Pregnant side chick

[Bdiana88]

3 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

OK so this is an important pregnancy for you.
If I were you I would stay out of this man's life and away from his gf.
You don't really need the stress and as long as you continue to push buttons and stick around then the chaos that will ensue will not do you or your child any favours.
He has no money, you don't need his money which is a great place to be.
If it is at all possible for you to get away and make a nice life elsewhere free from all this hassle  and hate, then it may be your best option. 

I plan on staying away from both of them. I block his number and he pops up with another texting app, I’m going to eventually have to change all my contact info. I don’t want to move away because I’ll have nobody and even though i can financially support myself and my baby it would be nice to have my family and friends for support as a first time mom

[glows]

Talk to a lawyer for the correct legal advice. Collect child support. If you decide to stay then be prepared to weather the ups and downs and drama in the same town. If you decide to leave, still collect child support. It's for your child, not about the affair. 

Delete and block what this woman has to say. There's no sense in filling your head up with anyone's hate and negativity. The thing has happened. You ARE pregnant. Time will not reverse itself. You already understand what happened was temporary and this is causing enough stress. Don't continue having an affair with him if you want to move past this. Wishing you well with the pregnancy and delivery.

[Starswillshine]

7 minutes ago, Bdiana88 said:

I plan on staying away from both of them. I block his number and he pops up with another texting app, I’m going to eventually have to change all my contact info. I don’t want to move away because I’ll have nobody and even though i can financially support myself and my baby it would be nice to have my family and friends for support as a first time mom

You definitely should not move away unless that is what you feel is best for yourself and your child. I would still establish paternity and child support. You never know what the future holds for you nor him (financially), and it may be needed in the future and/or your child is owed it if this man starts making decent money. 

[d0nnivain]

31 minutes ago, Bdiana88 said:

I don’t want to move away because I’ll have nobody and even though i can financially support myself and my baby it would be nice to have my family and friends for support as a first time mom

So congratulations on the pregnancy & stay right where you are.  It doesn't sound like it's your intent to rub the pregnancy or the affair in anybody's face.  Just live your life.  Keep your support system.  It's nobody else's business.  

[HadMeOverABarrel]

On 5/5/2021 at 7:23 AM, Bdiana88 said:

I look foolish for continuing to entertain him. It’s been ongoing for too long and his girlfriend is already aware of me. I have the means to support myself and my baby but going after him for child support is pointless, he has an average job and 4 children already. I should have chosen my child’s father more carefully but here we are. I’m just trying to avoid more drama so me and my child can live peacefully. 

At the very least have him sign legal documents relinquishing all paternal rights to the child BEFORE the birth. 

[pepperbird2]

The most important person in this whole situation is your baby to be. Pregnancy only lasts a few months. Like it or not, this man is going to have to accept that he has another child out there.
I'm in a adoption/NPE support group with people who have a wide range of experiences. Some of them say they are "affair children" and have been looking for their father, usually because no one ever told them who he was. He was simply left out of their life, a non-entity. that may work when a child is small, but as they get older, that changes. They want to know, which is one of the most fundamental parts of being human to know where you came from.

This guy may well be azzhat par excellence, but he is still your future child's father. It might not be a bad idea to start preparing a box of items( photos, any mementos you might have that you'd want to share, etc.) that will give them information about their father when they are old enough to understand that him not being around( if that's what happens) is not their fault. It's not your fault. It is what it is. Be the best mom you can be and love your child enough for two parents. It may hurt like hell right now, but you've got this.

[Bdiana88]

16 minutes ago, pepperbird2 said:

The most important person in this whole situation is your baby to be. Pregnancy only lasts a few months. Like it or not, this man is going to have to accept that he has another child out there.
I'm in a adoption/NPE support group with people who have a wide range of experiences. Some of them say they are "affair children" and have been looking for their father, usually because no one ever told them who he was. He was simply left out of their life, a non-entity. that may work when a child is small, but as they get older, that changes. They want to know, which is one of the most fundamental parts of being human to know where you came from.

This guy may well be azzhat par excellence, but he is still your future child's father. It might not be a bad idea to start preparing a box of items( photos, any mementos you might have that you'd want to share, etc.) that will give them information about their father when they are old enough to understand that him not being around( if that's what happens) is not their fault. It's not your fault. It is what it is. Be the best mom you can be and love your child enough for two parents. It may hurt like hell right now, but you've got this.

Best advice, Thankyou. I have a lot of pictures of us and he actually did buy some stuff very recently for the baby (their first outfit, first toy, baby book) I appreciate the effort but I keep explaining that being in the child’s life is the most important thing although I realize you can’t force anyone to do anything they don’t want to do. 

[spiderowl]

I'm amazed that you say you were in the wrong, OP.  Yes, you were, in the sense that you knew he had a girlfriend, but he was also in the wrong.  You didn't force him to have sex with you, did you?

There is no reason why you should move.  Why should you uproot your life at a time when you need more not less support?  Why aren't you asking him to move so that there isn't a scandal, if that is what you are worried about?  You seem to be blaming yourself and treating him as though he is above reproach - very strange!

You could move, of course, if you really wanted to, but it is probably better to brave the scandal and to maintain your friend and family support where you are.  The guy might also have to confess to his girlfriend if you plan to tell anyone who the father is, but that's his problem.

Is there some reason you feel you should move?  Are you afraid of this guy or something?  You should absolutely be careful about your own safety if so, especially if he is insisting this should be kept secret.

