Finding a naughty pen pal/sexting buddy

[RBLL]

Long story short, I've been with the same girl for 6 years. After 4 years, my feelings grew stronger and I tried to take it to a "real relationship". She shut that down fast and said that's too much work, like a marriage. I told her that if I can't have the love story with her, then I want to experience other good lovers the way she says she has. She said to get online and start dating, and to keep her a secret for during the week. She kept saying that for 2 years and recommending more dating sites to try. After 2 years, I finally met someone and we hit it off. Everything was so good with the new girl, sexually and otherwise. Then the first girl didn't like it, said she loves me very much and told me not to be naughty like that any more. I agreed, since I never want to hurt her or anyone else. But she's not into the kind of erotic fun I discovered with the new girl. She just wants same old vanilla and doesn't want to be a big part of my sex life, exploring, desires, fantasies etc...

So I'm thinking I would like to find a site with naughty pen pals in similar situations to fill in that part of my life. Does anyone know of web sites like that?

Thanks for any input!

[BaileyB]

Sorry, I’m trying to understand why you didn’t ditch the bossy and controlling girlfriend who told you that she didn’t want a relationship with you because it was too much work for the new girl who you really hit it off with and everything was so good? 

Seriously, I think you made the wrong choice. Don’t stay with women who tell you they don’t want to be in a relationship with you and then tell you that you can’t date other people because they are jealous. That’s not a good woman. 

[chillii]

Yep bloody good advice for you right there op , do yourself a favor and listen to it.

[elaine567]

I guess the "I'm not bothered, go find another girl" was not "permission", but was a test, which you failed.
You now want to go looking for more "fun" elsewhere which will also go down like a lead balloon.

If she is a vanilla kind of person and you are not, then you are sexually incompatible.
As sex seems to be important to you, it is best to stop hurting her and split up completely.
She can find a man more suited, and you can seek out all the the "fun" you need.

[Wiseman2]

5 hours ago, RBLL said:

. But she's not into the kind of erotic fun I discovered with the new girl. She just wants same old vanilla and doesn't want to be a big part of my sex life, exploring, desires, fantasies etc..

Is the new girl a sexchat/sexcam worker? Did you date this sexchat entity?

Girl one doesn't seem interested at all if she's suggesting dating apps and sexchat for you.

Why not start talking to and meeting real-life single women in person.

Forget these other two.

If you want paid sexual adventures you can research that online.

[RBLL]

elaine567, when she first said to date others while still seeing her, I thought that was goofy. She isn't interested in other guys and really does want it uncomplicated. I asked her several times if she was testing me, but she said no. She's busy and tired from her job and family stuff and said she'd never keep someone from chasing their dreams. Now she says I'm her "person" and she thought I'd have a few one night stands and decide sex isn't all that to begin with. But it is to me. Now I've discovered there are so many rides to experience together at the amusement park, but she only wants to ride the merry go round.

BaileyB, the first girl asked me the same thing, why I let the new one go.  I said because she (first girl) loves me and felt hurt. I do have codependency tendencies and don't want to hurt people's feelings. She knows that about me.

Wiseman2, she's not a sex worker, just a regular girl who got a late start with sex like I did and wants to explore.

I try hard not to be selfish. We have a history, wee help each other when we need it and we're fond of each other. My mojo is gone. Nothing interests me now. I just exist. I'd like to find a pen pal, but all I see on the internet is prison inmates wanted pen pals.  LOL

Edited May 7, 2021 by RBLL

[BaileyB]

1 hour ago, RBLL said:

I said because she (first girl) loves me and felt hurt.

How important is this going to be when six months, six years down the road you are stuck in a relationship with a woman who doesn’t want sex and you feel like you’ve missed out on life. 

I bet you are going to be wishing that you made a better decision for yourself, rather than doing what she wanted at the time. 

1 hour ago, RBLL said:

My mojo is gone. Nothing interests me now. I just exist.

It seems like you are already there...

1 hour ago, RBLL said:

I'd like to find a pen pal, but all I see on the internet is prison inmates wanted pen pals.  LOL

Your “solution” is to stay in the relationship and have an emotional affair. Some sexting? How fulfilling is that going to be? And, considering that this woman has told she won’t agree to a physical affair (as per your original solution), how do you think this is going to go down with her? 

What does it really solve, if you are staying with a woman in an unhappy relationship? 

Man, there are men on this board who are 40 years old in a similar circumstance - unhappy and unfulfilling marriages, but they are more stuck because they have two kids, a home, etc... You are young!! Sure, you have a history with this woman and she loves you - so what!! Make the hard decision now and go find a relationship that brings YOU joy because this will only get harder... 

Edited May 7, 2021 by BaileyB

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, RBLL said:

she's not a sex worker, just a regular girl who got a late start with sex like I did and wants to explore.

My mojo is gone. Nothing interests me now. I just exist.

If you are depressed, why not see a physician and therapist.?

Edited May 7, 2021 by Wiseman2

[mark clemson]

2 hours ago, RBLL said:

Now I've discovered there are so many rides to experience together at the amusement park, but she only wants to ride the merry go round.

You could consider kink sites, e.g. Fetlife.com - some folks there might be up for this sort of thing. However, kinksters tend to want/expect a lot of trust, even more so than many vanilla couples. (After all, you don't want that person who asked that you whip them hard enough to leave welts to turn around and complain you abused them.) So, many would I think look down on this unless you are being open about it with your GF.

[RBLL]

3 hours ago, BaileyB said:

How important is this going to be when six months, six years down the road you are stuck in a relationship with a woman who doesn’t want sex and you feel like you’ve missed out on life. 

I bet you are going to be wishing that you made a better decision for yourself, rather than doing what she wanted at the time. 

It seems like you are already there...

Your “solution” is to stay in the relationship and have an emotional affair. Some sexting? How fulfilling is that going to be? And, considering that this woman has told she won’t agree to a physical affair (as per your original solution), how do you think this is going to go down with her? 

What does it really solve, if you are staying with a woman in an unhappy relationship? 

Man, there are men on this board who are 40 years old in a similar circumstance - unhappy and unfulfilling marriages, but they are more stuck because they have two kids, a home, etc... You are young!! Sure, you have a history with this woman and she loves you - so what!! Make the hard decision now and go find a relationship that brings YOU joy because this will only get harder... 

I believe you are right. The codependent "people pleaser" in me doesn't want to be the bad guy or selfish. I try to be grateful for everything. I felt so young and alive before. Now I feel every one of those 62 years.  Thanks for sharing your perspective.

[RBLL]

2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

If you are depressed, why not see a physician and therapist.?

That's not a bad idea.