ExpatInItaly Posted May 30, 2021 Share Posted May 30, 2021 7 minutes ago, LShalcy said: even my 2 year old asks what’s wrong and I’m just not even present for her, doing things she wants to do, just giving her the iPad so I can wallow in my misery. If you won't get away from him for you, do it for your daughter. She doesn't deserve to be dismissed because you are not making wise choices. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 30, 2021 Share Posted May 30, 2021 9 minutes ago, LShalcy said: I guess I do need help because I cannot continue like this much longer. Finally! Please, seek help. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LShalcy Posted May 30, 2021 Author Share Posted May 30, 2021 (edited) 14 minutes ago, RebeccaR said: OP hates the wife so she is hoping the wife is the one I know it’s wrong but I do hate her. A part of me wants her to find out so she can feel what I feel. But no, I’m not going to tell her and I’m not going to threaten him that I will tell her. I just want her to feel the pain I’m feeling. Edited May 30, 2021 by LShalcy 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 30, 2021 Share Posted May 30, 2021 (edited) 7 minutes ago, LShalcy said: I know it’s wrong but I do hate her. This woman had the rather unfortunate luck of marrying a man before he went on a dating site looking for an affair partner. You should tell her the truth of her marriage. She deserves to know the man to whom she is married. Edited May 30, 2021 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
RebeccaR Posted May 30, 2021 Share Posted May 30, 2021 6 minutes ago, LShalcy said: But no, I’m not going to tell her Only because you don’t want him angry with you 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LShalcy Posted May 30, 2021 Author Share Posted May 30, 2021 3 minutes ago, RebeccaR said: Only because you don’t want him angry with you You’re right 🥺 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LShalcy Posted May 30, 2021 Author Share Posted May 30, 2021 12 minutes ago, BaileyB said: This woman had the rather unfortunate luck of marrying a man before he went on a dating site looking for an affair partner. I cannot understand being married for only one year and then going on a dating site. It’s common on dating sites to ask the person you’re talking to if they have ever met anyone off the site. I asked him that during our first conversations and he told me yes, he had met one person before but he they only went out once because he didn’t like her in person. I can’t remember how long he said he was on the site for but I’m thinking he said a few months or so. So he had cheated on his wife even before he met me and he just married her! Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted May 30, 2021 Share Posted May 30, 2021 1 minute ago, LShalcy said: he told me yes, he had met one person before but he they only went out once because he didn’t like her in person. I can’t remember how long he said he was on the site for but I’m thinking he said a few months or so. You can be assured that most anything that he says is a lie. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
RebeccaR Posted May 30, 2021 Share Posted May 30, 2021 If his wife finds out through carelessness or any other way, his daughter will hate you forever. You think he will sacrifice his relationship with his daughter for you? He couldn’t even be bothered to tell you the truth - you are not that important to him. Also, your kids - does he really want to raise someone else’s toddler? I know you are not thinking of their best interests right now, but you need to wake up and fast. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 30, 2021 Share Posted May 30, 2021 (edited) 3 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: You can be assured that most anything that he says is a lie. I don’t disagree, but I also wouldn’t doubt it. The man was on a dating site looking for an affair. It’s entirely possible that he met more than one woman. 6 minutes ago, LShalcy said: I cannot understand being married for only one year and then going on a dating site. That’s the thing. It is incomprehensible except to say that a man with any kind of personal character or integrity would not do this. Edited May 30, 2021 by BaileyB 1 Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted May 30, 2021 Share Posted May 30, 2021 (edited) 25 minutes ago, LShalcy said: I know it’s wrong but I do hate her. A part of me wants her to find out so she can feel what I feel. But no, I’m not going to tell her and I’m not going to threaten him that I will tell her. I just want her him to feel the pain I’m feeling. Fixed it. There is something really off that you hate a woman who has done nothing to you and is being deceived even worse than you have been, but continue to long for this pathetic excuse of a man. If you can't or won't get counseling for your own best interest, then do it for your daughter. You have an obligation as a parent to be not only present but to model healthy behaviors for her. Edited May 30, 2021 by introverted1 2 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LShalcy Posted May 30, 2021 Author Share Posted May 30, 2021 14 minutes ago, RebeccaR said: If his wife finds out through carelessness or any other way, his daughter will hate you forever. You think he will sacrifice his relationship with his daughter for you? I’m not suggesting that he sacrifice his relationship with his daughter. But I wouldn’t be the one to hurt her - he will - because he’s the one cheating on her mother. Link to post Share on other sites
RebeccaR Posted May 30, 2021 Share Posted May 30, 2021 Just now, LShalcy said: But I wouldn’t be the one to hurt her - he will - because he’s the one cheating on her mother. Whether or not this is true (and now you are knowingly in an affair it’s not so clear cut), she WILL still blame YOU. And if she hates you, he will not take your side. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted May 30, 2021 Share Posted May 30, 2021 39 minutes ago, LShalcy said: I know it’s wrong but I do hate her. A part of me wants her to find out so she can feel what I feel. But no, I’m not going to tell her and I’m not going to threaten him that I will tell her. I just want her to feel the pain I’m feeling. This is primal and instinctive. Territorial. He is HER man how dare the wife get in the way... She hates the woman, not the man. She loves the man. She wants to fight the wife for her beloved man's attention Link to post Share on other sites
