Author Scotgirl84 Posted May 9, 2021 Author Share Posted May 9, 2021 3 minutes ago, Stupidkupid said: Its obvious that nothing we say to you will change anything. We can tell you not to meet him until our lungs burst but you'll go anyway. Then you will say how much he misses you and loves you, but you're still pulling away. And we go around again Ok I appreciate your advice and time spent on this post. I am going to leave it now cos I am going round in circles it’s not helping anyone thanks again though Link to post Share on other sites
Author Scotgirl84 Posted May 9, 2021 Author Share Posted May 9, 2021 3 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: This so foolishly desperate. You have never had the upper hand with him, and never will. No way are you strong enough to have sex with him and then block him. Sorry Scotgirl, but you need a serious reality check. Go find your own man rather than clinging on to someone else's. thanks reality check it is. Since I sound insane and desperate. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 9, 2021 Share Posted May 9, 2021 2 hours ago, Scotgirl84 said: I know you will all say I’m crazy but I’m going to get a night with him for sex then I’ll call it off and block him Just one more hit. I’ve tried everything else - marijuana, ecstasy, cocaine - but, I’ve never tried heroin. Trust me, I’m just going to try it once - and then I’ll get sober. I can leave it then - I just need to try it first... Said no drug addict, ever. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Scotgirl84 Posted May 9, 2021 Author Share Posted May 9, 2021 1 minute ago, BaileyB said: Just one more hit. I’ve tried everything else - marijuana, ecstasy, cocaine - but, I’ve never tried heroin. Trust me, I’m just going to try it once - and then I’ll get sober. I can leave it then - I just need to try it first... Said no drug addict, ever. Thanks I wish I had come as far as you all and obviously know I’ve only got myself to blame. It’s turned me into a person I never was before. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted May 9, 2021 Share Posted May 9, 2021 15 minutes ago, Scotgirl84 said: not seen him since Friday at work He probably took his wife out for mother's day. What do you do on weekends? Why not start dating single men? Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 9, 2021 Share Posted May 9, 2021 (edited) 10 minutes ago, Scotgirl84 said: I am going to leave it now cos I am going round in circles it’s not helping anyone No, you are going to leave now because you’ve made the decision to stay and you are not finding the support you want right now. As is sometimes the case on this board, you are just not ready to acknowledge the reality of the situation that is so very obvious to those who have been there and seen this before. We challenge the romantic fantasy about this man and this relationship and you’ve had enough. That’s ok. You do what you have to do. Go sleep with the man in a bed and let us know how that goes... We will kindly offer support when you realize that this relationship is not going to be what you want it to be and you are ready to move forward with your life. Sincerely Scot, I wish you well. Take care of yourself and your children. Edited May 9, 2021 by BaileyB 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Scotgirl84 Posted May 9, 2021 Author Share Posted May 9, 2021 5 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: He probably took his wife out for mother's day. What do you do on weekends? Why not start dating single men? Mother’s Day was March in UK and he didn’t he was asking to see me but I said I was busy with my children Link to post Share on other sites
Author Scotgirl84 Posted May 9, 2021 Author Share Posted May 9, 2021 3 minutes ago, BaileyB said: No, you are going to leave now because you’ve made the decision to stay and you are not finding the support you want right now. As is sometimes the case on this board, you are just not ready to acknowledge the reality of the situation that is so very obvious to those who have been there and seen this before. We challenge the romantic fantasy about this man and this relationship and you’ve had enough. That’s ok. You do what you have to do. Go sleep with the man in a bed and let us know how that goes... We will kindly offer support when you realize that this relationship is not going to be what you want it to be and you are ready to move forward with your life. Sincerely Scot, I wish you well. Take care of yourself and your children. Thank you. You are right I am still undecided what to do for the best so messed up with it. I won’t waste anymore of your time though. I get it’s frustrating when I’m not taking this advice in. Thanks again for the support and time taken on this post Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 9, 2021 Share Posted May 9, 2021 (edited) 11 minutes ago, Scotgirl84 said: Thank you. You are right I am still undecided what to do for the best so messed up with it. I won’t waste anymore of your time though. I get it’s frustrating when I’m not taking this advice in. Thanks again for the support and time taken on this post It doesn’t sound to me like you are undecided. you