Catfish

[BaileyB]

4 hours ago, ZA Dater said:

 I simply want the best overall experience I can get and there are benchmarks to this. Look around, women love expensive dinners, nice experiences. If I have to settle for someone who does not wow me in some way then the entire exercise is without purpose.

So unbelievably superficial and lacking in any kind of awareness of what actually brings two people together to have a happy, healthy relationship that it’s difficult to know how to even respond…

[Foxhall]

you need to improve on your "soft skills" stating the obvious but that is achievable. "tell them what they want to hear- compliment them and so on at the right moment.

try and find the fun again in dating-I know your completely disillusioned at this point yet think of the few positive experiences you have had,

As a poster said earlier you have to try and engage on all dates-try and enjoy make the most of it even if you dont fancy the person-you can still hone your conversational skills which will give you a better chance whenever the sparkling lady comes along,

It can be nice too just sitting down with a lady and finding out whats her story what makes her tick and so on, 

"so whats your story" can be a nice ice breaker on a first date - but be ready to have something interesting to say when she turns it back on you,

its still an enjoyable experience being on a date with a lady- dont lose sight of that.

the other point that comes up a lot- that you want to turn heads in the room and so on,

Honestly I think that will only ever be a fleeting gratification- after the initial buzz  it will not sustain you for very long,

meeting a nice lady and enjoying getting to know her and sharing experiences with her- in the long run that will be a lot more fulfilling.

[ZA Dater]

3 hours ago, Foxhall said:

you need to improve on your "soft skills" stating the obvious but that is achievable. "tell them what they want to hear- compliment them and so on at the right moment.

try and find the fun again in dating-I know your completely disillusioned at this point yet think of the few positive experiences you have had,

As a poster said earlier you have to try and engage on all dates-try and enjoy make the most of it even if you dont fancy the person-you can still hone your conversational skills which will give you a better chance whenever the sparkling lady comes along,

It can be nice too just sitting down with a lady and finding out whats her story what makes her tick and so on, 

"so whats your story" can be a nice ice breaker on a first date - but be ready to have something interesting to say when she turns it back on you,

its still an enjoyable experience being on a date with a lady- dont lose sight of that.

the other point that comes up a lot- that you want to turn heads in the room and so on,

Honestly I think that will only ever be a fleeting gratification- after the initial buzz  it will not sustain you for very long,

meeting a nice lady and enjoying getting to know her and sharing experiences with her- in the long run that will be a lot more fulfilling.

I'll admit this despite the fact I will get taken to task, the thing is I used to think it was about the personality, that looks were not really that important so I sort of went with the view that ok I can put together a decent conversation, I know a lot of things and can talk on topics but the smash down to earth came when I realized that actually for most people looks are the only thing they are interested in, no amount of talking by me will ever overcome a lack of attraction.

I have asked people to tell me their story and well nothing much is ever forthcoming, I had another terrible date this weekend, this one was to see if I had any interest in an arrangement of sorts. Honestly there was nothing that appealed to me, the warmth I like simply was not there and just having a conversation was hard work. Yet I will qualify that if you looked at her she could pass for a shorter version of Lara Croft so not exactly unattractive!

Forget turning heads I just want the person to actually make me feel something and to be fair I think that part of me is disappearing.

Sure tell them what they want to hear but when am I ever told what I want to hear?

As ever you are not wrong. Have I ever enjoyed dating, truthfully not really because there just has not been anything to enjoy, Elaine is right A and K do not really count as dating, those situations were at the very best friend zone.

[ZA Dater]

22 hours ago, BaileyB said:

So unbelievably superficial and lacking in any kind of awareness of what actually brings two people together to have a happy, healthy relationship that it’s difficult to know how to even respond…

You can say that and you might be right but unfortunately attraction cannot be cheated. I can have the best intentions, the softest heart, the most giving personality but in a room full of people it wont be me who gets her attention and you know what, I can live with that because I cant change it. 

As for happy healthy relationships, I genuinely do not know what those are because I cannot think of a single one around me who has one.

[BaileyB]

50 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

As for happy healthy relationships, I genuinely do not know what those are because I cannot think of a single one around me who has one.

So, you are not only pessimistic about what women want from a man and the experience of dating, you have also never seen a single healthy relationship among friends and family. 

It begs the question, why are you dating? What exactly are you hoping to achieve? 

