Author Scotgirl84 Posted May 12, 2021 Author Share Posted May 12, 2021 Just now, Beentheretoooften said: You want what he is doing. Why would you want him to check on you? That would continue to drag it out. Which he likely will do. Cos at least it’s amicable and I’m not left feeling like s***. He seems annoyed but this is what he wanted too. Now he’s just being so dry he promised we would keep it the way it was before we started this Link to post Share on other sites
Naivewomen Posted May 12, 2021 Share Posted May 12, 2021 1 minute ago, Scotgirl84 said: Cos at least it’s amicable and I’m not left feeling like s***. He seems annoyed but this is what he wanted too. Now he’s just being so dry he promised we would keep it the way it was before we started this Hes not capable of being your friend or cordial. His main goal was to have a side piece. You no longer want to assume that role. Unfortunately, he no longer sees a purpose being your friend. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Beentheretoooften Posted May 12, 2021 Share Posted May 12, 2021 1 minute ago, Scotgirl84 said: Cos at least it’s amicable and I’m not left feeling like s***. He seems annoyed but this is what he wanted too. Now he’s just being so dry he promised we would keep it the way it was before we started this IMO, he thinks if he behaves this way; that you will reach out, and ask what’s wrong, you said we could be friends etc. that would be such a Setback. You just don’t see it right now. I promise he won’t leave you alone forever. It would be rare that he wouldn’t try to come. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Scotgirl84 Posted May 12, 2021 Author Share Posted May 12, 2021 5 minutes ago, Naivewomen said: Hes not capable of being your friend or cordial. His main goal was to have a side piece. You no longer want to assume that role. Unfortunately, he no longer sees a purpose being your friend. That’s so bad eh Link to post Share on other sites
Author Scotgirl84 Posted May 12, 2021 Author Share Posted May 12, 2021 4 minutes ago, Beentheretoooften said: IMO, he thinks if he behaves this way; that you will reach out, and ask what’s wrong, you said we could be friends etc. that would be such a Setback. You just don’t see it right now. I promise he won’t leave you alone forever. It would be rare that he wouldn’t try to come. I know it’s just horrible after spending every day for a year with him to him being so dry n horrible Link to post Share on other sites
Beentheretoooften Posted May 12, 2021 Share Posted May 12, 2021 Just now, Scotgirl84 said: I know it’s just horrible after spending every day for a year with him to him being so dry n horrible You are lucky it was one year and not 9 LUCKY. But you can’t see it yet. 1 1 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Naivewomen Posted May 12, 2021 Share Posted May 12, 2021 2 minutes ago, Scotgirl84 said: I know it’s just horrible after spending every day for a year with him to him being so dry n horrible It will hurt more the more you play it over and over in your head. Your broken!! Remember hes NOT! Hes not spiraling nor recapping the lovely moments and etc. Please try and refocus your thoughts. You are in control of your thoughts and once you realize this doesn't benefit your healing process YOU will eventually stop spiraling. One step at a time! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Scotgirl84 Posted May 12, 2021 Author Share Posted May 12, 2021 29 minutes ago, Naivewomen said: It will hurt more the more you play it over and over in your head. Your broken!! Remember hes NOT! Hes not spiraling nor recapping the lovely moments and etc. Please try and refocus your thoughts. You are in control of your thoughts and once you realize this doesn't benefit your healing process YOU will eventually stop spiraling. One step at a time! He was acting hurt though as if he was gutted and pissed off at me Link to post Share on other sites
Naivewomen Posted May 12, 2021 Share Posted May 12, 2021 8 minutes ago, Scotgirl84 said: He was acting hurt though as if he was gutted and pissed off at me Ignore how he's feeling? He maybe angry or pissed but does that even matter? He's not your future! He's an illusion of who you thought he was! Scotgirl if you do anything for yourself, I beg you too stay on this site until rereading everyones responses make you sick. I stayed on for so long. I couldn't understand what everyone was telling me. I was as confused by all of it. By continuing to do your research on affairs and etc. You will come to realize that it's only an escape for them. A temporary escape for either fun or to fill a void. But its only temporary for them. So hard but very true. Stolen moments from families and etc. Find your inner strength now! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Stupidkupid Posted May 12, 2021 Share Posted May 12, 2021 1 hour ago, Scotgirl84 said: Was he awkward with you? How did it go? How long ago was it? Thanks this helps The time I tried to end things with MM face to face he sobbed. Actual sobbing. Gut wrenching, tears. Everyone reacts to things differently and tour questioning of this and wanting him to check you're okay is the very reason I said don't do it face to face and, further, the whole point is you don't want him to speak to you. If this is your line of thought then it won't be long before your back in it. You need to change your thought process 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Beentheretoooften Posted May 12, 2021 Share Posted May 12, 2021 24 minutes ago, Scotgirl84 said: He was acting hurt though as if he was gutted and pissed off at me Did you go into this to steal him away from his W? Just curious? Or did it start as just an innocent thing ? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Scotgirl84 Posted May 12, 2021 Author Share Posted May 12, 2021 24 minutes ago, Beentheretoooften said: Did you go into this to steal him away from his W? Just curious? Or did it start as just an innocent thing ? Completely innocent and first time I met him he said he was in unhappy marriage Link to post Share on other sites
Author Scotgirl84 Posted May 12, 2021 Author Share Posted May 12, 2021 Just now, Scotgirl84 said: Completely innocent and first time I met him he said he was in unhappy marriage Then I fell in love with him as months went down the line. I was also in process of splitting up so was kinda mixed emotions my life was all over the place Link to post Share on other sites
