Author Scotgirl84 Posted May 8, 2021 Author Share Posted May 8, 2021 10 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: Absolutely, yes. It's obvious. And no, I don't think he's being genuine. Sure, he likes your attention and companionship. But it's nowhere near as important to him as this whole thing is to you. He says he thinks about me 24/7 misses me so much and loves me??? Link to post Share on other sites
Snakesalive Posted May 8, 2021 Share Posted May 8, 2021 (edited) 12 minutes ago, Scotgirl84 said: He says he thinks about me 24/7 misses me so much and loves me??? And what? stop taking these words as validation that’s he’s going to take action . why would you want someone so weak in your life ? Especially someone who has cheated already . Imagine if he does leave and you get together do you real want to spend your life wondering when this weak man will cave in and go back to his family ? Believe me you’ll know what real pain is when this happens -the euphoria you’ll experience of “getting” him will he short lived when he goes ba k to the people he never wanted to hurt . You’re not in that place yet and so can’t imagine how that will feel -you’re idealising him and think however hard it is if and when he leaves you’ll get through it because you’re so in love ... you could lose everything that’s important to you here and when you do you’ll wonder why you chose to detach from him slowly ( whether that be in weeks. Months, years) rather than just blocking and going no contact Edited May 8, 2021 by Snakesalive Link to post Share on other sites
Stupidkupid Posted May 8, 2021 Share Posted May 8, 2021 (edited) 14 minutes ago, Scotgirl84 said: He says he thinks about me 24/7 misses me so much and loves me??? Can you see that, irrespective of the circumstances, this is not healthy? You say you are pulling away but in the next post that you want to be with him. We are calling you out on this because you cannot be both of these things. He is using you as an emotional crutch to enable him to maintain a relationship with his wife. He has had affairs before. This is not even guesswork. You know it to be true. You are not special to him. He has affairs because, whatever his marriage is like, he does not want to leave it. Believe me when I tell you that if you drop him he will grieve the loss of you briefly then move on to the next LIKE HE DID WITH YOU. If he wanted to be with you he would. Your presence in his life actually helps him to stay in his marriage. The absolute opposite of what you think is happening. Edited May 8, 2021 by Stupidkupid 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted May 8, 2021 Share Posted May 8, 2021 20 minutes ago, Scotgirl84 said: He says he thinks about me 24/7 misses me so much and loves me??? Nothing new here. A lot of MM tell their OW that, because they know it keeps them exactly where they want them: easy source of attention and affection when it suits them. You have to stop being so willfully gullible, Scot. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Scotgirl84 Posted May 8, 2021 Author Share Posted May 8, 2021 28 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: Nothing new here. A lot of MM tell their OW that, because they know it keeps them exactly where they want them: easy source of attention and affection when it suits them. You have to stop being so willfully gullible, Scot. I know Link to post Share on other sites
Author Scotgirl84 Posted May 8, 2021 Author Share Posted May 8, 2021 3 minutes ago, Scotgirl84 said: I know I’m a total lost cause honestly I’m stuck between following my head and heart 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted May 8, 2021 Share Posted May 8, 2021 The problem here is that some men will never leave their wife, the mother of his children, no matter how bad it gets, because deep down he loves her and needs her. He has history with her, he remembers the young woman he fell in love with... You cannot compete with that... Here his MO seems to be that he steps out, but he doesn't leave... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Scotgirl84 Posted May 8, 2021 Author Share Posted May 8, 2021 2 minutes ago, elaine567 said: The problem here is that some men will never leave their wife, the mother of his children, no matter how bad it gets, because deep down he loves her and needs her. He has history with her, he remembers the young woman he fell in love with... You cannot compete with that... Here his MO seems to be that he steps out, but he doesn't leave... I know Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted May 8, 2021 Share Posted May 8, 2021 1 hour ago, Scotgirl84 said: I'm thinking longer we spend together then hopefully he will not want to lose me and then make the decision to leave. It was always obvious that was your mindset, you are still trying to force his hand and make him leave.. You are essentially trying to emotionally blackmail him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Scotgirl84 Posted May 8, 2021 Author Share Posted May 8, 2021 Just now, elaine567 said: It was always obvious that was your mindset, you are still trying to force his hand and make him leave.. You are essentially trying to emotionally blackmail him. Probably am tbh Link to post Share on other sites