[Foxhall]

1 hour ago, ZA Dater said:

people looks are the only thing they are interested in,

Yes I am probably wrong but I thought this might not be as much of an issue for say 35 +s,

I know the younger ones its all about swiping left or right on tinder and things and everything on looks,

I suppose what you say is right though too,

this hungarian friend of mine happened to meet her last week,

we have something of a brother/sister relationship which is a bit unusual 

she will also say that with online dating especially , everything is based on pictures and looks,

and her best friend very pretty 30 year old having no luck with men,

I asked her would this best friend move to South Africa for the right man, 

"well if he is very rich and very good looking"  "and if she was very sure he could support her emotionally and financially"

so yes not easy- at the end of the day -these good looking ones do place a lot of value on the superficial things.

 

[Weezy1973]

3 hours ago, ZA Dater said:

I'll admit this despite the fact I will get taken to task, the thing is I used to think it was about the personality, that looks

The types of women that put personality above looks are not the types of women you’re interested in. Namely because you place a premium on looks. 

 

3 hours ago, ZA Dater said:

As for happy healthy relationships, I genuinely do not know what those are because I cannot think of a single one around me who has one.

Yes this explains a lot. Although my life has been filled with people in long term healthy relationships, I’ve also spent time with people who thought that was a fantasy world. Their lives were filled with divorce, infidelity and dysfunctional relationships. If that is the expectation, no wonder they (and you) would do anything in their power not to get into a relationship!

[elaine567]

2 hours ago, ZA Dater said:

Sure tell them what they want to hear but when am I ever told what I want to hear?

That's not really how it works.
You are a man not a woman and in early dating women especially attractive woman are not there to compliment you and boost your ego with fancy words.
It is your job to persuade them that they should chose you. As an average man pitching at above average women  you do not hold all the cards so they are are the ones to decide if you are worth their time and effort.

And no that does not mean "grovelling", bowing and scraping.
Women in general do not like men who grovel... 
Obsequiousness is seen as creepy.

[elaine567]

3 hours ago, ZA Dater said:

I had another terrible date this weekend, this one was to see if I had any interest in an arrangement of sorts. Honestly there was nothing that appealed to me, the warmth I like simply was not there and just having a conversation was hard work

She didn't "like" you, she was not interested in you.
Interested people show interest.
Despite you presumably being willing to pay for her company, the interest on her side just wasn't there.
Saying that, it must be difficult to show warmth on tap when the feeling behind that warmth is absent.

[ZA Dater]

1 hour ago, elaine567 said:

That's not really how it works.
You are a man not a woman and in early dating women especially attractive woman are not there to compliment you and boost your ego with fancy words.
It is your job to persuade them that they should chose you. As an average man pitching at above average women  you do not hold all the cards so they are are the ones to decide if you are worth their time and effort.

And no that does not mean "grovelling", bowing and scraping.
Women in general do not like men who grovel... 
Obsequiousness is seen as creepy.

Of course, pitch, get rejected, pitch get rejected and well apparently keep smiling while being metaphorically kicked in the face. So forgive me if I am reluctant to roll out the book of compliments.

Oh yea and well bend over backwards whilst they wield the guillotine with glee. Truly wonderful. 

 

[Weezy1973]

2 hours ago, ZA Dater said:

Of course, pitch, get rejected, pitch get rejected and well apparently keep smiling while being metaphorically kicked in the face. So forgive me if I am reluctant to roll out the book of compliments.

Oh yea and well bend over backwards whilst they wield the guillotine with glee. Truly wonderful. 

 

Your characterization of simple lack of attraction / disinterest is extreme. If someone isn’t interested in you romantically, it’s not a metaphorical “kick in the face” nor do those rejecting you “wield the guillotine” with glee. It’s exactly the same as when you’re not interested in someone romantically. Not a big deal at all.

[ZA Dater]

20 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

Your characterization of simple lack of attraction / disinterest is extreme. If someone isn’t interested in you romantically, it’s not a metaphorical “kick in the face” nor do those rejecting you “wield the guillotine” with glee. It’s exactly the same as when you’re not interested in someone romantically. Not a big deal at all.

Sure. Ok. Well no mutual attraction is I'd say a problem, wouldn't you?

Maybe it's not a big deal but in the grand scheme at least I can go out and see others actually date people they find attractive.

