SO 'jokes' about threesome, should I be concerned?

[wifemomwhoami]

A few times now recently, he's made "jokes" about having a threesome, but I don't feel like he is joking. I've tried to get him to talk about fantasies, etc. but he shies away from discussion. I feel like it could become an issue. I've been feeling like he may be a bit bored anyway, despite my always trying new stuff.

I think these so called jokes may be his way of trying to approach it. Despite being quite open to new things, bringing another person into our sex life would not be one of them.

Don't hold back. I welcome all thoughts, ideas, opinions. Thanks.

[BaileyB]

It’s a running joke in my home too. 

My guy is not serious, this I know with certainty. It’s the stuff that fantasies are made of - he knows it will never happen. He doesn’t really want it to happen. It’s just fun for him to fanaticize about occasionally.

You obviously have your doubts. Time to talk with your partner. 

[wifemomwhoami]

He says it's just a joke, but it doesn't feel like it. I'll keep what you said in mind though. Thanks for responding.

[Wiseman2]

16 minutes ago, wifemomwhoami said:

he's made "jokes" about having a threesome, but I don't feel like he is joking. I've tried to get him to talk about fantasies, etc. but he shies away from discussion.

Despite being quite open to new things, bringing another person into our sex life would not be one of them.

Ok, tell him point blank, that a threesome would never happen. Be honest about your feelings. Don't keep asking him about fantasies, if he wants to volunteer fine, but why push the conversation?

[BaileyB]

23 minutes ago, wifemomwhoami said:

I've been feeling like he may be a bit bored anyway, despite my always trying new stuff.

Is he an active participant in the “trying new stuff.”

It’s not your job to entertain the man. I appreciate that you are open minded and it is fun to try new things together. I just worry by this comment that you are trying to stand on your head to keep this guy interested. Hold tight to your own boundaries. 

[wifemomwhoami]

1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said:

if he wants to volunteer fine, but why push the conversation?

Right. I don't feel like I push. I've just asked a few times over the years.

Yeah, I guess I should just make it clear. He can still joke if he wants and if that's all it is, but it ain't happening. lol

[wifemomwhoami]

1 minute ago, BaileyB said:

Is he an active participant in the “trying new stuff.”

Oh, yes.

1 minute ago, BaileyB said:

It’s not your job to entertain the man. I appreciate that you are open minded and it is fun to try new things together. I just worry by this comment that you are trying to stand on your head to keep this guy interested. Hold tight to your own boundaries. 

True. Thank you for your concern, but it's definitely not like that. I just don't want him thinking it will go that way (with a 3 way or w/e).

[elaine567]

 Talk to him, tell him it will never happen and his "jokes" are getting tedious.

[BaileyB]

^^^ That’s good. You are not a prude or a bad wife for telling the guy that you draw the line at a threesome.
There are many other things to do for fun... 

[Stupidkupid]

 

2 hours ago, elaine567 said:

 Talk to him, tell him it will never happen and his "jokes" are getting tedious.

And further, even if it were on the table, it should be with him and another man... not another woman. See how much he likes the idea of it then.

[elaine567]

I think it is pretty disrespectful to a wife, for a husband to suggest a threesome with another woman, unless of course his wife is bi and had already expressed an interest in such a threesome.
Also even with another man, it is a bit presumptuous of him to think his wife would be accepting of having sex with another guy... or want to watch whilst he had sex with another guy....

[glows]

Let him know you're not interested. There's no point staying quiet about this and (barely) tolerating his not-so-funny jokes. 

Are there any other issues in the relationship? Why does he shy away from discussion? Does he do that with other topics also or uneasy conversations or situations? 

[dramafreezone]

11 hours ago, BaileyB said:

Is he an active participant in the “trying new stuff.”

It’s not your job to entertain the man. I appreciate that you are open minded and it is fun to try new things together. I just worry by this comment that you are trying to stand on your head to keep this guy interested. Hold tight to your own boundaries. 

Well, I disagree with this.  Both the man and the woman should make an effort to make each other happy.  That's what being in a relationship is about.  But of course it should be within the boundaries of your comfort zone.

[Mrin]

It seems this comes up with every woman I date. I have never gotten the sense that they want one (save for one). But they ask. I always answer the same. I am horrible at sharing. Whether that is sharing someone I care about or sharing myself. I don't share. Period. Never have. Never will.

That usually puts an end to it.

[prince0fgame]

Lowered attraction actually happens to all relationships.

This is not a "new" or "unique" thing to you.

My own cousin has a beautiful wife and 2 beautiful kids.

Yet when we hang out he still squawks(is that a word) at other women.

But never in a million years he would do it in front of his girl.

Tp me this is  CLEAR sign of disrespect.

Edited May 11, 2021 by prince0fgame

[LuckyM]

Well what about a virtual threesome.  From a website or a zoom scene?  Or you could suggest something so bad that he will be repelled and forget it. Use sarcasm cautiously

[Miss Spider]

“Many a word of truth is spoken in jest” 

[central]

Threesomes are great, but ONLY if everyone involved truly wants to participate.  For most people, keeping it a fantasy is the wisest course, although some won't even entertain it as a fantasy.  If you have hard limits on this - or anything else - you need to make them known and he should respect them (and same for any hard limits he has).