Threesome history

[Finchy]

I cheated on my wife with escorts for a few years.  Not justifying it, but she was sexually unavailable during that time.  I’m not exactly clear why.  Prior to her finding out about my indiscretions, she started fantasizing to me during sex (things started to improve sexually) about a threesome.  Both MFM and FFM.  Post her finding out about my cheating, she has told me she was in a threesome, possibly to indicate that she is more sexually open than I had thought.  She says it was a one time thing, and I haven’t had the opportunity to explore it more with her.  I am upset about her having had a threesome and not having told me.  And that she was previously so sexually open and experimental but with me, for 10+ years of marriage, not willing to do hardly anything.  The times I have tried to initiate sex or engage in oral sex and been denied is countless.  I want to hear about her threesome experience and have had some advice that I should find a time when I can ask her “you never told me about your experience” and to keep it positive, non judgmental, and so forth.  I am interested in a theeesome, never having experienced it myself.  And I’m a bit hurt that she has had that experience and somewhat gloatingly shared that she has had it while I have not.   But I’m also upset that she never told me about this experience before we got married, has been hiding this side of her for so long, etc. Anyways, appreciate the feedback of the community here.  

[Mrin]

Sure thing. Ok dude here. Going to give it to you straight.  

1) most people can manipulate their partner into a threesome with either persistence, cunning or malevolence. 

2) whether anything is left  of the relationship after doing so is marginal at best.

3) if you really want to get kinky and pull a threesome and have a healthy relationship afterwards, you need to make sure your woman feels so rock freaking solid about you and your relationship that she fears no third party. 

4) that means she wants for nothing. Feels totally sexually satisfied by you. 

5) a threesome is just icing on the cake. Not the cake itself. 

6) from what you said it certainly doesn't sound like she feels that way so if you continue to persist on this course of action it will not lead to good results. 

Best of luck. 

 

Mrin

[elaine567]

You are on very shaky ground here.
She will not have forgotten about your cheating, the fact you are even now having sex with her is a bonus.
Now you want to rock the boat by whining about a threesome.

Truth is people do all sorts of things sexually, they decide whether  they want to add those things to their repertoire or not.
Was it exciting, enjoyable, repeatable... ?
Was it something  that ticked an "experience" box but non-repeatable as not enjoyable or exciting...?
They move forward, they grow up... they prioritise.

Your wife had a threesome, you have never had a threesome.. big deal.
She was young free and single, YOU are now a married man, the time for sowing those wild oats is gone.
You cheated on her with escorts, your wife did not cheat on you with other men...
Thank your lucky stars.
If you pursue this, you may lose all.

Edited May 11, 2021 by elaine567

[Finchy]

11 hours ago, Mrin said:

Sure thing. Ok dude here. Going to give it to you straight.  

1) most people can manipulate their partner into a threesome with either persistence, cunning or malevolence. 

2) whether anything is left  of the relationship after doing so is marginal at best.

3) if you really want to get kinky and pull a threesome and have a healthy relationship afterwards, you need to make sure your woman feels so rock freaking solid about you and your relationship that she fears no third party. 

4) that means she wants for nothing. Feels totally sexually satisfied by you. 

5) a threesome is just icing on the cake. Not the cake itself. 

6) from what you said it certainly doesn't sound like she feels that way so if you continue to persist on this course of action it will not lead to good results. 

Best of luck. 

 

Mrin

This is very helpful.  Thank you.

[Finchy]

8 hours ago, elaine567 said:

You are on very shaky ground here.
She will not have forgotten about your cheating, the fact you are even now having sex with her is a bonus.
Now you want to rock the boat by whining about a threesome.

Truth is people do all sorts of things sexually, they decide whether  they want to add those things to their repertoire or not.
Was it exciting, enjoyable, repeatable... ?
Was it something  that ticked an "experience" box but non-repeatable as not enjoyable or exciting...?
They move forward, they grow up... they prioritise.

Your wife had a threesome, you have never had a threesome.. big deal.
She was young free and single, YOU are now a married man, the time for sowing those wild oats is gone.
You cheated on her with escorts, your wife did not cheat on you with other men...
Thank your lucky stars.
If you pursue this, you may lose all.

Well, regarding the cheating. My opinion is that my wife knows she was sexually unavailable, has understood that, and that is why we have been able to move forward.  She of course would never say that or acknowledge that, but literally 2 days after she found out we started having sex again, much better sex.

 

I don’t disagree that I’m on shaky ground, however.  And I am treading lightly and trying not to do anything that would rock the boat more.  
 