Frankly yesterday I'd have been better of continuing my tan in the sun than bothering to go on that "date" which was pretty much once again a situation of putting everything in and getting nothing out. Then again according to some men must simply be show ponies and hope someone they find attractive chooses them.

Sounds like a lottery with in my case at least very poor odds 

[ZA Dater]

26 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

Your characterization of simple lack of attraction / disinterest is extreme. If someone isn’t interested in you romantically, it’s not a metaphorical “kick in the face” nor do those rejecting you “wield the guillotine” with glee. It’s exactly the same as when you’re not interested in someone romantically. Not a big deal at all.

When you have had next to no attention in 20 odd years from anyone you find attractive... there is a downside to that experience.

But no, there is apparently this grey area where suddenly a maybe person becomes this most amazing person. Cool story.

[elaine567]

18 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

Of course, pitch, get rejected, pitch get rejected and well apparently keep smiling while being metaphorically kicked in the face. So forgive me if I am reluctant to roll out the book of compliments.

Oh yea and well bend over backwards whilst they wield the guillotine with glee. Truly wonderful. 

 

It is what it is, the world will not stop for you...
You play the game to get what you want, or you forever lose.
You have opted out of the accepted game or you play your own "platonic" game and have received  the expected poor results.

Dating is first and foremost about sex, that is why looks are so important to most.
Can I kiss this guy? Can I sleep with him? is the first question asked.
Yes or maybe  - Green light.
No  - Red light.
Who cares if he is the nicest guy  in the world? If the thought of kissing him  gives her the creeps or a "Hell no" or just a no, then that is the end of the story.
Little point in leading a guy on if  when it comes to the nitty gritty she is going to have to refuse due to no sexual attraction.
These girls you say are  boring, have little or nothing to say or are even hostile, are likely just not interested.
Woman are brought up to keep the peace, so rather than say I am not interested they carry on hoping the guy takes the hint.

[5x5]

11 hours ago, ZA Dater said:

Of course, pitch, get rejected, pitch get rejected and well apparently keep smiling while being metaphorically kicked in the face. So forgive me if I am reluctant to roll out the book of compliments.

Oh yea and well bend over backwards whilst they wield the guillotine with glee. Truly wonderful. 

 

That said no one is kicking you in the face metaphorically. The fact that you believe it to be the case, is evidence of your extraordinary sense of entitlement to things you are not entitled to.

Honestly wake up, and understand that no woman be they attractive or otherwise owes you their time, dates, company, friendship and or sex, regardless of your inadequate pitches at them.

As to the idea of glee, it makes people feel uncomfortable having to reject people who are socially obtuse and incompetent.

And just for the record, your unfounded sense of entitlement does nothing to make you attractive to women.

8 hours ago, ZA Dater said:

Sure. Ok. Well no mutual attraction is I'd say a problem, wouldn't you?

Maybe it's not a big deal but in the grand scheme at least I can go out and see others actually date people they find attractive.

Frankly yesterday I'd have been better of continuing my tan in the sun than bothering to go on that "date" which was pretty much once again a situation of putting everything in and getting nothing out. Then again according to some men must simply be show ponies and hope someone they find attractive chooses them.

Sounds like a lottery with in my case at least very poor odds 

Frankly you ought to do the women that you try to date a favour, and honour what you have promised here so many times by quitting trying to date women.

Please for your own sake, I implore you to seek professional psychiatric help. In order to help you overcome what is preventing you from sharing normal consensual sexual relationships with women.

That said if you're lonely and just want to just talk to people, then feel free to talk to us on other things, instead of this nonsense of your tilting at windmills to no end.

Edited October 12, 2021 by 5x5

[Prudence V]

On 10/10/2021 at 10:58 AM, ZA Dater said:

Look around, women love expensive dinners, nice experiences.

Superficial women do, sure. Or women in a “payment in kind” arrangement. Normal women? We’d prefer connection. A stroll along the beach, maybe stopping for a coffee, as a date, beats the artifice of dining at La Colombo or dressing up for Ladies’ Day at the races. A guy who offered the latter as a first date would either get turned down flat (because he’s a show-off) or given the benefit of the doubt, barely, with the expectation that it most likely wasn’t going to go anywhere - unless he really turned out to be something beyond amazing. 
 

