Catfish

[elaine567]

1 minute ago, ZA Dater said:

Yeah. 

Don't you have a better one?
Squinting into the sun does no-one any favours.

[ZA Dater]

7 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

Don't you have a better one?
Squinting into the sun does no-one any favours.

Trust me that is considered a good picture as far as I go lol. They get progressively worse from there! Any face picture of mine is frankly awful. At the end of the day doing this at least gave some perspective, sure its obvious but for it was still quite profound what a difference it made, matches being one thing but if anything the difference in interaction was more profound.

 

[luiscasabuena]

Why don't you try working out or exercising? I notice people getting more attractive not only body-wise but also face-wise when they exercise or do physical activities. It increases endorphins which make a person happier, ultimately making them more attractive...

[elaine567]

Get a better picture organised.
One that shows who you are and what you are about.
A profile is your advert to the world.
That pic is not nearly a good enough advert.
It has little to do with your face...

[elaine567]

[Alpacalia]

1 hour ago, ZA Dater said:

It was refreshing to actually get some fake attention so there was some feel good about it.

This is your big achievement?

Sorry, but it's a little troubling that you liked the publicity when posing as someone else. You're aware that you are playing with people's emotions.

You have this idea that all you have to do is persuade the world that you're physically attractive and enjoying life, and that all is sweet and full of sugar. At some point, you'll have to try to solve real problems instead of pretending they don't exist.

[ZA Dater]

6 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

Get a better picture organised.
One that shows who you are and what you are about.
A profile is your advert to the world.
That pic is not nearly a good enough advert.
It has little to do with your face...

I have tried endless variation of pictures. If anything the issue becomes even greater in person. Heck I have had professional pictures taken, they do not make much difference at all. Selfies are the absolute worst of all but no  surprise there.

Best picture of me is actually me doing something I like doing but that one does not work either.

It was just interesting to see the difference....which I guess illustrated to me not everyone struggles, which provided some comfort.

[luiscasabuena]

2 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

I have tried endless variation of pictures. If anything the issue becomes even greater in person. Heck I have had professional pictures taken, they do not make much difference at all. Selfies are the absolute worst of all but no  surprise there.

Best picture of me is actually me doing something I like doing but that one does not work either.

It was just interesting to see the difference....which I guess illustrated to me not everyone struggles, which provided some comfort.

You look way too conscious on that picture. I think it's over-analyzing at how one should smile or something. I used to project awkward smiles on cameras back in the day... until I realized I just had to show my actual emotions when smiling to the camera. Also, you need to understand that you won't look good on all photos just as much as you won't look bad on all photos. Try to give your natural emotion without thinking too much about the outcome...

[ZA Dater]

5 minutes ago, Alpaca said:

This is your big achievement?

Sorry, but it's a little troubling that you liked the publicity when posing as someone else. You're aware that you are playing with people's emotions.

You have this idea that all you have to do is persuade the world that you're physically attractive and enjoying life, and that all is sweet and full of sugar. At some point, you'll have to try to solve real problems instead of pretending they don't exist.

Yes and people play with mine so what of it? What might these real problems be, I don't believe my problems are any worse than the problems people face on a day to day basis. 

My point here really is the fundamental difference a picture makes in the way people interact with you as a person which I guess should be obvious to most but honestly when I go about my day I speak to the CEO the same way I speak to the lady who serves me a piece of cake, clearly though on dating sites there is a very clear differentiation how people speak to each other based on looks. 

 

[Weezy1973]

1 hour ago, ZA Dater said:

honestly when I go about my day I speak to the CEO the same way I speak to the lady who serves me a piece of cake, clearly though on dating sites there is a very clear differentiation how people speak to each other based on looks. 

It’s not about how people speak to each other though. On dating sites, its about romance and when pictures are the primary attractors, then yes more attractive people will have more options. You don’t care if you’re attracted to the woman serving you cake or the CEO, so why would you treat one differently from the other?

[ZA Dater]

9 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

It’s not about how people speak to each other though. On dating sites, its about romance and when pictures are the primary attractors, then yes more attractive people will have more options. You don’t care if you’re attracted to the woman serving you cake or the CEO, so why would you treat one differently from the other?