The fact that she brought up her three some in the first place to demonstrate her sexual openness is what bothers me Why didn’t she share that side of her before?  After all, I have tried to initiate a lot of pretty basic sex ideas, a far cry from a theeesome.  
 

I don’t care that she had a theeesome so much as I care that I didn’t have access to that side of her before.  But I don’t think she did it when single, I think she did it with an old boyfriend.  So with him, she was much more sexually adventurous than with me, her husband.

[Just a Guy]

Hi Finch, I think you need to address first things first. Have you and your wife ever sat down and discussed why she was denying you sex? Do you have kids? Was it possible she suffered from post part um depression after her pregnancy/s? Do you think she was having an affair of her own because of which she was cold towards you? Did you two ever try couples counselling to get to the bottom of this problem? 

I think these are the matters that you need to address before you jump into a slinging match with your wife as to why she did not confess that she had a threesome with her ex boyfriend and another guy. You need to reflect on the actual state of your marriage and whether it is strong enough to weather the storms that every marriage faces at one point or another. Your cheating has already undermined your marriage and unless the two of you, and particularly you, work to resolve the basic problem which lead you to cheat, I would think your marriage would soon be on life support. Your cheating has given your wife incentive to do so herself so you have to work overtime to heal your marriage. The basic question you have to ask yourself is do your truly love your wife? Does she love you. The answers to these questions will point to direction that you have to go now. Warm wishes.

[Finchy]

50 minutes ago, Just a Guy said:

Hi Finch, I think you need to address first things first. Have you and your wife ever sat down and discussed why she was denying you sex? Do you have kids? Was it possible she suffered from post part um depression after her pregnancy/s? Do you think she was having an affair of her own because of which she was cold towards you? Did you two ever try couples counselling to get to the bottom of this problem? 

I think these are the matters that you need to address before you jump into a slinging match with your wife as to why she did not confess that she had a threesome with her ex boyfriend and another guy. You need to reflect on the actual state of your marriage and whether it is strong enough to weather the storms that every marriage faces at one point or another. Your cheating has already undermined your marriage and unless the two of you, and particularly you, work to resolve the basic problem which lead you to cheat, I would think your marriage would soon be on life support. Your cheating has given your wife incentive to do so herself so you have to work overtime to heal your marriage. The basic question you have to ask yourself is do your truly love your wife? Does she love you. The answers to these questions will point to direction that you have to go now. Warm wishes.

Hi Just a Guy,

Thank you for your thoughtful message.  We have broached the subject of why, and she just says “I don’t know what happened.”  She recognizes that she became withdrawn herself, but no real explanation of why.  We do have kids and are in counseling.  It hasn’t been addressed there either, and she generally seems to not like to talk about sex (which is a bit irritating as to me that is the heart of the matter and it isn’t being discussed openly).  But my guess is that either she had an affair and doesn’t want to come out with it (I have asked and she has denied) or otherwise that she became so focused on her career (she is in a demanding profession) that I became a third priority, after career and kids.  So I think the reason we are moving forward is some recognition that things got to a place where we had our priorities wrong.  But I do love her, and I have actually been feeling that lately (which I haven’t for a long time) as things have started to improve.  Best regards, Finchy

[Wiseman2]

18 hours ago, Finchy said:

I cheated on my wife with escorts for a few years. I am upset about her having had a threesome and not having told me. 

Why not just open the relationship completely? That way there's no more cheating. Just everyone doing whatever they want with anyone.

[HappilyMarried]

Well she did not tell you about the threesome I also assume you did not tell her about you going outside of your marriage for sex with escorts. So in my book on that one you are even you could have told her your need and ask why no sex before you went to escorts. Things like threesomes, swinging, and open relationships almost always fail. Those that do succeed are usually older people who have been married for a number of years and have a very solid relationship with no secrets, infidelities, or major issues. Best of luck!!

[Finchy]

53 minutes ago, HappilyMarried said:

Well she did not tell you about the threesome I also assume you did not tell her about you going outside of your marriage for sex with escorts. So in my book on that one you are even you could have told her your need and ask why no sex before you went to escorts. Things like threesomes, swinging, and open relationships almost always fail. Those that do succeed are usually older people who have been married for a number of years and have a very solid relationship with no secrets, infidelities, or major issues. Best of luck!!

While seemingly true, this take doesn’t really account for the element of time. We were together for a couple years pre-marriage and for several years post marriage before the cheating with escorts began.  Whereas her previous experience was long before we were married or even met. 

