Why did he end it so suddenly?

[Greentoed]

I'm new here but hope I'm using this forum in the right away 🙂

I met this cute funny attractive guy on tinder and we hit it off yesterday. Our texting conversations were great, both had same energy. 1st date was fantastic, he kept laughing at lots of things I said, from then on we dated for  just under 3 months. I'd stay over his or he'd stay over mine one night a week, would do fun dates (as fun as a pandemic in Manchester can allow), lot's of sex, lot's of laughs, his parents couldn't wait to meet me as they had heard a lot about me from him, he was so affectionate towards me, not in a cliche man wants sex making moves way, but that he was so caring of me, really thoughtful. One time he opened up about his depression and takes tablets for it, he said he was doing really well. It felt like the trust was building between us.

A week before the break up we agreed to be exclusive with no quarms from either side, he told me he actually paused his tinder 1 month in to us dating, which he then showed me. We were still having fun, sex, dates, talking everyday. Then Friday comes round. He has it off work so goes to visit his uncle. He's posting on the Snapchat stories thing about all the stuff he's doing - him and his uncle went on a road trip to these ruins just outside of Manchester. But he didn't text me once. I wasn't needing him to text, but for the first time in our dating life together, he only texted me twice in one day. One was in the morning and wished me a great day, the other way "hey can i call tonight?"

That Friday night he called and ended things with me. I was so surprised because he was not distant at all until earlier that same day. Literally nothing had changed in his behaviour for just under 3 months that we were together. He said he no longer saw a future with me and that he didn't see us going anywhere. He literally acted like he was in love with me everyday because of how affectionate he was. So on the end of the call we said our goodbyes and wished each other luck with the future.

We texted two days, out of habit, just a few each other about how our day was going. Then he said the the texting didn't help and blocked me. That hurt me but at the same time I got it. A week passed where we didn't chat at all. Then I had a few post-work evening drinks. I came back home in that state where you were feeling tipsy but now feeling all loving. So what did I do? I sent him a 3 minute voice note on Snapchat. I was honest with him (not in an aggressive way or an over-the-top way or needy, just honest about how i felt), I told him that I still didn't get how he ended it without showing any inkling of losing interest. I told him that he was an amazing man and I felt we really clicked together. I said it'd be great if we can talk sometime but I get it if you don't speak to me again after blocking my texts. He opened it instantly, saw he listened to it, then blocked me on there as well.

It's been a few days now since then and while I've actually coped really well, I can't get my head around how he could end it so suddenly? Yes I know he may have been thinking of it for a while, but then he must of done an impressive performance to hide it from me because he didn't change at all in his behaviour, the was the same in how he way he spoke to me, how we spent time together, and interacted, all up until the day he ended it.

I'm not looking for ways to get him back (I can't reach out anyway as blocked) but just trying to understand why he ended it so suddenly? Any help?

FYI we are both 27 if wondering about ages and stuff. We lived 4 miles a part with great city transportation as well as cycling distance for us both, as sometimes I'd cycle to his and him to mine.

[d0nnivain]

That does seem sudden & unexplained.  Unfortunately since he won't tell you, you will never know.  

[Greentoed]

1 minute ago, d0nnivain said:

That does seem sudden & unexplained.  Unfortunately since he won't tell you, you will never know.  

What's your personal opinion on why?

What hurt originally was the suddenness and lack of explantation rather than him actually ending it.

[d0nnivain]

I don't have a personal opinion.  There is not enough info to form one.  

[Greentoed]

I feel I was taken as a fool and I hate it but it's made me feel like I didn't know him at all, that all the affection and kindness and honesty he showed me throughout the 3 months was all a performance or that he played me with how he could end it so suddenly and with nothing much of an explanation as to why ☹️

[GeorgiaPeach1]

Either you got played, he was also seeing others and found someone he likes better, or his ex came back into the picture.

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, GeorgiaPeach1 said:

Either you got played, he was also seeing others and found someone he likes better, or his ex came back into the picture.

This would be my guess as well. 

[Greentoed]

3 hours ago, GeorgiaPeach1 said:

Either you got played, he was also seeing others and found someone he likes better, or his ex came back into the picture.

While the thought did enter my mind, at the same time when I was over his (weekend brfore split) I over heard him and his housemate downstairs talking about me and he told them about how I make him so happy and they started teasing him that he loves me, didn't hear the rest.

