hopefulgu Posted May 2, 2021 Share Posted May 2, 2021 Hey everyone! hope you are all having a good day. One question I have is: when can I text her again? We broke up in august. We were both devastated, she didn’t want to break up with me, but we were just so incompatible and fighting non-stop that it was the most logical choice. I went a little crazy begged etc. like everyone does. We both cried several times over the phone (lol) She told me it was really hard to stick to her guns on it, and then we spoke a few months later...where she told me she still hadn’t moved on. The truth is, I was a pretty bad boyfriend. No abuse, just constantly withheld affection for my own internal struggles of intimacy. This seriously hurt her, and I kept saying things unintentionally that hurt her. So basically she told me I made her hate herself, and then requested at the time to stop contacting her... but then she contacted me a few weeks after that... another fight and then I sent a text in November (last contact we’ve had) where I basically said I think I figured out what is making you hate yourself (I genuinely don’t think it’s me - she went on birth control, and ever since was very sensitive, cried a lot, bad symptoms of depression as well.) I didn’t tell her exactly what I thought it was because I thought it would’ve been rude. So I left it to her to text me if she wanted to hear my thoughts. She didn’t reply. anyways, the goal of contact isn’t to get her back. I mean, if it were to happen that’s great. But if it doesn’t, I’m not hurt at all. I’m rather indifferent on dating her again. The goal for me would just to catch up, hear how her life is going, what’s new, how’s the dude she’s dating (I don’t know if she’s dating anyone actually), apologize for everything on my end, gain clarity, get closure and be friendly. We aren’t friends at all right now, and it’s fine. I don’t want to be. But it would be nice to check in on eachother from time to time. I want to be respectful of her, of course. I want your advice on whether or not contacting her would hurt her or not. I think it could make both of us feel better about what happened in the past, if we just ignore it completely, apologize, and catch up on things. Im over her, dating new girls and such. I’m totally content with my life. Just think it would be nice to talk is all. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted May 2, 2021 Share Posted May 2, 2021 (edited) If you don't necessarily want to get back together, and don't want to be friends, I don't see why you would try to re-establish communication. There is not much point in making contact just to check on each other once in a while, and I think if you're being honest with yourself that's not exactly your goal here. If you were truly over her, you wouldn't feel the need to touch base or get clousre. So, get real with yourself: you're putting out feelers to see if she might be open to more, because deep-down, you are not over her. No shame in that, but you might as well cut the BS with yourself. I don't get the impression she needs to feel better about what happened; her extended silence since you last contact is your cue. It simply sounds like she's made peace with it for herself, moved on and isn't interested in maintaining contact. My vote is to leave it be. Closure comes from accepting that it didn't work out and you're in different places in your lives now. Edited May 2, 2021 by ExpatInItaly 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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