Guy doesn't make concrete plans to meet!

[Emilyinroses]

I met this guy on OLD some days ago. We have been texting and also spoke on the phone, and have a lot in common.

He mentioned twice for us to meet and twice I responded that  would like to do that, and nothing. No concrete plans to meet from him.

It feels like he sends the ball to my side, I send back, and then nothing happens.

We both work from home and live just 10 minutes away from each other, so it would be easy to meet anytime for a coffee. 

I just don’t get it. If I said yes to meet, shouldn’t he ask me out properly?

[Miss Spider]

Stop wasting time with time wasters, Emily. It’s kind of a theme for you. Are you attracted to that or something? Haha

[Wiseman2]

Just now, Emilyinroses said:

We both work from home and live just 10 minutes away from each other, so it would be easy to meet anytime for a coffee. 

Have you mentioned, "lets get coffee this week/weekend", whatever? See what he does with that so you're not guessing wondering or wasting time. It's not a "proper date", it's a meet, keep it low key.

[Emilyinroses]

2 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

Stop wasting time with time wasters, Emily. It’s kind of a theme for you. Are you attracted to that or something? Haha

I don’t attract them on purpose I swear 😄

[Emilyinroses]

2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Have you mentioned, "lets get coffee this week/weekend", whatever? See what he does with that so you're not guessing wondering or wasting time. It's not a "proper date", it's a meet, keep it low key.

Sorry but no. I did that in the past with guys who wouldn’t escalate things and it backfired every single time.

Responding to him saying yes I want to meet is more than enough. He is the one that needs to use his masculine energy and escalate things after I gave him the green signal.

[Gaeta]

Does he initiate texting? Did he propose the phone call?

[Wiseman2]

23 minutes ago, Emilyinroses said:

He is the one that needs to use his masculine energy and escalate things after I gave him the green signal.

You'll be doing a lot of pointless texting that way.  But you have a point that he's is probably meeting others.

[Emilyinroses]

1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said:

You'll be doing a lot of pointless texting that way.  But you have a point that he's is probably meeting others.

But that’s the nature of OLD isn’t? Pointless texting a lot until you find someone different.

I don’t do anything now that I don’t feel comfortable with. And I feel he was supposed to take the next step and he didn’t, which makes me wonder why not, and is one more reason to be quiet about it and see how he is.

[Emilyinroses]

16 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Does he initiate texting? Did he propose the phone call?

He does initiate texting, and in regards to the phone call, he sent me a voice message talking about something and hinted that talking on the phone would be better, so I told him we can talk.

Now this time he hinted twice about meeting, I said I would like that and he did nothing.

Edited May 18, 2021 by Emilyinroses

[Gaeta]

2 minutes ago, Emilyinroses said:

Now this time he hinted twice about meeting, I said I would like that and he did nothing.

Sounds familiar doesn't it lol.

Maybe he's waiting we get closer to the weekend. You know how you're suppose to wait wednesday to ask a girl out for saturday. 

[dramafreezone]

48 minutes ago, Emilyinroses said:

I met this guy on OLD some days ago. We have been texting and also spoke on the phone, and have a lot in common.

He mentioned twice for us to meet and twice I responded that  would like to do that, and nothing. No concrete plans to meet from him.

It feels like he sends the ball to my side, I send back, and then nothing happens.

We both work from home and live just 10 minutes away from each other, so it would be easy to meet anytime for a coffee. 

I just don’t get it. If I said yes to meet, shouldn’t he ask me out properly?

He's got other dates if I had to guess.

[Alvi]

He wants to keep you around interested in him just in case. Is he dating other women? You betcha. 

He reminds me of a guy with whom I talked last September. He would initiate multiple text messages, phone calls, etc. Would tell me how much he was interested in me, how he cannot wait to meet me. Just enough to keep on on the hook. He would hint multiple times that we should meet. Except he never asked to meet me directly. It's like he would ask me when I was free to meet. I would tell him but he would never follow up on that. I asked him out to meet for a coffee few times and each and every time he was very evasive. Something came up, he is working, he is meeting with his family. That went on for about two month (I was talking to other guys as well so no biggie) till I finally decided that enough is enough. I told him in no uncertain terms that I am done playing whatever game he was playing as this went long enough already. I asked to meet him one final time. And guess what he said to me? That he needs to check his schedule to see when he would be free. I blocked him immediately. He reappeared back in March again, didn't even remember me, but that's the whole other story. I wasted two month on this clown, but hey, I've learned my lesson. If someone really wants to meet you, they would ask you just that. If they are unsure or date others, than this is what you get. I gave myself a word that I would never chase after a guy after this "experience."

