Is my ex still in love with me?

[Happy727]

My ex boyfriend constantly tells my best friend he’s still in love with me. We dated 10 years ago. He’s in a very long term relationship (9 years). He does not have any contact with me. He is not married or engaged. I messaged him to tell him it’s inappropriate for him to say that. I still care for him. He’s not trying to have two women, because he will have absolutely no contact with me. I’m so confused.

Edited May 8, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
edit title to reflect topic

[Sun Seeker]

What are you confused about? And why is your best friend talking to your ex?

It's not up to you to tell him what is inappropriate to say. He can say what he wants. You have the choice and power to ignore it and carry on with life.

Oh and next time put a proper thread title.

[Blind-Sided]

It's normal. BUT... it doesn't mean he wants to get back together with you.  It's hard to stop loving someone... unless they are cruel, and purposely hurtful.

There was a girl I dated 25 years ago.  We dated for +5 years... and I worked for her dad's company.  I thought this was the girl I was going to marry. One day, she broke up with me for some BS reasons. Later I found out she was cheating on me, and decided to date (and eventually marry) the other guy.   I still love her, but she hurt me, and I could never trust her... so I would NEVER want to get back together with her.   But I now talk with her brother, and her dad once in a while (on social media) because I was close to her family. 

For you to contact your ex was VERY inappropriate !!   That kind of makes you the "Crazy ex GF".   You have no right to tell him how to feel.  AND... not to mention... you don't know if your "Friend" is just out to cause drama... and you don't know the context the conversation had.   If someone was to ask me about the girl above... I would say I loved her still.... but like I said... I have ZERO intentions of ever contacting her again. 

So... if it bothers you... talk to your friend, and either tell her to stop talking with your ex... or stop telling you about it. 

[Happy727]

Blind sided, thank you so much for you input. We (me, the ex, and my best friend are all in the same aviation company together, my ex was good friends with my best friend before we even became friends) to put things in context. The only reason I contacted him was because he told multiple people about his feelings and I don’t know, it just made me feel weird especially with him having a girlfriend.

[d0nnivain]

I feel bad for his GF.  

Do you still harbor feelings for this EX?  It seems to me like you might.  Otherwise you would not have given his ill-advised disclosure a 2nd thought.  

[Happy727]

@donnivain, I feel bad for her too, that’s why I told him it was inappropriate. She’s a nice girl and doesn’t deserve him doing that. I still do have feelings for him. But I will not ruin their relationship in the process. It’s an odd situation.

[ExpatInItaly]

Unless and until he comes to you about this, and makes himself single, I would not engage it at all. 

He's not a good guy if he's going around telling other people he's in love with his ex while he's in a relationship. That's awful of him. 

[Wiseman2]

11 hours ago, Happy727 said:

My ex boyfriend constantly tells my best friend he’s still in love with me. We dated 10 years ago. He’s in a very long term relationship.

I messaged him to tell him it’s inappropriate

Agree, it's inappropriate. Are you also in a relationship? It would be best to delete and block him from all your social media and messaging apps and devices.

[Happy727]

Just now, Wiseman2 said:

Agree, it's inappropriate. Are you also in a relationship? It would be best to delete and block him from all your social media and messaging apps and devices.

Wiseman, no I am single. We are not on any social media  together, (we aren’t friends on there or any platform) it just so happens that he is very good friends with my male best friend. And he confides that info about how he feels to him. My ex is a VERY needy person. I would never hurt his gf by entertaining any of this. 

[Happy727]

10 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Unless and until he comes to you about this, and makes himself single, I would not engage it at all. 

He's not a good guy if he's going around telling other people he's in love with his ex while he's in a relationship. That's awful of him. 

Expat,  I agree 100 percent.  That is the only situation where I might consider it. And I agree. I couldn’t believe he did it, he’s usually a really nice guy. I was disappointed when I heard what he was saying. Because he is in a 10 year relationship.

[Lotsgoingon]

You don't know what that means. Sometimes people say that when they think it makes a breakup sound better to the person they're talking to.

Sometimes people say "I'm still in love with" the ex to mean that they still see good qualities in their ex. Doesn't mean that they secretly want to reconcile with the ex.

