate, i admit it. i was extremely desperate and wanted to believe those things and could not have been manipulated without my consent, its true. i had no self respect. i was rather pathetic actually at that time, but, i was still tricked. thats all i was saying. i am not placing the blame at his door for ruining my life (it didnt, by the way), or any other dramatic statement, i was trying to explain how these things can happen, that is all.

oh and thanks for being interested enough in me to read my old threads;)

 

I AM interested but I just can't bear to go back and re-read all these threads again!

 

As far as the rest of what you wrote, damn! Nothing to argue there. I see what you mean about being tricked. I guess the lesson for all is that if they're married (i.e. "taken" and yes, BELONGING to someone else), no matter WHAT they say (not sleeping with wife, marriage over, moving out, etc. etc.) don't get involved. Protect yourself from hurt by not getting involved in the first place.

 

Good post.

[Hot Coco]

Can we tone down the sarcasm a bit? First off, no.. nobody owns anybody. Your H doesn't OWN you. Secondly, nobody said being the OW was great.. it sucks. It does. It's a very tough situation to get out of. And I don't really see you intelligently debating anybody.. I see ya being kinda rude. And that helps nobody.

 

Well, that's your opinion erika. If you don't like my tone and style find a thread that WILL help you. Oh, well...can't please everyone. You obviously just don't "get" me and clearly missed my point. That's ok. Good luck on your search for a better thread for you. Buh, bye!

[Hot Coco]

You started it! When you were corrected (by me) you couldnt take it. oh well, youre still wrong and I'm right. People are not property. That's a fact, no matter what coco thinks or says. Coco, You want to stick to the thread? Ok, how about this? SOME OW do not want the MM full time. Some OW have what they want, and have no interest at all in displacing the (beautiful, non-hostile, perfect in every way wife) Ha Ha Ha. I know several OW like this. AM I an OW? I could be, if I wanted. That would be up to me. Nothing the wife would say or do would matter. Thats part of the reality out there today. Its a smart wife who faces reality, rather than try to make it up as she goes along. And every WS should ask themselves why their spouse does not want THEM full time. Comprende?

 

Ok, say I started it if you want to but I also started this thread and this isn't what it's about. So since I started it, I'm ending it.

 

People are NOT property. You still haven't shown me where I said that. That's because I didn't.

 

You make absolutely NO sense...If you're the WS YOU'RE the one who's strayed not your spouse! You don't even understand what you're saying. My spouse has NEVER strayed. And it doesn't surprise me one bit that if you were an OW, which I'm convinced you ARE, that what the W says or feels wouldn't matter to you. You strike me as an individual who is very cold. You don't understand the concept of how people CAN and DO BELONG to each other! And that just kills you doesn't it? Get over it. He's not YOURS, he's the wife's! Get that now? You'll spread your legs for him, he'll use you and throw you away like garbage (see other posts on this if you don't believe me.) But if that's the kind of treatment you want, hey, go for it girl! It'll come back to bite your butt and the wife will be in the exact situation while you are kicked to the curb! Is that what you want?

 

Don't you think the term "MY" - as in MY husband and "MY" wife- mean anything. Doesn't that term (MY) imply posession.

 

Same in spanish..."MI" ESPOSA, "MI" ESPOSO...What does MI mean and MY mean?

 

Look at this, since you appear to be bilingual. A little lesson for you. Pay special attention to what's in capitals!

 

 

The Spanish preposition de (of) is used to express POSSESSION, in place of the 's or s' found in English.

 

To say that SOMEONE or something BELONGS to someone or something else, invert the possessor and the thing possessed and put de between them.

 

el libro de Juan Juan's book (literally, the book of Juan)

la abuela de Ana y Pablo Pablo and Ana's grandmother

la idea de los niños the kids' idea

la iglesia de Madrid

 

Did you notice that things OR PEOPLE can belong to someone else?

 

Now do you get it?????? Sorry, but I say it again...HE'S NOT YOURS!

 

When I strayed (emotionally). (Do you get what a WAYWARD SPOUSE is now? It's the one who did wrong not the other way around...I don't think you quite got that) Anyway, when I strayed emotionally, I never for ONE SECOND thought that the MM didn't belong to his W. He does! And I BELONGED to my H and still do. Hello? That's what makes the whole OW/OM thing WRONG?

 

It appears though that your value system and mine are quite different. You seem to think that there's nothing wrong with it and THAT'S where we REALLY have a difference in opinion. NOW, I understand this problem with you about whether a person belongs to another or not. It's your way of justifying your very bad and wrong behavior. Because you must say to yourself "well, he doesn't BELONG to anyone, not even his wife. People can't own anyone else like property so I can have him if I want to"

 

Is that how it works in your world Elmejor? Well, guess what? It doesn't work that way in most peoples' worlds. It's WRONG in most peoples' world. Your values (or lack thereof) are obviously different from most of us.

 

Comprende? I doubt it you do because it's like we're from two different planets. Your planet has no morals and no values. No sense of what is right and what is wrong. No feelings for other people. Sefishness and self-satisfaction reign supreme on your planet.

