Myabee Posted August 17, 2021 Share Posted August 17, 2021 4 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: I was going to suggest the same thing. If you're at the point that you're having anxiety attacks, this is no longer about this specific man but something else going on inside you. So true. Op, a talk person as I call them really helps. They can offer a different perspective. I've had one for the past 4 years mainly due my falining marriage then to help out with separation and divorce and she has been amazing. I'vs recently reached out to talking more about getting MM out of my life. I pull strength from my meetings with her. Worth the time and every penny. Best of luck. xx 1 Link to post Share on other sites
torn_heart Posted August 17, 2021 Share Posted August 17, 2021 6 hours ago, Scotgirl84 said: Was it private or through doctors? Private. I tested several therapists before I decided. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Scotgirl84 Posted September 3, 2021 Author Share Posted September 3, 2021 On 8/17/2021 at 1:24 PM, torn_heart said: Private. I tested several therapists before I decided. I know you are all going to think I’m so wrong here but I lied and told married man last night that I was going on a date with someone else who was single. He was in shock and was annoyed. I said to him I don’t see why it can be an issue for him when he’s still married and no intentions of leaving he said he’s stuck in the marriage but has nothing with her! He said we are best ending it. I was like why? It seems very conflicting when you are living with someone so shouldn’t matter but he said he was too jealous Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted September 3, 2021 Share Posted September 3, 2021 (edited) @Scotgirl84, I’m not going to tell you that you’re wrong. In the case, the end quite easily justifies the means. It doesn’t matter what you tell him if it gets you out of this mess. And his stellar example of hypocrisy should show you what kind of man he really is. Edited September 3, 2021 by basil67 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Scotgirl84 Posted September 3, 2021 Author Share Posted September 3, 2021 3 minutes ago, basil67 said: @Scotgirl84, I’m not going to tell you that you’re wrong. In the case, the end quite easily justifies the means. It doesn’t matter what you tell him if it gets you out of this mess. And his stellar example of hypocrisy should show you what kind of man he really is. I know. And I think someone who was really in love with another would not let them go. This has proved it. There’s no going back from this now. I’ve told him how much I love him how I want him to leave and be with me in time. He said he wishes so bad he was single cos he loves me but can’t give me false promises. Think this says it all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Scotgirl84 Posted September 3, 2021 Author Share Posted September 3, 2021 1 minute ago, Scotgirl84 said: I know. And I think someone who was really in love with another would not let them go. This has proved it. There’s no going back from this now. I’ve told him how much I love him how I want him to leave and be with me in time. He said he wishes so bad he was single cos he loves me but can’t give me false promises. Think this says it all. Nothing I do would be able to get him to leave. So it’s pointless trying anymore totally time to give up Link to post Share on other sites
Author Scotgirl84 Posted September 3, 2021 Author Share Posted September 3, 2021 Just now, Scotgirl84 said: 2 minutes ago, Scotgirl84 said: I know. And I think someone who was really in love with another would not let them go. This has proved it. There’s no going back from this now. I’ve told him how much I love him how I want him to leave and be with me in time. He said he wishes so bad he was single cos he loves me but can’t give me false promises. Think this says it all. Nothing I do would be able to get him to leave. So it’s pointless trying anymore totally time to give up Wasted 19 months of my life trying with him Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted September 3, 2021 Share Posted September 3, 2021 Do you also recognise that he let you go because he can’t deal with you dating? Nothing at all about how this dead end affair is not fair on you, and that he knows he’s holding you back from something real and lasting. It’s all about him. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 3, 2021 Share Posted September 3, 2021 2 minutes ago, Scotgirl84 said: Wasted 19 months of my life trying with him Yes, and you're still wasting time lying to him to try to make him jealous. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Scotgirl84 Posted September 3, 2021 Author Share Posted September 3, 2021 14 minutes ago, basil67 said: Do you also recognise that he let you go because he can’t deal with you dating? Nothing at all about how this dead end affair is not fair on you, and that he knows he’s holding you back from something real and lasting. It’s all about him. Yea that’s very true Link to post Share on other sites
