How should I take all these remarks from guys???

[cygny]

sorry i misunderstood when you said he was moving away in 3 weeks i assumed college. but anyway what difference does that make to what I said? did he or did he not tell you he didn't want a relationship?

 

you know, here's something to think about and be honest about with yourself and with him and with us. it sounds to me like you definitely want a relationship and would be very upset if this guy had sex with you and then hooked up with someone else. am i right? what you'd really like to hear from us is that this guy really likes you and we think it will end up being much more than FWB. just be honest. I'm not saying it won't be more, but to protect yourself and be clear about what you want and especially about what you don't want.

 

yeah and yer right this is really pages and pages long. its easy to mix up the details because its all about your emotional life and confusion.

[justagirl1121]

I don't want to get into arguments here. People don't have to read what I write, but I need to let it out in some form so it's not all bottled up tormenting me. I am not looking for someone to tell me he likes me, and I do take it with a grain of salt, because there's no way for people on this board to know for sure. Only HE will ever know for sure no matter what he might tell me and vice versa.

 

What I'm looking for is objective opinions based on the facts/situations I present. So far, EB has been pretty helpful. He doesn't seem like he's just saying stuff to say stuff. He can tell me whatever he wants (as with others) and I'll use my own judgement to take the advice or go against it and see what happens. I've taken some of the advice and it's led me (however slowly) down a different path, more to my liking.

 

I know I said he said he doesn't want a relationship, but he's also presented things that make it apparent that for some reason, he's pursuing something with me, that is crossing the platonic boundry. We could either never cross it again or we could. I don't see why there is any reason that I shouldn't still try if I've tried and have gotten this far. Maybe we need a little more communication. Maybe he just wanted to make out with someone and i was convenient. Who knows? But he's shown me a years worth of interest thru gestures, however subtle or less subtle they have been.

 

I'm not going to serously FORCE him to date me now. I'm not going to be some psychotic girl who is like "you kissed me, now you have to marry me." But I don't think I'm over reacting when I think that we should discuss this, as he wasn't just some random dude I never thought there'd be a future with, this is someone i've known for over a year who i have some feelings for, who made it apparently he has some sort of feelings towards me. I can't just let this go on like it didn't happen, mostly because I don't want it to.

 

I don't want things down the road to get weird because I have friends who thought they could be friends and it got weird and one side wanted more whle the other no longer did and now it's weird and awkward and it's affected other people in the circle of friends too and I want to avoid that at all costs.

 

Here's what happened yesterday while I was at work. We had originally made some not so confirmed/detailed plans about getting together this weekend because I thought, at least, and he seemed to agree, that we should do this to figure this out. We agreed that he'd call me. Well, he did call me yesterday evening and we talked for like half an hour. And it wasn't weird, it was just like it always is...but is that a good thing or a bad thing? A good thing that we can be friends and not make it awkward, but bad because that means we wont cross any more boundaries? Just because it isn't weird now, doesn't mean it couldn't get weird. I mean, does this mean he doesn't want to go on, even tho we did kind of leave it in the air that we'd see where it led. He is the one that brought up that we did need to talk it out b/c when we hang out neither of us are going to know how to behave around each other and that'll be awkward. But we made no mention of getting together...I think I would have brought it up before the end of the call, but then the call got disconnected and we didnt talk again. Maybe his phone died, I don't know, but he didn't call back and I was at work, and I had finish some things up there, so i dont know where i stand still.

 

He had said he was off, and now he's working today like a 12 hr shift. He said he had to swap cause his coworker had to take his grandfather to chemo, so how can you say no to that? Tho, that doesn't necessarily mean that's an excuse that he's too busy to do anything because we never suggested doing anything during the DAY on friday...tho it was open that we were both OFF on friday...

 

Anyway, I don't really want to do anything today/night because I have stuff to do in a little bit and have to work tomorrow morning.

 

I don't want to let this go though and just like ignore the fact that we WERE supposed to do something and not avoid it.

 

So, my plan is to call him Sunday evening after the Steeler game and bring it up, that I don't want to seem psychotic or pushy, or clingy, or appear that I'm over reacting to this, but the fact that he's a friend and this happened is not the same as meeting up with someone I don't really know, and then not expect anything.

 

EB you say not to tell him I like him because I am the prize. But I don't want to wait for him and go like 2-4 weeks either. I want to get this more resolved. I mean, how is HE going to know either if *I* don't say anything. So, on Sunday, I think I'll mention, it's okay we didn't get together, but I don't want it to get wierd down the road, so shouldn't we maybe go for a drink or something on like wednesday and discuss this a bit more. Not discuss it to death, but figure out where we stand? If we hang out with other friends, me and him are going to feel weird and our friends will probably notice something is weird.

 

I don't know how to be straight forward with him, I don't want to be like my feelings have changed for you now, because they haven't exactly...the difference now is I liked what happened, and now I know there is at least alittle something on his end...and that my chances are slightly more in my favor than they were before.

 

But I want him to know I don't necessarily expect a ton, if he's not sure, but that you don't know unless you give it a try. I'm not needy. I have my own life, my own responsibilities, my own friends, my own time. Just like he does. But I want to be closer to him than I am now.

