Is it acceptable for my gf to talk about sex with another man

[Wiseman2]

3 minutes ago, MsJayne said:

She sat in a pub telling some guy friend that she takes it up the clacker?! The Embarrassment-Ometer just exited the stratosphere.

Agree. Talking about anal sex is not the same as talking about movies, darts, gardening, beer, etc.

[Jonny80]

She’s said that she accepts we are both different and that she accepts me, she’s sorry for saying what she did and out of respect for me she won’t talk about sex to anyone..

her only concern is she thinks I’m reserved where she’s clearly more open and she thinks maybe she’s to much for me to handle because she a social butterfly..

[Miss Spider]

Depends on the person what’s acceptable to them or not. Not cheating by my definition, but maybe it is in yours. Maybe you felt that she shared with that guy was way too intimate. I get that. But bottom line is she obviously really open about her sex life and denies anything is wrong with it and that’s fair too. But like you, I’d feel really uncomfortable with that to say the least. You guys are just on separate pages/incompatible on that . No one can tell you what to accept

Edited May 16, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[Uruktopi]

1 hour ago, Alpaca said:

So, I suppose you'll have to think about it for a little while.

Perhaps you can reconcile the opposing viewpoints on what constitutes friendly banter.

But, perhaps you can't.

And perhaps he can but he souldn´t.

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, MsJayne said:

She sat in a pub telling some guy friend that she takes it up the clacker?

What do you think about writing someone's own wedding vows, in this case?

[Alpacalia]

13 minutes ago, Uruktopi said:

And perhaps he can but he souldn´t.

That's what I meant, Uruktopi.

That perhaps he/she "can't reconcile the opposing viewpoints on what constitutes friendly banter."

Sorry for confusion, I'm sleepy today.

Edited May 16, 2021 by Alpaca

[DKT3]

58 minutes ago, Jonny80 said:

She’s said that she accepts we are both different and that she accepts me, she’s sorry for saying what she did and out of respect for me she won’t talk about sex to anyone..

her only concern is she thinks I’m reserved where she’s clearly more open and she thinks maybe she’s to much for me to handle because she a social butterfly..

She isn't that open if she is mostly talk. People tend to embellish in words for attention,  to get people to approve of them...OR perhaps she is exactly the person she talks about, just not with you.  After all you have no way of knowing how she has been with past lovers.

At any rate, she doesn’t sound like a keeper.

[Marc878]

1 hour ago, Jonny80 said:

She’s said that she accepts we are both different and that she accepts me, she’s sorry for saying what she did and out of respect for me she won’t talk about sex to anyone..

her only concern is she thinks I’m reserved where she’s clearly more open and she thinks maybe she’s to much for me to handle because she a social butterfly..

She accepts. 😂

You are about to get the bait and switch. She needs a meal ticket and you’re it.

Edited May 16, 2021 by Marc878

[MsJayne]

36 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

What do you think about writing someone's own wedding vows, in this case?

Excellent idea. Obviously the fiance has a special kind of eloquence with which to share her thoughts and feelings.  "I promise to love and honour Jonny80, even when I can't sit down without one of those special rubber cushions.  No one shall ever tear us asunder, (though I can't say the same for my poor old posterior)". 

[Miss Spider]

26 minutes ago, MsJayne said:

Excellent idea. Obviously the fiance has a special kind of eloquence with which to share her thoughts and feelings.  "I promise to love and honour Jonny80, even when I can't sit down without one of those special rubber cushions.  No one shall ever tear us asunder, (though I can't say the same for my poor old posterior)". 

Omg xD 

[Marc878]

1 hour ago, MsJayne said:

Excellent idea. Obviously the fiance has a special kind of eloquence with which to share her thoughts and feelings.  "I promise to love and honour Jonny80, even when I can't sit down without one of those special rubber cushions.  No one shall ever tear us asunder, (though I can't say the same for my poor old posterior)". 

Fingers crossed behind back 😬

[usa1ah]

On 5/14/2021 at 10:45 PM, Jonny80 said:

Things have changed, I accepted things as they were due to illness and believed her when she said she loved me etc...   even she said no relationship was perfect and that there would be ups and downs..

 

in terms of her telling another guy she likes anal is like a massive shift.   The person Iv come to know during lock down is completely different from how’s she no acting out and about, she full of energy and flirtatious and constantly makes sexual remarks that makes her out to be someone different to who I see when at home alone..

so I’m lucky if we have sex once a week but she’s happy to tell another guy she likes anal?   

Do not marry this person. It doesn’t sound right. 

[basil67]

5 hours ago, Jonny80 said:

She’s said that she accepts we are both different and that she accepts me, she’s sorry for saying what she did and out of respect for me she won’t talk about sex to anyone..

her only concern is she thinks I’m reserved where she’s clearly more open and she thinks maybe she’s to much for me to handle because she a social butterfly..

Yep, she's reassessing the relationship.  

[Jonny80]

2 hours ago, basil67 said:

Yep, she's reassessing the relationship.  

Maybe if she ends it she’s doing me a favour, blessing in disguise..