intend to have sex with the man in a bed. You plan to offer yourself to him, believing that you will somehow have the upper hand, but the person most likely to be hurt is you. I agree with expat - under no circumstances will you be able to have sex with the man and then end it. The only person you are filling when you suggest such a thing is yourself. If I had any advice to give, I would suggest that you “pause.” Take some time to calm yourself, because (kindly), you are not thinking clearly right now. Take some time, give yourself a little distance, and think this through. Meet with a counsellor. Eat, sleep, and pray on this for a while. There is no reason why you have to make an impulsive decision. Use your head, not only your heart. Edited May 9, 2021 by BaileyB 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Scotgirl84 Posted May 9, 2021 Author Share Posted May 9, 2021 1 minute ago, BaileyB said: It doesn’t sound to me like you are undecided. you intend to have sex with the man in a bed. You plan to offer yourself to him, believing that you will somehow have the upper hand, but the person most likely to be hurt is you. I agree with expat - under no circumstances will you be able to have sex with the man and then end it. The only person you are filling when you suggest such a thing is yourself. If I had any advice to give, I would suggest that you “pause.” Take some time to calm yourself, because (kindly), you are not thinking clearly right now. Take some time, give yourself a little distance, and think this through. Meet with a counsellor. Eat, sleep, and pray on this for a while. There is no reason why you have to make an impulsive decision. Use your head, not only your heart. Thanks I definitely will. I will take some time out and try sort this the correct way in order to minimise hurt for myself if possible Link to post Share on other sites
lana-banana Posted May 9, 2021 Share Posted May 9, 2021 Sincerely: how about printing out this thread and showing it to a professional? They might be able to identify why you're stuck in these thought processes and find some strategies to help you move forward for real. Please abandon the fantasy of meeting up with him at all. You can have all the passionate sex you want and he still isn't going to leave his wife for you. How would that make you feel any better? 3 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 9, 2021 Share Posted May 9, 2021 (edited) 4 minutes ago, Scotgirl84 said: Thanks I definitely will. I will take some time out and try sort this the correct way in order to minimise hurt for myself if possible Not to mention your children. You have an obligation to your children that they have a mother who is healthy, whole, and happy. It’s like they say after the death of a spouse - don’t make any important decisions for a year. At the time, you feel like you are very capable of making decisions... With time, you realize just how much the grief has clouded your thinking and your perception. If you are “messed up with this” - that is not the time to make any decisions. Our ability to make good decisions is the first thing to go when we are feeling threatened and in a time of crisis. The kind thing to do for yourself is to give yourself the time you need before moving forward... Edited May 9, 2021 by BaileyB 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 9, 2021 Share Posted May 9, 2021 1 minute ago, lana-banana said: Please abandon the fantasy of meeting up with him at all. You can have all the passionate sex you want and he still isn't going to leave his wife for you. How would that make you feel any better? I think it would absolutely destroy me. I could never do it myself. Link to post Share on other sites
Luna66star Posted May 10, 2021 Share Posted May 10, 2021 Nothing seems to break your addiction to this man. Go to a Doctor and temporarily go on some anti depressants. These drugs will dull your addiction and emotions. Come off after 2 or 3 months after you have detoxed from this man. You are wasting your entire life on someone who is not choosing you. Discard the hope. Passionate sex will not make a man commit to you. You are the side piece. The fun and sex are all he wants. Please move to another city to get away from this toxicity. Drugs and a move appear to be the only options. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 10, 2021 Share Posted May 10, 2021 10 minutes ago, Luna66star said: The fun and sex are all he wants. He doesn’t even want sex. She is trying to take away what he really wants from her (attention, emotional support, and adoration) and essentially trying to strong arm the man into having sex with her. She thinks that somehow this will give her control... but, she is likely to lose all control because a woman can’t stay distant and disengage from a man that she has feelings for after sex. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Scotgirl84 Posted May 10, 2021 Author Share Posted May 10, 2021 4 hours ago, BaileyB said: He doesn’t even want sex. She is trying to take away what he really wants from her (attention, emotional support, and adoration) and essentially trying to strong arm the man into having sex with her. She thinks that somehow this will give her control... but, she is likely to lose all control because a woman can’t stay distant and disengage from a man that she has feelings for after sex. Yea that’s very true I’ll make the situation worse 100% Link to post Share on other sites
Snakesalive Posted May 10, 2021 Share Posted May 10, 2021 10 hours ago, BaileyB said: We will kindly offer support when you realize that this relationship is not going to be what you want it to be and you are ready to move forward with your life. Absolutely-and if you find it all works out please update us too , take care Link to post Share on other sites
Negotaurus Posted May 10, 2021 Share Posted May 10, 2021 One day you will look back and feel utterly disgusted for spending all this time and energy on a "man" like that. A "man" that is weak, lies and goes home to his wife after "meeting" you in his car. Is this how you want to look back at your life? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted May 10, 2021 Share Posted May 10, 2021 8 hours ago, Luna66star said: .Go to a Doctor Agree. This really is not about this guy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Snakesalive Posted May 10, 2021 Share Posted May 10, 2021 1 hour ago, Negotaurus said: One day you will look back and feel utterly disgusted for spending all this time and energy on a "man" like that. A "man" that is weak, lies and goes home to his wife after "meeting" you in his car. Is this how you want to look back at your life? This is spot on . At that time the feelings of “what was I thinking “ “how could I have valued myself so little ” and realisation you really weren’t present for people in your life that you love will start to hit home. The thoughts of the strategies and tactics you are implementing now to score cheap points will honestly make you shudder in embarrassment and you’ll be sad for the parts of you the affair took away . When you move into the next phase You’ll realise the only way to r get your life back is to do some really hard work on yourself . This is where youll be honest with yourself in a way that right now you’re just not capable of ; youll take the opportunity to learn the lessons and understand the experience for what it was and make it a part of your past that won’t define you . I almost envy you, you’ve had the benefit of others experience that I never had . The support I have and continue to get through this group and my therapist is immeasurable. If I had found it sooner I like to think I would have pressed the stop button instead of keeping it firmly on self destruct. Good luck , I hope you make better choices 3 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted May 10, 2021 Share Posted May 10, 2021 How did lunch go? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Scotgirl84 Posted May 10, 2021 Author Share Posted May 10, 2021 8 minutes ago, elaine567 said: How did lunch go? I didn’t meet him we got caught up which I’m glad now 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Scotgirl84 Posted May 10, 2021 Author Share Posted May 10, 2021 9 hours ago, Scotgirl84 said: I didn’t meet him we got caught up which I’m glad now Met him tonight to listen to his woes about work no seen him in 2 days and all he wanted to do was moan about stuff. I swear it shows his selfishness. I am starting to see another side to him now honestly guys. It was half an hour of him ranting then kiss and a cuddle. Wtf is the point??? So I can be his emotional side piece for him to let of steam. I swear I have never said this but I honestly am getting sick of being a total doormat Link to post Share on other sites
Author Scotgirl84 Posted May 10, 2021 Author Share Posted May 10, 2021 Just now, Scotgirl84 said: Met him tonight to listen to his woes about work no seen him in 2 days and all he wanted to do was moan about stuff. I swear it shows his selfishness. I am starting to see another side to him now honestly guys. It was half an hour of him ranting then kiss and a cuddle. Wtf is the point??? So I can be his emotional side piece for him to let of steam. I swear I have never said this but I honestly am getting sick of being a total doormat I feel I need to text him tomorrow to say let’s call it off don’t know what to say though to end it??? I don’t want to be completely rotten and block without an explanation at least. I wouldn’t like that to happen to me. He wants to meet tomorrow but I can’t be bothered with it now it’s getting tedious and boring and same old s*** Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 10, 2021 Share Posted May 10, 2021 (edited) 6 minutes ago, Scotgirl84 said: I feel I need to text him tomorrow to say let’s call it off don’t know what to say though to end it? How about - let’s call it off. Honestly, you don’t need to offer an explanation. He already knows this relationship has an expiry date. Not many women will accept this kind of arrangement long term. Text the man and say “I’m sorry, I’ve decided this isn’t what I want anymore. I wish you well.” And then block him. He will get over it. So will you. Edited May 10, 2021 by BaileyB 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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