Was this genuine or an excuse to text me?

[Uptown182]

So my ex and I had sort of had an on and off relationship that finally ended in February and we haven’t spoken since.  A week ago I had to put my cat down, I posted about it on social media and my ex commented with his condolences (which is normal and expected).  Yesterday I get a text from him saying he’s so sorry about my cat and he hopes I’m ok.  I thanked him and said I was ok.  He then asked if I had moved yet (I was in the process of closing on a place right before we broke up), I said I had moved about a month ago and am loving it.  He responded saying he was glad and that I deserved it.  I thanked him and that was it.  I thought it was weird to send a condolence text a week after the fact especially when he had already said his condolences on my post.  My sister said this was clearly an excuse to start a conversation with me, but I’m not sure since we didn’t have much of a conversation.  Does anyone else find it strange he would send me that text a week after my cat died?  

Edited May 17, 2021 by Uptown182

[d0nnivain]

First I don't know why you are still connected on social media. But since you are, he sent condolences.  It might have been the 1st time he saw the post.  I was off social media for a while & only went back on to congratulate my SIL on her new job when my husband told me about her post a week after the fact.   Take his words at face value but stop talking to him. 

I too am sorry for your loss.  

[Uptown182]

5 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

First I don't know why you are still connected on social media. But since you are, he sent condolences.  It might have been the 1st time he saw the post.  I was off social media for a while & only went back on to congratulate my SIL on her new job when my husband told me about her post a week after the fact.   Take his words at face value but stop talking to him. 

I too am sorry for your loss.  

He commented on the post with his condolences the day I put up the post which was a week ago, which I took at face value.  But he texted me yesterday, which was a week later.

Edited May 17, 2021 by Uptown182

[basil67]

As you'd dated, I'm guessing he knew the cat, he was sad that it died and was thinking about it.

[Acacia98]

Maybe he felt that a public comment on your post was too impersonal for that kind of loss.

Maybe he was just using it as an excuse to write.

I genuinely don't know. But if you're uncomfortable with him inboxing you, you shouldn't be connected on social media.

[ExpatInItaly]

2 hours ago, Acacia98 said:

Maybe he felt that a public comment on your post was too impersonal for that kind of loss.

I was thinking the same. 

But in any case, if this has been on-off then it's best to leave him in your past, OP.  It doesn't sound as though it had the legs to go anywhere. 

[Uptown182]

5 hours ago, Acacia98 said:

Maybe he felt that a public comment on your post was too impersonal for that kind of loss.

Maybe he was just using it as an excuse to write.

I genuinely don't know. But if you're uncomfortable with him inboxing you, you shouldn't be connected on social media.

Yes I can see that, but sending that text a week later was weird to me.  

[Wiseman2]

7 hours ago, Uptown182 said:

 I thought it was weird to send a condolence text a week after the fact especially when he had already said his condolences on my post. 

Sorry about your cat.

You need to block him and all his people from all your social media and messaging apps if you hope to move on without this type of intrusion and wondering, pondering, etc.

Make the decision to move on in peace.

[hippychick3]

19 minutes ago, Uptown182 said:

Yes I can see that, but sending that text a week later was weird to me.  

He probably still cares for you and felt the need to check on you given the loss. A simple text doesn’t mean he wants to get back together or resume communication. I would not read too much into it. It will only stall your healing process. 
 

edited to add that I’m very sorry for your loss. 

Edited May 17, 2021 by hippychick3

[Alpacalia]

Sorry to hear about the loss of your cat.

I'd just think it's a sweet and thoughtful gesture on his part.

More importantly, are you open to hearing from him?

Unproductive communication is unlikely to last long or benefit your emotional health in the interim with a relationship that was on and off.

[GeorgiaPeach1]

Sounds like he's done a good job moving forward with his life and holds no grudges. He's just being friendly.

[flitzanu]

it boils down to this.

we say "sure that's weird he sent a text a week later" -- what does that mean to you that he sent it?

or we say "no that's not weird he sent a text a week later" -- what does that mean to you that he sent it?

this is about what you presume to think the intent is, so what does it mean to you?  