The more modest guy who suggested a picnic at Kirstenbosch, or sundowners at the Brass Bell, or a moonlight walk up Lion’s Head - he sounds much more grounded, more interesting, less superficial himself, and we’d be much more likely to connect and have a fun time. The flashy guy - I really wouldn’t put the effort in (beyond putting on a nice dress and the appropriate make up) because his values are just not going to resonate with mine if he thinks I’m going to be impressed by superficiality. But then, I’m not a model. The world of conspicuous consumption has never appealed. 
 

If talking politics is your schtick, and you want someone you can have a good conversation with about that kind of thing, then Aubergine is not the venue that will foster that kind of exchange (unless in a dark, “eat the rich” kind of way…) You’d do far better chatting up a student over breakfast at Starlings, or going for coffee after a protest about the redevelopment of the River Club, or making conversation about the headlines in the paper with the person next to you at the counter at Knead. If you’re a petrolhead, join a club of likeminded enthusiasts and go along to rallies and meet-ups and pub crawls with them (as a non-drinker, you’d be in demand as a “designated driver”). If you enjoy sophisticated foreign films, get a subscription ticket at the Labia and go for coffee with the regulars afterward to discuss / analyse the movie. Volunteer to read stories to kids at your local library on weekends - loads of attractive, single women signing up for that kind of thing (but they’re likely to be normal women, not models) who can hold a good conversation and would be dying for a coffee afterward. Of, if your business skills are so hot, offer a class at a local community centre. Or attend a summer school class at the local university on a topic that interests you - lots of opportunity for socialising and loads of different kinds of people, many unattached, to stretch yourself beyond the toxic “friends” you normally hang out with. 
 

If you’re serious about meeting someone you could actually hold a conversation with, that is. If all you really want is someone who looks pretty but has nothing going on between her ears, then good luck with that. 

[ZA Dater]

10 minutes ago, Prudence V said:

Superficial women do, sure. Or women in a “payment in kind” arrangement. Normal women? We’d prefer connection. A stroll along the beach, maybe stopping for a coffee, as a date, beats the artifice of dining at La Colombo or dressing up for Ladies’ Day at the races. A guy who offered the latter as a first date would either get turned down flat (because he’s a show-off) or given the benefit of the doubt, barely, with the expectation that it most likely wasn’t going to go anywhere - unless he really turned out to be something beyond amazing. 
 

The more modest guy who suggested a picnic at Kirstenbosch, or sundowners at the Brass Bell, or a moonlight walk up Lion’s Head - he sounds much more grounded, more interesting, less superficial himself, and we’d be much more likely to connect and have a fun time. The flashy guy - I really wouldn’t put the effort in (beyond putting on a nice dress and the appropriate make up) because his values are just not going to resonate with mine if he thinks I’m going to be impressed by superficiality. But then, I’m not a model. The world of conspicuous consumption has never appealed. 
 

If talking politics is your schtick, and you want someone you can have a good conversation with about that kind of thing, then Aubergine is not the venue that will foster that kind of exchange (unless in a dark, “eat the rich” kind of way…) You’d do far better chatting up a student over breakfast at Starlings, or going for coffee after a protest about the redevelopment of the River Club, or making conversation about the headlines in the paper with the person next to you at the counter at Knead. If you’re a petrolhead, join a club of likeminded enthusiasts and go along to rallies and meet-ups and pub crawls with them (as a non-drinker, you’d be in demand as a “designated driver”). If you enjoy sophisticated foreign films, get a subscription ticket at the Labia and go for coffee with the regulars afterward to discuss / analyse the movie. Volunteer to read stories to kids at your local library on weekends - loads of attractive, single women signing up for that kind of thing (but they’re likely to be normal women, not models) who can hold a good conversation and would be dying for a coffee afterward. Of, if your business skills are so hot, offer a class at a local community centre. Or attend a summer school class at the local university on a topic that interests you - lots of opportunity for socialising and loads of different kinds of people, many unattached, to stretch yourself beyond the toxic “friends” you normally hang out with. 
 

If you’re serious about meeting someone you could actually hold a conversation with, that is. If all you really want is someone who looks pretty but has nothing going on between her ears, then good luck with that. 

I cant disagree with you. Unfortunately my experiences has been that whoever, irrespective of appearance is simply not interested in a connection, did I believe in this, sure I did and did so for a LONG time, I simply do not anymore primarily because I sit down on a date and I actually want to get to know the person, I want to learn about them but they are simply not interested in sharing so then the entire thing degenerates into small talk which is ok but tells me nothing about the person at which point I have no interest, irrespective how physically attractive she is. Please note that last part.

