Is it insensitive of me to not lend friends money?

[ironpony]

There are a couple of really close friends I would who I feel are more responsible, but then there are other friends who I feel are not as much and not sure if I trust them so I don't for own security.  I mean they just ask for small amounts like 50 bucks once in a while but I still feel like I can't do it, and feel like that's why you are asking for money, because you are not the most responsible with it.  But then again, there is another part of me that feels bad for them like they need food, and I feel compelled to help to an extent too.

What do you think in situations like that?

[Mrin]

Just a suggestion here but if you are going to loan money to your friends charge a decent interest rate. Not usury but something that makes it worth your while. That way you don't feel taken advantage of and they don't feel like charity since you are getting a respectable interest rate back. 

[Taramere]

10 hours ago, ironpony said:

There are a couple of really close friends I would who I feel are more responsible, but then there are other friends who I feel are not as much and not sure if I trust them so I don't for own security.  I mean they just ask for small amounts like 50 bucks once in a while but I still feel like I can't do it, and feel like that's why you are asking for money, because you are not the most responsible with it.  But then again, there is another part of me that feels bad for them like they need food, and I feel compelled to help to an extent too.

What do you think in situations like that?

I would say that if a friend needs food, give them food.  If you give them money, though, you might be enabling a problem that's resulting in them habitually being short of money.  It's also likely to stretch the friendship to a point where it might break.

[d0nnivain]

If you are going to loan money over $20, you best treat it like a real transaction & write it all down, the loan, payment terms, time frames etc.  Get it signed.  

If you can afford to, when you "loan" money treat it as a gift.  

Otherwise your rule about not loaning money is a good one.  

[ShyViolet]

You should NOT lend friends money.  It's not a good idea, it always causes problems, and any friend who pressures you to lend them money is not a good friend!  Just make a simple policy that you don't lend people money.  If you want to help someone and you an afford it, then give them a gift but don't expect it back.  Don't give anyone money unless you are prepared to give it away as a no-strings-attached gift.  And if you're not doing great financially and can't afford to do that, then DON'T do it!

[SumGuy]

Few are the friends I’d loan money to...and none of them have ever asked.  I never loan friends money, I’ll just give them money or hire them to do something at a generous rate.    To me a loan is money I can’t afford to spend or loose. 

[MsJayne]

Habitual borrowers are a nuisance. You have to ask yourself, "Would this person still be friends with me if I refused to loan them money?" If the answer is 'no', or 'unsure', don't lend them money.  Also, don't ever lend money to people for entertainment reasons, like you're at the pub and they've spent their welfare payment on beers but then they hit you up for $20 so they can buy a meal.  Just buy them the meal if you can afford it and you want to, that way they're left with a sense of obligation and if they have any conscience they'll eventually start to feel uncomfortable about sponging off you, and if they don't have a conscience they're best avoided altogether. 

[glows]

If they need help with food, take them groceries or surprise your friend out for coffee and a meal. Keep in mind that giving them money/cash outright when they're not responsible with it (according to what you've written above) is only enabling their inability to manage money. You're not helping them get any better. Their issues are still there. 

Keep your distance if you feel you're being used or are uncomfortable with the dynamic.