Author Scotgirl84 Posted April 30, 2021 Author Share Posted April 30, 2021 7 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Sorry this happened. Unfortunately these are the typical lies. "We're not sleeping together", "about to divorce", staying for the kids",etc. Do you still work together? The best way for you to move on is not willpower, but telling the wife. That will put the final nail in the coffin. I’d be hated for that ha ha Link to post Share on other sites
Allupinnit Posted April 30, 2021 Share Posted April 30, 2021 It's only a matter of time before you're back in the affair if you're already claiming to miss each other and back in contact. I imagine it will take another breaking point again for you or a Dday in a few months and finding another job before you're finally able to move on from him. Most of the women here who work with their MMs also claim it impossible to leave their jobs for XYZ reasons and to that I say, hey, it's your funeral. As you can see none of them come back to report a happy ending. Link to post Share on other sites
Stupidkupid Posted April 30, 2021 Share Posted April 30, 2021 2 hours ago, Scotgirl84 said: I will stay strong here Unfortunately, you won't. Until you see him for what he is and cut him off this will keep going. You'll be back here in a month. 6 months. 6 years asking the same questions. Wondering where the rest of your thirties went. Link to post Share on other sites
Stupidkupid Posted April 30, 2021 Share Posted April 30, 2021 2 hours ago, Scotgirl84 said: I’d be hated for that ha ha If you tell his wife then you will see who he is. I'll tell you that right now. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
petee Posted April 30, 2021 Share Posted April 30, 2021 I don’t think in your heart you are serious about cutting things off. Perhaps just hot air, as you’re already on the path to reconciling with him. From what I am reading you are just going through a pointless exercise, hiring yourself and him before you revert back to normal jogging. We’ll see but you are in here for a magic pill or potion that doesn’t exist. You are head over heels with him, he with you. In the end all of this upset will accomplish nothing, except cause short lived upset. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Scotgirl84 Posted April 30, 2021 Author Share Posted April 30, 2021 48 minutes ago, Stupidkupid said: If you tell his wife then you will see who he is. I'll tell you that right now. Maybe I should get him caught Link to post Share on other sites
Author Scotgirl84 Posted April 30, 2021 Author Share Posted April 30, 2021 28 minutes ago, petee said: I don’t think in your heart you are serious about cutting things off. Perhaps just hot air, as you’re already on the path to reconciling with him. From what I am reading you are just going through a pointless exercise, hiring yourself and him before you revert back to normal jogging. We’ll see but you are in here for a magic pill or potion that doesn’t exist. You are head over heels with him, he with you. In the end all of this upset will accomplish nothing, except cause short lived upset. I’ve already faltered seen him tonight he said he loves me but cos her illness he can’t leave Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted April 30, 2021 Share Posted April 30, 2021 39 minutes ago, Scotgirl84 said: cos her illness he can’t leave What is actually wrong with her? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted April 30, 2021 Share Posted April 30, 2021 1 hour ago, Stupidkupid said: If you tell his wife then you will see who he is. I'll tell you that right now. Indeed. There are stories from OW on this board who have done just that, expecting that the wife will be angry and end it. It’s a desperate attempt to force his hand, if he won’t make a decision than the OW will make the decision for him. It’s often pretty stunning how quickly they throw the OW under the buss and beg to be forgiven. Ow usually don’t even consider that an option. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted April 30, 2021 Share Posted April 30, 2021 3 hours ago, Scotgirl84 said: I’d be hated for that ha ha By whom, who cares? It's better than self-loathing. It finalizes things and gives you closure as well as gives her the heads up if she's not aware . Link to post Share on other sites
Snakesalive Posted April 30, 2021 Share Posted April 30, 2021 46 minutes ago, Scotgirl84 said: I’ve already faltered seen him tonight he said he loves me but cos her illness he can’t leave So how much clearer can he be ? You’re not his priority and never will be . He’s playing on your emotions believe me in time you’ll wish you’d put your energy and love into someone who deserved them- - 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted April 30, 2021 Share Posted April 30, 2021 3 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: By whom, who cares? It's better than self-loathing. It finalizes things and gives you closure as well as gives her the heads up if she's not aware . That's pretty callous. Since he is her carer the wife will have no option but to stay. I don't think it will do her any favours to find out he has betrayed her... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Scotgirl84 Posted May 1, 2021 Author Share Posted May 1, 2021 3 hours ago, elaine567 said: What is actually wrong with her? She had an op years ago and apparently her hormones have changed Link to post Share on other sites