Author Scotgirl84 Posted September 3, 2021 Author Share Posted September 3, 2021 12 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: Yes, and you're still wasting time lying to him to try to make him jealous. I know but least it’s done now and I do need to move on. It’s never going to be and I’ll always be strung along Link to post Share on other sites
Author Scotgirl84 Posted September 3, 2021 Author Share Posted September 3, 2021 1 minute ago, Scotgirl84 said: Yea that’s very true I’m also glad I walked away without a tear this time and feel a bit stronger cos I know there’s no going back and in a way I know he’s hurt that’s bad isn’t it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Scotgirl84 Posted September 3, 2021 Author Share Posted September 3, 2021 4 minutes ago, Scotgirl84 said: I’m also glad I walked away without a tear this time and feel a bit stronger cos I know there’s no going back and in a way I know he’s hurt that’s bad isn’t it? Please don’t judge me folks I’ve made a big big mistake falling in love with a married man all my own doing. I wished and hoped for the day he would leave and tried every trick in the book but fact is you were all right he’s never going to leave. I have been so naive and silly and suppose this is my own karma. I’ll never ever get into a situation like this again 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 3, 2021 Share Posted September 3, 2021 27 minutes ago, Scotgirl84 said: It’s never going to be and I’ll always be strung along Yes, exactly. I hope, for your sake, that you truly accept this and can drop him now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Scotgirl84 Posted September 3, 2021 Author Share Posted September 3, 2021 Just now, ExpatInItaly said: Yes, exactly. I hope, for your sake, that you truly accept this and can drop him now. I don’t see any way back now I’ve lied to him to hurt him and see his reaction there’s no way now I could go back and say I lied to hurt you. It’s done. If he was ever going to leave then this would be the time. He has no intention of being in my future. He said he has a sense of obligation to his kids and her cos her illness and will have to sacrifice his own happiness to make sure they are all happy. Can’t argue with that. I am fighting a losing battle with him 2 Link to post Share on other sites
NYAG Posted September 3, 2021 Share Posted September 3, 2021 2 hours ago, Scotgirl84 said: I know you are all going to think I’m so wrong here but I lied and told married man last night that I was going on a date with someone else who was single. He was in shock and was annoyed. I said to him I don’t see why it can be an issue for him when he’s still married and no intentions of leaving he said he’s stuck in the marriage but has nothing with her! He said we are best ending it. I was like why? It seems very conflicting when you are living with someone so shouldn’t matter but he said he was too jealous It's always double standards. What he does doesn't apply to anyone else. The number of MMs I see wanting monogamous relationships with APs is hilarious. You're married dude. How less monogamous do you want to be? The response is always that he has no sexual relationship with his wife. Do it. Tell him you're dating, even if you're not. If anything at least it'll be an easy way to get rid of him permanently. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Snakesalive Posted September 3, 2021 Share Posted September 3, 2021 On 8/15/2021 at 2:13 PM, Scotgirl84 said: Update I’ve bought another house perfect home for my kids. I have also walked away from mm for good this time I honestly mean it. Told him I’m worth more and I’m not willing to be his gap filler in his marriage. Told him to go back to his wife and sort his marriage out said to him I’m not second choice never This was 6 weeks ago and your resolve was so strong -everything you said was spot on . Unfortunately I think this was a classic case of “fake it till you make it “ believe me I’m not criticising-we’ve all been there . Fast forward to now and you’re trying to make him jealous -why? When you’re really really done you won’t need to play these games . 