Why would an ex you broke up with contact you months later?

[Cookiesandough]

Hi. I’m recently single again. Today my ex who I broke up last Augustish contacted me out of the blue. He said : Hi,(me). Just saying sup. Hope you’re doing well and school is going great. You have been in my thoughts a lot the last few weeks.” 
 

We got to talking and I found out he had an accident where he’s bedridden for a couple weeks. We agreed we missed each other’s company and to keep in touch with each other. I asked when he gets better if we can maybe meet up and he said he’d like that. 

  I guess my question is if anyone has thoughts on why he contact? Do you think he’s just thought of me and how I’ve been? So The background is I wanted to be single to concentrate on myself and also because I just didn’t like him that way anymore. But I still care for him a lot and vice versa and there’s no bad blood between us 

 

. I thought maybe he is lonely from being on bed rest, but maybe this could open the door to being friends Tbh , since I broke off with my last bf , my social life is at all all -time low. Until I move from my city, I’m probably gonna have few friends. I ‘d like to be cool with him seeing as I’ve never been on good terms with any ex. Thanks. 

[ItsTheDay]

2 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

Hi. I’m recently single again. Today my ex who I broke up last Augustish contacted me out of the blue. He said : Hi,(me). Just saying sup. Hope you’re doing well and school is going great. You have been in my thoughts a lot the last few weeks.” 
 

We got to talking and I found out he had an accident where he’s bedridden for a couple weeks. We agreed we missed each other’s company and to keep in touch with each other. I asked when he gets better if we can maybe meet up and he said he’d like that. 

  I guess my question is if anyone has thoughts on why he contact? Do you think he’s just thought of me and how I’ve been? So The background is I wanted to be single to concentrate on myself and also because I just didn’t like him that way anymore. But I still care for him a lot and vice versa and there’s no bad blood between us 

 

. I thought maybe he is lonely from being on bed rest, but maybe this could open the door to being friends Tbh , since I broke off with my last bf , my social life is at all all -time low. Until I move from my city, I’m probably gonna have few friends. I ‘d like to be cool with him seeing as I’ve never been on good terms with any ex. Thanks. 

Recently single again, and you broke up with this guy back in August? How long we you with him? You originally broke up with him in August to be single and concentrate on yourself? So I take it after you broke up with your ex in August you got into another relationship, and that's why you're recently single again? Before he contacted you, have you made any contact with him since your break up? 

Anyway, I'm sure the bed rest accident has something to do with it. Maybe he's been keeping himself busy since the break up but now since he's bed resting, he has some time to do some thinking.     

[Cookiesandough]

7 minutes ago, ItsTheDay said:

Recently single again, and you broke up with this guy back in August? How long we you with him? You originally broke up with him in August to be single and concentrate on yourself? So I take it after you broke up with your ex in August you got into another relationship, and that's why you're recently single again? Before he contacted you, have you made any contact with him since your break up? 

Anyway, I'm sure the bed rest accident has something to do with it. Maybe he's been keeping himself busy since the break up but now since he's bed resting, he has some time to do some thinking.     

Thanks much. We broke in August ‘20 but and I got into a new relationship in January ‘21. I broke up with last bf for similar reasons... need to focus on self/different goals/didn’t really feel a connection anymore. Tbh, I don’t know if he contacted me up until about a month ago because I had him blocked. I felt it was best to block because he wanted to be friends initially even after we broke up but I knew he still had some feelings and I did not want to lead him on or anything likr that but late April  I unblocked a lot of people including him . It was just surprising to get the message after so many months. I  would love to be friends with him if it is possible.

Edited May 10, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[ItsTheDay]

1 minute ago, Cookiesandough said:

Thanks much. We broke in August ‘20 but and I got into a new relationship in January ‘21. I broke up with last bf for similar reasons... need to focus on self/different goals/didn’t really feel a connection anymore. Tbh, I don’t know if he contacted me up until about a month ago because I had him blocked. I felt it was best to block him because I did not want because he wanted to be friends initially even after we broke up but I knew he still had feelings and I did not want to lead him on or anything likr that but late April  I unblocked a lot of people including him . I would love to be friends with him if it is possible.

How long were you and him together for?

