MsJayne Posted May 5, 2021 Posted May 5, 2021 Mainly a question for the girls. A female acquaintance has a habit of calling other women "love", as if she's everyone's nanna. I find calling other women by diminutive names, like 'love', darl', sweety', etc, both rude and condescending. Should you pull someone up for this or just let it go?
d0nnivain Posted May 5, 2021 Posted May 5, 2021 Since it bugs you, you can gently bring it up to her privately in person the next time she does it to you. You can't call her out or lecture her. 1
Wiseman2 Posted May 5, 2021 Posted May 5, 2021 (edited) 40 minutes ago, MsJayne said: find calling other women by diminutive names, like 'love', darl', sweety', etc, both rude and condescending. Should you pull someone up for this or just let it go? No. Just someone's habit/style. Nothing personal. The clerk at my grocery store calls men "hon" all the time. Sort of a truckstop waitress type. There's also a guy who always calls me "sir". Who knows? Edited May 5, 2021 by Wiseman2 1
Taramere Posted May 5, 2021 Posted May 5, 2021 21 minutes ago, MsJayne said: Mainly a question for the girls. A female acquaintance has a habit of calling other women "love", as if she's everyone's nanna. I find calling other women by diminutive names, like 'love', darl', sweety', etc, both rude and condescending. Should you pull someone up for this or just let it go? I'd probably just assume she's just a nurturing type. I don't mind people using terms like love or darling unless they're doing it some blatantly passive aggressive/b****y way (which, outside of 1980s tv soap operas, usually just sounds so ridiculous that I'd likely just laugh). If she does it as though she's everyone's nanna then that doesn't sound as though she intends to offend people. More, maybe, like she wants to create a cosy vibe in her interactions. If it really grates on you, though, then I'd agree with d0nnivain that you should have a quiet word...though being ready for the possibility of her reacting in a very offended way and adopting a more huffy tone with you in future interactions. Even if you feel you've made your point quite politely. For me, I just wouldn't find it annoying enough to raise the issue...but if you're dealing regularly with her and this is grating on your nerves, you probably should raise the issue with her in private. 1
basil67 Posted May 5, 2021 Posted May 5, 2021 I see those terms as affectionate rather than diminutive/condescending. So if this is the worst she does, I'd let it go. Also consider that if you do raise it, you'll probably come off as looking petty. 1
Author MsJayne Posted May 5, 2021 Author Posted May 5, 2021 28 minutes ago, basil67 said: I see those terms as affectionate rather than diminutive/condescending. So if this is the worst she does, I'd let it go. Also consider that if you do raise it, you'll probably come off as looking petty. Yes, this is why I've not said anything. There's one other woman in the social group who she never refers to this way, always calls J by her name, so I'm thinking maybe J said something. Maybe that's why they seem to pussyfoot around each other Also, it's not the worst she does, she a prying gossip so maybe I should worry more about that
basil67 Posted May 5, 2021 Posted May 5, 2021 A prying gossip is certainly worse! I suspect she calls the other friend by name because she's less comfortable with her, whereas she's comfortable with you and so drops into casual speech.
glows Posted May 6, 2021 Posted May 6, 2021 (edited) I'm sure people have commented on it over the years if she does it with everyone or others. It's not as if she's unaware of what she's doing. I wouldn't bring it up if it's a universal greeting she uses with others. If you feel you are being singled out or her behaviour is different towards you in relation to others, I would say something. Otherwise, just ignore it. That's who she is. And it probably sounds rude and condescending to you because she's a gossip and not necessarily a real "darl" or "sweety". Edited May 6, 2021 by glows
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