Author Scotgirl84 Posted May 1, 2021 Author Share Posted May 1, 2021 Just now, Scotgirl84 said: She had an op years ago and apparently her hormones have changed He used this as an excuse for her no having a sex drive Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 1, 2021 Share Posted May 1, 2021 33 minutes ago, Scotgirl84 said: He used this as an excuse for her no having a sex drive Is it possible that she had a hysterectomy? If that is what she had, it would absolutely affect her hormones and possibly her sex drive. Given, nobody knows her current health status except this woman, her physician, and hopefully her husband... I still don’t buy that she requires any long term care. This sounds to me like something a conflict avoidant man would offer to his affair partner as the reason why he can not leave his marriage to be with her. Who can argue with a man who stays because his wife is unwell and needs his support? It conveniently absolves him of any responsibility to make the decision the OW is waiting for him to make and earns her sympathy at the same time. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Scotgirl84 Posted May 1, 2021 Author Share Posted May 1, 2021 6 hours ago, BaileyB said: Is it possible that she had a hysterectomy? If that is what she had, it would absolutely affect her hormones and possibly her sex drive. Given, nobody knows her current health status except this woman, her physician, and hopefully her husband... I still don’t buy that she requires any long term care. This sounds to me like something a conflict avoidant man would offer to his affair partner as the reason why he can not leave his marriage to be with her. Who can argue with a man who stays because his wife is unwell and needs his support? It conveniently absolves him of any responsibility to make the decision the OW is waiting for him to make and earns her sympathy at the same time. So right. I think he’s honestly playing me for a fool. It’s her hormones but tbh who even knows if he’s having sex or not he could easily be playing that card to justify his lying cheating behaviour. I don’t trust him fully there’s something that just doesn’t add up. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted May 1, 2021 Share Posted May 1, 2021 7 hours ago, Scotgirl84 said: He used this as an excuse for her no having a sex drive You know they still have sex, right? Please tell me you are not buying the "we're like roommates" story. The other thing is, if he's married/committed to her then you are just a free sex surrogate? Think about that. Good you ended it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Scotgirl84 Posted May 1, 2021 Author Share Posted May 1, 2021 3 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: You know they still have sex, right? Please tell me you are not buying the "we're like roommates" story. The other thing is, if he's married/committed to her then you are just a free sex surrogate? Think about that. Good you ended it. I think you are right I’ve been conned honestly I need to keep this angry head on and see him for what he is!!! He said they are like roommates and funny thing is he’s no pushing sex with me!!! Only had sex 3 times in a year in his car!!! No even pushing for a room weird eh? I’m his emotional support and hugging kissing etc Link to post Share on other sites
Stupidkupid Posted May 1, 2021 Share Posted May 1, 2021 10 hours ago, BaileyB said: Indeed. There are stories from OW on this board who have done just that, expecting that the wife will be angry and end it. It’s a desperate attempt to force his hand, if he won’t make a decision than the OW will make the decision for him. It’s often pretty stunning how quickly they throw the OW under the buss and beg to be forgiven. Ow usually don’t even consider that an option. Read this @Scotgirl84. This is what i meant. I would absolutely not recommend telling his wife for a multitude of reasons. He will throw you under the bus so fast you won't know what hit you. You will be the evil temptress who chased him, wouldn't leave him alone, stalked him, he didn't know what to do. Have even heard of them giving very person details of the OW such as her mental health, claiming the OW threatened suicide etc. Anything to not look like the bad guy. Although if your aim is really to get out of this, I guess its an option for you Link to post Share on other sites
Author Scotgirl84 Posted May 1, 2021 Author Share Posted May 1, 2021 6 minutes ago, Stupidkupid said: Read this @Scotgirl84. This is what i meant. I would absolutely not recommend telling his wife for a multitude of reasons. He will throw you under the bus so fast you won't know what hit you. You will be the evil temptress who chased him, wouldn't leave him alone, stalked him, he didn't know what to do. Have even heard of them giving very person details of the OW such as her mental health, claiming the OW threatened suicide etc. Anything to not look like the bad guy. Although if your aim is really to get out of this, I guess its an option for you I honestly think I’ll play him at his own game I’m fuming. His mask is slipping. I’ll reel him in make him think it’s good then look about and when I find someone else drop him like a stone!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Scotgirl84 Posted May 1, 2021 Author Share Posted May 1, 2021 Want him to feel hurt and rejection way he’s done me over! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Scotgirl84 Posted May 1, 2021 Author Share Posted May 1, 2021 I don’t want him now honestly even if she kicked him out but I want him to feel pain like what he’s put me through 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NYAG Posted May 1, 2021 Share Posted May 1, 2021 3 minutes ago, Scotgirl84 said: I don’t want him now honestly even if she kicked him out but I want him to feel pain like what he’s put me through He'll feel his own version. Be happy in the knowledge that you get to walk away to a better life, he doesn't. Don't go looking for revenge, it only makes you feel worse in the end. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Scotgirl84 Posted May 1, 2021 Author Share Posted May 1, 2021 Me walking away is too easy for him though Link to post Share on other sites
Stupidkupid Posted May 1, 2021 Share Posted May 1, 2021 I see what you're saying and, respectfully, if you didn't want him then you'd have blocked him. You won't find someone else while he's on the scene (believe me, I tried, I let a lot of decent and good men down during that period of my life). You need to cut your ties with him and move on. Can't you see what its doing to you? You're talking about plotting to hurt him, for a start. Thats just not every day behaviour. The situation has you speaking in, and behaving in, ways that I'm sure you wouldn't under normal circumstances. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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