[HappilyMarried]

6 minutes ago, Finchy said:

While seemingly true, this take doesn’t really account for the element of time. We were together for a couple years pre-marriage and for several years post marriage before the cheating with escorts began.  Whereas her previous experience was long before we were married or even met. 

If that is the case why do you think she should have told you anything about it you cheated while being married to her. I think most people would see a big difference. It seems you are more upset about that than what you did with the escorts. It looks like you think you guys should do a threesome now since she has already been involved in one. Well then if you think along those lines it should be fine for her to go out with male escorts then I guess to be fair all the way around.

[Finchy]

On 5/11/2021 at 4:22 AM, elaine567 said:

You are on very shaky ground here.
She will not have forgotten about your cheating, the fact you are even now having sex with her is a bonus.
Now you want to rock the boat by whining about a threesome.

Truth is people do all sorts of things sexually, they decide whether  they want to add those things to their repertoire or not.
Was it exciting, enjoyable, repeatable... ?
Was it something  that ticked an "experience" box but non-repeatable as not enjoyable or exciting...?
They move forward, they grow up... they prioritise.

Your wife had a threesome, you have never had a threesome.. big deal.
She was young free and single, YOU are now a married man, the time for sowing those wild oats is gone.
You cheated on her with escorts, your wife did not cheat on you with other men...
Thank your lucky stars.
If you pursue this, you may lose all.

I think her threesome is of significance, mainly because she had led me to believe she only had two boyfriends before we met when we had discussed these things before marriage.  Now it’s coming out that there was a lot more.  It’s almost like now that I have done what I did, she is telling me her whole story.

[Mrin]

On 5/11/2021 at 11:45 AM, Finchy said:

 

I don’t care that she had a theeesome so much as I care that I didn’t have access to that side of her before.  But I don’t think she did it when single, I think she did it with an old boyfriend.  So with him, she was much more sexually adventurous than with me, her husband.

Okay so this is something we have seen before. There is a thread somewhere on this site of a guy in a similar position (I don't think he had any infidelity though) who found some photos of his wife having a threesome before she met him. This was an undisclosed threesome and his reaction was similar to what I quoted above from you. I wish I could provide a link to the thread because you might find it helpful. Try searching for it or maybe somebody else remembers which one it was.

With that being said I'll offer you an opinion similar to the one I gave him. On the one hand I see where you are coming from and understand it. It doesn't seem fair that you, her husband, don't get to enjoy that side of her while her ex-boyfriend did. Let's just ignore your infidelity for the time being. Let's also ignore the fact that she didn't tell you previously. I personally think that no one is under any obligation to disclose their sexual history to a partner or mate unless it is germane - e.g. STDs or traumatic events that the partner or mate needs to be aware of to avoid triggering. I imagine you probably don't agree with me but let's just set that aside and focus on the "doing" not the disclosing.

I want you to consider the possibility that that kinky side of her isn't really a side. It isn't really a thing. It was just something that she tried and didn't like. Maybe she really didn't like it. Really didn't like how it made her feel. Maybe she even hates herself for doing it. Deeply regrets it. Maybe it was really traumatizing. And that kinky side of her isn't really there. Think of it like this - imagine instead of sex it was skydiving. She tried it once before she met you. Hated it or at least decided she never wanted to do it again. Never told you about it but you found out. And now you are upset that you don't get to skydive with her because hey you really want to skydive. You don't get to share a skydiving with her. It seems sort of absurd right? There is no skydiving side of her to share.

Does that make any sense?

Best of luck!

Mrin

 

 

[Finchy]

2 hours ago, Mrin said:

Okay so this is something we have seen before. There is a thread somewhere on this site of a guy in a similar position (I don't think he had any infidelity though) who found some photos of his wife having a threesome before she met him. This was an undisclosed threesome and his reaction was similar to what I quoted above from you. I wish I could provide a link to the thread because you might find it helpful. Try searching for it or maybe somebody else remembers which one it was.

With that being said I'll offer you an opinion similar to the one I gave him. On the one hand I see where you are coming from and understand it. It doesn't seem fair that you, her husband, don't get to enjoy that side of her while her ex-boyfriend did. Let's just ignore your infidelity for the time being. Let's also ignore the fact that she didn't tell you previously. I personally think that no one is under any obligation to disclose their sexual history to a partner or mate unless it is germane - e.g. STDs or traumatic events that the partner or mate needs to be aware of to avoid triggering. I imagine you probably don't agree with me but let's just set that aside and focus on the "doing" not the disclosing.