[Uruktopi]

9 hours ago, Jonny80 said:

Maybe if she ends it she’s doing me a favour, blessing in disguise..

May be you should help her in her generous task by ending it yourself?

[Taramere]

11 hours ago, Jonny80 said:

Maybe if she ends it she’s doing me a favour, blessing in disguise..

And what if she doesn't end it?  Can you really see yourself having a life partnership with the person who's the subject of this thread?

[Jonny80]

2 hours ago, Uruktopi said:

May be you should help her in her generous task by ending it yourself?

Iv spent time with her today analysing what happened, she is an open person and she’s happy to talk openly about things like 2 best mates Woukd or group of drunken men or women.

 

she’s been around the world first class and met thousands of people, her job entailed her to be a people person...

I witnessed her actions today with a different male friend, he is an alcoholic almost, he has gap teeth and they are yellow and black..   she is just as flirtatious and bubbly with him as she is with anyone, it’s just who she is!!   There’s no way in this world  she would ever fancy this guy today but she was flirty..  this was the aspect of her personality that I fell in love with..

 

despite all the arguments we had this week end she’s still prepared to go out of her way for me..

 

I’m not saying changing my mind and saying the talk of sex is acceptable but she has said today she accepts she’s more outgoing than I am and out of respect for me she won’t talk like that in the future..  what more can she do?

I am now at ease with what’s happened..

[Jonny80]

6 minutes ago, Taramere said:

And what if she doesn't end it?  Can you really see yourself having a life partnership with the person who's the subject of this thread?

I can after today  

[Uruktopi]

54 minutes ago, Jonny80 said:

Iv spent time with her today analysing what happened, she is an open person and she’s happy to talk openly about things like 2 best mates Woukd or group of drunken men or women.

 

she’s been around the world first class and met thousands of people, her job entailed her to be a people person...

I witnessed her actions today with a different male friend, he is an alcoholic almost, he has gap teeth and they are yellow and black..   she is just as flirtatious and bubbly with him as she is with anyone, it’s just who she is!!   There’s no way in this world  she would ever fancy this guy today but she was flirty..  this was the aspect of her personality that I fell in love with..

 

despite all the arguments we had this week end she’s still prepared to go out of her way for me..

 

I’m not saying changing my mind and saying the talk of sex is acceptable but she has said today she accepts she’s more outgoing than I am and out of respect for me she won’t talk like that in the future..  what more can she do?

I am now at ease with what’s happened..

Oh well....It´s your life, your choices.

By the way, your original post was ALSO about your life.

And we shared with you our own views on your then worries, based in our personal experiences, boundaries, what we find acceptable, what we find desirable.

Of course, we may differ, I still do. But, again, is not my place to say more about.

Just a comment, part of my diferences are "encoded" in how it´s conceived and worded. As examples.....

I have no objection on talking ABOUT sex.  But in your description she was talking about HER sex and specially regarding what she enjoys. Not exactly the same.

You seem to understand all this according to her intentions, so "harmless". I use to focus in the message given to others in terms of an unavoidabe "social code" rather than what someone individually have in mind. You may receive some surprises with people factual responses based on interpretations as or even more "valid" that what we intent to communicate.

Is she ready to give a strong,  unambiguous "shot de cul", as "open" and as public and as explicit, as loud as her flirting, to what not few men would understand of her attitude?

If she don´t (no matter the reasons), then, she is a willing part of the game played.

THAT´S is when and where things get real.

Best hopes, my friend. Even if improbable ones.

 

 

      

Edited May 17, 2021 by Uruktopi

[DKT3]

You do understand what grooming is? 

 

[Uruktopi]

1 minute ago, DKT3 said:

You do understand what grooming is? 

 

I don´t think he does.

[Jonny80]

16 minutes ago, DKT3 said:

You do understand what grooming is? 

 

Iv heard of men grooming children but we are adults..

what would you consider she is grooming me for?

[Taramere]

1 hour ago, Jonny80 said:

she’s been around the world first class and met thousands of people, her job entailed her to be a people person...

 

Has she?  Call me suspicious but by this point, I'd be checking this stuff out to make sure it's actually true.

[DKT3]

3 minutes ago, Jonny80 said:

Iv heard of men grooming children but we are adults..

what would you consider she is grooming me for?

Its basically getting someone to accept bad behavior as normal or baseline.  Its a slow process.  Act out, apologize,  be overly affectionate then repeat with something a little worse.

I don't expect you to honestly answer,  but I guessing she doesn't have any long standing relationships with females. Her female friends (with the exception of 1 or 2) have been friends with her for a short period of time. If this is true its a sign that she has no boundaries.  As I said, I dont expect you to answer this honestly but answer it to yourself.  Find out about her female friends. 

[Alpacalia]

1 hour ago, Jonny80 said:

I’m not saying changing my mind and saying the talk of sex is acceptable but she has said today she accepts she’s more outgoing than I am and out of respect for me she won’t talk like that in the future..  what more can she do?

I hope you don't wake up years later and realize you married the wrong woman.

You have the choice of postponing your marriage or breaking off your engagement.

It's not an easy decision to make, I know, but may just be the best decision.