 

That's about all I can think of, or all that you can probably stand, to hear right now.

[elijahBailey]

Hey girl, I dig everythin' that ya said and what yer thinkin' of ....

 

But, for me... <bringin' it up and discussin' it> or <tryin' to have it resolved> is really somethin' that I wouldn't do. Maybe it's gotta do with my character, I dunno.... but for me, I prefer things to be handled more subtlely. Contrary to what you might think, I think what yer tryin' to do sounds a tad too desperate and needy, despite the fact that yer cool if things don't work out.

 

You made me think a little bit, but I think a few points should be noted here.

 

. most people who are still tentative about where a relationship is headed would prefer that their <emotional space> not be intruded upon at the early stages. As long as it's not discussed, there's still a <comfort zone> where either party knows they can bolt at any time should things not work out. I think that's important because it eliminates any pressure on either side.

 

. but once you lay things out on the table, both sides are 'forced' to discuss the issue at hand. And, for some people (like me), when I've not resolved my feelings (and it's got nothin' to do with the girl), forcing me to discuss it ain't gonna produce no results. I'll feel pressured and the original 'mystery' that I have for the girl would've disappeared.

 

Then, again, it may be just me, but I dunno....

 

.... and uhm, I didn't say ....

not to tell him I like him because I am the prize.

 

but I did say ...

Don't look needy, don't rush things. Remember that you're the prize, NOT him. And do NOT give him the impression that you're crazy about him.

 

You can't hide the fact that you like him! He already knows that But, he needs to know that yer not CRAZY about him. Because crazy = needy = deperate. You need to be control of the situation, and seeing other people while things aren't exclusive between you and him will ensure that you don't get too hung up on him too early.

 

so, yeah, time will tell

[justagirl1121]

I'm not asking you to tell me what I should do then, but I don't know what I should do then...I guess all I really want to know then...is we need to know how we should act around each other. If we hang out, is it going to be platonic, or are we going to explore things...and I don't know how to figure that out unless we discuss it, because even he said that if we get together, neither of us are going to know what to do which = him just as unsure as I am...

 

I think I should still call him tonite and see about going and having a beer or something during the week. That's why I said we should tentatively plan things for this weekend, and still nothing happened. Well, I don't think I should, I actually am going to call. I don't want to be too outright because that's not me. I am not an outspoken person who gushes their feelings. I don't know that I even have it in me. I don't want to give him a big ego as he already can get one pretty easily, but I don't want HIM to be afraid of taking any steps either.

 

But I do see what you mean. It is early to start putting eachother on the spot.

[phyrespryte]

Ok I'm probably going to sound like a cheerleader for Elijah, but yeah I don't think you need to discuss the relationship.

 

He doesn't want a relationship and for now that's all you need to know. I'm not sure what his reasons are for not wanting a relationship and I don't think that's important. What he's told you is that he can't offer you a commitment and that you're free to do what you want with whoever you want.

 

And I know that all you want right now is him, but like Elijah said you need to be in control. Don't spend too much time with him. Maybe even start to distance yourself? In a sense he's not giving you what you want so don't give him what he wants.

 

Cause this is how I see it. By him saying that he doesn't want a relationship... well basically he's saying that you can't hold him responsible for breaking your heart. Especially if things get more serious.

 

So I guess whatever you do...good luck and just remember to stay in control. Damn that sounds like such a line. I guess just remember what it is that you want. And that prizes have to be earned. Prizes don't go after the winners.

 

Man I'm full of lame sayings tonight.

 

But you get what I mean.

[elijahBailey]

Ok I'm probably going to sound like a cheerleader for Elijah, .......

 

Hey, I've always wanted a cheerleader for myself :lmao:

Can you dance ?

 

 

Maybe even start to distance yourself? In a sense he's not giving you what you want so don't give him what he wants.

 

yup, makes a lotta sense to me, phyrespryte.

 

Generally speaking, if you want someone to come get you, you don't go get him/her first. You withdraw yourself. More often than not, they'll come back to you. Why do confident people get guys/girls? Well, because they're confident, they know they don't need to push it, and, to most people, that's attractive

 

So I guess whatever you do...good luck and just remember to stay in control. Damn that sounds like such a line. I guess just remember what it is that you want. And that prizes have to be earned. Prizes don't go after the winners.

 

Agreed! Plus, I feel that a person who's not in control gives off bad vibes. And other people can feel it. So, yup, as much as possible, stay in control

[justagirl1121]

Yeah, I've decided that after I called him last night, and we talked for a few minutes, and he was like "my sister's calling. let me call you back in a few" and hten he never called back, that I am just going to leave it in his court and not talk to him anymore until he says something. It seemed to work last time...look where it got me.....so it'll either get me again or it wont...thanks!

[justagirl1121]

Interesting story.