[elmejor]

Ok, You make absolutely NO sense...If you're the WS YOU'RE the one who's strayed not your spouse! You don't even understand what you're saying. My spouse has NEVER strayed. And it doesn't surprise me one bit that if you were an OW, which I'm convinced you ARE, that what the W says or feels wouldn't matter to you. You don't understand the concept of how people CAN and DO BELONG to each other! And that just kills you doesn't it? Get over it. He's not YOURS, he's the wife's!

Your planet has no morals and no values. No sense of what is right and what is wrong. No feelings for other people. Sefishness and self-satisfaction reign supreme on your planet.

 

Nope, "WS" doesnt mean wayward spouse, it means "WHINING SPOUSE" as in, "Oh no, my husband is late getting home, wah! wah! Hey, maybe somebody STOLE HIM!" He does BELONG to ME! Thanks coco for illustrating my point perfectly, exactly as I thought you would. You are SO EASY! You think I need a Spanish lesson? Thats a good one. You need a third grade language arts textbook. In the context that you used the word "belong" it means to "be property" So, you are still wrong! Surprise! Cant admit it yet either, can you? People who can never admit being wrong could be so much happier in their lives if they would just learn that you cant always be right, and that other people do have valuable insights as well. So, Im sorry for you. Your attack on me, saying you are convinced I am the other woman, that it "kills me" that people CAN and DO BELONG to each other, what gives you the right to jump to these unfounded conclusions about me? At least I understand that people DO NOT EVER BELONG TO EACH OTHER. Have your important marriage documents, and keep repeating your mantra over and over, "My spouse has NEVER strayed" Yeah, right! I notice that the more you are reminded of HOW WRONG you are about the BELONG thing, the more vicious you are with your attacks on me. Saying Im an OW, and as such will be dumped like garbage now thats a good one, youve obviously never seen ME! Because I am one HOT, Stoking babe from hell. Understand too that there are lots of us like me, even in YOUR WORLD. Just keep repeating your mantra, it'll be alright, oh and thanks for the best entertainment Ive had in a long time!

[Hot Coco]

Nope, "WS" doesnt mean wayward spouse, it means "WHINING SPOUSE" as in, "Oh no, my husband is late getting home, wah! wah! Hey, maybe somebody STOLE HIM!" He does BELONG to ME! Thanks coco for illustrating my point perfectly, exactly as I thought you would. You are SO EASY! You think I need a Spanish lesson? Thats a good one. You need a third grade language arts textbook. In the context that you used the word "belong" it means to "be property" So, you are still wrong! Surprise! Cant admit it yet either, can you? People who can never admit being wrong could be so much happier in their lives if they would just learn that you cant always be right, and that other people do have valuable insights as well. So, Im sorry for you. Your attack on me, saying you are convinced I am the other woman, that it "kills me" that people CAN and DO BELONG to each other, what gives you the right to jump to these unfounded conclusions about me? At least I understand that people DO NOT EVER BELONG TO EACH OTHER. Have your important marriage documents, and keep repeating your mantra over and over, "My spouse has NEVER strayed" Yeah, right! I notice that the more you are reminded of HOW WRONG you are about the BELONG thing, the more vicious you are with your attacks on me. Saying Im an OW, and as such will be dumped like garbage now thats a good one, youve obviously never seen ME! Because I am one HOT, Stoking babe from hell. Understand too that there are lots of us like me, even in YOUR WORLD. Just keep repeating your mantra, it'll be alright, oh and thanks for the best entertainment Ive had in a long time!

 

Wow! What a tantrum! I see I touched a little hot button of yours. Sorry, dear but my spouse has never strayed and I've never attacked you. Wrong on both counts! You came on MY thread and started with this nonsense. Now accept that you're wrong and go away and start trouble somewhere else.

 

And you may be a HOT, SToking babe from hell but on the inside you are a truly sad case. Please go get help. It's clear that you need it.

 

Thank you for dropping by. You can go now. You've overstayed your welcome you stoking babe from hell! (I believe from hell part that's for sure!)

[elmejor]

Wow! What a tantrum! I see I touched a little hot button of yours. Sorry, dear but my spouse has never strayed and I've never attacked you. Wrong on both counts! You came on MY thread and started with this nonsense. Now accept that you're wrong and go away and start trouble somewhere else.

 

And you may be a HOT, SToking babe from hell but on the inside you are a truly sad case. Please go get help. It's clear that you need it.

 

Thank you for dropping by. You can go now. You've overstayed your welcome you stoking babe from hell! (I believe from hell part that's for sure!)

Read my post again, daughter of model. I know reading comprehension isnt a priority of yours, though. For the record, whether YOUR spouse strays is not a concern of mine. Yes, you did attack me, and yes you are WRONG ABOUT ME TOO. You glance at a moderate-length message like mine, without reading it, and call it a tantrum. My original point in coming to this thread remains the same. You are wrong in your statement about spouses BELONGING to each other. Insult me all you want, you are still wrong! Dont worry, youll get over it. You are SO FUNNY!