I want you to consider the possibility that that kinky side of her isn't really a side. It isn't really a thing. It was just something that she tried and didn't like. Maybe she really didn't like it. Really didn't like how it made her feel. Maybe she even hates herself for doing it. Deeply regrets it. Maybe it was really traumatizing. And that kinky side of her isn't really there. Think of it like this - imagine instead of sex it was skydiving. She tried it once before she met you. Hated it or at least decided she never wanted to do it again. Never told you about it but you found out. And now you are upset that you don't get to skydive with her because hey you really want to skydive. You don't get to share a skydiving with her. It seems sort of absurd right? There is no skydiving side of her to share.

Does that make any sense?

Best of luck!

Mrin

 

 

Mrin,

Thank you again for your thoughts.  I understand the perspective you are sharing.  And I don’t discount it, and that could definitely be the case with my wife.  Will see if I can find the thread you referenced. 

My other thought along these lines is that a lot of people try things out in their younger years, but they don’t really know how to do them right / well / in an enjoyable way.  So maybe it’s better to be open about our experiences, what went well, what was enjoyable, and what wasn’t, and how we went about it.  

So for instance let’s say I tried anal sex a long time ago, and it didn’t go well because the woman didn’t like it, we were too young to know you need lubricant and that there needs to be some warm up.  I could then live with the conclusion that anal sex is no good, or not for me, but really I just had a bad / unprepared experience, and then I am actually missing out in what could be a great experience in a future (or current) relationship.  
 

Maybe a threesome could be a similar sort of thing, ie there are bad ways to do it and good ways to go about it.  And we should talk about it.  
 

For me in my marriage, talking about sex became taboo.  And then I got into a long period of repetitively being denied  (amongst other verbal abuse), we didn’t communicate, and that eventually led to my infidelity.  
 

So I just wish we could be open about our experiences, what went well and how we can continue to improve our sex life in different ways.  

best regards,

finchy

 

 

[Mrin]

13 minutes ago, Finchy said:

So I just wish we could be open about our experiences, what went well and how we can continue to improve our sex life in different ways.  

Hmmmmm. This is a valid point. Two thoughts for you:

1. Is talking about sex completely shut off? Or expanding activities off limits? Or is it just threesomes? If it's just threesomes or any other sort of activity involving people outside of you two, then she just might not be comfortable doing that. Even discussing that. Given the infidelity that's understandable. Heck, infidelity doesn't even have to be involved. I would suspect that most women or even men would have zero interest in even discussing that sort of thing when married or in a committed relationship.

Perhaps look at other ways to spice up your sex life. BDSM etc.

2. This might be invasive so feel free to tell me to go pound sand. But how sexually fulfilled is your wife? Do you make her orgasms a priority? Do you fill your sexy time with lots of toe curling orgasms for her?

It's been my experience that almost any woman will become more adventuresome if she's feeling sexually satisfied by her partner. Doesn't mean she'll want to consider a threesome but might be interested in developing a more robust sex life with you.

Edited May 13, 2021 by Mrin

[Finchy]

8 minutes ago, Mrin said:

Hmmmmm. This is a valid point. Two thoughts for you:

1. Is talking about sex completely shut off? Or expanding activities off limits? Or is it just threesomes? If it's just threesomes or any other sort of activity involving people outside of you two, then she just might not be comfortable doing that. Even discussing that. Given the infidelity that's understandable. Heck, infidelity doesn't even have to be involved. I would suspect that most women or even men would have zero interest in even discussing that sort of thing when married or in a committed relationship.

Perhaps look at other ways to spice up your sex life. BDSM etc.

2. This might be invasive so feel free to tell me to go pound sand. But how sexually fulfilled is your wife? Do you make her orgasms a priority? Do you fill your sexy time with lots of toe curling orgasms for her?

It's been my experience that almost any woman will become more adventuresome if she's feeling sexually satisfied by her partner. Doesn't mean she'll want to consider a threesome but might be interested in developing a more robust sex life with you.

Well, at this point I’m somewhat of the opinion that I just need to give things time.  Sex has gotten better and much more frequent, I’ve seeded the idea that I’d be into a threesome (after she shared that she had had a threesome), and threesomes have made their way into fantasies during sex.  I’m not dying to have a threesome tomorrow.    I am still processing the fact that she had one and never told me about it. 
 

