Wiseman2 Posted May 1, 2021 Share Posted May 1, 2021 47 minutes ago, LaurenEliz said: The lawyer who I had a very brief chat with said I should keep a notebook until our meeting and write down everything. You consult with a real attorney and then file for divorce. Notebooks are for therapists. An attorney is not a therapist and is not going to entertain your obsession with phone numbers. Anyone can file for divorce for any reason. You don't need to keep a notebook for that. It's about dividing assets, dissolving the legal contract and setting up child support. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted May 1, 2021 Author Share Posted May 1, 2021 19 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: You consult with a real attorney and then file for divorce. Notebooks are for therapists. An attorney is not a therapist and is not going to entertain your obsession with phone numbers. Anyone can file for divorce for any reason. You don't need to keep a notebook for that. It's about dividing assets, dissolving the legal contract and setting up child support. I live in the uk and my lawyer told me to document actually. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted May 1, 2021 Share Posted May 1, 2021 (edited) 1 hour ago, LaurenEliz said: I live in the uk and my lawyer told me to document actually. Ok but your lawyer wants everything to do with the legal/financial aspect and wants to make sure no laws are being broken. He will need hard evidence of sexual intercourse having taken place, if you are going to use adultery to obtain a divorce.. He is not going to be interested in her number on your husband's phone or he said she said stuff. Quote To use Adultery to obtain a divorce you must; File for divorce within six months of finding out about the adultery taking place. It must be the adultery of your partner, not based on your actions. Your husband or wife must have had sexual intercourse with someone of the opposite sexhttps://www.divorce-online.co.uk/blog/using-adultery-as-a-reason-for-divorce/ .There is no special deal for those who have been cheated on in the UK . Afaik, and I am not a lawyer. Adultery is not taken into consideration in the financial settlement, nor in child custody cases unless the AP is in some way a danger to the child. Edited May 1, 2021 by elaine567 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted May 1, 2021 Author Share Posted May 1, 2021 4 minutes ago, elaine567 said: Ok but your lawyer wants everything to do with the legal/financial aspect and wants to make sure no laws are being broken. He will need hard evidence of sexual intercourse having taken place, if you are going to use adultery to obtain a divorce.. He is not going to be interested in her number on your husband's phone or he said she said stuff. .There is no special deal for those who have been cheated on in the UK . Afaik, and I am not a lawyer. Adultery is not taken into consideration in the financial settlement, nor in child custody cases unless the AP is in some way a danger to the child. To be honest I want to move away from this subject on here, as much as my husband has broken my heart, he is an amazing father and would never hurt or put our children’s life in danger in any way. In regards to proof of a physical affair, I never had any. All I’m on here asking is why especially now that she has gone, would he keep her number. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted May 1, 2021 Share Posted May 1, 2021 2 minutes ago, LaurenEliz said: All I’m on here asking is why especially now that she has gone, would he keep her number. You don't actually know she has gone, we don't know she has gone... If you want to stick around, and you believe she has gone and you want some peace of mind then STOP looking at his phone.... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted May 1, 2021 Share Posted May 1, 2021 5 minutes ago, LaurenEliz said: why especially now that she has gone, would he keep her number. You have over 700 replies to that question. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted May 1, 2021 Author Share Posted May 1, 2021 3 minutes ago, elaine567 said: You don't actually know she has gone, we don't know she has gone... If you want to stick around, and you believe she has gone and you want some peace of mind then STOP looking at his phone.... I don’t know what I want to do. ok - hypothetically speaking that’s she’s gone then. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted May 1, 2021 Share Posted May 1, 2021 15 minutes ago, LaurenEliz said: he is an amazing father and would never hurt or put our children’s life in danger in any way. This not true. I get what you mean, in that he would never physically hamr your child. But he is harming the family unit in an irreparable way, and could blow up their entire world. He is enaging in behaviour that fractures the secure, stable foundation children need. Ask the adult children of cheating parents if they were not hurt by their parents' behaviour. Amazing fathers don't do these things, because they know it would very much hurt their children to rip their family apart. Your husband is not the amazing father you want to believe he is. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted May 1, 2021 Author Share Posted May 1, 2021 1 minute ago, ExpatInItaly said: This not true. I get what you mean, in that he would never physically hamr your child. But he is harming the family unit in an irreparable way, and could blow up their entire world. He is enaging in behaviour that fractures the secure, stable foundation children need. Ask the adult children of cheating parents if they were not hurt by their parents' behaviour. Amazing fathers don't do these things, because they know it would very much hurt their children to rip their family apart. Your husband is not the amazing father you want to believe he is. Hi, I remember you from previous thread, hope you’re well. I’m trying to keep some things private which is why I’m not going into too much detail about the state of my marriage, behaviours etc. All I want people to know on here is I have taken steps forward for my and my children’s future which is much more than when I spoke to people on my previous thread so steps have been taken. so in regards to her number, what are your thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted May 1, 2021 Share Posted May 1, 2021 1 minute ago, LaurenEliz said: o in regards to her number, what are your thoughts? Same as they were before. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted May 1, 2021 Author Share Posted May 1, 2021 7 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: Same as they were before. Even though the situation is different now? Ie she has deleted him and he has told her everything? Link to post Share on other sites