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Snakesalive Posted September 3, 2021 Share Posted September 3, 2021 1 hour ago, Scotgirl84 said: I don’t see any way back now I’ve lied to him to hurt him and see his reaction there’s no way now I could go back and say I lied to hurt you. It’s done. If he was ever going to leave then this would be the time. He has no intention of being in my future. He said he has a sense of obligation to his kids and her cos her illness and will have to sacrifice his own happiness to make sure they are all happy. Can’t argue with that. I am fighting a losing battle with him He’s told you before he wasn’t going to leave -if not in words certainly in actions . Please don’t keep doing the same thing and expecting to get a different result it will drain you and waste more of your precious life. He’s smart . By telling you he’s got an obligation because of her illness and will “sacrifice” his happiness he’s trying to come across as being a great guy who is selfless and giving up his life for his family. He’s manipulating you again into feeling sorry for him and that the decision to leave is out of his control because of the family situation. He doesn’t want you to think badly of him . Classic 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Snakesalive Posted September 3, 2021 Share Posted September 3, 2021 (edited) 2 hours ago, Scotgirl84 said: Please don’t judge me folks I’ve made a big big mistake falling in love with a married man all my own doing. I wished and hoped for the day he would leave and tried every trick in the book but fact is you were all right he’s never going to leave. I have been so naive and silly and suppose this is my own karma. I’ll never ever get into a situation like this again For your sake I hope you mean it this time . We’re all guilt of making bad choices . No point in beating yourself up the only path is apologising to people you might have hurt in the process , accepting your mistake , truly learning from it -through therapy if you are able and making better choices in the future. It’s in your gift to do that Edited September 3, 2021 by Snakesalive 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Snakesalive Posted September 3, 2021 Share Posted September 3, 2021 2 hours ago, Scotgirl84 said: He said we are best ending it I thought you already had ? Link to post Share on other sites
Snakesalive Posted September 3, 2021 Share Posted September 3, 2021 2 hours ago, Scotgirl84 said: he loves me but can’t give me false promises. This is probably the most honest he’s been and the most responsible thing he could have said 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Snakesalive Posted September 3, 2021 Share Posted September 3, 2021 (edited) 2 hours ago, Scotgirl84 said: was like why? You asked Why were you best ending the affair ? Edited September 3, 2021 by Snakesalive Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted September 3, 2021 Share Posted September 3, 2021 (edited) 48 minutes ago, Snakesalive said: This is probably the most honest he’s been and the most responsible thing he could have said He has always said he can't/won't leave, due to his kids and his wife. Nothing has changed. This is just another attempt by the OP to try to force his hand. My guess she will cave again, the anxiety and upset will get too much, she will confess to him she lied and that there is no other man. Relief all around and the affair continues... The OP is not enough for him to change his life and risk losing his kids. His kids matter to him, he will not want to fight with them over a mistress, he will not want to be seen as the bad guy who left their ailing mother. The OP needs to put up and shut up, or walk away altogether. She will never persuade this guy to choose her. Edited September 3, 2021 by elaine567 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Scotgirl84 Posted September 3, 2021 Author Share Posted September 3, 2021 1 hour ago, elaine567 said: He has always said he can't/won't leave, due to his kids and his wife. Nothing has changed. This is just another attempt by the OP to try to force his hand. My guess she will cave again, the anxiety and upset will get too much, she will confess to him she lied and that there is no other man. Relief all around and the affair continues... The OP is not enough for him to change his life and risk losing his kids. His kids matter to him, he will not want to fight with them over a mistress, he will not want to be seen as the bad guy who left their ailing mother. The OP needs to put up and shut up, or walk away altogether. She will never persuade this guy to choose her. Ok thanks for the confidence boost. Glass half full n all that jazz Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted September 3, 2021 Share Posted September 3, 2021 17 minutes ago, Scotgirl84 said: Ok thanks for the confidence boost. Glass half full n all that jazz You said it yourself, you told him to make him jealous, and for him to choose you, NOT to break up with him. That was his idea. When he ended it you then asked why? As you said you have tried every trick in the book to get him to leave, this is just another trick. A variation on a theme. Why would we think this time you are actually going to walk away and stay away from him. He has you sussed. He can do without you, YOU cannot do without him and he knows it.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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