I thought about it and maybe something happened with his work, family or friends, or something about his depression. He's said a few times that he struggles to communicate how he feels at times and has pushed people away before and bottled up. Feeling whatever it is, he needed me away from him.

[GeorgiaPeach1]

5 minutes ago, Greentoed said:

While the thought did enter my mind, at the same time when I was over his (weekend brfore split) I over heard him and his housemate downstairs talking about me and he told them about how I make him so happy and they started teasing him that he loves me, didn't hear the rest.

I thought about it and maybe something happened with his work, family or friends, or something about his depression. He's said a few times that he struggles to communicate how he feels at times and has pushed people away before and bottled up. Feeling whatever it is, he needed me away from him.

Do you know what happened in his previous relationship or two? It's rare, but some people cannot handle commitment and they panic. 

[spiderowl]

I'm really sorry, Greentoed, that seems like crappy behaviour.  It is bad of him not to even give you a clue that things weren't going right for him.

I doubt you have done anything wrong.  My suspicion is that he met someone else or rekindled something with someone else.  What do you know about his previous dating history?  What do you know about his friends and family?  Could he have been lying about his life and circumstances?

Whatever has happened, blocking you is a really rubbish way to behave.  He is showing his real self there, thoughtless and callous.  I don't think any decent person would do that unless they were feeling really pressured by the other person or had been pestered for a while after breaking up.

You can only live and learn from this.  Take time to get to know a guy, see him for months before you get too attached.  Make sure you have met friends or family before you take him at his word.  It is a shame to have to give out such warnings but some people do lie.  He may have just lost interest but like you say, he didn't give any sign of it earlier.

[Sun Seeker]

Only he knows the reason, but when he told you he takes tablets for depression, that should have been a big red flag. Don't date people who are not ready for a relationship. Plenty of men out there who don't need tablets to be happy with their life.

[kendahke]

On 5/6/2021 at 10:24 AM, Greentoed said:

What's your personal opinion on why?

My guess: his uncle said something to him that threw cold water on your new relationship.

Or

The other chick he was really trying to get with on Tinder green-lighted him and he stopped love-bombing you and vaporized.

(O.T.  I love Manchester! Was there around this time 5 years ago)

[Lisa_Lisa]

On 5/6/2021 at 9:47 AM, Greentoed said:

I'm new here but hope I'm using this forum in the right away 🙂

I met this cute funny attractive guy on tinder and we hit it off yesterday. Our texting conversations were great, both had same energy. 1st date was fantastic, he kept laughing at lots of things I said, from then on we dated for  just under 3 months. I'd stay over his or he'd stay over mine one night a week, would do fun dates (as fun as a pandemic in Manchester can allow), lot's of sex, lot's of laughs, his parents couldn't wait to meet me as they had heard a lot about me from him, he was so affectionate towards me, not in a cliche man wants sex making moves way, but that he was so caring of me, really thoughtful. One time he opened up about his depression and takes tablets for it, he said he was doing really well. It felt like the trust was building between us.

A week before the break up we agreed to be exclusive with no quarms from either side, he told me he actually paused his tinder 1 month in to us dating, which he then showed me. We were still having fun, sex, dates, talking everyday. Then Friday comes round. He has it off work so goes to visit his uncle. He's posting on the Snapchat stories thing about all the stuff he's doing - him and his uncle went on a road trip to these ruins just outside of Manchester. But he didn't text me once. I wasn't needing him to text, but for the first time in our dating life together, he only texted me twice in one day. One was in the morning and wished me a great day, the other way "hey can i call tonight?"

That Friday night he called and ended things with me. I was so surprised because he was not distant at all until earlier that same day. Literally nothing had changed in his behaviour for just under 3 months that we were together. He said he no longer saw a future with me and that he didn't see us going anywhere. He literally acted like he was in love with me everyday because of how affectionate he was. So on the end of the call we said our goodbyes and wished each other luck with the future.

We texted two days, out of habit, just a few each other about how our day was going. Then he said the the texting didn't help and blocked me. That hurt me but at the same time I got it. A week passed where we didn't chat at all. Then I had a few post-work evening drinks. I came back home in that state where you were feeling tipsy but now feeling all loving. So what did I do? I sent him a 3 minute voice note on Snapchat. I was honest with him (not in an aggressive way or an over-the-top way or needy, just honest about how i felt), I told him that I still didn't get how he ended it without showing any inkling of losing interest. I told him that he was an amazing man and I felt we really clicked together. I said it'd be great if we can talk sometime but I get it if you don't speak to me again after blocking my texts. He opened it instantly, saw he listened to it, then blocked me on there as well.

