Luckee Posted May 10, 2021 Share Posted May 10, 2021 Its been 4 years and I dont know if my expectiations are too high or I am just in denial. I am always disappointed. I feel he hides things from me and lies. I wont say he is a horrible guy but he doesnt try to make me smile and I am happy with my life so I cant say he dont make me happy I am a firm beliver that happiness should come from within. But he wants me to be this sexy freaky girl in the bedroom when he just does the minimum. I am tired but I love him I feel like I am gonna be unhappy forever and I feel stuck and stupid. I am older so if I leave him will he find a better woman and treat her better will I be single for the rest of my life. What if I leave him and regret it I am so confused. These are the questions I ask myself because if I was talking to a gf about someone else with these problems the answer would be simple (leave) Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 10, 2021 Share Posted May 10, 2021 (edited) Do you know what you want from him, specifically? If yes, tell him. If no, figure it out, then tell him. The conversation goes like this: You want sexy freaky in the bedroom. OK but I need a few things from you too: 1. more foreplay (or whatever it is that you you need / want & aren't getting when he does the minimum) 2. More openness. We have to talk at least once per week [about whatever it is that you think he's hiding] 3. No more lies. Tell me the truth Most men will give you what you ask for if you spell it out for them. But if you say vague things like make me happy or give me more without specifying what that looks like you won't get anything. Although the lying may be an insurmountable problem. You also have to stop catastrophizing. If you break up it's not a foregone conclusion that he will get somebody better & you will be alone forever Edited May 10, 2021 by d0nnivain 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted May 10, 2021 Share Posted May 10, 2021 10 hours ago, Luckee said: If I was talking to a gf about someone else with these problems the answer would be simple (leave) There is your answer. We don't know the ins and outs of your situation but you do, and if your answer to a good friend would be to leave then be good friend to yourself. Life is far too short to put up with misery. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
understand50 Posted May 10, 2021 Share Posted May 10, 2021 Lucklee, If you want to change the outcome, first you must know you can not change the person you are with, you can only change the environment or yourself. So, think on what you can do to change this. A lot of men will do just the minimum in a relationship, and be blindsided when the woman want to leave. I think the first step is to have a long talk with your BF, and lay out what you need, and also set some goals for both of you to meet. As a couple you can overcome this, but it take work like all things in life. I wish you luck.. Link to post Share on other sites
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