Ex drama

[shopgrl]

I have not posted on this site for quite some time but I think I need some unbiased advise again.

 

My ex and I officially broke up in October 2004. My story is on this site somewhere so I won't go in to detail again. But basically he broke up with me b/c he "loved me but wasn't in love with me" and didn't know if he wanted to marry me. And yada yada yada. Keep in mind, this was not the first time he told me those words.

 

Anyway, a few weeks after our break up he took back the words he said. So over the past year he has been periodically trying to come back into my life. There's been times where we would hang out and other times where I would refuse to answer his calls. He usually comes on strong about every 2-3 weeks. It's very odd. It's like he will come on so strong for like 2 weeks straight then disappear for like 2 weeks only to return. I've never experienced anything like this in my life.

 

Anyway, he has suggested getting back together a few different times. He has professed his love for me and said that he cannot live without me. I have always been hesitant, said no or told him to go buy me a ring if he wants to get back together (ie...I suspect he's a commitment phobe). As recently as May he was coming on very strong and that is when he told me that he wanted to marry me but couldn't buy me a ring at that time because it wouldn't be right and that we should date first. I rejected him.

 

Now, I have dated a few different guys and I know that he has been on some dates as well. However, nothing ever worked out for either of us. But that's besides the point.

 

Anyway, in about mid August he started to come on strong again. I initially kept rejecting him as I was kinda seeing someone at the time. Eventually, things with the guy I was seeing fizzled off and my ex was right there waiting for me.

 

So about 3 weeks ago I agreed to hang out with him. At that time he told me that he wanted to marry me but wanted to hang out for a few months first and get to know each other again. He told me he wanted to get engaged in a few months but not get married until 2007. He said lots of other bull**** indicating he wanted future with me. So fast forward the past week. He began acting distant so I sensed he was running again. I guess I'm used to it by now. Finally we had a blow out on Friday night and he told me that he wasn't sure what he wanted. He said that all the talk about getting engaged, married, where we'd live and so fourth was all hypothetical. He told me that he's felt pressured ever since we started talking again because of the ring/marriage thing. WTF?????? he was the one pestering me to get back together and now he tells me this?

 

So on Saturday he calls me and I told him that it was best we cut contact because I wasn't going to play games. He was shocked, paused and then asked, "you think that" and I said "yes". That was the end of the conversation. Although, I have to admit that I had to call him yesterday about something of mine that he was supposed to have returned. I didn't speak of our previous conversation.

 

So now I'm left shocked and devestated. I feel as though we just broke up and yet we were not even dating.

 

The truth is that I do still love this a**h***. And the sick thing is that I do want to be with him. I was doing so good until recently. I had full control and then somehow, sometime over the past few months he sucked me in again. I do want to get married someday but the truth is that I don't want him to buy me a ring now and the only reason I have been telling him to do so is because I need to know that he is serious about working on us and that he is not a commitment phobe.

 

So I don't even know where he and I stand right now and I hate not knowing. I'm guessing the best thing to do is cut contact completely. But a part of me feels like he needs to know that I don't want to marry him and I don't want a ring from him.

 

By the way, he is 35, I am 27 and we dated for 3 years. Shouldn't he know by now anyway?