So yes, don't waste your time on timewasters. 

Edited May 19, 2021 by Alvi

[poppyfields]

24 minutes ago, Alvi said:

I wasted two month on this clown, but hey, I've learned my lesson.  If someone really wants to meet you, they would ask you just that. If they are unsure or date others, than this is what you get. I gave myself a word that I would never chase after a guy after this "experience."

Since you learned something valuable, then it was not a waste!  That's how I view it.

Oh and take on-line with a grain of salt.  There are lots of people (men and women) trolling on line; if you're up to it, troll them back, have fun with it!

Do NOT take it seriously.

If someone is serious about meeting you, they will meet you soon, especially given they are only 10 minutes away.

They won't troll you or make you jump through hoops for two months.

Not a waste and no regrets, just a great lesson learned to take with you!  😂

 

 

Edited May 19, 2021 by poppyfields

[norealusername]

I have to agree with alvi. Especially if you only live 10 minutes away. If he was serious, he'd be planning to meet. He's just wasting your time.

[dramafreezone]

3 hours ago, Emilyinroses said:

I don’t attract them on purpose I swear 😄

Well, you're attracted to these guys as well.

[poppyfields]

3 minutes ago, dramafreezone said:

Well, you're attracted to these guys as well.

@EmilyinrosesI believe you when you say you don't attract these guys "on purpose."  Our attractions to others are so nuanced, it's difficult to know sometimes what attracts us and who we attract in return.  It's all done on a subconscious level.

So on some level you are attracted to these sorts of guys, I am not judging you because I myself have been pondering what draws me to certain types of men...

I won't elaborate because it's not my thread, but consciously I may think I want a certain type of man, but subconsciously these are not the men I become attracted to!

It doesn't make for the healthiest of relationships which is why I am questioning the whole "traditional relationship" thing, and considering a different path.

Anyway, just some things to consider moving forward and good luck!

 

[Ami1uwant]

4 hours ago, Emilyinroses said:

He does initiate texting, and in regards to the phone call, he sent me a voice message talking about something and hinted that talking on the phone would be better, so I told him we can talk.

Now this time he hinted twice about meeting, I said I would like that and he did nothing.

 

has he asked you about your work schedule? Have you mentioned yo had other jobs or you are activ doing things like being involved with the church beyond going on Sunday, or you have hobby groups you get together with our book readers groups that meet?

 

maybe he as indirectly asked about when was a good night to meet.

 

maybe you said things about staying far away from everyone snd not going out at all.  This would imply you aren’t ready to date or don’t want to till restrictions ease up or restaurants re open..  maybe it’s on him waiting for things to easy up or he just got 2nd vax so he needs to wait two weeks.

[Emilyinroses]

3 hours ago, Ami1uwant said:

 

has he asked you about your work schedule? Have you mentioned yo had other jobs or you are activ doing things like being involved with the church beyond going on Sunday, or you have hobby groups you get together with our book readers groups that meet?

 

maybe he as indirectly asked about when was a good night to meet.

 

maybe you said things about staying far away from everyone snd not going out at all.  This would imply you aren’t ready to date or don’t want to till restrictions ease up or restaurants re open..  maybe it’s on him waiting for things to easy up or he just got 2nd vax so he needs to wait two weeks.

I do not have a busy schedule and did not tell him any of those things. Actually it was the contrary. I work from home and am flexible with schedules, and so is him.

I told him that yes I want to meet him too. Pretty self explanatory right!?

I don’t work well with ‘indirectly asking’. I like people that are upfront and ask concrete things. That helps me trust them.