Author Scotgirl84 Posted May 8, 2021 Author Share Posted May 8, 2021 9 minutes ago, Scotgirl84 said: Probably am tbh Do you honestly recommend completely blocking him???? I’m honestly not so sure if he was going to leave he would if I done that he would be pissed off and give up completely thinking I don’t want him Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 8, 2021 Share Posted May 8, 2021 26 minutes ago, Scotgirl84 said: I’m a total lost cause honestly I’m stuck between following my head and heart Follow your head. If there is a conflict between the two - always follow your head. Your heart lead you into a dead end relationship with a married man that has brought you grief and pain. Follow your head now. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 8, 2021 Share Posted May 8, 2021 (edited) 13 minutes ago, Scotgirl84 said: Do you honestly recommend completely blocking him???? I’m honestly not so sure if he was going to leave he would if I done that he would be pissed off and give up completely thinking I don’t want him How many times do we have to say it. Yes, you need to block the man. You don’t want to block him because you don’t want to lose him. But - you don’t have him now. If you truly want him (which I hope you reconsider), the ONLY way you get him is to block him. IF he truly loves you and wants to be with you, he will make it happen. Just don’t take him back until he has divorce papers in hand - lest he go back and forth between you and cause you endless amounts of pain and suffering. Edited May 8, 2021 by BaileyB 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Scotgirl84 Posted May 8, 2021 Author Share Posted May 8, 2021 4 minutes ago, BaileyB said: How many times do we have to say it. Yes, you need to block the man. You don’t want to block him because you don’t want to lose him. But - you don’t have him now. If you truly want him (which I hope you reconsider), the ONLY way you get him is to block him. IF he truly loves you and wants to be with you, he will make it happen. Just don’t take him back until he has divorce papers in hand - lest he go back and forth between you and cause you endless amounts of pain and suffering. Ok Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 8, 2021 Share Posted May 8, 2021 2 hours ago, Scotgirl84 said: I’m thinking longer we spend together then hopefully he will not want to lose me and then make the decision to leave. There is no prize for the person who stays the longest. Continue to stay in this dead end relationship and the thing you lose is your time. Years of your your life wasted - waiting, for what? There are women on this board who have waited for their men for two, five, ten years. Nothing sadder than a woman who realizes after ten years that he’s not going to leave his wife for her. She has wasted ten years of her life!! How hard would it be after all those years to try and pick up the pieces and try to create a different life for herself? How angry would you be at yourself? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Scotgirl84 Posted May 8, 2021 Author Share Posted May 8, 2021 Just now, BaileyB said: There is no prize for the person who stays the longest. Continue to stay in this dead end relationship and the thing you lose is your time. Years of your your life wasted - waiting, for what? There are women on this board who have waited for their men for two, five, ten years. Nothing sadder than a woman who realizes after ten years that he’s not going to leave his wife for her. She has wasted ten years of her life!! How hard would it be after all those years to try and pick up the pieces and try to create a different life for herself? How angry would you be at yourself? I know this I do. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 8, 2021 Share Posted May 8, 2021 (edited) Read this. https://www.loveshack.org/forums/topic/599645-feel-like-im-going-crazy/ Edited May 8, 2021 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