RebeccaR Posted May 1, 2021 Share Posted May 1, 2021 Did you know they can message each other in twitter or dozens of other apps that don’t even use phone numbers? He doesn’t want a future with you. You gave him an “out” to start being faithful to you, and he clearly doesn’t want to. I am very sorry. He can still be a good dad to the kids if you divorce. Right now you are both miserable. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted May 1, 2021 Share Posted May 1, 2021 Just now, LaurenEliz said: Even though the situation is different now? Ie she has deleted him and he has told her everything? Yes, even so. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RebeccaR Posted May 1, 2021 Share Posted May 1, 2021 Just now, LaurenEliz said: she has deleted him and he has told her everything? Why do you think the “deletion” is permanent? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted May 1, 2021 Author Share Posted May 1, 2021 Just now, RebeccaR said: Did you know they can message each other in twitter or dozens of other apps that don’t even use phone numbers? He doesn’t want a future with you. You gave him an “out” to start being faithful to you, and he clearly doesn’t want to. I am very sorry. He can still be a good dad to the kids if you divorce. Right now you are both miserable. Yes I know that, I’ve been speaking to a friend about other apps etc. I’m just asking why he’d keep her number, especially now Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted May 1, 2021 Author Share Posted May 1, 2021 Just now, RebeccaR said: Why do you think the “deletion” is permanent? This is a good point, I suppose if it was something more pemenant a block would be more appropriate Link to post Share on other sites
RebeccaR Posted May 1, 2021 Share Posted May 1, 2021 Just now, LaurenEliz said: Yes I know that, I’ve been speaking to a friend about other apps etc. I’m just asking why he’d keep her number, especially now Same reason as before - because he intends to have contact with her. Even if she has blocked him, she will very likely unblock him 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted May 1, 2021 Author Share Posted May 1, 2021 Just now, RebeccaR said: Same reason as before - because he intends to have contact with her. Even if she has blocked him, she will very likely unblock him It’s just so upsetting. Say she has actually gone for now (whether that’s forever who knows) surely (and please tell me if I sound stupid because I really don’t know anymore) but surely that would make it even easier to delete her details, thinking someone has gone Link to post Share on other sites
RebeccaR Posted May 1, 2021 Share Posted May 1, 2021 (edited) 4 minutes ago, LaurenEliz said: This is a good point, I suppose if it was something more pemenant a block would be more appropriate He is not finished with her. He’s not going to just forget her and give up in a minute like that. And honestly, I am sure you are a wonderful person, caring wife and good mother, but even if his girlfriend died, I don’t think he would settle down and live happily ever after with you. He is probably looking for something else is a mate and a relationship. I don’t know him and I don’t know you, but it seems like you two are not very suited or compatible. Hugs. You also can have a happier life with someone else. Edited May 1, 2021 by RebeccaR Typo 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RebeccaR Posted May 1, 2021 Share Posted May 1, 2021 3 minutes ago, LaurenEliz said: surely that would make it even easier to delete her details, thinking someone has gone You have a very simplistic view of human relationship. When two people are as in love as your husband and his girlfriend, they don’t just forget each other or give up so easily. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted May 1, 2021 Author Share Posted May 1, 2021 3 minutes ago, RebeccaR said: He is not finished with her. He’s not going to just forget her and give up in a minute like that. And honestly, I am sure you are a wonderful person, caring wife and good mother, but even if his girlfriend died, I don’t think he would settle down and live happily ever after with you. He is probably looking for something else is a mate and a relationship. I don’t know him and I don’t know you, but it seems like you two are not very suited or compatible. Hugs. You also can have a happier life with someone else. Do you think him keeping her number even if he doesn’t know if she has gone or not says a lot? And thank you, I’m screenshotting everything people are saying Link to post Share on other sites
RebeccaR Posted May 1, 2021 Share Posted May 1, 2021 1 minute ago, LaurenEliz said: Do you think him keeping her number even if he doesn’t know if she has gone or not says a lot? Yes and no. *Even if he hadn’t added her back*, he would still be planning or at least strongly hoping for future contact with her 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LaurenEliz Posted May 1, 2021 Author Share Posted May 1, 2021 1 minute ago, RebeccaR said: Yes and no. *Even if he hadn’t added her back*, he would still be planning or at least strongly hoping for future contact with her So in a way, the fact he did add her back, speaks volumes really 2 Link to post Share on other sites
lana-banana Posted May 1, 2021 Share Posted May 1, 2021 9 minutes ago, LaurenEliz said: It’s just so upsetting. Say she has actually gone for now (whether that’s forever who knows) surely (and please tell me if I sound stupid because I really don’t know anymore) but surely that would make it even easier to delete her details, thinking someone has gone It doesn't make it easier at all. All he had to do was block her number from a text or other chat. There is no reason to add her as a contact and then block her unless he had already deleted every message they'd ever exchanged (which it doesn't sound like the case here). Link to post Share on other sites
RebeccaR Posted May 1, 2021 Share Posted May 1, 2021 2 minutes ago, LaurenEliz said: So in a way, the fact he did add her back, speaks volumes really It just underlines the fact that she’s not a casual fling or passing fancy. Which we all knew already, but maybe you hadn’t accepted yet Link to post Share on other sites
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