[Cookiesandough]

About 7 months 

2 minutes ago, ItsTheDay said:

How long were you and him together for?

 

[ItsTheDay]

14 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

About 7 months 

 

Eh, he may miss you but 7 months really isn't that long. I don't think you fully know each other, that's still early. 

[Alpacalia]

Each ex boyfriend have reached out at some point usually many years later.

But it was several years in relationship length.

Some, it's nice to exchange pleasantries and we're on good terms.

Maybe he's hoping to get back together? 

In which case, it wouldn't be fair to keep in regular contact.

What do you think?

[assertives]

46 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

Tbh, I don’t know if he contacted me up until about a month ago because I had him blocked. I felt it was best to block because he wanted to be friends initially even after we broke up but I knew he still had some feelings and I did not want to lead him on or anything likr that but late April  I unblocked a lot of people including him .

My guess is that he still have feelings and is contacting you now because he noticed that you've recently unblocked him. 

[Cookiesandough]

Thanks...I really want to try to be friends. Not sure if you guys saw the part I don’t really have friends at the moment. COVID makes it harder. You think I should just go back to not talking to them ? 7 mo not a long time, feelings fade, lots of exes are friends. I’m not saying we have to be best friends or anything. I even told them I won’t bother them or anything but I’m glad we can talk. 
 

also he couldn’t tell he’s blocked. He was just blocked on my iPhone and it doesn’t tell you you’re blocked or anything 

[Marc878]

Breadcrumb. He’s fishing. Ignore.

[flitzanu]

welcome back! did he SAY he wants to be friends?  i'd just be absolutely clear that this is platonic up front.  as i'm sure you know, most guys will just be looking for another way in by being "friends"

 

but yes, it's possible to be friends with exes, but only if he has accepted that you don't want him anymore.

[Cookiesandough]

10 minutes ago, Marc878 said:

Breadcrumb. He’s fishing. Ignore.

I never really understood what bread crumb mean. Does that just mean wants validation? Do you think he really doesn’t want to be friends?

[glows]

18 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

Thanks...I really want to try to be friends. Not sure if you guys saw the part I don’t really have friends at the moment. COVID makes it harder. You think I should just go back to not talking to them ? 7 mo not a long time, feelings fade, lots of exes are friends. I’m not saying we have to be best friends or anything. I even told them I won’t bother them or anything but I’m glad we can talk. 
 

also he couldn’t tell he’s blocked. He was just blocked on my iPhone and it doesn’t tell you you’re blocked or anything 

Maybe acquaintances.

If you're looking for genuine friendship, try other avenues. I wouldn't put too much stock into what he wants. He is an ex. Whether he stays or goes or stays and goes doesn't have to matter. 

I would not depend on him as a friend at all especially in your time of need or when you're feeling lonely. That would be a step backwards. It sounds also like you haven't been single or on your own for long. Now is a good time to start - genuinely. Without exes or extra help in that direction. Do some soul-searching.

[Marc878]

3 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

I never really understood what bread crumb mean. Does that just mean wants validation? Do you think he really doesn’t want to be friends?

Yep. Validation that he still matters. Guys are normally looking for more than friendship. 

[Cookiesandough]

30 minutes ago, flitzanu said:

welcome back! did he SAY he wants to be friends?  i'd just be absolutely clear that this is platonic up front.  as i'm sure you know, most guys will just be looking for another way in by being "friends"

 

but yes, it's possible to be friends with exes, but only if he has accepted that you don't want him anymore.

Hey flitz!! It’s so great to see you and your avatar again haha. He didn’t explicitly say he just wanted to be friends, but he never said anything romantic or about getting back together. He didn’t say wants to be friend either. 
 

also I said: “ I’ve missed you and truly wish we could be cool. I just never felt that it was my place to reach out to you “

 And he said: “We are cool.  Really miss the closeness we have. “

 

Later I said :  “Hey... thanks for reaching out. I won’t bother you and stuff, but I like that we can talk “

Him: You can bother me all you want.  I’m on bed rest for another two weeks so it’s actually welcomed lol.  I’m really glad we can talk 

Me: When you feel better maybe we could hang out sometime.

Him: I’d really love that. 

 

& everything went super platonically in our conversation.