It's been a few days now since then and while I've actually coped really well, I can't get my head around how he could end it so suddenly? Yes I know he may have been thinking of it for a while, but then he must of done an impressive performance to hide it from me because he didn't change at all in his behaviour, the was the same in how he way he spoke to me, how we spent time together, and interacted, all up until the day he ended it.

I'm not looking for ways to get him back (I can't reach out anyway as blocked) but just trying to understand why he ended it so suddenly? Any help?

FYI we are both 27 if wondering about ages and stuff. We lived 4 miles a part with great city transportation as well as cycling distance for us both, as sometimes I'd cycle to his and him to mine.

This seems pretty clear for me. A man who does not see a future with you will dump you or stay with you, but treat you bad. I think this was as honest an answer as you can get. It could be for a million different reasons, but to pinpoint one won't make him change his mind. Getting into a relationship is a risk, and it's a risk you took and you shouldn't be ashamed about that. These things happen. I'm not sure what you could have done differently because when you click with someone the good love vibes take over and you go with the flow. Some people might say you need to pace it out a bit more: too much, too soon. You can try that in the future, a date once a week and consistent communication in between. I think when a guy gets everything at once, it might overwhelm him. 

[Greentoed]

Hi all,

Been a week since I've been on here last, little over 3 weeks since the break up so Monday I tried try something different and downloaded Bumble. Matched with this guy the same day and we got chatting, ended up having a date yesterday. Unfortunately I didn't feel any click with him at all, we had good convos but there was no 'excitement', decided not to see him again. The failed date made me think about my ex (because of how amazing the first date I had with my ex was, he was like a puppy in love with a toy haha).

This morning I decided to have look on bumble again and see who's about, guess who I see, my ex's profile, with the 'new' tag to it, meaning he had just signed up to it a couple days ago. At least I know that he didn't end things with me to be with another girl that was in the picture.

I know I'll never get it unless me and him start talking again, but wish I knew what was going on in his head when he decided to end it, because like waht the other posters said, it was rubbish of him to end it without a single inclination that he wasn't feeling it. Feel like I'm back to step 1.5.

Edited May 13, 2021 by Greentoed

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Greentoed said:

I know I'll never get it unless me and him start talking again, but wish I knew what was going on in his head when he decided to end it, 

Unfortunately, at 10 weeks dating the novelty can wear of particularly in a too much too soon situation like that.

You'll never get a real answer from him. It sounds like he swept you off your feet so that's what you were both after at the time.

Simply delete and block him from all your social media and messaging apps.

Even though this bumble date was not as exciting and whirlwind as you wish, just keep talking to and meeting men.

Next time slow your roll so you can avoid too much too soon as well as overinvesting and overinvolvement.

Pacing yourself helps you avoid the sizzle and fizzle, crash and burn scenarios.

[Maldives]

It looks like that trip away with his uncle had something to do with it that's when he pulled away that's the only conclusion I can draw without crayons lol. Jokes aside sorry to hear you went thru this I been thru something similar and only felt it resolved three yrs after we broke up (together 6 mths) when I wrote her a Xmas card and told her how I really felt she called two days later I never returned her call. Just the act of telling her how I really felt about her had helped me finally move on from her and I didn't feel I wanted to return the call. A few weeks later I met my future wife which also didn't work out lol and ended 8 yrs later haha 

Edited May 22, 2021 by Goodguy05

[Miss Spider]

I’m always accused of ending it suddenly or seemingly out of nowhere and I think the thing you got to remember is that not all people who aren’t that into it are going to be a D to you or feel the need to be distant /rude before ending it. Some people hate hurting others so they’d rather just rip that bandaid fast. I think especially with his depression, he maybe learned to put up a front a lot so it’s like second nature. For me, I’m not about drama, so I’m always friend /pleasant to people I’m with. I don’t DISLIKE them, so why would I be? That doesn’t mean I really like them or see a future with them. Could be someone else I don’t want to date anyone anymore or want to date someone else. So just remember that it may seem out of nowhere but it’s probably been in the back of their mind for a while, they just didn’t want to be a D or anything 

Edited May 22, 2021 by Cookiesandough