RebeccaR Posted May 30, 2021 Share Posted May 30, 2021 1 minute ago, elaine567 said: This is primal and instinctive. Territorial. He is HER man how dare the wife get in the way... She hates the woman, not the man. She loves the man. She wants to fight the wife for her beloved man's attention There is no man in the planet worth competing for. If someone doesn’t choose me without a competition, bye bye, have a nice life. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 30, 2021 Share Posted May 30, 2021 (edited) 27 minutes ago, LShalcy said: I’m not suggesting that he sacrifice his relationship with his daughter. But I wouldn’t be the one to hurt her - he will - because he’s the one cheating on her mother. Rebecca is correct, his daughter (and perhaps also his wife if his affairs are ever discovered) is likely to blame the other woman because they have a preexisting relationship with this man and it is sometimes very difficult to assess the situation rationally and believe that someone you hold affection for could be the source of your pain. You don’t believe me - consider the fact that you chose to blame and hate his wife rather than placing the blame with the source of your pain - the man with whom you have a relationship and hold affection. Your thinking is not rational here - so why would you expect his family to think rationally and place the blame with the source of their pain - their husband and father. Just as it’s easier for you to hate his wife, it’s much easier for them to blame the other woman. It takes great strength, and empathy, and understanding to consider the point of view of the woman who was complicit in the destruction of your family. Not everyone is capable of that. Edited May 30, 2021 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted May 30, 2021 Share Posted May 30, 2021 Just now, RebeccaR said: There is no man in the planet worth competing for. If someone doesn’t choose me without a competition, bye bye, have a nice life. Same here. If a man is comparing me to another woman, I am out of there. I want to be #1 always. Any hesitancy on his part means I am not #1, so adios amigo.. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 30, 2021 Share Posted May 30, 2021 4 minutes ago, elaine567 said: Same here. If a man is comparing me to another woman, I am out of there. I want to be #1 always. Any hesitancy on his part means I am not #1, so adios amigo.. Absolutely! If I ever discover there is another woman - she is welcome to have the lying, cheating man. This is not a man worth fighting for... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted May 30, 2021 Share Posted May 30, 2021 3 hours ago, LShalcy said: I’m not suggesting that he sacrifice his relationship with his daughter. But I wouldn’t be the one to hurt her - he will - because he’s the one cheating on her mother. He's robbing the bank but you're driving the get-away car. You're both cheating. If you're in the US, you can even be sued by the wife for "alienation of affection" in some states. There's also a related legal condition called "criminal conversation," which your exchange of pictures falls under. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted May 30, 2021 Share Posted May 30, 2021 (edited) 3 hours ago, LShalcy said: I cannot understand being married for only one year and then going on a dating site. You also have no clue if they've only been married a year. Why do you believe anything he tells you? 3 hours ago, LShalcy said: I know it’s wrong but I do hate her. This is ridiculous. She didn't choose this. You did, the moment you found out he was married and you continued anyway. You've got it all wrong. You hate him for hurting you so badly. At least direct your hatred in the appopriate direction. Edited May 30, 2021 by ExpatInItaly 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LShalcy Posted May 30, 2021 Author Share Posted May 30, 2021 Just now, ExpatInItaly said: You also have no clue if they've only been married a year. Why do you believe anything he tells you? They have been married for three years, this year. I meant that they were only married for a year when we met and he was on the dating site. 1 minute ago, ExpatInItaly said: She didn't choose this. You did, the moment you found out he was married and you continued anyway. You've got it all wrong. I already know it’s wrong that I hate her. She apparently doesn’t know her husband has been cheating on her for at least two years. And she’s married to him so yes, it would be even more devastating for to find out. But I can’t help how I feel about her. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted May 30, 2021 Share Posted May 30, 2021 (edited) 4 minutes ago, LShalcy said: They have been married for three years, this year. I meant that they were only married for a year when we met and he was on the dating site. My point is that you have no idea if anything he tells you is true. 1 year, 3 years, 10 years. You're in the dark. You know nothing about him, other than what he tells you. And you know he lies to you, a lot. Further, your hate is misguided. I would examine why you "hate" someone who has nothing to do with either or his or your bad choices and poor conduct. Edited May 30, 2021 by ExpatInItaly 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LShalcy Posted May 30, 2021 Author Share Posted May 30, 2021 Just now, ExpatInItaly said: Your hate is misguided. I would examine why you "hate" someone who has nothing to do with either or his or your bad choices and poor conduct. I don’t have to examine why, it’s clearly because she has something I want. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted May 30, 2021 Share Posted May 30, 2021 1 minute ago, LShalcy said: I don’t have to examine why, it’s clearly because she has something I want. Nah. I don't think so. I think you're mad as hell as him but you're in such deep denial that you don't know where to direct your anger. You need to get real with yourself about who hurt you and who you're really mad at. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LShalcy Posted May 30, 2021 Author Share Posted May 30, 2021 Just now, ExpatInItaly said: Nah. I don't think so. I think you're mad as hell as him but you're in such deep denial that you don't know where to direct your anger. You need to get real with yourself about who hurt you and who you're really mad at. I am mad at him. But I also know that she is the obstacle in this. I already said I know it’s wrong because she is getting deceived even worse than me. Link to post Share on other sites
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