[dramafreezone]

14 hours ago, Uptown182 said:

So my ex and I had sort of had an on and off relationship that finally ended in February and we haven’t spoken since.  A week ago I had to put my cat down, I posted about it on social media and my ex commented with his condolences (which is normal and expected).  Yesterday I get a text from him saying he’s so sorry about my cat and he hopes I’m ok.  I thanked him and said I was ok.  He then asked if I had moved yet (I was in the process of closing on a place right before we broke up), I said I had moved about a month ago and am loving it.  He responded saying he was glad and that I deserved it.  I thanked him and that was it.  I thought it was weird to send a condolence text a week after the fact especially when he had already said his condolences on my post.  My sister said this was clearly an excuse to start a conversation with me, but I’m not sure since we didn’t have much of a conversation.  Does anyone else find it strange he would send me that text a week after my cat died?  

Not if he cares for you.  I don't understand what's weird quite frankly.  You don't stop caring for someone just beceause you break up. 

Doesn't mean he wants to get back together, so no reason to think on it anymore than that.

[d0nnivain]

13 hours ago, Uptown182 said:

He commented on the post with his condolences the day I put up the post which was a week ago, which I took at face value.  But he texted me yesterday, which was a week later.

If you want to talk to him, take the text  as an olive branch.  If you don't want to deal with him, ignore the text & move along.   Just because he sent you something doesn't mean you are obligated to respond.  

[Uptown182]

27 minutes ago, dramafreezone said:

Not if he cares for you.  I don't understand what's weird quite frankly.  You don't stop caring for someone just beceause you break up. 

Doesn't mean he wants to get back together, so no reason to think on it anymore than that.

Had he sent the text when he found out a week ago, I wouldn’t have thought much of it, other than it being a nice gesture.
 

I think perhaps I’m just questioning it because he has a habit of reaching out to me every 2-3 months and we last spoke about 3 months ago.  So I guess given our history I’m questioning it

Edited May 17, 2021 by Uptown182

[d0nnivain]

1 hour ago, Uptown182 said:

I think perhaps I’m just questioning it because he has a habit of reaching out to me every 2-3 months and we last spoke about 3 months ago.  So I guess given our history I’m questioning it

You broke up.  Just block him & move on already.  

[poppyfields]

On 5/17/2021 at 5:05 AM, hippychick3 said:

He probably still cares for you and felt the need to check on you given the loss. A simple text doesn’t mean he wants to get back together or resume communication. I would not read too much into it. It will only stall your healing process.

edited to add that I’m very sorry for your loss. 

This!  Took the words right off my screen.

When we still have feelings, it's common for people to read into things said or done by your ex, that are not actually there.

It's called projecting.  I've done it too, I think we all have.

My read on this is what is quoted above by @hippychick3 nothing more, nothing less.

I am so sorry about your beloved cat.  

((Hugs))

 

[Highndry]

Why are you analyzing so much? Do you hope he wants to get back together with you? What if he doesn't, but was just feeling sorry for your loss of your cat? What if he DOES want to get back together? What does all of this mean to you?

[Acacia98]

On 5/17/2021 at 2:46 PM, Uptown182 said:

Yes I can see that, but sending that text a week later was weird to me.  

I don't know... There are various reasons why someone might do what he did, none of which would strike me as weird.

For instance, maybe in the second communication he was touching base every 3 months as was his routine and decided to follow up on this most recent tragic event in your life.

Or maybe it took him a while to figure out that his first response was too impersonal and to decide to follow up with a more personal response.

I do think that for you to automatically consider this communication weird, either he must have a track record of doing weird stuff or you really are not comfortable communicating with him after the breakup. And if the latter is the case, then it's okay to stop communicating. There's no rule book anywhere that says people must remain friends after breakups. 

[Wiseman2]

On 5/17/2021 at 3:27 PM, Uptown182 said:

Was this genuine or an excuse to text me?

Probably a little of both. If staying in touch after breaking up is making you ponder this much, take a break.

Clean out your social media and messaging apps. Get rid of dead weight.

Review and reset your social media privacy settings so that only people you wish can view your content.

You'll have more peace when you get rid of background noise like this.