When do you know it's time to go back to dating?

[Cookiesandough]

I understand, poppy. But there are moments that I wouldn’t feel the need to do it( a lot of them) had it not been for people and having to do it to keep with social norm/etiquette. And I feel better for it. I’m surprised there’s disagreement with this. We don’t live in a bubble. Humans are social creatures. We need others to regulate our nervous systems. A lot of who we are we get/learn from other people. So I basically I’m saying that I do it because it makes me feel good yea,  but that isn’t mutually exclusive with it being something I feel is a reflection of myself in relation to the world around me ( because I “care” what others think)and as a matter of fact, if people didn’t exist I probably wouldn’t feel as good about it in some respects to the point I might not do it at all.. 

Edited May 16, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[Cookiesandough]

I guess what I meant by we need people is that I don’t see desiring the approval of others (in whatever capacity) as necessarily bad. I think it’s actually quite healthy. I think it’s when you seek it too much or can’t ever be happy without it that problems occur. Even like, hardcore Buddhists that believe in negating the “ego” to a large extent still believe in empowering yourself through “cause and effect” . When you walk into a date dressed up & looking good,, the effect is noticeable because of how others react to that and just idgaf might get you somewhere I’m sure, maybe somewhere comfortable for you, but I don’t think it’s necessarily the best place. Jmo 

 

 

So yea, gaeta, wear that lipstick, bat those lashes, and snatch a man haha 

[poppyfields]

40 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

I understand, poppy. But there are moments that I wouldn’t feel the need to do it( a lot of them) had it not been for people and having to do it to keep with social norm/etiquette. And I feel better for it. I’m surprised there’s disagreement with this. We don’t live in a bubble. Humans are social creatures. We need others to regulate our nervous systems. A lot of who we are we get/learn from other people. So I basically I’m saying that I do it because it makes me feel good yea,  but that isn’t mutually exclusive with it being something I feel is a reflection of myself in relation to the world around me ( because I “care” what others think)and as a matter of fact, if people didn’t exist I probably wouldn’t feel as good about it in some respects to the point I might not do it at all.. 

I wasn't judging you cookies, I understand exactly where you're coming from..  I promise. 

I care what others think too on some level, it's human!  

But mostly it's for me, like even when alone at home, I look presentable.  Not sure why, just makes me feel better. 

I'm very natural looking so don't need tons of makeup but my hair is always clean and looks nice, and if someone called last minute to get together, it would only take a few minutes to be ready.  

Tbh, I don't need or even enjoy compliments that much, it's all so contrived to me...  jmo. 

I know it sounds weird but I self-maintain for myself mostly, I take personal pride in that.  And the result is higher confidence and self-esteem, it's internal validation versus external.

But that said, I do understand where you're coming from too.  

 

Edited May 16, 2021 by poppyfields

[Cookiesandough]

I don’t wear makeup a lot at home lol sometimes when I even go out.., lately especially with the covid thing & the masks. I don’t think it’s fake to wear it or anything , I think it really is normal to wear makeup in public and esp in a professional like setting or a first date, the effort to look polished is appreciated,and it can emphasize your best features...I get that.., but honestly, sometimes I can’t stand having the crap on my face xD & also sometimes I do just not brush my hair, tie it up , with some sweatpants and an old tshirt. But there are settings I know that’s not appropriate or net me best results . 

Edited May 16, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[poppyfields]

Lol, I wear makeup cookies, very minimal though.... some blush and tinted gloss, and mascara when I go out. 

So I'm not one of those hard core anti-makeup people, lol, it's a preference, I prefer more natural, it's just my own personal style...

It's never been an issue in any type of environment...

Keep in mind, I'm in southern cali, where physical fitness rules (I'm a huge yoga and pilates fanatic) where folks prefer more natural and casual.

Anyway, getting off topic here. 

I understand where you're coming from, you're a beautiful girl (sorry woman, lol ) inside and out, whatever works for you, keep doing it!  

