Uthgerd Posted May 12, 2021 Share Posted May 12, 2021 I'm in my mid fourties, and so is my husband. We have been married 12 years and have a kid. Last year, he had some type of nervous breakdown because of a complex mixture of things. (Too long to get into here) The result is that he has developed GAD, and is almost non-functional at times. Some days are better than others. He is having trouble sleeping, and is on drugs that removes his energy, while still being unable to sleep. Needless to say, sex is the last thing on his mind. Me, I also struggled with some physical health issues last year, but I have been able to improve my health quite a bit by losing approximately 100 lb. So last year I was so ready to enjoy a new and improved sex life, since we have been struggling with this area many years. I KNOW that I am not being fair right now, since he is not well and doesn't need additional pressure from me. Still.... I feel so unwanted and undesired. He used to be very affectionate in our day to day life, even if the sex was poor, but now there's ...nothing. He will not reject me if I hug him, but he will not show any signs that he wants me or that he misses sex. (He will say that he does but it doesn't feel like he does) Due to some medication I am taking, I am not able to use oral contraceptives, so we have agreed that he will get a vasectomy. However, he does not feel up to it right now, things being as they are, and he is not able to use condoms. (He loses the erection) I cannot risk pregnancy now, due to this medication. So this means that month after month pass by, and we do not engage in sexual activity at all. He will occassionally use his fingers to make me come, but this is maybe once a month, and tbh, this routine stimulation makes me mostly angry ...because it is so.... humdrum... He is very uncomfortable talking about sex details, so it is always me who have to initiate talks about what we like or don't like in bed. He'd rather just do the exact same moves that he has done for 12 years, and never change a thing. Only now there is no sex, and I am also the one stuck with most of the responsibilities in the house, since he some days are not able to get out of bed. I feel bad for him... but also I am increasingly angry, even though I KNOW that he is ill. And that it is not his fault. I feel like such a mean person . I know that if it was me in his situation, he would be ever so patient and loving and understanding, because that is how he is. Only he is not very sexual unfortunately, and now worse than ever. I feel so scared that this is going to last for many years! Maybe my whole adult life will go by, and this area of life will just skip by me. Don't even know what I am seeking advice for.... I just needed to vent I guess. I don't want to discuss these issues with friends, as I feel they are to intimate. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted May 12, 2021 Share Posted May 12, 2021 (edited) The main issue is his nervous breakdown and whatever those complex causes were that triggered it. You'll both have to figure out if there is any recovering from that or if he is too broken and anxious to return back to his original state or recover from those experiences. Lack of sex is the symptom only although that's what's hurting you and causing you to feel neglected. Find out/ask yourself and explore with him whether life can go back to the way it was or whether there's a possibility for improvement mentally/emotionally. Edited May 12, 2021 by glows Link to post Share on other sites
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