Why would an ex you broke up with contact you months later?

[elaine567]

36 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

awhile ago he sent me a pic of his new kitten

If he is bed ridden who is looking after his kitten?

[Cookiesandough]

Quote

 

I don’t know, tbh.  It’s not a newborn or anything , he got it a couple months ago and I’m also not sure how much mobility he has but he said bedrest for the next couple weeks so I think it’d be nice to give him a carepack. I’d do it for any other friend 

[basil67]

1 hour ago, Cookiesandough said:

Also like maybe like a real friend make him a care package and leave it at his house because he’s injured at home? Or would that be too creepy? 

 

A care package is OK with a female friend because she knows you're not interested in that way.  But if a guy who's likely still holds a flame for you is given one, he'll make far more of it than you intended.  

Also, leaving it on the porch without knocking is weird/rude.  If you don't want to see him/don't want to give him the wrong idea, then don't send a care package. 

[Cookiesandough]

I think I’m just really grateful to have an ex that doesn’t think I’m devil incarnate  

[Cookiesandough]

4 minutes ago, basil67 said:

 

A care package is OK with a female friend because she knows you're not interested in that way.  But if a guy who's likely still holds a flame for you is given one, he'll make far more of it than you intended.  

Also, leaving it on the porch without knocking is weird/rude.  If you don't want to see him/don't want to give him the wrong idea, then don't send a care package. 

Hi basil. What if I sent it in the mail . Less weird? I don’t mind seeing him again/friends/hanging and know lots of people cool with their exes? I’m not romantically interested in him, though but I’d be lying if I said that over the last couple months there weren’t times I entertained just a ONS with him ( just in my mind though, I doubt I could ever do it, he had good D though ngl lol 

[flitzanu]

4 hours ago, Cookiesandough said:

Hey flitz!! It’s so great to see you and your avatar again haha. He didn’t explicitly say he just wanted to be friends, but he never said anything romantic or about getting back together. He didn’t say wants to be friend either. 
 

also I said: “ I’ve missed you and truly wish we could be cool. I just never felt that it was my place to reach out to you “

 And he said: “We are cool.  Really miss the closeness we have. “

 

Later I said :  “Hey... thanks for reaching out. I won’t bother you and stuff, but I like that we can talk “

Him: You can bother me all you want.  I’m on bed rest for another two weeks so it’s actually welcomed lol.  I’m really glad we can talk 

Me: When you feel better maybe we could hang out sometime.

Him: I’d really love that. 

 

& everything went super platonically in our conversation.

 

The thing is I’ve only  few exes and they all do not like me very much since we broke up.:(  So it’s not like alpaca.  It’d be great to have some distant type relationship with him, if possible. Maybe someone to go do stuff with because we have some similar hobbies. But you’re right that it needs to be clear we’re both friends. I made it clear I’m not wanting a rship

 

 

 

 

i mean, as you know from being on here, 99% of people tell you that you can't be friends with exes, and maybe i really am the odd exception in this, but i'm friends with almost all of my ex gfs, except for a couple that can't speak to me because they are in manipulative controlling relationships or they are just too full of bitterness.  and none of these friendships involved sex or intimacy, and usually involves me making friends with their boyfriends/husbands.  i don't necessarily talk to them every day, but i have fairly regular interactions with them (mostly social media these days) and would hang out / invite to parties / etc.

you have to sort of have that epiphany moment that you no longer feel attracted to them, or that intimacy would seem weird with them.  

from further down replies, i'd say:

no, don't leave a care package.  that's a friendly thing to do, but, i think that it would very likely be taken out of context as some gesture of secret love, especially since you just started talking again.  

and no FWB, you already know how that turns out 🤣

[dramafreezone]

5 hours ago, Marc878 said:

Breadcrumb. He’s fishing. Ignore.

She broke up with him, not the other way around.  So I don't know how "breadcrumbing" applies.

In any event OP, if you don't have any intentions of ever seeing him again romantically, tell him that.  It's the kinder thing to do instead of giving him hope, which actually would be breadcrumbing.

Edited May 10, 2021 by dramafreezone

[basil67]

3 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

Hi basil. What if I sent it in the mail . Less weird? I don’t mind seeing him again/friends/hanging and know lots of people cool with their exes? I’m not romantically interested in him, though but I’d be lying if I said that over the last couple months there weren’t times I entertained just a ONS with him ( just in my mind though, I doubt I could ever do it, he had good D though ngl lol 

Mail would be good.   

If you've got the odd fantasy about a ONS with a guy who still cares for you, then best to stay away.  Giving into temptation would be far too easy...and hurtful. 

[Alpacalia]

4 hours ago, Cookiesandough said:

Besides my few friends, I do have a couple female acquaintances who I could reach out to , but I kind of dropped of the map and women tend to not be as forgiving about some things.. I guess for obvious reasons . I can try

This sounds like a much better idea.

Maybe they will welcome your efforts.

You never know.

[FMW]

5 hours ago, Cookiesandough said:

women tend to not be as forgiving about some things.. I guess for obvious reasons . I can try

 

I would certainly try that route.  You'll probably have to make most of the effort at first, as in initiating contact and showing that you'll make yourself available to talk/meet up, but unless you did more than just disappear on them, they'll probably be happy to reconnect.  

[LivingWaterPlease]

Some people can do it. I've heard of it. I'm trying to be friends with an ex right now. But, it's not working very well.