Principle remains the same to me, speak to everyone the same way, irrespective of interest or purpose of the conversation. The exception being kids, obviously I speak to them differently.

Again "wow I am really looking forward to meeting you, this conversation has been so good, I definitely feel a connection" to meeting the person and well looks kick in and all of that becomes irrelevant. Sure I think basic choice also kicks in to some degree. 

Again I wont lie when I did this I actually liked getting some sort of attention and far better communication than I normally get.

[ZA Dater]

2 hours ago, luiscasabuena said:

You look way too conscious on that picture. I think it's over-analyzing at how one should smile or something. I used to project awkward smiles on cameras back in the day... until I realized I just had to show my actual emotions when smiling to the camera. Also, you need to understand that you won't look good on all photos just as much as you won't look bad on all photos. Try to give your natural emotion without thinking too much about the outcome...

I generally do not smile so when I am asked to I have to make an effort to do so. I do not apparently look good in any photograph. Almost no pictures exist of me as a kid because I dislike photographs so much.

[chillii]

l dunno man , back in the day 90% of the women on a date site l used were nothing at all to look at , probably 60% of that were downright scary.

Funny , well not really but when l read the start l thought you were gonna start talking plastic surgery. But anyway ok , l'm convinced , your city is chock full of very shallow very not even worth getting to know anyway ,women.  Seems to be a mentality going on there like no other, l'd move . But eh, one could also call it karma too bc l seem to remember you meeting some nice girls that were interested but they weren't pretty enough.

Edited May 3, 2021 by chillii

[Weezy1973]

2 hours ago, ZA Dater said:

Again "wow I am really looking forward to meeting you, this conversation has been so good, I definitely feel a connection" to meeting the person and well looks kick in and all of that becomes irrelevant.

Yes, enthusiasm often is contingent on attraction on date. But not only looks kicks in. Mannerisms, confidence and all sorts of non-verbal cues do too. I always recommend people meet ASAP in OLD just for this reason. You can text night and day but you really don’t know anything until you meet.

If you were catfishing, I doubt you had a lot of confidence going into that date anyways. The jig was up. 

[Weezy1973]

1 hour ago, ZA Dater said:

I generally do not smile so when I am asked to I have to make an effort to do so. I do not apparently look good in any photograph. Almost no pictures exist of me as a kid because I dislike photographs so much.

This as much as anything explains your lack of success with OLD. For me, I got way more interest once I put effort into the pics I used. And by that I mean I made sure pics were taken when I was out doing stuff. I’d ask people to take my picture when I was out hiking or traveling to other countries etc. If you only have this one picture (which I’m assuming is more than a year old at this point) no wonder you struggle.

[5x5]

16 hours ago, ZA Dater said:

I get that but when you have a great conversation and she says it's not all about the looks that's actually untrue because I had a really great conversation with someone but apparently I was too ugly for any of that conversation to actually matter. So it was still interesting to me that mostly it's impossible to make up for wholly unappealing looks.

Just because you found the conversation great, doesn't mean she didn't come away from it thinking the conversation was subpar.

[Alpacalia]

4 hours ago, ZA Dater said:

My point here really is the fundamental difference a picture makes in the way people interact with you as a person which I guess should be obvious to most but honestly when I go about my day I speak to the CEO the same way I speak to the lady who serves me a piece of cake, clearly though on dating sites there is a very clear differentiation how people speak to each other based on looks. 

 

Excellent. You seem to have gained enough knowledge from your experiment to put it behind you.

[ZA Dater]

1 hour ago, Weezy1973 said:

This as much as anything explains your lack of success with OLD. For me, I got way more interest once I put effort into the pics I used. And by that I mean I made sure pics were taken when I was out doing stuff. I’d ask people to take my picture when I was out hiking or traveling to other countries etc. If you only have this one picture (which I’m assuming is more than a year old at this point) no wonder you struggle.

Well I will make sure to get a picture of me working, maybe that will work because pictures of me doing hobbies really do not work, then again cars do not interest many anyway. My profile picture here has never worked at OLD but then again neither do me driving an Italian exotic car. Or me standing on the top of a mountain.