 

Edited May 16, 2021 by poppyfields

[Cookiesandough]

Thanks 🙏 you’re beautiful too, poppy. Inside & out. 
 

Another example is sexy lingerie I’ve worn for my bf’s... or like dressing up.. sometimes very intricate with garter belts etc not exactly comfortable. But yeah I feel sexy in them... but it’s relative to what my bf thought... like the fact he found me sexy in them made me feel sexy.. weird. And just the fact I know he approved . I’d pick out things that I knew that specific bf was into. Like one dude was really into nylon black hose or fishnets nothing underneath lol

—

 I don’t wear makeup much at home, it’s not even good for skin really, but sometimes I would if I wanted a “pick me up” I’ll do it. Even  then, it’s like, I know it’s relative to people (even if an abstract way ).  Why would it matter my eyelashes need more darkness and length with mascara if I had nothing to compare to?

 

 But society kind of slams us with these images of what we ought to be., sometimes professional women get told they look “tired” if they go a day without makeup. It’s all kinds of crap, but that’s another story... there is an unhealthy obsession with approval.

 

 But generally, I think it’s totally normal to seek approval from others to some extent, and to feel bad when we aren’t,  because without it, well, it would be hard to survive. Also that’s how we even learn who we are/what we do/ etc -others. ;behavioral psych 101 type of thing.  

Edited May 16, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[poppyfields]

10 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

Another example is sexy lingerie I’ve worn for my bf’s... or like dressing up.. sometimes very intricate with garter belts etc and yeah I feel sexy in them... but it’s relative to what my bf thought... like the fact he found me sexy in them made me feel sexy.. weird. 

Lol, that's not weird cookies!  

But what you've just described is a whole different thing, and I'm the same.

I think most women are in that respect... 🥰

Edited May 16, 2021 by poppyfields

[Cookiesandough]

17 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Lol, that's not weird cookies!  

But what you've just described is a whole different thing, and I'm the same.

I think most women are in that respect... 🥰

No I think it actually can be applied to this topic though. If I just said “it’s not about me, I do what I want and am who I am” to be completely honest... I probably wouldn’t have work fishnets hose and mini skirt with no undies with my ex lol. I honestly would probably just wear some shorts and be comfortable. But I don’t exist in a bubble. I care what other people think, and o understand that my actions to some extent do have an effect on how others respond to me, including my partner. And know it did get me some brownie points in his mind hahah... ah he was whipped af 

 

I think the principle can be applied to a lot of things(?). But please do not get me wrong.I’m not gonna change or fake  fundamental aspects of myself or really bend over backwards for anyone. I’m not going to date a party boy ( like weezy’s example) or someone I have nothing in common with just for approval. I’m not going to negate my own needs( like being alone for long periods of time) because when I did that, I was not happy. But I do take what others want into consideration a lot, and I’m better for it. Another E.g. I was at a party yesterday and didn’t feel like socializing ( at all)  , but I forced myself to go into it with a sense of humor, tried to engage people/be charismatic and actually made friends and had a great time. Also met a guy

Edited May 16, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[d0nnivain]

Thanks for the updates.  Glad you had some fun. 

How's your mojo feeling?  Growing / returning I hope. 

[Gaeta]

6 hours ago, d0nnivain said:

How's your mojo feeling?  Growing / returning I hope. 

Right now I am a very careful dater. It's been positive in a sense that I see there are plenty of men to date, the nice weather is back, some of our restrictions will be lifted this week so yes I feel less isolated, more positive and it's a good thing. 

Looks like man No.2 will stick around for a while. He texted this morning and called tonight. He's excited to have met me and he's very verbal about it. I told him I was happy to have met him too and looking forward to seeing him again but I am not the type to get carried away at the beginning, I have to get to know him first. He seemed up for that. Next date will only be in 2 weeks, he's flying back to Calgary tomorrow for 2 weeks.