She lives 19 kms away

[luiscasabuena]

I just got back on Tinder. And oh boy, immediately, it wasn't 24 hours after I signed up, I already got 99+ likes. Lmao.

Anyways, I found a new girl. She lives 19 kilometers away. We don't run out of conversations. She's not so pretty like most of the women I have dated but she's kinda cute and very intelligent. She's a pediatrician. And while I think she's not very beautiful, she can look gorgeous/stunning with make-up on. That she's a doctor is a huge plus... but I think our intelligence level and our looks level are kind of match, with myself slightly more good-looking.

I can imagine her looking really pretty or cute. I've seen many of her pics and I'm like, okay, she got both Chinese and Spanish traits. I also saw her family picture and yes, I think both her parents are also Tornatras (the term that refers to Spanish-Chinese-Filipino mix). I'm very particular with physical traits. I'm sorry about that... but it's because my mother is a Tornatra and we want to keep our lineage. Anyway, it's just a preference.

Anyway, my question is, should I ask to meet her up tomorrow or anytime soon? How do I ask her about it?

[d0nnivain]

Do you understand how shallow that sounds?  Good grief. 

Yes I think you should ask her to meet.  You don't actually know a person until you meet them.  Photos on apps tell you nothing.  

19 km is not far at all.  Is that other woman you were chasing about 9 hours away?  

You should not ask her to meet up tomorrow.  That is too soon.  Do reach out sooner rather than later but give her 3-4 days notice on the meet.  Say hi or swipe right or whatever it is you do on Tinder.   Start a conversation with her & then ask her to meet for coffee.  

[luiscasabuena]

^^No, this is another lady. 

Thanks for the advice, though...

We've been talking since last night. We don't run out of conversations.

[luiscasabuena]

About the looks levels and intelligence levels, I read studies where the levels of attractiveness and intelligence determine if the couple will stay long together. It was found out that couples with similar looks levels tend to be happier together and tend to stay long together.

I'm trying it this time around. Looks like it's working. 

[luiscasabuena]

Up to this moment, we're still talking non-stop. I like her already. ❤️

[d0nnivain]

No I realize this is s different lady.  My point is this one is way closer than that other one.  

You have been talking since last night & haven't run out of conversation.  You say that like it's supposed to be impressive.  It's not.  When you have been married for 20 years & still don't run out of conversation, then I'll be impressed.  

Just ask her out.  Because your picker is soooooooo specific, if she comes close to your "requirements" you best meet sooner rather than later.  I hope you can eventually see her through more loving eyes though.  What you wrote comes off as condescending like you are agreeing to belittle yourself to date someone you deem unworthy looks wise.  Think about it.  If she honestly knew you were at best lukewarm, she'd be well advised to decline your offer.  Everyone wants to be with somebody they think is the bomb who feels the same way about them.  

[luiscasabuena]

I've been pairing myself with gorgeous beauty queens and supermodels. I think it's time to come closer to my levels (sort of). I'm not very handsome, just mildly handsome/cute, although I did get the compliment "handsome" from all the beauty queens I dated. But they're much more good-looking than I.

[luiscasabuena]

1 hour ago, d0nnivain said:

No I realize this is s different lady.  My point is this one is way closer than that other one.  

You have been talking since last night & haven't run out of conversation.  You say that like it's supposed to be impressive.  It's not.  When you have been married for 20 years & still don't run out of conversation, then I'll be impressed.  

Just ask her out.  Because your picker is soooooooo specific, if she comes close to your "requirements" you best meet sooner rather than later.  I hope you can eventually see her through more loving eyes though.  What you wrote comes off as condescending like you are agreeing to belittle yourself to date someone you deem unworthy looks wise.  Think about it.  If she honestly knew you were at best lukewarm, she'd be well advised to decline your offer.  Everyone wants to be with somebody they think is the bomb who feels the same way about them.  

Can I meet her up tomorrow?

[d0nnivain]

That is entirely up to her.  

IMO asking without sufficient notice is rude.  You assume she has no life & is free to meet.  It's more respectful to give notice but with the pandemic some people don't have as much going on.  She is a doctor so heaven knows how busy she is.  