Talking about sex is still challenging.  But at least we have moved on from straight  missionary and have been able to try some different things.  In counseling, I have expressed my desire to improve communication regarding sex.  Basically the counselor’s recommendations were that we should check in and ask whether it is a good time to discuss and to make sure there are no distractions at the moment of discussion.  
 

Fair question re point 2, but she has an orgasm every time we have sex.  I don’t think that is / was the issue.  I think the issue in the past was hyper focus on career / deprioritizing me as mentioned above.  
 

So it seems like the main thing we need to do is get better about opening up communication on sex.

[Mrin]

16 minutes ago, Finchy said:

So it seems like the main thing we need to do is get better about opening up communication on sex.

Going to go on a gender biased segue here for a second but it has been my experience that women's receptivity to open and frank conversation about sex is extremely variable. Whereas us dudes are like, "ok I'm game" at any time other than when we are watching sports. Then, we are still pretty much game as long as we can keep an eye on the TV. LOL. 

Tossing out two things to think about: 

1. Cycle variability: Women's libido often tracks with their cycles. I knew one woman would go from pretty chaste to "let's get it on" like clockwork every month right around ovulation. So perhaps think about timing from that perspective if she's pre-menopausal. 

2. Post coital: Obviously another good time to talk sex is right after sex. Particularly good sex.  Lots of good happy brain drugs flowing around. She feels connected to you. Open to you.That same pretty chaste woman would get downright filthy. Ha!

And of course, all women are different and can be different at any given time for any reason. But I guess my point is recognize that her receptivity to talking about sex is probably variable so try to pick a better time if you can.

Best of luck!

Mrin

[Finchy]

1 hour ago, Mrin said:

Going to go on a gender biased segue here for a second but it has been my experience that women's receptivity to open and frank conversation about sex is extremely variable. Whereas us dudes are like, "ok I'm game" at any time other than when we are watching sports. Then, we are still pretty much game as long as we can keep an eye on the TV. LOL. 

Tossing out two things to think about: 

1. Cycle variability: Women's libido often tracks with their cycles. I knew one woman would go from pretty chaste to "let's get it on" like clockwork every month right around ovulation. So perhaps think about timing from that perspective if she's pre-menopausal. 

2. Post coital: Obviously another good time to talk sex is right after sex. Particularly good sex.  Lots of good happy brain drugs flowing around. She feels connected to you. Open to you.That same pretty chaste woman would get downright filthy. Ha!

And of course, all women are different and can be different at any given time for any reason. But I guess my point is recognize that her receptivity to talking about sex is probably variable so try to pick a better time if you can.

Best of luck!

Mrin

Good points.  Thanks again Mrin!

[Finchy]

On 5/13/2021 at 10:21 AM, Mrin said:

Okay so this is something we have seen before. There is a thread somewhere on this site of a guy in a similar position (I don't think he had any infidelity though) who found some photos of his wife having a threesome before she met him. This was an undisclosed threesome and his reaction was similar to what I quoted above from you. I wish I could provide a link to the thread because you might find it helpful. Try searching for it or maybe somebody else remembers which one it was.

 

 

 

I think this must be the thread you were referring to:

 

[Mrin]

8 minutes ago, Finchy said:

I think this must be the thread you were referring to:

 

Thats the one! Give it a read. Sometimes it is helpful to see someone in a similar situation but maybe with different takes or motivations. It is for me at least.  

[Finchy]

On 5/15/2021 at 6:45 PM, Mrin said:

Thats the one! Give it a read. Sometimes it is helpful to see someone in a similar situation but maybe with different takes or motivations. It is for me at least.  

This thread was excellent and relevant.  Thank you again for bringing it to my attention.  
 

A few thoughts.  
1). Talking about the threesome with my wife was immensely helpful.  To understand the context, what happened, how she wound up in that situation, etc.  Getting her to talk about it required multiple attempts, but eventually we got there.

2).  There was a sentiment in the referenced thread that there are women who are looking for a guy to settle down with after they have sown their wild oats in their younger years.  There may have been some of that happening in my marriage.  After all, we had been through years of plain boring sex once a month / quarter

3).  Unfortunately I cheated and have to live with the fact that I hurt her.  She seems willing and wanting to forgive me, however.  And she recognizes and admits that our sex life had gotten to a miserable place, and maybe that is why she is willing to forgive.  Talking about that has resulted in massive improvement.  And it has helped to understand that it was a combination of her career, young kids, and possibly body issues post kids that led to her becoming sexually unavailable.  So while some elements of (2) may have been occurring, in a marriage they may be temporal and caused by other factors that we should talk about and work through.  I wish we had talked about things before I got to the point of cheating

4). I think there is a lot to be said for how a man can re-enforce and promote what they like during sex.  Me doing things like telling her how good she looks doing XYZ, or how good it feels, all have really helped in massive improvement.  And it turns out that my wife is willing to bring all least some of her past experiences to benefit us and we have been able to try out a lot of new things over the past few months.