 

The thing is I’ve only  few exes and they all do not like me very much since we broke up.:(  So it’s not like alpaca.  It’d be great to have some distant type relationship with him, if possible. Maybe someone to go do stuff with because we have some similar hobbies. But you’re right that it needs to be clear we’re both friends. I made it clear I’m not wanting a rship

 

 

 

Edited May 10, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[Wiseman2]

24 minutes ago, Marc878 said:

Breadcrumb. He’s fishing. Ignore.

Agree. Whenever an ex contacts you, it's for their own agenda. Just got dumped, in between relationships, dry spell, etc. Of course it will be presented as "Thinking about you, miss you, let's have coffee etc."

[Cookiesandough]

17 minutes ago, glows said:

Maybe acquaintances.

If you're looking for genuine friendship, try other avenues. I wouldn't put too much stock into what he wants. He is an ex. Whether he stays or goes or stays and goes doesn't have to matter. 

I would not depend on him as a friend at all especially in your time of need or when you're feeling lonely. That would be a step backwards. It sounds also like you haven't been single or on your own for long. Now is a good time to start - genuinely. Without exes or extra help in that direction. Do some soul-searching.

Thank you. Yea just acquaintances!! I’d be so grateful for that. I only have a few people that I would say that I really could use as a support system in a time of need and that would never be an ex. Just things to do with him and talk maybe once in awhile. Because we have a lot of similar hobbies. Another thing,  if I’m being 100% honest, he also has some cute acquaintances haha. Ive met female friends through him too. I just feel like still being in touch with him would open my network up quite a bit more as long as it’s clear we’re friends. I was single for many, many years prior... so I’m just dating and mingling. We were together 7 mo. Thank you again!! 

 

12 minutes ago, Marc878 said:

Yep. Validation that he still matters. Guys are normally looking for more than friendship. 

I see. thank you. Well, I’m happy to give him any validation he needs. He does matters.🫂 is that a bad thing 

Edited May 10, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[mark clemson]

5 hours ago, Cookiesandough said:

maybe this could open the door to being friends

It could, but if you think that's what he's really ultimately interested in here, well, I've got a bridge to sell you...

Edited May 10, 2021 by mark clemson

[FMW]

I don't think he's a good option for a friend, that seldom works for people who had a previous romantic relationship.  Feelings don't really change much, so just as you still only want him as a friend, he will still want you in what ever capacity he wanted you when you broke it off.  He probably hasn't been pining after you the whole time, but being out of commission for a while probably does make him think more fondly of previous relationships.  Just like you, he's probably finding his options to be fewer at the moment.  But I doubt he just wants only to be friends.     

I understand the temptation to try and connect in a platonic way, but If I remember correctly, you've tried to make friends of guys that you knew were interested in you romantically/sexually before.  So you have experience with how it usually turns out.  

If you want to pursue it, just be really clear that you have no interest in anything beyond friendship.  It doesn't take much to encourage a guy you've previously been involved with to think he's got a chance at something else.  

Do you have some old girl friends that you just kind of lost touch with that you can try to catch up with?  I love my guy friends, but I have to have boundaries with them that I don't have with my girl friends.  

[Cookiesandough]

13 minutes ago, FMW said:

I don't think he's a good option for a friend, that seldom works for people who had a previous romantic relationship.  Feelings don't really change much, so just as you still only want him as a friend, he will still want you in what ever capacity he wanted you when you broke it off.  He probably hasn't been pining after you the whole time, but being out of commission for a while probably does make him think more fondly of previous relationships.  Just like you, he's probably finding his options to be fewer at the moment.  But I doubt he just wants only to be friends.     

I understand the temptation to try and connect in a platonic way, but If I remember correctly, you've tried to make friends of guys that you knew were interested in you romantically/sexually before.  So you have experience with how it usually turns out.  

If you want to pursue it, just be really clear that you have no interest in anything beyond friendship.  It doesn't take much to encourage a guy you've previously been involved with to think he's got a chance at something else.  

Do you have some old girl friends that you just kind of lost touch with that you can try to catch up with?  I love my guy friends, but I have to have boundaries with them that I don't have with my girl friends.  

