Sanna Posted May 11, 2021 Share Posted May 11, 2021 (edited) I am 34 and my husband 40! We have 2 kids 1 and 3! we have had a great relationship, both work hard and have good economy and love each other so much! last month I accidentally saw from his Emails that he has been getting massage ( 4 times in the past 6 months)! That was weird so I checked the massage center and I could not believe my eyes! It was an erotic massage center! he had booked a massage called tantra and now I know it is a very erotic and sensual massage includes the private areas and body to body massage! In the Email confirmation it written instructions like he should take a shower before and the massage does not include intercourse! But it included a “ double lingam” which means two happy endings! Also the last woman he got the massage from was only 21 and I saw her photos on the website! She was flawless! But now I am broken! I feel empty! I still have not the courage to confront! I need help😭 Edited May 11, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator clarified title Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 11, 2021 Share Posted May 11, 2021 Save the email. Get yourself an STD test. Have a good cry. Then talk to him about what you found but have a good lawyer on speed dial 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted May 11, 2021 Share Posted May 11, 2021 1 hour ago, Sanna said: I still have not the courage to confront! I need help😭 Sorry this is happening. Talk to very trusted friends and family about this. Most importantly go to a doctor and get tested for STDs. What you happened to find could be just the tip of the iceberg. At that time ask your doctor for a referral to a therapist whom you can speak to confidentially. Do not tell your husband you are talking to doctors or therapists. At the same time check your credit score, all your credit cards, all your bank accounts, etc. Besides cheating, lying, etc., he is pissing your children's future away on this. You are focused on the wrong things, such as what a hooker looks like. You need to be focused on the scope of this deception, risky behavior and duplicitous double life. He is not who you think he is. You need to also talk to an attorney privately and confidentially to review your finances and options in the event of divorce. Do not tell him, do not threaten divorce. It's a waste of time or money to drag someone like this to marriage therapy because you can not fix or change him and he will pretend to be sorry and simply hide his activities better. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted May 12, 2021 Share Posted May 12, 2021 (edited) So he's spending your combined hard earned money, that's supposed to feed his children, to a massage w^%$#. Say that to him. Take a look at his bank/visa statements, make copies and have those in hand that correlate with the emails. Show him those if he starts to deny it....and also you will need them for your lawyer. Now if things were really bad in your marriage, then, not as an excuse, but knowing he is using the service as an escape from troubles, that says he has trouble coping...BUT since everything is so wonderful, this is self entitlement. He's being a bad bad bad person...someone he's been hiding from you, and this is something that can't be easy to fix. Usually will spend more energy hiding it better. Edited May 12, 2021 by smackie9 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sanna Posted May 12, 2021 Author Share Posted May 12, 2021 Yoy all are so right! I have time with a therapist to talk to! This will be the first time I will actually talk about it with someone and I know that after this, it will be REAL! I am all broken, I donno what will happen to my life! Also I cannot get his picture out of my brain getting that massages from those women and cominh back home to me and the kids😔 1 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted May 12, 2021 Share Posted May 12, 2021 Now you know your “great relationship” wasn’t really a great relationship! Be honest with yourself and your husband! he has taken family money to spend on cheating! He’s lied and lied! He has put YOUR health at risk! that’s a marriage built on so many concerning things! He isn’t the man you THOUGHT he WAS! now that you know who he really is - I urge you to take action to protect your future - by being ready to divorce him. MOST men like this hide their other lifestyle and lie and lie! see an attorney to know what to expect when you take action. the life you knew was never real - and I’m so sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted May 16, 2021 Share Posted May 16, 2021 Lawyer= alimony and custody of the kids....make him pay and see how much is left over for those massages...zero. Link to post Share on other sites
HappilyMarried Posted May 19, 2021 Share Posted May 19, 2021 How are you doing @Sanna? Have you talked to your therapist yet? Also have you had a heart to heart talk with your husband yet? Wishing you the best and hope you are doing ok? So sorry for what your spouse is doing to you. Link to post Share on other sites
dramafreezone Posted May 20, 2021 Share Posted May 20, 2021 (edited) This is obviously a major transgression, but you said that you otherwise have a great relationship. If your relationship was crap then I'd say this is a no-brainer. Apparently I'm in the minority, but I think there are very few things that are one-strike-you're-out offenses with marriage. In a simple relationship, sure I would break up with someone for some rather petty stuff, but marriage with two young children is a different story. A marriage means for better or worse, richer/poorer, all of that stuff that was in the vows. It doesn't mean we can bail when things get really difficult or when the other person proves to not be honorable in every facet of their life. Moreover, a marriage means that this isn't all about you anymore. This is about your kids too and about what they see right now. They don't have to know anything about this. If you divorce though, they certainly will eventually. This is nothing that I would ever want to find out about my father. I certyainly love my mother to death but I'm sure there are details of her life that would make me think differently of her if I knew them. I don't think I need to know the sordid details of my parents life, and that's potentially what you'd be exposing your children to. Would that make their life better in any way? Divorce would potentially ruin their relationship with their father. Again, if he were a bad father, that'd be another story, but he's not from what you've told us. I think you should give him a chance to resolve this behavior and go to marriage counseling. I would say do not do anything when you're this heightened emotional state. Wait until you've calmed down and can approach him with more of a rational mindset. I'm not saying that divorce isn't an inevitability, but I think this is worth saving taking into account everyone that will be affected long term. It's important to have your anger and betrayal validated by your friends, but that doesn't mean following advice to act rashly will be in your best interest long term. Edited May 20, 2021 by dramafreezone 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted May 20, 2021 Share Posted May 20, 2021 That’s awful op... Sorry this happened to you. Only you can decide if this is something you guys can work past, but you really ought to get to the bottom of this with open communication... Is it just because he wanted novel sex and does he have genuine regrets how will you be able to trust him again etc . I’m so sorry... betrayal hurts. Link to post Share on other sites
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