[Emilyinroses]

5 hours ago, poppyfields said:

@EmilyinrosesI believe you when you say you don't attract these guys "on purpose."  Our attractions to others are so nuanced, it's difficult to know sometimes what attracts us and who we attract in return.  It's all done on a subconscious level.

So on some level you are attracted to these sorts of guys, I am not judging you because I myself have been pondering what draws me to certain types of men...

I won't elaborate because it's not my thread, but consciously I may think I want a certain type of man, but subconsciously these are not the men I become attracted to!

It doesn't make for the healthiest of relationships which is why I am questioning the whole "traditional relationship" thing, and considering a different path.

Anyway, just some things to consider moving forward and good luck!

 

Yes but there is a difference between ‘attracting’ and ‘accepting’.

I might attract these guys for a reason, but nowadays I cut them off quick.

[Emilyinroses]

5 hours ago, dramafreezone said:

Well, you're attracted to these guys as well.

I am not. There’s a difference between ‘attracting’ and ‘feeling attracted’. I do not.

[Emilyinroses]

6 hours ago, Alvi said:

He wants to keep you around interested in him just in case. Is he dating other women? You betcha. 

He reminds me of a guy with whom I talked last September. He would initiate multiple text messages, phone calls, etc. Would tell me how much he was interested in me, how he cannot wait to meet me. Just enough to keep on on the hook. He would hint multiple times that we should meet. Except he never asked to meet me directly. It's like he would ask me when I was free to meet. I would tell him but he would never follow up on that. I asked him out to meet for a coffee few times and each and every time he was very evasive. Something came up, he is working, he is meeting with his family. That went on for about two month (I was talking to other guys as well so no biggie) till I finally decided that enough is enough. I told him in no uncertain terms that I am done playing whatever game he was playing as this went long enough already. I asked to meet him one final time. And guess what he said to me? That he needs to check his schedule to see when he would be free. I blocked him immediately. He reappeared back in March again, didn't even remember me, but that's the whole other story. I wasted two month on this clown, but hey, I've learned my lesson. If someone really wants to meet you, they would ask you just that. If they are unsure or date others, than this is what you get. I gave myself a word that I would never chase after a guy after this "experience."

So yes, don't waste your time on timewasters. 

Agree. I feel like he is wasting my time and I am moving on.

A woman responding she would like to meet is the green signal the man needs to take action and ask her out/plan a date, etc. 

If he is not doing it, someone else will.

[elaine567]

46 minutes ago, Emilyinroses said:

I don’t work well with ‘indirectly asking’. I like people that are upfront and ask concrete things. That helps me trust them.

Well its pretty obvious what you need to do then.
If he is not making concrete plans and you need a man to be upfront and do that then he is obviously NOT the man for you.
NEXT.

[Emilyinroses]

47 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

Well its pretty obvious what you need to do then.
If he is not making concrete plans and you need a man to be upfront and do that then he is obviously NOT the man for you.
NEXT.

Exactly. I am attracted and find extremely sexy a masculine man who asks me out, is upfront, open and shows interest.

All other wishy washy stuff is a turn off.

[Wiseman2]

Ok. If there's no concrete plans after a few messages, put them on the back burner.

Decide on a concrete strategy for yourself in terms of screening, amount of chitchat and time before meeting.

OLD is as much about preventing burnout as it is meeting someone.

An off the cuff, whatever, see how it goes, approach will waste a lot of your time and energy.

[Emilyinroses]

55 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Ok. If there's no concrete plans after a few messages, put them on the back burner.

Decide on a concrete strategy for yourself in terms of screening, amount of chitchat and time before meeting.

OLD is as much about preventing burnout as it is meeting someone.

An off the cuff, whatever, see how it goes, approach will waste a lot of your time and energy.

The funny thing about this guy is that we started talking about things that are a bit more deep than usual (like mindset, life experiences, etc), and twice he mentioned that those conversations are better to have eye to eye and in person, to which I agree and said I would like to meet in person too.

And then, nothing. So I don't know how much more he needs to continue texting and talking on the phone in order to just meet for a coffee, after realising we would better talk in person!? Makes no sense.

So yes I agree with you, and my concrete strategy now is if I give them the green light to meet and they do nothing, I step back and go talk to others.