Well, that was sort of unpleasant to read, but I guess it is truthful. I agree with you, Mark, Flitz, others that most likely there might be some other agenda besides friendliness, but I really did not want that to be the case. Just speaking from my own experience, I am also a bit thirsty since I am not really going out  much or dating online, but an ex is someone you’ve already been with and the excitement/spark is gone for at least for one of you, BTDT. So why would you ever want to go back to that? Especially if the ex told you they don’t want to date you anymore or anyone? but I guess people can just be super thirsty for that kind of thing.  I did make it clear that I do not want to date them when we broke up and I’d make it clear again if need be. I really would prefer to be acquaintance for aforementioned reasons. It just sucks to think I have to ignore or block them. They’re good people and we have stuff in common..I’d love to grab a drink or something to get out of the house . 
 

Besides my few friends, I do have a couple female acquaintances who I could reach out to , but I kind of dropped of the map and women tend to not be as forgiving about some things.. I guess for obvious reasons . I can try

 

thank you 🖤

 

 

Edited May 10, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[glows]

24 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

Thank you. Yea just acquaintances!! I’d be so grateful for that. I only have a few people that I would say that I really could use as a support system in a time of need and that would never be an ex. Just things to do with him and talk maybe once in awhile. Because we have a lot of similar hobbies. Another thing,  if I’m being 100% honest, he also has some cute acquaintances haha. I just feel like still being in touch with him would open my network up quite a bit more as long as it’s clear we’re friends. I was single for many, many years prior... so I’m just dating and mingling. We were together 7 mo. Thank you again!! 

Be cautious. Having some boundaries helps. This means not dating an ex's friends or ogling/eyeing them. Add some variety also and make friends elsewhere. It's not a good idea to start enmeshing your life with this guy or make his friends your friends. Spend the time elsewhere reconnecting with yourself and others.

You don't have to ignore him but you can keep the contact limited and balance things out so that the ratio is far more of your own independence and relationships/friendships elsewhere compared to the small section that his acquaintance offers.

I strongly encourage you to make friends away from him regardless of what you choose with this ex. Try meet up groups or local associations. I just joined a local gardening enthusiasts group, for ie. Find local interest groups that suit you. It'll also force you to rethink what your interests and hobbies are and perhaps encourage you to find more ways to be involved in the community or meet others who enjoy the same things.

Don't stay stuck in this one phase due to covid or other pandemic reasons. We are all in the same boat. Keep moving forwards.

Edited May 10, 2021 by glows

[Cookiesandough]

2 minutes ago, glows said:

Be cautious. Having some boundaries helps. This means not dating an ex's friends or ogling/eyeing them. Add some variety also and make friends elsewhere. It's not a good idea to start enmeshing your life with this guy or make his friends your friends. Spend the time elsewhere reconnecting with yourself and others.

You don't have to ignore him but you can keep the contact limited and balance things out so that the ratio is far more of your own independence and relationships/friendships elsewhere compared to the small section that his acquaintance offers.

I strongly encourage you to make friends elsewhere regardless of what you choose with this ex. Try meet up groups or local associations. I just joined a local gardening enthusiasts group, for ie. Find local interest groups that suit you. It'll also force you to rethink what your interests and hobbies are and perhaps encourage you to find more ways to be involved in the community or meet others who enjoy the same things.

Don't stay stuck in this one phase due to covid or other pandemic reasons. We are all in the same boat. Keep moving forwards.

He knows A LOT of people and my city is pretty “small” as far as that goes. Like when I meet a random guy on an app, the chances of shared acquaintances is like 75%. But thanks advice heeded 

[Stromae]

I would say chances are high he wants to get back together or is hoping that’s the case

 

[Cookiesandough]

Thanks.  okay so I made a deal with myself I wouldn’t ignore him but I wouldn’t do much reaching out and awhile ago he sent me a pic of his new kitten so I’m like stuck between wanting to be a true friend if he’s lonely/give  him validation if he needs it or wants to hang out at some point : also considering a fwb like situation if he wants more and I get really thirsty. But I gotta focus on myself/my grind 

[Cookiesandough]

Also like maybe like a real friend make him a care package and leave it at his house because he’s injured at home? Or would that be too creepy?