Princess2130 Posted May 18, 2021 Share Posted May 18, 2021 Hi my husband is messaging a girl its a friend of he’s daughter and last year they got quite close and apparently she claimed she loved him he has never deleted any messages from he phone and always reassured me tht nothing has happened nothings going too happen and he has no feelings for her well she blocked him and they hadnt spoken for about 8 months now her dad called him off of her new phone number and the messages have started again him asking her if shes ok every other day nearly again he reassured me nothings going too happen she is just a friend and they have banter bearing in mind she is nearly 20 years younger then him he wont stop talking too her but then y should he i dnt want too control him as too who he can and cnt talk too but am i silly for sitting here with all thoughts going through my head ???????😔 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted May 18, 2021 Share Posted May 18, 2021 She claimed she loved him. That is then totally unacceptable for him to continue being in contact with her. Her father got involved, is she a minor?? This is not a matter of him having female friends his age, this is an adult man preying on a young woman. Here is an idea, call that young's woman father and invite him over to give your husband a pep talk. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 18, 2021 Share Posted May 18, 2021 At the very least the optics are bad. It looks like he's open to cheating with his friends' daughter. In you shoes I would absolutely tell the friend / dad about this "friendship" because it needs to end. It feels predatory on his part. he should have shut this down hard a long time ago. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted May 18, 2021 Share Posted May 18, 2021 1 hour ago, Princess2130 said: Hi my husband is messaging a girl its a friend of he’s daughter. she is nearly 20 years younger then him How long have you been married? How well do you know his daughter? What does his daughter think of their friendship? Yes, it's weird. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Princess2130 Posted May 18, 2021 Author Share Posted May 18, 2021 Been married 15 years he is 44 she is 20 odd the dad knows they talk they both have denied any feelings between each other and she claims the only readon why she write tht is because she new i could see the messages, my husband is very kind hearted person and would help anybody out let it be a friend or a stranger, i have both told them how i fill and she stopped talking too him because i was upset but has said she is no marriage wrecker and they should be able too be friends, she smokes drugs and takes other drugs and has slept around one of the people being one of he’s good friends, the dad says she would never do anything out of respect for him and its nothing like that am i just over thinking because im insecure??? Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted May 18, 2021 Share Posted May 18, 2021 (edited) Stop thinking it's your insecurity. What your husband does is unacceptable on many levels. You said he has a good heart but l don't see him having a kind heart toward you, his wife of 15 years. I would not let a 44 year old man befriend my 20 year old daughter, l would ruin him! In your original story you said she claimed loving him, then said she only said that because she knew you read his messages? She's a punk out to make trouble, and your husband support her instead of you. I would make this the hill i'm gonna die on. I would take an appointment to a divorce lawyer and tell my husband he has up to that appointment to terminate his little game. Edited May 18, 2021 by Gaeta 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted May 18, 2021 Share Posted May 18, 2021 37 minutes ago, Princess2130 said: she smokes drugs and takes other drugs and has slept around one of the people being one of he’s good friends Does your husband do drugs or sleep around? Don't butt in but carefully observe what else is going on in your marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Princess2130 Posted May 19, 2021 Author Share Posted May 19, 2021 Nah he dosen’t do drugs and has never slept around since speaking Too her again he hasn’t seen her either Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted May 19, 2021 Share Posted May 19, 2021 Mid life crisis, he is trying to relive his youth. 44 year old men do not make "friends" out of 20 something yo women.... early 20s women are "prizes" to middle aged men... If she loves him, then she will be doing her utmost to get him into her bed, and he I guess will not be an unwilling partner... Do not assume anything about this is "innocent". He may be "kind hearted" but that doesn't mean he is not besotted with her... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted May 19, 2021 Share Posted May 19, 2021 4 hours ago, Princess2130 said: since speaking Too her again he hasn’t seen her either You spoke to her? What exactly did you say? What does his daughter think of this? Do you get along with her? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Princess2130 Posted May 19, 2021 Author Share Posted May 19, 2021 Have spoke too her told her how i fill she says i have nothing too worry about she is no marriage wrecker she jst wants a peaceful life with her kids, she dosen’t want too branded as a marriage wrecker there just good friends, she’s not really someone id socialize with but when i spoke too her about it all last year she sat and we had a long chat and drink together she would be a friend if i wanted her too be Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted May 19, 2021 Share Posted May 19, 2021 13 minutes ago, Princess2130 said: Have spoke too her told her how i fill she says i have nothing too worry about she is no marriage wrecker she jst wants a peaceful life with her kids, she dosen’t want too branded as a marriage wrecker there just good friends, she’s not really someone id socialize with but when i spoke too her about it all last year she sat and we had a long chat and drink together she would be a friend if i wanted her too be If something was going on would she really tell you about it? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted May 19, 2021 Share Posted May 19, 2021 17 minutes ago, Princess2130 said: she jst wants a peaceful life with her kids. She's married with kids? How do you get along with your stepdaughter? Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted May 19, 2021 Share Posted May 19, 2021 So him and her are a team against you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Blind-Sided Posted May 19, 2021 Share Posted May 19, 2021 (edited) 14 hours ago, Princess2130 said: Been married 15 years he is 44 she is 20 odd the dad knows they talk ....... am i just over thinking because im insecure??? OK... she is of legal age... and her dad has nothing to do with it any longer. From your first post, it sounded like she was underage, and that would be inappropriate, and illegal. You are not being insecure. You are married, and you have the right to ask him to not talk with this girl anymore. BUT... he continues to do it. He is disrespecting you, and your marriage. Unfortunately, it sounds like he is (at the least) in an emotional affair with this girl. I'm sure he is having fantasies about being with a much younger girl. AND... if she has feelings for him... there is a very real chance that a physical affair could happen. You need to draw a line, and voice your demands. I'm not normally a person to tell someone to threaten a divorce... but you have that right. I'm sorry for what is happening, but you need to put your foot down, otherwise you will remain unhappy. Edited May 19, 2021 by Blind-Sided Link to post Share on other sites