Anyways, thanks again for the input.

 

finchy

[usa1ah]

On 5/13/2021 at 2:26 PM, Finchy said:

Mrin,

Thank you again for your thoughts.  I understand the perspective you are sharing.  And I don’t discount it, and that could definitely be the case with my wife.  Will see if I can find the thread you referenced. 

My other thought along these lines is that a lot of people try things out in their younger years, but they don’t really know how to do them right / well / in an enjoyable way.  So maybe it’s better to be open about our experiences, what went well, what was enjoyable, and what wasn’t, and how we went about it.  

So for instance let’s say I tried anal sex a long time ago, and it didn’t go well because the woman didn’t like it, we were too young to know you need lubricant and that there needs to be some warm up.  I could then live with the conclusion that anal sex is no good, or not for me, but really I just had a bad / unprepared experience, and then I am actually missing out in what could be a great experience in a future (or current) relationship.  
 

Maybe a threesome could be a similar sort of thing, ie there are bad ways to do it and good ways to go about it.  And we should talk about it.  
 

For me in my marriage, talking about sex became taboo.  And then I got into a long period of repetitively being denied  (amongst other verbal abuse), we didn’t communicate, and that eventually led to my infidelity.  
 

So I just wish we could be open about our experiences, what went well and how we can continue to improve our sex life in different ways.  

best regards,

finchy

 

 

It was a video that he found in a storage box. His wife would only have sex in one position and no oral. She would never do anything different when he tried to and asked. Turned out she was a freak in bed before they met. 
 

After the discovery of the video he was mad as could be and confronted her. She offered to do everything for him the she was doing with the several guys in the video. 
 

He refused to do anything with her after that because he wanted her to want to do it with him, not because she thought she had to now. 
 

He believes that she married him because he was a safe bet and she was never sexually attracted to him. 
 

Another thing is that he waited until marriage to have sex. He wanted to explore sex with his wife so he wanted. 
 

 

Edited May 19, 2021 by usa1ah

[Finchy]

2 hours ago, usa1ah said:

It was a video that he found in a storage box. His wife would only have sex in one position and no oral. She would never do anything different when he tried to and asked. Turned out she was a freak in bed before they met. 
 

After the discovery of the video he was mad as could be and confronted her. She offered to do everything for him the she was doing with the several guys in the video. 
 

He refused to do anything with her after that because he wanted her to want to do it with him, not because she thought she had to now. 
 

He believes that she married him because he was a safe bet and she was never sexually attracted to him. 
 

Another thing is that he waited until marriage to have sex. He wanted to explore sex with his wife so he wanted. 
 

 

Good summary.  Many similarities to my situation, although he doesn’t seem to be heading in a direction of recovery.

I didn’t find a video (thank God), my wife just told me.  I can think of 2 reasons why she would tell me: 1) to sort of hurt me because of what I had done.  I don’t really think this was her main motivation, however. ; 2) to demonstrate she can and has been more sexually adventurous and is open to improving our sex life.  She clearly recognized it had become miserable as well and that led to me cheating.
 

I don’t think we didn’t do things because of lack of attraction, more so the lack of drive due to other life issues.  She is really enthusiastically trying out all sorts of things now.   It’s like I have a totally new wife, which is great.

[elaine567]

Seems to me that when there is a problem with sex, that after an assumed epiphany where they become a new enthusiastic person, it is kind of short lived and very soon they go back to where they were most comfortable unfortunately.
Time will tell.

It seems to me you are loading your wife up with lots of new things, but what happens when you run out of new things, when the new things get boring or to her are non-repeatable?
I would slow down a  bit and leave some things in reserve, wait till some things get solidly added to the repertoire as opposed to always seeking something new... and maybe  losing her interest in the process.
Men often get obsessed with "adventurous" sex, women not so much as some of it does nothing for the woman's pleasure.
Pleasing her man all the time can get old...
You have a lifetime to fill here, make sure these new things are actually good for her, not just you.

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Finchy said:

 She clearly recognized it had become miserable as well and that led to me cheating.

If you are blaming her for your cheating, she's doing it to get back at you.