LaurenEliz Posted April 30, 2021 Share Posted April 30, 2021 Hello. I’m not sure how to link my previous post but I have been on here before and had some great and helpful responses. As chances would have it, I received an email last night saying someone had linked my story to a post just as I was thinking about posting an update.  so here goes - the background to my story in its vaguest terms are caught H in affair/emotional affair - thought he deleted her number, turns out he didn’t.  through the pandemic and everything going on at home i admit I sort of pushed it all to the side. But a couple of weeks ago I told him I know her number is in his phone. And if he doesn’t get rid of it, I am divorcing him and he’d lose everything. I watched him message her. Her profile photo quickly changed to blank meaning she had either blocked or deleted him and Then I watched him delete her  . About two hours later while he was upstairs I checked his phone. You guessed it! He put her back in his phone. Her photo was still blank. I was so angry and upset but then our baby wasn’t well overnight (nothing too serious) but all of that was pushed aside. This morning, I checked again and she is still there but still no profile photo. So he must still be blocked or deleted. I’ve been looking at my future options as I know this is no way to live. Why has he continued to keep her there ESPECIALLY now as it seems she has deleted him? Is he playing some sort of waiting game? again thanks for your help you have all helped me so much before. Link to post Share on other sites
NYAG Posted April 30, 2021 Share Posted April 30, 2021 9 minutes ago, LaurenEliz said: Hello. I’m not sure how to link my previous post but I have been on here before and had some great and helpful responses. As chances would have it, I received an email last night saying someone had linked my story to a post just as I was thinking about posting an update.  so here goes - the background to my story in its vaguest terms are caught H in affair/emotional affair - thought he deleted her number, turns out he didn’t.  through the pandemic and everything going on at home i admit I sort of pushed it all to the side. But a couple of weeks ago I told him I know her number is in his phone. And if he doesn’t get rid of it, I am divorcing him and he’d lose everything. I watched him message her. Her profile photo quickly changed to blank meaning she had either blocked or deleted him and Then I watched him delete her  . About two hours later while he was upstairs I checked his phone. You guessed it! He put her back in his phone. Her photo was still blank. I was so angry and upset but then our baby wasn’t well overnight (nothing too serious) but all of that was pushed aside. This morning, I checked again and she is still there but still no profile photo. So he must still be blocked or deleted. I’ve been looking at my future options as I know this is no way to live. Why has he continued to keep her there ESPECIALLY now as it seems she has deleted him? Is he playing some sort of waiting game? again thanks for your help you have all helped me so much before. Wow, there really are no limits to which he will not stoop. I mean, he's obviously still got her number because he's either still seeing her or he has every intention of doing so again. At the very least he is keeping her on the backburner. You cannot trust this man, he lies to your face and then double backs. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted April 30, 2021 Share Posted April 30, 2021 (edited) Contact an attorney for a consultation and advice regarding your options in the event of divorce. It's odd you're obsessing about a phone number when the obvious issue is cheating. No, no matter how much you police his phone or threaten divorce, is he not going to stop cheating. Your relationship has devolved into a cat and mouse game. Is that how you want to feel? It's up to you. Not whether or not her avatar appears in his phone. There's in person trysts, there's email there's hundreds of ways he can continue to cheat. Edited April 30, 2021 by Wiseman2 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted April 30, 2021 Author Share Posted April 30, 2021 2 minutes ago, NYAG said: Wow, there really are no limits to which he will not stoop. I mean, he's obviously still got her number because he's either still seeing her or he has every intention of doing so again. At the very least he is keeping her on the backburner. You cannot trust this man, he lies to your face and then double backs. Hi there, thank you. What was even more shocking to me was that the message he sent her was pretty harsh (deserved) and she deleted him/blocked him pretty quickly (within the hour or so) and he still put her number back in despite still being deleted or blocked? And when I checked this morning, her profile photo still wasn’t there which points to him playing some sort of waiting game! Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted April 30, 2021 Author Share Posted April 30, 2021 1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said: Contact an attorney for a consultation and advice regarding your options in the event of divorce. It's odd you're obsessing about a phone number when the obvious issue is cheating. No, no matter how much you police his phone or threaten divorce, is he going to stop cheating. Your relationship has devolved into a cat and mouse game. Is that how you want to feel? It's up to you. Not whether or not her avatar appears in his phone. There's in person trysts, there's email there's hundreds of ways he can continue to cheat. Hi, I remember you you were very helpful in my last thread thank you. Yes I have a list of lawyers to look at. Yeah I know it’s coming across as focussing on the number but I’m not going to go into details of our marriage on here, it’s clear we have our issues. I’m just trying to understand why he’s put her number back in yet he has been deleted! Is he waiting? That was also an opportunity to actually end everything with her. Whatever they had. There was an out and instead he put her number back in his phone! Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted April 30, 2021 Share Posted April 30, 2021 (edited) 5 minutes ago, LaurenEliz said:  when I checked this morning, her profile photo still wasn’t there which points to him playing some sort of waiting game! He most likely contracted her and told her his cold battle axe wife who he's planning to leave anyway was looking over his shoulder and made him do it. So now they need an alternative plan to communicate because you're policing his phone. She's also hearing that the marriage is dead, he's only there for the kids, blah, blah, blah. Edited April 30, 2021 by Wiseman2 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted April 30, 2021 Author Share Posted April 30, 2021 1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said: He most likely contracted her and told her his cold battle axe wife who he's planning to leave anyway was looking over his shoulder and made him do it. So now they need an alternative plan to communicate because you're policing his phone. She's also hearing that the marriage is dead, he's only there for the kids, blah, blah, blah. I don’t think he’s spoken to her (this isn’t me wishful thinking) for once I’m actually being logical - if he had spoken to her explaining things then she would have readded him and her photo would reappear Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted April 30, 2021 Share Posted April 30, 2021 9 minutes ago, LaurenEliz said: I don’t think he’s spoken to her (this isn’t me wishful thinking) for once I’m actually being logical - if he had spoken to her explaining things then she would have readded him and her photo would reappear It's doubtful they are that stupid and would use the method of contact you are specifically policing. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted April 30, 2021 Author Share Posted April 30, 2021 6 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: It's doubtful they are that stupid and would use the method of contact you are specifically policing. My H is stupid - clearly. Can I ask your opinion why he put her back in his phone? Despite having an out and despite our marriage being on the line? He deleted her, he could have left it deleted Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted April 30, 2021 Share Posted April 30, 2021 Sorry but another 1000 posts about "why he put her back" asking over and over and over won't solve the huge issues that he's cheating and checked out. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted April 30, 2021 Author Share Posted April 30, 2021 Yep I know. I’m upset. The fact he deleted her. Yes I made him she doesn’t know that. The message he sent her was nasty so I’m not supposed she deleted him. So there was the perfect out. He could have left it at that. But instead he puts her back in his contacts! Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted April 30, 2021 Share Posted April 30, 2021 I think you are being naïve. People in affairs know the score, some will even have pre organised back up plans and codes to alert the other that the wife or husband is suspicious so laying low is best. I guess the nasty message was a code to let her know you were on the warpath so she went dark. He keeps her number on his phone because it saves him dialling it every time he phones her...  2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted April 30, 2021 Author Share Posted April 30, 2021 2 minutes ago, elaine567 said: I think you are being naïve. People in affairs know the score, some will even have pre organised back up plans and codes to alert the other that the wife or husband is suspicious so laying low is best. I guess the nasty message was a code to let her know you were on the warpath so she went dark. He keeps her number on his phone because it saves him dialling it every time he phones her...  Hi Elaine, how are you - thanks for responding. Yep agree. Like I said there was the perfect out and he put her back in Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted April 30, 2021 Share Posted April 30, 2021 (edited) 33 minutes ago, LaurenEliz said: Hi Elaine, how are you - thanks for responding. Yep agree. Like I said there was the perfect out and he put her back in I am well but it seems you are still stuck in this obsession with her number... You have two children by a man who didn't actively want either of them. One, you got pregnant and he had to marry you, and two, you engineered to save your ailing marriage... and because his OW at one point said " I’m sorry but I can’t be in your life anymore if you have another baby." So guess what? You got pregnant... You trapped him and he won't ever forget that. One of the reasons people turn to an affair is to get one over on their spouse, to seek retribution, to take back some control. I guess your husband doesn't respect you very much. Two weeks ago, he did what he was forced by you to do, he deleted her number, yet behind your back he immediately reinstated her. This girl by the messages you found is the love of his life, he's not going to give that up easily...https://www.loveshack.org/forums/topic/595780-husband-kept-ow-number/?tab=comments#comment-7831460  Edited April 30, 2021 by elaine567 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted April 30, 2021 Author Share Posted April 30, 2021 13 minutes ago, elaine567 said: I am well but it seems you are still stuck in this obsession with her number... You have two children by a man who didn't actively want either of them. One, you got pregnant and he had to marry you, and two, you engineered to save your ailing marriage... and because his OW at one point said " I’m sorry but I can’t be in your life anymore if you have another baby." So guess what? You got pregnant... You trapped him and he won't ever forget that. One of the reasons people turn to an affair is to get one over on their spouse, to seek retribution, to take back some control. I guess your husband doesn't respect you very much. Two weeks ago, he did what he was forced by you to do, he deleted her number, yet behind your back he immediately reinstated her. This girl by the messages you found is the love of his life, he's not going to give that up easily...https://www.loveshack.org/forums/topic/595780-husband-kept-ow-number/?tab=comments#comment-7831460  Thanks for linking wasn’t sure how to do so. I’m just so mad. I gave him an out, to work on us. Ok yes I made him delete her. But after deleting her surely the choice was there to keep her deleted? Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted April 30, 2021 Share Posted April 30, 2021 Just now, LaurenEliz said: Thanks for linking wasn’t sure how to do so. I’m just so mad. I gave him an out, to work on us. Ok yes I made him delete her. But after deleting her surely the choice was there to keep her deleted? Yes the choice was there, but he chose to keep her in his Contacts. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted April 30, 2021 Author Share Posted April 30, 2021 16 minutes ago, elaine567 said: Yes the choice was there, but he chose to keep her in his Contacts. you dont think he kept it so if she gets back in contact he knows to delete her? or is this naive 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted April 30, 2021 Share Posted April 30, 2021 2 minutes ago, LaurenEliz said: you dont think he kept it so if she gets back in contact he knows to delete her? or is this naive Naïve. He will know her number off by heart. Link to post Share on other sites
Stupidkupid Posted April 30, 2021 Share Posted April 30, 2021 33 minutes ago, LaurenEliz said: you dont think he kept it so if she gets back in contact he knows to delete her? or is this naive No. He kept her number so he can contact her. I speak as an ex OW. And don't think that him just deleting her number means they have dropped contact or will forever. I'm sorry 😥 When there was a hint that we would potentially be caught, we just shifted communications methods, he changed my name in his phone, we changed message service. It's really horrible behaviour and the fact that you are still questioning it suggests your marriage/ relationship is probably over. I'm really sorry this is happening and I'm sorry he did this to you. But it will help if you stop wanting to believe him, and thus taking almost anything he says as okay, and start realising that he's not honest, he's not been good to you and that he doesn't respect you. Please see a lawyer and look at your options. Look after yourself, put yourself first. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted April 30, 2021 Author Share Posted April 30, 2021 5 minutes ago, Stupidkupid said: No. He kept her number so he can contact her. I speak as an ex OW. And don't think that him just deleting her number means they have dropped contact or will forever. I'm sorry 😥 When there was a hint that we would potentially be caught, we just shifted communications methods, he changed my name in his phone, we changed message service. It's really horrible behaviour and the fact that you are still questioning it suggests your marriage/ relationship is probably over. I'm really sorry this is happening and I'm sorry he did this to you. But it will help if you stop wanting to believe him, and thus taking almost anything he says as okay, and start realising that he's not honest, he's not been good to you and that he doesn't respect you. Please see a lawyer and look at your options. Look after yourself, put yourself first. Hi, thanks for commenting, especially as an ex ow, that means a lot. Did you go for periods of time not talking to (I’m assuming a married man(no judgement))? Link to post Share on other sites
lana-banana Posted April 30, 2021 Share Posted April 30, 2021 I'm sorry to hear this. It's pretty clear that he is preparing (if they haven't already planned) to switch to WhatsApp, Signal, etc. But how he stays in touch with her is irrelevant; the point is you gave him an ultimatum and he isn't serious about complying. It's over. Â Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted April 30, 2021 Author Share Posted April 30, 2021 1 minute ago, lana-banana said: I'm sorry to hear this. It's pretty clear that he is preparing (if they haven't already planned) to switch to WhatsApp, Signal, etc. But how he stays in touch with her is irrelevant; the point is you gave him an ultimatum and he isn't serious about complying. It's over.  Hi, thanks for the words. Yeah the way I see it was I even gave him an out, for him to stop and delete her. After he pushed that button that should have been it but he made a conscious choice to keep her number. What actually makes this worse for me is that she deleted him (we know this because her photo disappeared) so in a way, that should have made it even easier to just keep her number deleted! But no, instead he does that. Hopefully I’m making some sort of sense there Link to post Share on other sites
Scotgirl84 Posted April 30, 2021 Share Posted April 30, 2021 She probably is gone tbh but he’s still holding out hope for her return by keeping her number so that says it all if she unblocked him he would do it again. You deserve better. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted April 30, 2021 Author Share Posted April 30, 2021 4 minutes ago, Scotgirl84 said: She probably is gone tbh but he’s still holding out hope for her return by keeping her number so that says it all if she unblocked him he would do it again. You deserve better. Exactly this. To me, this was yet another out, her deleting his number (not sure if blocked) - and he still kept it. I was clutching at straws earlier asking maybe he has kept it to ignore if she gets back in contact but the more I think about it, he could have blocked her. Ugh! Link to post Share on other sites
Scotgirl84 Posted April 30, 2021 Share Posted April 30, 2021 3 minutes ago, LaurenEliz said: Exactly this. To me, this was yet another out, her deleting his number (not sure if blocked) - and he still kept it. I was clutching at straws earlier asking maybe he has kept it to ignore if she gets back in contact but the more I think about it, he could have blocked her. Ugh! You deserve better no excuses Link to post Share on other sites
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