This isn't the guy (musician) who trashed you to your friends, is it?

[Cookiesandough]

So I got blocked, ya’ll, WTF. 
 

We were texting back-and-forth all yesterday, even FaceTimed, and he sent me four consecutive text messages(quadruple text !!!) including one wishing me good morning and I didn’t answer because I was sleeping! And then when I wake up and text back,  I’m blocked, yea BLOCKED. He’s still posting on social media. That’s dirty, brah. Only thing I can figure is the meds wore off. He’s the one who reached out , then he blocks me xD whatever mane ... men. I don’t get you 

Edited May 13, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[Alpacalia]

He reached out to you and then ignored you after you responded.

This style of messaging means nothing to him, and by extension, it should mean nothing to you as well.

 

[S2B]

On 5/10/2021 at 11:29 AM, Marc878 said:

Breadcrumb. He’s fishing. Ignore.

Yep. And add lazy to the list.

he could make effort to date someone new - but he doesn’t want to make effort to start with som one new.

[Cookiesandough]

Hmpph. No girl it’s worse than ignored, I’m blocked. Because I know a trick to tell if I’m blocked. The messages do not say delivered. So he did not receive them let alone read..’cuz he blocked me. Which is uncalled for, I wasn’t bothering him, he reached out to me, I didn’t even respond to him all night lol. He’s tired. I’m sorry but when he unblocks me I’m gonna ask him exactly what that was for . I even said hi to his mom who was over taking care of him when we were FaceTiming. So rude! 

[S2B]

1 hour ago, Cookiesandough said:

Hmpph. No girl it’s worse than ignored, I’m blocked. Because I know a trick to tell if I’m blocked. The messages do not say delivered. So he did not receive them let alone read..’cuz he blocked me. Which is uncalled for, I wasn’t bothering him, he reached out to me, I didn’t even respond to him all night lol. He’s tired. I’m sorry but when he unblocks me I’m gonna ask him exactly what that was for . I even said hi to his mom who was over taking care of him when we were FaceTiming. So rude! 

Not worth even bothering with him.

why don’t you block him so he quits wasting your time?

he’s a time waster.

[Alpacalia]

6 hours ago, Cookiesandough said:

Hmpph. No girl it’s worse than ignored, I’m blocked. Because I know a trick to tell if I’m blocked. The messages do not say delivered. So he did not receive them let alone read..’cuz he blocked me. Which is uncalled for, I wasn’t bothering him, he reached out to me, I didn’t even respond to him all night lol. He’s tired. I’m sorry but when he unblocks me I’m gonna ask him exactly what that was for . I even said hi to his mom who was over taking care of him when we were FaceTiming. So rude! 

Ok, to be fair, you both blocked each other. Simply at different times.

Perhaps this is an indication that he's not in a position to exchange warm greetings and keep things friendly at this time.

That's why, particularly if you've dated, hoping to be able to sustain a purely sincere friendship a few months after a breakup is rarely a good idea and almost never possible.

[Cookiesandough]

True, but I think it’s a bit different because I blocked him because after the break up he kept reaching out  after I told him I didn’t want to be a couple anymore. 

[Alpacalia]

Understood.

Whatever his motivation, he seems to be in a conflicted place right now.

Probably best not to continue going down the rabbit hole.

[flitzanu]

maybe his possible/current/girlfriend found out and he had to erase his tracks

[Cookiesandough]

Thanks alpaca. And Flitzanu, yea, I had the thought. There was nothing to cover up, though. We were just “cool”. Just trying to be friends. But maybe she wasn’t cool with it. 
 

It’s okay, not pressed. Don’t have time to worry about it gotta stay grinding 

 

Thanks, all

Edited May 13, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[mark clemson]

Pet theory: he posted on a site like this one, expressed his feelings and the situation, and they all advised him to block you so he wouldn't become an orbiter and have trouble emotionally bonding with someone new.

I might conceivably give advice like that, although I don't think I'd specifically advise "blocking" - rather just walking away.

Anyhow, just a theory.

[Cookiesandough]

9 hours ago, mark clemson said:

Pet theory: he posted on a site like this one, expressed his feelings and the situation, and they all advised him to block you so he wouldn't become an orbiter and have trouble emotionally bonding with someone new.

I might conceivably give advice like that, although I don't think I'd specifically advise "blocking" - rather just walking away.

Anyhow, just a theory.

All good theories.... uh...

 

This is so embarrassing. So I found out today he never blocked me. I blocked him. I block people in my sleep now apparently, because I swear to god I don’t remember doing that. Unless I did it half asleep bc he texted? I dunno. I didn’t mean to.

I wrote ”why did you block me tho bro” and some other stuff like all day... up until I had the thought to check to see if he was blocked. And he was....he was like “you are not blocked.” I was like “sry” & he asked if it was meant for someone else & I was like yea phones 

https://ibb.co/QDHT6yD

Lol k this was really embarrassing but at least we’re talking again. 
 

I’m definirelu giving him the care package now 

 

Edited May 14, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[Cookiesandough]

So yea he was getting all my messages and probably responding “you’re not blocked” & “I didn’t block you” all day, but I didn’t get them bc he was blocked. I’m an idiot 

Edited May 14, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[mark clemson]

Interesting story. Ok, my new pet theory is you butt blocked him (ala butt dialing someone).

No doubt it happens...

I still think he's in it to reconnect (ie, more than "just friends"). Suggest you keep that in mind.