 

My friend Shonna, she met this guy who persued her about a month ago. They hung out like 3 times, he was sending her txt msgs like "good night beautiful" and things like that. He commented how he was attracted to her and that she was smart and so on. Now, she's not a fast paced relationship girl, but she really fell for him and she slept with him....which she is mad at herself for..but even after, he continued to want her to hang out and stuff a couple times. Then it kind of stopped....and each time she got paranoid, he'd end up calling her. So, then he didnt call her for like a week. So she calledhim and asked him to lunch and he soudned all for it....but after lunch he hugged her and gave her a kiss and said it was nice to see you agian.

 

Well, no more calls, so the next night she couldnt take it anymore nad txt msged him that she gets the feeling that he's not into her like he was when they first met. and he got kind of pissed and stuff. like "you put my back up against hte wall" etc. so sunday she decided to email him. in the meantime sunday, he was txt messaging her about the football game. so she was like cool. i thought he was pissed but he's still talking to me. so later on she gets a reply to the email and basically it says something like "idont know why you thought i didnt want to talk to you. but the thing is, i like being single and i dont want a relationship right now."

 

At that point, when I heard that i was like WTF? i didnt tell shonna about what happened to me the other weekend, but i told her i was just in that same exact situation. and i have NO idea what is going on...you guys are indian givers.

 

why do you guys do this? pursue us, make the moves on us, cross that invisible line between "friends" and "more" and then take it back? in a way, it makes me feel better....but it also just pisses me off really bad....she feels really hurt, as do i...my best friend, she got that LDR and he calls her like every single night. i mean, i guess some people just get like but im still like WTF?

 

i haven't heard from scott at all except on sunday i also got a "GO STEELERS!!!" txt...but he probably sent it to everyone in contacts...but i didn't respond. this girl he hated that we work with, her little sister just had a kid...so i reallllllly wanted to txt him with something like "so heather's sister just had a kid.....you just can't get enough of those Trouts can you? ;p" but i didn't. so should i still wait? i mean is he regretting what he did and closing off contact or what? i wanna know where this is goin...i mean i need some IDEA of sorts....

[phyrespryte]

Hey, I've always wanted a cheerleader for myself

Can you dance ?

 

 

I can do the bunny hop...does that count? :bunny:

 

 

Justagirl...

 

I don't really think there is anything to do. Just let it be. It isn't worth the stress. I'm sorry about your best friend. But your situation is different b/c you didn't sleep with Scott. You let him know that you weren't down with being a booty call.

 

So what do you do now... join myspace and be my friend!

 

muhahahaha

 

i'm in an odd mood right now. Honestly what else is there to do? Scott is well...blah. Have fun with life. Go out. Date.

Scott's not a jerk. He's just not fabulous. You can find someone fabulous. I know you can.

 

Oh and congrats on the job!

[justagirl1121]

ok somehow i never saw your last post; i think i actually forgot about this thread (stop your groaning ;p)

 

so no word for the past 3 weeks. im quite hurt and pissed off. shonna doesnt really know much of it, at least not the last gettogether, but she seemed like it wasnt any big deal. anyway, since he IS (or was i dont know) a friend, not orignally 'bf' material, i will give him a call maybe fri or sat. but this phone call, whether or not he answers, is go ing to be a 'hey wahts up. i havent heard from you in like a month. just feel like your ignoring me. blah blah' basically like wtf is your deal man?" hey maybe i shouldnt do it but he's not talking to me anyway so what can it hurt?

 

Anyway, interesting development today. I'm not sure what it was but it was a little odd!!! I've been in this new job training for 1 wk and 3 days. there are 28 of us, and only like 5 are guys. they all sit in the back row like jr. highers cause us girls have cooties i guess. they're all really nice and i know their names, but that's about it.

 

well, yesterday, this guy anthony and someone else were getting their food out of the fridge for dinner (i dont say lunch b/c i work 3 to 11:30 and "dinner" is at like 7:15). and his was behind my bag of banquet mac and cheese (yeah yum) and i guess however it was in hte fridge, the box sorta came out of the bag. i happened to just come when he pulled his bag out and mostly joking i was like 'hey that was mine!" and he was like oh sorry, that was yours? i kept knocking that over all day when i went to gt my snacks' yeah maybe he should have put it in the bag but whatever...anyway, i guess he felt bad. he said sorry again and i was like thats okay, i'll forgive you this time.

 

well we're all up in the break room and i put my stuff in hte microwave for a few min and went and sat down at one of the tables with some other people. and i guess i got sidetracked and didnt go get my food asap and next thing i know, he's bringing it over to me!!!! like that was awefully nice, but also a little strange...mostly b/c no one acts like that towards me and also b/c i really dont know the dude.

 

anyway, today i was walking down the hall before work started and he's like hey whats your name? and he gives me this $5 gift card for the cafe b/c he felt bad!!!! now he didnt really knock my food over or anything. it was just a tv dinner he bumped and i was joking and giving him a hard time. i was like why did you do that/you didnt have to, etc. so i was like wow thanks so much.....now im a little uncomfortable around him!!!

 

now i dont know if he maybe has a little thing for me or is just a really nice guy. i'm inclined to think the latter...however, dudes usually get a thing for me in all the wrong places (like a coworker from the same dept...i'd really like to stay away from any non platonic relationships in the work place, so it would of course figure if the earlier were true) GAH. i must have some special spark with this company or something b/c never before, never before.