[Hot Coco]

Read my post again, daughter of model. I know reading comprehension isnt a priority of yours, though. For the record, whether YOUR spouse strays is not a concern of mine. Yes, you did attack me, and yes you are WRONG ABOUT ME TOO. You glance at a moderate-length message like mine, without reading it, and call it a tantrum. My original point in coming to this thread remains the same. You are wrong in your statement about spouses BELONGING to each other. Insult me all you want, you are still wrong! Dont worry, youll get over it. You are SO FUNNY!

 

Look, we'll just have to agree to disagree. I won't allow you to take over my thread. I will have to put you on ignore. I will not lower myself to arguing with someone with your mentality. Glad you think I'm funny.

 

And I did read that ridiculous post of yours. I still don't know what your "original point" was or why you're even here.

 

I'm sorry that you cannot see that you're wrong. One day, when you're all grown up you will see that I'm right. I will not see any more of your posts as I'm putting you on ignore so you needn't bother to reply. By the way, you're the first person I've had to put on ignore since I started on LS. Do you feel honored?

 

Adios!!!!

[elmejor]

Look, we'll just have to agree to disagree. I won't allow you to take over my thread. I will have to put you on ignore. I will not lower myself to arguing with someone with your mentality. Glad you think I'm funny.

 

And I did read that ridiculous post of yours. I still don't know what your "original point" was or why you're even here.

 

I'm sorry that you cannot see that you're wrong. One day, when you're all grown up you will see that I'm right. I will not see any more of your posts as I'm putting you on ignore so you needn't bother to reply. By the way, you're the first person I've had to put on ignore since I started on LS. Do you feel honored?

 

Adios!!!!

 

Have a nice day! I'll bet yours is the happiest marriage ever, and your husband is just thrilled to listen to you every day. ha ha ha!

[Sami_D]

I've been reading this other site today, and found it very interesting. It's a site often referenced on LS, and addresses the reasons people are tempted to have an affair, how to make your marriage affair-proof, and how to recover and build a better marriage after an affair. Lots of great advice for ANY human being. It also points out how ALL of us are vulnerable to infidelity if our emotional needs are not being met. WELL worth reading.

 

I thought this extract was very pertinent for us OW who are wondering just whether it's 'worth' us continuing in a particular affair, or whether we're just 'filling in a need' and the relationship is not going to result in anything but an eventual petering out. It addresses a lot of the questions that SO often come up on the OW forum, even though it's primarily aimed at the other couple in the triangle.

 

I've quoted it at length, but if this is against site rules, then I apologise and wasn't meaning to break any copywrite rules:

 

 

 

Some affairs are "one night stands." They usually take place when a spouse is away on a trip, or when one has gone out partying without the other spouse. These relatively loveless affairs usually happen when people drink and lose impulse control. Alcoholics are the ones most likely to have these flings.

 

Other affairs start as a caring friendship and develop over years to become a complete relationship that solves most emotional and practical issues for the couple. These relationships become so complete and persistent that spouses are eventually divorced, and the lovers are united in marriage.

 

But most affairs are somewhere in between one night stands and relationships that lead to marriage.

 

Affairs usually take place because they meet important emotional needs. But most affairs meet only some emotional needs not met in marriage, leaving others that are being met by a spouse. That fact usually rules out the possibility of divorce, at least for the spouse having the affair. The wayward spouse knows that the lover, for some reason, is not able to meet some of the needs met by his or her spouse. So most affairs are never intended to lead to divorce and remarriage, but are "safety-valve" relationships that satisfy a need not met in marriage.

 

Affairs are intended to be kept secret

 

Having drawn the above conclusion about the nature of affairs, it should be obvious why most wayward spouses would like their affairs to go undetected. Not only do they want to avoid all the unhappiness that goes with discovery, but they also want to continue the affair as long as it meets needs not met in marriage. In most cases, a lover only meets one or two emotional needs, while the spouse meets others. Unfaithful spouses usually don't want their marriages to end, and yet they want emotional needs met that the spouse does not meet. Discovery of the affair, in most cases, would ruin the "solution" to their problem.

 

But there comes a time in almost every affair that an unfaithful spouse realizes that it has run it's course, or it wasn't a good idea to begin with. In some cases, it's the lover who ends the relationship, finding that the spouse isn't living up to expectations. And in other cases, it's the spouse that ends it when the disadvantages of the affair begin to outweigh the advantages.

 

In most cases, affairs end peacefully and in secret. By their very nature, there is not much of a commitment to hold them together, and a desire to do the "right thing" is usually the excuse an unfaithful spouse uses to end it. But the real reason is usually that the affair has become more trouble than it's worth.

 

Occasionally, a scorned lover will go berserk, call the spouse all hours of the day and night, file lawsuits and create all kinds of trouble. But that's very rare. Affairs usually end quietly.

 

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5060_qa.html