Miss Peach Posted May 12, 2021 Share Posted May 12, 2021 I broke up a 4 year relationship at the beginning of the year. Things ended quite messily so I sent an email to my ex asking him to stop trying to text, call, or come over. I went NC. We have a large social group in common and spend a lot of time on certain events so I have been dropping out of anything I find out he's going to in order to maintain NC. The only contact I had was a birthday email where I literally only said "Happy Birthday". His birthday was a few days after the break up and I knew he would appreciate it as that was a sore spot with an ex not acknowledging it. He sent back a short note saying he appreciated it. About 2 months ago he found me out in public at something he knew I regularly visited, approached me, and asked to talk. He had an item of mine I told him to throw out so I suspect it was planned and not an accidental meeting. I told him we should take some time apart and went about the rest of my visit. He reached out again to me on Mother's Day saying Happy Mother's Day and saying he thought a fair amount about my and my kiddo. I replied a couple words back of "Thanks. Appreciate it". He took it as an invitation to ask to talk again. I haven't replied. I'm trying to figure out the best way to proceed. We are likely to run into each other. I've already run into several mutual friends. I recently got into another relationship and I want to respect that. He will see me not replying as mean but I think that still would be best to stay NC. He has two patterns. One is to want an explanation to things and it festers. He spent 6 months trying to track a woman down he had one date with to find out why she didn't want a second. So having a talk to clear the air might help things proceed as we're bound to run into each other at some point. The other pattern is to use it as a way to try to fix things to get another chance. I had given him 2 chances at therapy before pulling the final plug. I am completely not open to anything more than an acquaintance. Even if I didn't have a new BF I wouldn't want to get back together. I do hope we can be civil and at the same event at some point though as it's difficult to maintain NC with so much intertwined. Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted May 12, 2021 Share Posted May 12, 2021 You are being WAY too nice here. I would send him one final message very clearly stating that you will not be in contact with him anymore. You need to be firm and go completely no-contact. And since you live in the same area, you might run into him, and so be it. You just be very short and matter-of-fact and maybe say "hi" and be on your way. 20 minutes ago, Miss Peach said: He spent 6 months trying to track a woman down he had one date with to find out why she didn't want a second. This is some stalker-type behavior. This is NOT ok. Any guy who is capable of behaving like this needs to be blocked. You don't stay "acquaintances" with a person like this. He doesn't get boundaries and he will not respect your boundaries. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 12, 2021 Share Posted May 12, 2021 If he is not going to go away, can you agree to hear him out? You know you are done & nothing he can say will change that but if you listen to him, will that make him stop? I'm looking for the path of least resistance here. Before you agree to meet this EX do share your reasons with your current BF. Under the circumstances I would be inclined to meet him in a public place at a specified time to listen but have your BF at least text you say 1/2 hour in & you can then tell him to come there or that you need more time. I'm not trying to force a confrontation but to give your EX the full on visual he may need that you have moved on. Do not do this if you think either man would resort to violence 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted May 12, 2021 Share Posted May 12, 2021 Do you feel delete and blocking him and all his people (who can stalk for him) from all your social media and messaging apps would help? Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted May 12, 2021 Share Posted May 12, 2021 Simply tell him that you don't think it's in your best interests to speak and wish him well. If he tries to contact you after that, you should block further communication (which he may try to work around, at which point, continue to ignore his attempts). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sun Seeker Posted May 12, 2021 Share Posted May 12, 2021 Why not just talk to him? It sounds like he still has some hope you can get back together, and needs some closure to accept it won't happen. I once had a messy breakup, and I knew I had broken her heart. I felt the best way to let her get over me was NC. She still carried on sending big messages, asking for reasons. I occasionally replied making it clear we were over (or so I thought). She ended up travelling the world to help 'find herself'. Over one year after the initial break up, she got in contact again and started trying to call me. Instead of ignoring her like I had been, I called her back. That night we both ended up crying on the phone like neither of us ever have. She still had hope that we would get back together. It was only after the tearful conversation we had, that she accepted it was over for good. A couple of years before that, I was on the receiving end of a breakup. I wanted to keep trying and trying to get us back together. It wasn't until nearly one year later when I finally spoke to her on the phone, when I realised that she wanted nothing to do with me anymore. I needed that phone call for my closure. Link to post Share on other sites
Blind-Sided Posted May 13, 2021 Share Posted May 13, 2021 16 hours ago, Miss Peach said: ......... He spent 6 months trying to track a woman down he had one date with to find out why she didn't want a second. ....... Ummmmmmmmm.......... You should have bailed out whe you found out about that!! But you are doing the right thing. Just keep nc 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Miss Peach Posted May 13, 2021 Author Share Posted May 13, 2021 I think I'm going to just go back to NC for now. I haven't replied. I made the mistake of saying "Thanks" when he wished me a Happy Mother's Day. He had months of me upset wanting to be treated better, two requests for therapy, and my blocking contact from my kiddo. I think he should know why I was done at that point. I talked it over with the new BF too since they have met in the past and he thinks it's the right call too. As for the red flags I totally agree I should have let things go but was too attached to do anything about them at the time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Miss Peach Posted May 17, 2021 Author Share Posted May 17, 2021 I got another email from him over the weekend since it was someone's birthday in my family. Still not planning to engage but I'm a bit worried I opened the door. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted May 17, 2021 Share Posted May 17, 2021 Blocking is your best path. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts