What I've been waiting for!...not exactly

[sublime_17]

I dated my ex for about 1 1/2 years. We had a pretty nasty break up, he fell out of love but was confused about his desicion and i became a very very nasty person becuase i was so devstated. He was also hurt, I was never myself after that. We started to try and become friends but then he announced that he had a new girlfriend, and that we could no longer speak (shes a bitch). They dated for about a year, he just recently went off to college, half way across the country. He broke up with her, he loves her but just wants to be able to have fun in college. Recently we have begun talking again we talk online every night on AIM.

 

After 2 years of crying myself to sleep everynight because I wanted him back we are finally talking and flirting with each other, I am very hopeful about this. But i dont think I should be. He started flirting with me, and bringing up stuff about how he was sorry about what happened between us. I flirted back and pretty soon we became very sexual over AIM. The majority of our conversations are about whats going on in our lives and he is a very nice person, but things quickly turn pornigraphic, when im trying to show him my emotions. For example I told him last night that I wanted to kiss him and pretty soon it turned into "I'm touching myself". We've also been sending some provacative pictures to each other.

 

We've talked about what would happen when he comes home for the holidays, and he mentioned that we would just be kissing and stuff not really do any of the things we talk about online unless we become comfortable with it.

 

So my question is, I've been given what i've always wanted. However, I dont want him to think about me only sexually, but if i tell him how i feel im afriad he'll back down and not want to talk anymore. Hes always asking me if im comfortable about what we are talking about but Im really not but I dont want it to end either. God why cant he just fall in love with me again?!? I figure that if he wanted a long distance relationship he would have stayed with the one he loved.

 

I think its great that he confides in me and tells me how his classes went. Hes not a player by any means, hell hes in his dorn everynight talking to me when he could be out partying. so what do you think is going on? Anyway to gauge if its anything more than sexual? He did ask me once if i was uncomfortable with him thinking of me in a sexual way, and i said alittle bit cus i dont like that its only a sexual thing, and he said it wasnt all sexual and that he had some feelings for me, but thats as far as that conversation went, and im afraid to bring it up again. Our relationship became completely doomed after I would ask him every 5min how he felt about me and if he loved me, so i dont want to start talking to him about that again. I'm frustrated, how can i save this relationship?

[notsohappy]

...when he gets in town, set some very STRICT parameters....NO SEX....including oral. See what his reaction is. It should let you know what his real intentions are.

 

His comments about the kissing are because he knows that you WILL be comfortable with things, and it will lead to sex.

 

Hold your ground and find out what he really is looking for.

[sublime_17]

Good Idea. Hes not really the type of guy thats out to get ass, if he wanted to he could, hes sexy as hell and in a college swarming with beautiful women. I'm assuming that he still knows what my feelings are towards him and he wouldnt do anything that would hurt me, atleast intentionally. When we stopped dating I would always try to touch him and get him in bed but he said that he wasnt going to because he didnt have those kinds of feelings for me. I dont know maybe hes just lonely. So how do I keep him interested without having to be sexual all the time. Maybe we should just not talk as mmuch, I mean we talk from the moment we wake up to when we go to bed.

 

The reason he brought up just kissing when he got back was because, I said "how about we do this in person" and he said "you would really want to have sex" and i said "I dont know maybe if it isnt awkward between us something will happen" and he was like "yeah maybe just a little making out"

 

Well I hope something good comes out of all of this!

[sanne]

there's a huge possibility this guy is just lonely and looking for comfort. he's probably looking to get some ass, contrary to what you may think. be careful, these kind of situations have a huge potential to go horribly wrong. i suggest you proceed with extreme caution if you don't want to get your feelings hurt.

[downcydeguy]

I think there's a few things goin on here. He's in a whole new world and is definitely a little lonely. Being a freshman in college is difficult at times and not everybody can adjust very quickly. I'm assuming that his ex wanted nothing to do with a long distance relationship so that's why he's not keeping in touch with her. Plus, he knows how you've longed for him so keeping in touch with you is no problem. And yes, he is looking for sex when he comes home. I promise you he's ready and willing to have sex with the first girl that gives the opportunity. It's "have my cake and eat it too".

 

You have to be open and honest with him about what you're looking for. I wish you luck.

[sublime_17]

He says he isnt lonely, and he really does love it over there. But I could see how he could be, because everyone drinks and he doesnt. He broke up with the girl because thats what they agreed to when they started dating, she is having a tough time dealing with it, she just wants to get married to him. He tries to limit contact with her because he wants her to get over him. Oh well I'll see what happens with all of this.