Remember I observe and a lot of people I know do quite well with a GOOD first date, for example a nice restaurant, not something over the top but perhaps somewhere people do not go too often. I have tried this but regretted it every time because mostly I could not engage with the person and they made little attempt to engage with me. I stopped this after I once got a text after "the lunch was nicer than you", did I really care? Not really because I have become conditioned to this sort of experience.

Ultimately I think and this sounds stupid to type but a date will only be as good as the person finds you superficially attractive, that gets the door open, otherwise you are just talking through a door and that is pointless.

Ironically I have suggested variations of all three dates you mentioned and done some of them but it just does not work at all because there is just no connection. I agree with you there are a LOT of people who are impressed by the flashy, I have no issue with that at all, we like what we like. You and I know politics is a loaded topic in SA so my general view on this is to rather take the negative out of the topic and talk up with we could do together but again even that becomes problematic because I always get the impression many just live in their own bubble....just maybe you would agree with me on  this point.

I think the "pretty with nothing between her ears" is a very broad over used generalization which in my experience is seldom true. Do these people use looks as a commodity, yes they do and so would I to be honest, good looking is a great way to ensure you get plenty of attention and lets face it we all actually want some attention, I never get any from people I find attractive and look where its got me, nowhere really with an outlook on dating which is at odds with everyone else.  But when I look around and see how ridiculously easy this is for some and how the choices are seemingly endless I then look at what I can potentially do in comparison and there is not much allure to it, even less when I go out and have to do ALL the work trying to connect with someone, sit there and have nothing asked about myself. 

 

[ZA Dater]

12 hours ago, elaine567 said:

It is what it is, the world will not stop for you...
You play the game to get what you want, or you forever lose.
You have opted out of the accepted game or you play your own "platonic" game and have received  the expected poor results.

Dating is first and foremost about sex, that is why looks are so important to most.
Can I kiss this guy? Can I sleep with him? is the first question asked.
Yes or maybe  - Green light.
No  - Red light.
Who cares if he is the nicest guy  in the world? If the thought of kissing him  gives her the creeps or a "Hell no" or just a no, then that is the end of the story.
Little point in leading a guy on if  when it comes to the nitty gritty she is going to have to refuse due to no sexual attraction.
These girls you say are  boring, have little or nothing to say or are even hostile, are likely just not interested.
Woman are brought up to keep the peace, so rather than say I am not interested they carry on hoping the guy takes the hint.

Thank you for admitting it is all about looks and nothing else, at least someone else agrees with this. I suppose this is also why people put up with being treated rather poorly because he or she has great looks and well it might not be so easy to find those again. I have got far better sporadic results from my transaction based platonic game than I have on dating sites which again is telling I suppose because there you can make up for looks with other attributes whereas as you just mentioned with dating you cannot.  

Well at least you basically confirmed that none of the dates I have been on were interested.

[ZA Dater]

5 hours ago, 5x5 said:

That said no one is kicking you in the face metaphorically. The fact that you believe it to be the case, is evidence of your extraordinary sense of entitlement to things you are not entitled to.

Honestly wake up, and understand that no woman be they attractive or otherwise owes you their time, dates, company, friendship and or sex, regardless of your inadequate pitches at them.

As to the idea of glee, it makes people feel uncomfortable having to reject people who are socially obtuse and incompetent.

And just for the record, your unfounded sense of entitlement does nothing to make you attractive to women.

Frankly you ought to do the women that you try to date a favour, and honour what you have promised here so many times by quitting trying to date women.

Please for your own sake, I implore you to seek professional psychiatric help. In order to help you overcome what is preventing you from sharing normal consensual sexual relationships with women.

That said if you're lonely and just want to just talk to people, then feel free to talk to us on other things, instead of this nonsense of your tilting at windmills to no end.

Nobody is entitled to anything barring the right to be treated humanely. Equally I do not owe them my time either, especially not when I actually put in some effort and they apparently put in next to no effort whatsoever to even bother to try and make me find them attractive, I find this aspect to be incredibly annoying. Pitches, at what point do they actually have to pitch, I am guessing the answer is never I suppose. Why on earth should I pitch to someone who does nothing to give me a reason to find them attractive? 

Women do nothing to make themselves attractive to me so why should I bother putting in any effort? Might surprise you to know there have been women we would have had sex with me, unfortunately for them I find them about as attractive as white wall. Then again I suppose you just advocate "beggars cant be choosers" type mentality? 