Blind-Sided Posted May 19, 2021 Share Posted May 19, 2021 37 minutes ago, elaine567 said: If something was going on would she really tell you about it? Exactly... she isn't going to come out and say... "I'm screwing your husband". 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Princess2130 Posted May 19, 2021 Author Share Posted May 19, 2021 He dosen’t hide anything from me and most of the messages are asking how she and the family are as she has lost a family member recently her dad is he best friend he is a charmer too other girls he knows but think just where she is single im reading more into it maybe Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 19, 2021 Share Posted May 19, 2021 (edited) You husband has no business talking to this young girl. What he is doing is very inappropriate. You make it sound like he has no choice but to text this young girl - but that’s not true. He’s just so kind hearted... he’s so kind hearted that he fails to respect his wife and the boundary of his marriage? I don’t think so. Surely, he can just stop texting her and she will get the idea. Or, he can politely tell her that he is married. As such, he is unable to text with her but he wishes her well. The fact that he choses not to, is a problem. Edited May 19, 2021 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 19, 2021 Share Posted May 19, 2021 1 hour ago, Princess2130 said: she says i have nothing too worry about If that was true she would respect your wishes/respect boundaries and stop texting with your husband. Seriously, young women don’t text married men without some kind of agenda. And, a married man doesn’t text the daughter of his friend without some kind of agenda. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 19, 2021 Share Posted May 19, 2021 One message to express his condolences at the death of family member I could understand but your 44 year husband is asking for trouble by communicating to his friend's 20 year old daughter regularly. Nothing good can come of this "friendship." It's a very slippery slope & because he is continuing after you asked him to stop & is digging his heels in claiming it's all above board rather than respecting his wife's wishes is him prioritizing this girl over your marriage. If you have been married for 15 years does that mean that you have known this kid since she was 5? At this point I'd be in her face as in "Stop communicating with MY husband. He's mine. Go find friends your own age." I'd also make damn sure her parents know what she is doing. I agree with @Gaeta this is a hill to die on & you are not being insecure. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Princess2130 Posted May 19, 2021 Author Share Posted May 19, 2021 Only known her for about 4 years he has always spoke through txt or calls sposes i think if he really wanted too be with her then why hasn’t he left as he had untold opportunities too do it he has just done all our house up and garden and when they wasnt talking for 8 months he never tried too soeak too her during that time Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 19, 2021 Share Posted May 19, 2021 (edited) He doesn't want to leave but he also doesn't realize what he's doing or the slippery slope he's on. As a middle aged man he is flattered by the attention from the hot young thing. It will go like this: they keep talking. Then they will start meeting. Innocently at first for walks etc. They will grow closer as the subjects get deeper. Eventually they will be alone & will have a drink together. Then they will both claim "it just happened" after they fall in bed together. Edited May 19, 2021 by d0nnivain Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted May 19, 2021 Share Posted May 19, 2021 1 hour ago, Princess2130 said: He dosen’t hide anything from me and most of the messages are asking how she and the family are as she has lost a family member recently her dad is he best friend he is a charmer too other girls he knows but think just where she is single im reading more into it maybe She can get comfort from her father for the loss of that family member. It's not your husband's role to play friends or daddy to her. She's a single 24 year old mother with drug problems, she knows her way around men she's been sleeping around like you said. She sees him as more than a text buddy. He's a wallet to her and she's coming after it. Your husband is naive, he doesn't see 2 steps ahead. He's a middle aged man liking the attention of a younger woman. He is going to get caught in HER game. If I was chatting with a married man and his wife came to me I would be so embarassed of myself!!! I would stop contact immediately. So, you can't control her but you can put your foot down with your husband. Threath a divorce, he picks you or or he's losing half of that beautiful house he just renovated. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted May 19, 2021 Share Posted May 19, 2021 38 minutes ago, Princess2130 said: s i think if he really wanted too be with her then why hasn’t he left as he had untold opportunities too do it he has just done all our house up and garden Older guys don't leave they just acquire another woman on the side. They often don't want to leave, they have too much to lose - money, house, status... but that doesn't stop them finding a willing woman to have sex and fun with. This 24 yo who "loves" him, is just about perfect... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Princess2130 Posted May 19, 2021 Author Share Posted May 19, 2021 Ive threatend too leave and he says i shouldn’t let her come between us he calls her quite a few names too like she’s a slag as she has been known too sleep around he says if he really wanted too sleep with her he could of along time ago with her track record but she is not he’s type and she is a little girl too hom he has children older Link to post Share on other sites
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