Edited May 14, 2021 by spiderowl

[Bdiana88]

5 hours ago, spiderowl said:

I'm amazed that you say you were in the wrong, OP.  Yes, you were, in the sense that you knew he had a girlfriend, but he was also in the wrong.  You didn't force him to have sex with you, did you?

There is no reason why you should move.  Why should you uproot your life at a time when you need more not less support?  Why aren't you asking him to move so that there isn't a scandal, if that is what you are worried about?  You seem to be blaming yourself and treating him as though he is above reproach - very strange!

You could move, of course, if you really wanted to, but it is probably better to brave the scandal and to maintain your friend and family support where you are.  The guy might also have to confess to his girlfriend if you plan to tell anyone who the father is, but that's his problem.

Is there some reason you feel you should move?  Are you afraid of this guy or something?  You should absolutely be careful about your own safety if so, especially if he is insisting this should be kept secret.

We were both very much in the wrong. He has 4 children and even though he might make bad decisions he is an amazing father to his children. His fear is that she will find out and shun him by keeping him from his current children (which is a legitimate fear because she uses that as a threat constantly). 

I’m not scared of him. I was nervous of him when I first told him because I didn’t know how he would react. 
 

I know ultimately it is my decision if I go or stay and I do want to stay I just don’t want any extra stress/drama on top of a new baby. He’s also very wishy washy and pops in and out of my life constantly, Which is fine because I’m an adult but it’s not fair for him to try to do that with our child and I know he’s going to try to. 

[d0nnivain]

2 hours ago, Bdiana88 said:

His fear is that she will find out and shun him by keeping him from his current children (which is a legitimate fear because she uses that as a threat constantly). 

* * * 

I just don’t want any extra stress/drama on top of a new baby. He’s also very wishy washy and pops in and out of my life constantly, Which is fine because I’m an adult but it’s not fair for him to try to do that with our child and I know he’s going to try to. 

he has a legal right to see his own children.  Her threats are empty but she can make life expensive. 

Understandable that you don't want more stress / drama.  Do what's best for you & the child but keeping your support system sounds like a good idea.  Alas your child may learn about unreliable people too early in life but in the long run it's not the worst lesson as long as you are a constant.  

[Wiseman2]

8 hours ago, Bdiana88 said:

He’s also very wishy washy and pops in and out of my life constantly, it’s not fair for him to try to do that with our child and I know he’s going to try to. 

The courts aren't wishy-washy. Nor will he when a process server pops in and out with a subpoena for a child support hearing. 

Make sure you enjoy your child sharing with friends, family, etc., replete with social media, if that suits you. 

[sandylee1]

You say he's an amazing father  yet you also said he's not financially supporting all his 4 kids. What's so amazing about him? Kids don't live off fresh air.

You don't have to move to save his skin, but living in a small town where everybody knows your business,  be prepared for his GF to find out about the baby and spread your name like dirt all over town 

He cheated on her, but as always, women end up looking worse.  You'll need to be resilient and have a tough skin.

[Bdiana88]

1 hour ago, sandylee1 said:

You say he's an amazing father  yet you also said he's not financially supporting all his 4 kids. What's so amazing about him? Kids don't live off fresh air.

You don't have to move to save his skin, but living in a small town where everybody knows your business,  be prepared for his GF to find out about the baby and spread your name like dirt all over town 

He cheated on her, but as always, women end up looking worse.  You'll need to be resilient and have a tough skin.

He financially supports them the best he can, all his money does go to his current children. Also parenting isn’t all about the money, he spends as much time as he can with his children one thing I can never say is he isn’t a good father to his current children. 
 

honestly his girlfriend has already ran my name through the mud just about as much as she can. We’re in the same women’s group and she blasted me on there, there’s about 700 comments of females who know of me or complete strangers dragging me for being the other woman. After that I feel like I’m pretty much as strong as I can be. Live & learn right? 

[spiderowl]

It is your choice whether you decide to move or not, OP.

One thing I would say is that having a new baby is very tough.  I had a partner when I had small babies and I still found it tough.  There is no-one to take over when you are worn out.  At least if you are close to family and friends, there is a chance someone may be able to help at those tough times.

We all think we can cope well until we have had nights and nights of broken sleep and then go down with a virus or something. Hopefully, all will go well for you and you will not have a child with colic or an overly sensitive nervous system, but support can be invaluable.

Edited May 16, 2021 by spiderowl

[Cookiesandough]

On 5/5/2021 at 5:55 AM, Wiseman2 said:

Don't do anything. Don't move. Who is this clown? The mayor?

Get a paternity test after it's born and file for child support. Rather than move, tell his GF.

Why be a secret and allow this creep to treat you like a concubine?

Make sure if anyone asks while you are pregnant, that you tell everyone who the father is.

This so much. Who does he think he is anyway? That’s incredibly low of him to even say such a thing. Boy,bye. Stay where you are, tell everyone, and take him to court for ever drop of child support you can wring out of this turnip 

Edited May 16, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[Bdiana88]

13 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

This so much. Who does he think he is anyway? That’s incredibly low of him to even say such a thing. Boy,bye. Stay where you are, tell everyone, and take him to court for ever drop of child support you can wring out of this turnip 

I feel like this type of energy is what I need lol. He is a narcissist and thinks the world revolves around him. I didn’t do him any favours pretending like it did and letting him have his cake & eat it too and this is where we’ve ended up.