As for giving up, easier said than done, harder yet still when everyone around me seemingly gets to date people they find really attractive and well me I need to sit and think of way to try force myself to find the person attractive.

[Weezy1973]

28 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

Ironically I have suggested variations of all three dates you mentioned and done some of them but it just does not work at all because there is just no connection.

 

She was suggesting ways you might meet likeminded women, not date ideas. That way you form the connection first. And then, ask them out on a date. The old-fashioned way.

[elaine567]

9 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

Women do nothing to make themselves attractive to me so why should I bother putting in any effort?

These women are likely NOT attracted to you, so why would you feel the need to put in effort?

Dating is about trying to find mutual attraction, it is NOT usually about finding someone attractive and then embarking on a huge uphill climb to get them to like you...
It is about finding mutual attraction, then freewheeling downhill in joyous exhilaration.

You need to forget those who are "difficult" or put in no effort, as you , unless they have some personality quirk have no chance anyway.
As you found in your catfish experiment, interested people act interested.
They are not hard to identify.
That is what you need to find. 
Instead of looking for Miss IG Model 2021, you need to be able to identify interest, even if it is just a little spark, and practice being able to fan the flames into a forest fire of interest.
You sound like you are now in a war with women, that will never endear you to anyone.
Stop it.

[bene]

1 hour ago, ZA Dater said:

Thank you for admitting it is all about looks and nothing else, at least someone else agrees with this.

Out of all the pages of advice, this what you take with you? Talk about cherry picking 😀

Interestingly you seem to go on enough dates so you can’t really say that women are rejecting you based on your looks as much as you claim. It is something that happens during the date, how you come across. I can sense growing hostility even here.

I’m going to be blunt - I don’t think you have awareness and life experience to say what makes a relationship. I’d listen to all the people here who are offering their point of view.

 

[ZA Dater]

2 minutes ago, bene said:

Out of all the pages of advice, this what you take with you? Talk about cherry picking 😀

Interestingly you seem to go on enough dates so you can’t really say that women are rejecting you based on your looks as much as you claim. It is something that happens during the date, how you come across. I can sense growing hostility even here.

I’m going to be blunt - I don’t think you have awareness and life experience to say what makes a relationship. I’d listen to all the people here who are offering their point of view.

 

I simply go through the motions. I pretty much know before I meet the person I am not interested in them perhaps the people I meet do the same thing!

Cannot recall when last I had any excitement about meeting someone.

[Foxhall]

1 hour ago, ZA Dater said:

I stopped this after I once got a text after "the lunch was nicer than you"

ah that was rude-nasty one,

from my own experiences the majority of women would have had no interest in me, but most times they would at least say I was a "nice guy"

I know there is also the saying "nice guys finish last" and so on but nevertheless I think its better to be a nice guy and gentleman regardless.

Id guess that you are a gentleman actually but are scarred from the difficulties of dating. maybe try and keep the sunny side up and say ok lets forget all the bad dates and tackle it with fresh gusto. new found positivity.

I thought Prudence's post was very good there- that could be your roadmap forward.

[ZA Dater]

35 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

These women are likely NOT attracted to you, so why would you feel the need to put in effort?

Dating is about trying to find mutual attraction, it is NOT usually about finding someone attractive and then embarking on a huge uphill climb to get them to like you...
It is about finding mutual attraction, then freewheeling downhill in joyous exhilaration.

You need to forget those who are "difficult" or put in no effort, as you , unless they have some personality quirk have no chance anyway.
As you found in your catfish experiment, interested people act interested.
They are not hard to identify.
That is what you need to find. 
Instead of looking for Miss IG Model 2021, you need to be able to identify interest, even if it is just a little spark, and practice being able to fan the flames into a forest fire of interest.
You sound like you are now in a war with women, that will never endear you to anyone.
Stop it.

My entire experience is defined by the bold, EVERY. SINGLE one of them! Sure yes I did discover that but I also discovered that looks are the universal currency, it really did not matter what I said after they showed interest, heck I had some who could not wait to meet me. Compare this to having to try trot out the most ornate date idea to get some sort of interest and Chad just swipes and she is all over him. Such is life.

Why do I need to practice, surely just like this catfish experiment she should also actually show some interest and I would not need to guess if she is interested or not.