You can ask most people are not as rigid & busy as I am. 

[luiscasabuena]

Thanks! Really appreciate it.

[jspice]

There’s nothing more off- putting than a man ( or woman) who keeps referring to themselves as handsome / attractive/ whatever. 
And usually people who do are over-estimating their level of attractiveness. 
 

You’re really shallow in these threads. I hope you can have an intelligent conversation. 

[glows]

Yes, give her some notice, at least a couple of days, and see where it goes. It's positive if the conversation is flowing. I hope the first meet goes well.

 

[Gaeta]

3 hours ago, luiscasabuena said:

I also saw her family picture and yes, I think both her parents are also Tornatras (the term that refers to Spanish-Chinese-Filipino mix). I'm very particular with physical traits. I'm sorry about that... but it's because my mother is a Tornatra and we want to keep our lineage. Anyway, it's just a preference.

That's mind blowing. I had never heard before people being a mix of 3 nationality only dating other people with the same 3 mixed nationality. That's like eliminating 99.9% of women. 

[Lotsgoingon]

No, take your time. Quit texting so much ... and schedule a meetup.

And when you go meet her, get out of your head. If she passes your attraction test, good ... if you like her mind, great. 

Now pay attention to whether or not you really like her. Just because a person passes some of the demographic qualities we want doesn't meet we feel romantically in sync with them.

[Stupidkupid]

1 hour ago, Gaeta said:

That's mind blowing. I had never heard before people being a mix of 3 nationality only dating other people with the same 3 mixed nationality. That's like eliminating 99.9% of women. 

I feel like this is potentially not a bad thing

[BaileyB]

I would like to wish you well but I expect she will become less interested when she learns more about what you truly value in a relationship partner. 
 

Edited May 8, 2021 by BaileyB

[basil67]

If I knew a man wrote this about me, I would hope that he would not date me.   Or if he did, I'd hope that he told me how he really felt so that I could make the right decision for myself. 

Leave her alone.  She deserves better. 

[Envy123]

One girl wanted to date me, despite knowing the distance being over 50 miles away. 19km is no big deal at all.

[Wiseman2]

29 minutes ago, Envy123 said:

19km is no big deal at all.

Agree unless you're walking to see her.

[luiscasabuena]

On 5/8/2021 at 11:32 PM, jspice said:

There’s nothing more off- putting than a man ( or woman) who keeps referring to themselves as handsome / attractive/ whatever. 
And usually people who do are over-estimating their level of attractiveness. 
 

You’re really shallow in these threads. I hope you can have an intelligent conversation. 

You came here just to say 'hurtful' words to a person you don't even know? It seems that you don't like my threads. Good luck with the notifications then.

[luiscasabuena]

6 hours ago, Envy123 said:

One girl wanted to date me, despite knowing the distance being over 50 miles away. 19km is no big deal at all.

That's not the issue. Lol.

[jspice]

8 minutes ago, luiscasabuena said:

You came here just to say 'hurtful' words to a person you don't even know? It seems that you don't like my threads. Good luck with the notifications then.

Sorry, so you only want people to agree with your shallow ideas about women then? 🙄

Ask the lady out and show her what you wrote about her here. 

[luiscasabuena]

1 hour ago, jspice said:

Sorry, so you only want people to agree with your shallow ideas about women then? 🙄

Ask the lady out and show her what you wrote about her here. 

Huh? Agree with me? I’m not here to convince people on anything. I’m here to ask advice. 

[luiscasabuena]

We just met. She's pretty. Looking forward to more dates with her.

My only regret was that I didn't hold her hand just yet. I was scared. She's a doctor so there could be covid anywhere on her skin. I wish to see her more.

Tonight, we're going to watch Shadow and Bone at the same time though.

[d0nnivain]

4 hours ago, luiscasabuena said:

She's a doctor so there could be covid anywhere on her skin. I wish to see her more.

If you are going to date a doctor learn more about medicine.   Covid is primarily transmitted by airborne droplets.  Simple soap & water or hand sanitizer will kill the virus.  If she washed her hands before or better yet on your date, it should be fine.  Most medical professionals take great care to not transmit disease.