Snakesalive Posted May 8, 2021 Share Posted May 8, 2021 2 hours ago, Scotgirl84 said: I do trust him tbh cos he will get what’s he’s lacked in his marriage with me affection time and company and sex I’m sorry but this made me laugh out loud . Not in a mean way you understand but it reminds me so much of me when I was in the thick of my affair -I said the exact same thing . It’s laughable now that I thought this . what you need to get your head around is this -it doesn’t matter how much love attention company sex you give him it will never be enough : Enough to make him commit to you fully, enough to make him feel less guilty about splitting up his family(if it happens) , enough to stop his 3am moments when he’s racked with shame and sadness for the pain and hurt he caused -believe me it could never be enough. I think i my exx MM loved me and me him , we told each other often enough . Like you I didn’t want to end it because I thought he just needed time , He’d come around etc . I know now the reason I couldn’t end it was because deep down and left to his own devices I knew there was a big risk he wouldn’t choose me and that frightened me so-I thought if I hung on it would turn out the way I wanted -I trusted him -after 6 years why wouldn’t I ? In hindsight I was like some deranged desperate woman hanging on like her life depended on it . So when we finally got together I remember the relief, the high when we split from our partners and moved in together -I honestly couldn’t have given him more of me . It was all short lived -my fears were realised -the “love” or whatever it was we had wasn’t enough -again how many examples exactly like this do you need . isn’t there a saying something like “if you love someone set them free -if they come back it’s meant to be” do you have the trust and courage to do this? 5 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 8, 2021 Share Posted May 8, 2021 7 minutes ago, Snakesalive said: I know now the reason I couldn’t end it was because deep down and left to his own devices I knew there was a big risk he wouldn’t choose me and that frightened me so-I thought if I hung on it would turn out the way I wanted This is key. Scot won’t let him go because she doesn’t trust that he will do what is required to actually be with her. 1 hour ago, Scotgirl84 said: I’m honestly not so sure if he was going to leave he would if I done that he would be pissed off and give up completely thinking I don’t want him In her own words, he would get pissed off and think she has given up on him and he would stay with his wife. He’s already chosen to stay with his wife, he will just lose his affair partner. And as he has previously demonstrated, if he wants another - he will find another. Quote I do trust him tbh To be clear, you trust him when he says he loves you and thinks about you 24/7 and can’t live without you in his life... But, as per the above, you don’t trust that if you walk away he will do what is required to have you in his life, as his chosen partner. Head - Heart Listen to your head. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 8, 2021 Share Posted May 8, 2021 (edited) 3 hours ago, Scotgirl84 said: He said he doesn’t want to lose me and end up back stuck there with nothing miserable No, he would much rather that you be stuck and miserable. Think about that for a while. Edited May 8, 2021 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 8, 2021 Share Posted May 8, 2021 One more story would be good for you to read. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Scotgirl84 Posted May 8, 2021 Author Share Posted May 8, 2021 47 minutes ago, BaileyB said: This is key. Scot won’t let him go because she doesn’t trust that he will do what is required to actually be with her. In her own words, he would get pissed off and think she has given up on him and he would stay with his wife. He’s already chosen to stay with his wife, he will just lose his affair partner. And as he has previously demonstrated, if he wants another - he will find another. To be clear, you trust him when he says he loves you and thinks about you 24/7 and can’t live without you in his life... But, as per the above, you don’t trust that if you walk away he will do what is required to have you in his life, as his chosen partner. Head - Heart Listen to your head. I know I know but I’m scared I’m peaking too early we’ve no even had sex yet properly in a room Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 8, 2021 Share Posted May 8, 2021 (edited) 5 minutes ago, Scotgirl84 said: I know I know but I’m scared I’m peaking too early we’ve no even had sex yet properly in a room Seriously, that is why you are holding onto this? There are plenty of wonderful single men who will have sex with you in a room. They will be more than happy to have sex with you in a bed - after they have invited you to their place, cooked you a lovely dinner, offered you wine and dessert...and then... This guy will only offer you sex in a car - when you pressure him into it. Please. You are romanticizing this relationship. Edited May 8, 2021 by BaileyB 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Snakesalive Posted May 8, 2021 Share Posted May 8, 2021 29 minutes ago, Scotgirl84 said: I know I know but I’m scared I’m peaking too early we’ve no even had sex yet properly in a room Whaaat ???? This statement is wrong on so many levels - a) you’re this invested and you’ve only had sex/fumbling around in a car? b) IMO it shows a real immaturity in your thoughts and actions C’mon seriously and kindly you sound like a 14 year old not someone who is a responsible parent with a career . 4 Link to post Share on other sites
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