Frankly I really hate pictures.

[Weezy1973]

50 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

Frankly I really hate pictures.

Again, in this context your lack of success with OLD makes perfect sense. If you hate the most important self marketing feature of sites like Tinder or Bumble, you’re not going to do well. Nothing to do with the way you look. 

[elaine567]

5 hours ago, ZA Dater said:

honestly when I go about my day I speak to the CEO the same way I speak to the lady who serves me a piece of cake

And that is part of the problem.
You think that is a good thing but it really isn't. 
The most successful people who charm  and engage with others tend to modify themselves depending on who they are speaking to, they don't do a one size fits all approach.
If you are talking to women the same way you are talking to a CEO or the tea lady, then it is hardly surprising they switch off. 
Flexibility is key.
Knowing how to talk to women individually, so they think you are interested in them in particular and what they say is a necessary skill. 

 

[elaine567]

8 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

Again, in this context your lack of success with OLD makes perfect sense. If you hate the most important self marketing feature of sites like Tinder or Bumble, you’re not going to do well. Nothing to do with the way you look. 

Exactly.

Poor marketing, no sales

Edited May 3, 2021 by elaine567

[Prudence V]

2 hours ago, chillii said:

But anyway ok , l'm convinced , your city is chock full of very shallow very not even worth getting to know anyway ,women. 

🤣🤣🤣 OP’s profile says he’s from Cape Town. Anyone who’s been to Cape Town knows that that’s simply not true. But Cape Town has a reputation for being very cliquey - so it’s possible that OP is only fishing in the tiny pond he’s swum in his whole life. If he were to break out of his comfort zone and meet new people (not just the people his “friends” suggest) he’d find that there are loads of young, happening, engaging women who are anything but superficial - but you won’t find those kinds of people on dating apps. They’re out doing stuff, meeting real people, getting to know them and making their mind up based on their experience, not on photographs. 

[ZA Dater]

28 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

And that is part of the problem.
You think that is a good thing but it really isn't. 
The most successful people who charm  and engage with others tend to modify themselves depending on who they are speaking to, they don't do a one size fits all approach.
If you are talking to women the same way you are talking to a CEO or the tea lady, then it is hardly surprising they switch off. 
Flexibility is key.
Knowing how to talk to women individually, so they think you are interested in them in particular and what they say is a necessary skill. 

 

Sure still does not properly equate the fact I use my pics and have to squeeze water out of a stone conversationally yet other pics well they are only too happy to engage and put in the effort.

It was nice having them interested in what I say for the change. I concede as much as I would like this to be a two way street it will never be with the looks I have, more a case of grovel and beg which I will not do.

[ZA Dater]

6 minutes ago, Prudence V said:

🤣🤣🤣OP’s profile says he’s from Cape Town. Anyone who’s been to Cape Town knows that that’s simply not true. But Cape Town has a reputation for being very cliquey - so it’s possible that OP is only fishing in the tiny pond he’s swum in his whole life. If he were to break out of his comfort zone and meet new people (not just the people his “friends” suggest) he’d find that there are loads of young, happening, engaging women who are anything but superficial - but you won’t find those kinds of people on dating apps. They’re out doing stuff, meeting real people, getting to know them and making their mind up based on their experience, not on photographs. 

Sure ok. Seems you know the city better than and I and I have lived here my entire life. Sure if trace parties are your things yeah there is endless choice. Or sitting playing guitar and smoking green stuff, endless choice there too.

Funnily enough lots are on dating apps but like a good store desirable items sell quickly.

Nevertheless none of that fully explains the difference in engagement, all of which is determined by a picture. If as they say look's matter so little then catfishing would not matter. I am slim and have some muscle tone but that gym jock build, it's all that matters I tell you.

[ZA Dater]

42 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

Again, in this context your lack of success with OLD makes perfect sense. If you hate the most important self marketing feature of sites like Tinder or Bumble, you’re not going to do well. Nothing to do with the way you look. 

Oh I thought the profile mattered. Oh dear how wrong am I. Gym selfie does not work, sitting in a supercar doesn't work, standing outside a hotel doesn't work, maybe I should try sitting at my desk next.