And there is truth lost in translation. Every time I've made a move based on someone telling me that someone else really liked me and wanted me to approach them, things always fell flat.

 

 

[lana-banana]

He could be in love (although after 10 years you are arguably more in love with memories/ideas than the person). He could be passive-aggressively swiping at his current girlfriend. He could be trying to find excuses to get out of his relationship. No matter what the cause, it's unquestionably horrible to do to someone. He's a cad. You have told him to stop it, which is all you can do for now, but you're right to stay as far away from this as you can.

[Happy727]

1 minute ago, lana-banana said:

He could be in love (although after 10 years you are arguably more in love with memories/ideas than the person). He could be passive-aggressively swiping at his current girlfriend. He could be trying to find excuses to get out of his relationship. No matter what the cause, it's unquestionably horrible to do to someone. He's a cad. You have told him to stop it, which is all you can do for now, but you're right to stay as far away from this as you can.

Lana, I believe this is true (about him using this to get out of the relationship) he is not married or engaged to her. He’s made it well  known that he’s unhappy. But he’s also very needy and usually needs a new person to help get him out of the old relationship.

[d0nnivain]

5 hours ago, Happy727 said:

 I still do have feelings for him.

Having feelings for someone 10 years later is not healthy.

 

3 hours ago, Happy727 said:

 I am single. 

Please say that you are not single because you have been holding out for him all this time

 

1 hour ago, Happy727 said:

I believe this is true (about him using this to get out of the relationship) he is not married or engaged to her. He’s made it well  known that he’s unhappy. But he’s also very needy and usually needs a new person to help get him out of the old relationship.

are you hoping he will monkey branch back into you?

[Alfano]

11 hours ago, Lotsgoingon said:

Sometimes people say "I'm still in love with" the ex to mean that they still see good qualities in their ex.

 

 

 

Some people say they're still in love with their ex to mean they still see good qualities in them?

Where are these people? I've never met any of them

[Wiseman2]

20 hours ago, Happy727 said:

We are not on any social media  together it just so happens that he is very good friends with my male best friend. A

So this is not direct communication? Why can't you block him on messaging apps? Why is this a "male best friend", rather than someone you could date? Why not date and find a single available BF?

[kendahke]

On 5/8/2021 at 5:18 AM, Happy727 said:

My ex boyfriend constantly tells my best friend he’s still in love with me. We dated 10 years ago. He’s in a very long term relationship (9 years). He does not have any contact with me. He is not married or engaged. I messaged him to tell him it’s inappropriate for him to say that. I still care for him. He’s not trying to have two women, because he will have absolutely no contact with me. I’m so confused.

Why is your best friend giving him an audience? Why are you contacting him if this has been over for a decade?

It sound like to me that you and your best friend don't have enough to do with your time if you're both making time for this guy who's moved on and isn't trying to get back with you.

Quote

 I believe this is true (about him using this to get out of the relationship) he is not married or engaged to her. He’s made it well  known that he’s unhappy. But he’s also very needy and usually needs a new person to help get him out of the old relationship.

But you're the old person, so he's not going to use you to get out of the relationship with the person he monkey-branched to after you.

The question for you is: is this an attractive thing for you to be seen as someone to use to pop him out of his current relationship?  Once he's back with you, he'll remember why you two aren't together and haven't been together for 10 years and will find someone even newer than the current chick to pop him out of the relationship with you. He's just taking your temperature to see if he can turn you into the wrung he's going to use to monkey-branch to the next chick.

Stop playing a hand in your own debasement. You know better.

Edited May 9, 2021 by kendahke

[ExpatInItaly]

On 5/8/2021 at 10:35 PM, Happy727 said:

I couldn’t believe he did it, he’s usually a really nice guy. I was disappointed when I heard what he was saying. Because he is in a 10 year relationship.

Why did you even respond to it, then? 

It looks like you were hoping to engage him, so I would also get really honest with yourself about your motivations there. He didn't need you to tell him that it's inappropriate. He knows this. It was unnecessary contact from you. 

Were you hoping it would open a conversation between you two?