Beentheretoooften Posted May 12, 2021 Share Posted May 12, 2021 1 minute ago, Scotgirl84 said: Completely innocent and first time I met him he said he was in unhappy marriage Did he say this right away? Or was it after the pa started? Again, just trying g to understand it more. and how soon was it that yowanted to be with him full time. and how do you think it would have gone If he had just never mentioned his W? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Scotgirl84 Posted May 12, 2021 Author Share Posted May 12, 2021 1 minute ago, Beentheretoooften said: Did he say this right away? Or was it after the pa started? Again, just trying g to understand it more. and how soon was it that yowanted to be with him full time. and how do you think it would have gone If he had just never mentioned his W? He said right away. And then I admitted I was the same. He was shy at first wasn’t too pushy. Then after about 4 months basically seeing him everyday in lock down and getting to know him I fell head over heels with him. We never told each other until Xmas time that we loved each other he said it first. If he said he was happy in the marriage but just after casual sex and bored I’d have walked away. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Scotgirl84 Posted May 12, 2021 Author Share Posted May 12, 2021 Just now, Scotgirl84 said: He said right away. And then I admitted I was the same. He was shy at first wasn’t too pushy. Then after about 4 months basically seeing him everyday in lock down and getting to know him I fell head over heels with him. We never told each other until Xmas time that we loved each other he said it first. If he said he was happy in the marriage but just after casual sex and bored I’d have walked away. I genuinely thought it was going somewhere he told me he couldn’t believe how much he had fallen for me Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted May 12, 2021 Share Posted May 12, 2021 1 hour ago, Scotgirl84 said: Cos at least it’s amicable and I’m not left feeling like s***. He seems annoyed but this is what he wanted too. Now he’s just being so dry he promised we would keep it the way it was before we started this This is a blessing in disguise, for two reasons. 1) You need to start really seeing and believing how selfish this man is 2) You need to learn to never trust the promise of a married man 4 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Naivewomen Posted May 12, 2021 Share Posted May 12, 2021 4 minutes ago, Scotgirl84 said: He said right away. And then I admitted I was the same. He was shy at first wasn’t too pushy. Then after about 4 months basically seeing him everyday in lock down and getting to know him I fell head over heels with him. We never told each other until Xmas time that we loved each other he said it first. If he said he was happy in the marriage but just after casual sex and bored I’d have walked away. While I do believe that there are some emotions to them, I do believe and come to understand that they can separate the two lives. We as woman are not wired the sameway. I have read many married men who have said their marriages improved during the affair. While many married woman will stress how difficult their home life had become. Woman in general can't compartmentalize the LOVE! We take it as all in or all out situation. It's just not a feasible thing in an affair. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Snakesalive Posted May 12, 2021 Share Posted May 12, 2021 1 hour ago, Scotgirl84 said: he promised we would keep it the way it was before we started this That was never ever going to happen . The affair had totally changed the dynamic of your relationship the one you had before has gone. a stage in your healing process is grieving the relationship you had and is all part of moving on . 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Scotgirl84 Posted May 12, 2021 Author Share Posted May 12, 2021 4 minutes ago, Snakesalive said: That was never ever going to happen . The affair had totally changed the dynamic of your relationship the one you had before has gone. a stage in your healing process is grieving the relationship you had and is all part of moving on . I don’t know why cos he always said he didn’t want to not speak to me it would upset him too much Link to post Share on other sites
czanclus Posted May 12, 2021 Share Posted May 12, 2021 1 hour ago, Naivewomen said: It will hurt more the more you play it over and over in your head. Your broken!! Remember hes NOT! Hes not spiraling nor recapping the lovely moments and etc. Please try and refocus your thoughts. You are in control of your thoughts and once you realize this doesn't benefit your healing process YOU will eventually stop spiraling. One step at a time! Words to heed. In the future also, never assume the man is into you as much as he says he is. Only consistent meaningful actions over a long-term period. Everything else is for the birds. And never sell yourself so cheap as to tear yourself up for the need to 'flip the script' and 'reclaim power'. Give no power you will want to reclaim. Ever. Going forward, focus on your children's long term goals (academics, social life, physical activities, friendships, relationship with you), this will be more difficult than you think. They need both parents involved in their upbringing ideally, so make sure you do everything in your power to enable a positive relationship with their dad. Your absence due to work due to having to make sure they have financial stability will have consequences. I tell you as a single mom of a teenager, more than ten years into holding the fort single. Not everything about that will be bad, however: If you work hard and provide them with stability, they will recognize that as positive role modeling and will respect you for it as they grow. They will offer to pick up in areas where you can use help. My child, for example, is very anti-materialistic, and I never had to verbally communicate how much I despise non-essential commercial consumption. You did the right thing. Keep going, forward only. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted May 12, 2021 Share Posted May 12, 2021 6 minutes ago, Scotgirl84 said: I don’t know why cos he always said he didn’t want to not speak to me it would upset him too much This man is a proven liar, Scot. And not just to his wife. This is what you're not getting: he lies to you, too. 6 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted May 12, 2021 Share Posted May 12, 2021 9 minutes ago, Scotgirl84 said: I don’t know why cos he always said he didn’t want to not speak to me it would upset him too much How can you avoid him at work? Do you work in different departments? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Scotgirl84 Posted May 12, 2021 Author Share Posted May 12, 2021 4 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: How can you avoid him at work? Do you work in different departments? Yeah different offices but same block but I had to go over today a couple of times and he couldn’t even look at me just walked away 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RebeccaR Posted May 12, 2021 Share Posted May 12, 2021 Admit it, you want him to be nice and friendly and check you’re ok because it would prove he’s still interested. By being awkward, he’s showing that he’s respecting your (stated) wishes to break up completely. If he was friendly, caring and joking, the affair wouldn’t be over, would it? It would be ongoing just in a slightly different form. I think you broke up with him still hoping he was change his mind, and you’re annoyed he didn’t. 6 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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