Guy doesn't make concrete plans to meet!

[Wiseman2]

30 minutes ago, Emilyinroses said:

The funny thing about this guy is that we started talking about things that are a bit more deep than usual (like mindset, life experiences, etc), 

Ok. Huge red flag 🚩 if someone is doing that but won't meet you.

Exactly. Get a protocol going rather than a yin/yang theory.⛩️

[Emilyinroses]

36 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Ok. Huge red flag 🚩 if someone is doing that but won't meet you.

Exactly. Get a protocol going rather than a yin/yang theory.⛩️

Yes! To me starting to talk about deeper stuff is the signal to meet in person. To me it means there is interest and conversation is flowing and curiosity about the other. Next normal step after I say to him I want to meet would be for him to ask when am I available, where do I want to go, invite me somewhere, etc.

Silence is not the next normal thing at all and it makes me feel something fishy is going on. Total turn off. I already started texting him a lot less and only short sentences. If he doesn't step up after a day or two, I'll delete him.

Edited May 19, 2021 by Emilyinroses

[hippychick3]

Definitely next this guy. These texting conversations are a total time waster when you haven’t met yet. 

[Alpacalia]

5 hours ago, Emilyinroses said:

Agree. I feel like he is wasting my time and I am moving on.

A woman responding she would like to meet is the green signal the man needs to take action and ask her out/plan a date, etc. 

If he is not doing it, someone else will.

This comes across kind of bitter-y.

Maybe he is picking up on that?

I think if he's been calling you regularly and also proposing a date it would fine for you to reply with what you did initially and then maybe suggest something.

[Emilyinroses]

2 minutes ago, Alpaca said:

This comes across kind of bitter-y.

Maybe he is picking up on that?

I think if he's been calling you regularly and also proposing a date it would fine for you to reply with what you did initially and then maybe suggest something.

Not bitter at all. That's just the way I think now after having dealt with many dodgy and wishy washy guys. If I tell him I want to meet and he does nothing, that's not the kind of man I like.

[Miss Spider]

You shouldn’t have to push or prod a guy to meet... they know what dating apps are for.. they are for meeting people to eventually meet. So if they aren’t trying to they are either too busy with others at the moment or they aren’t keen enough to meet. That being said, there’s nothing inherently wrong with asking a guy out IMO. I’ve done so with great success( like we became bf/gf  and had awesome times)and I’m super feminine, so not sure what you mean by feminine/masculine. But if you are absolutely opposed it for whatever reason, your only other reasonable move is to disregard. Pen pals indefinitely  can get old 

 

Edited May 19, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[Alpacalia]

5 minutes ago, Emilyinroses said:

 If I tell him I want to meet and he does nothing, that's not the kind of man I like.

Well, then you can stop further communication or just befriend him.

[Emilyinroses]

12 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

You shouldn’t have to push or prod a guy to meet... they know what dating apps are for.. they are for meeting people to eventually meet. So if they aren’t trying to they are either too busy with others at the moment or they aren’t keen enough to meet. That being said, there’s nothing inherently wrong with asking a guy out IMO. I’ve done so with great success( like we became bf/gf  and had awesome times)and I’m super feminine, so not sure what you mean by feminine/masculine. But if you are absolutely opposed it for whatever reason, your only other reasonable move is to disregard. Pen pals indefinitely  can get old 

 

Yes exactly.

What I mean by masculine energy is I like a guy who takes charge, who asks you out, who is upfront and open. Love that!

Also, I do not do it myself because every single time I did it in the past I found out the guy wasn't that much into me and that's why he wasn't asking me out. So, I stay in my lane and do nothing now. He already knows I want to meet because I told him, and that's all I need to do.

[Miss Spider]

Fair enough. I guess it seems kind of strange. He asked you to meet, you said sure, and then.. what? He just changed the subject? Twice? 

Edited May 19, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[d0nnivain]

15 hours ago, Emilyinroses said:

Responding to him saying yes I want to meet is more than enough. He is the one that needs to use his masculine energy and escalate things after I gave him the green signal.

The American male has been virtually emasculated by popular culture & political correctness. Men are conditioned that they are bad, wrong & practically rapists if they do anything other than let women lead.  

If in response to his vague suggestions of let's meet you say anything other then "yes, when would you like to get together?" you will be alone a long time.  You have to push the agenda or you will continue to have this problem.  Guys like him need more than a yes.  You have to spell it out for them.  If you are unwilling to do that simply stop talking to this guy & continue your search.  

I understand you desire for a take charge, can do guy but those type of men are not on dating apps.  They have the guts & the "game" to walk up to any pretty women they see out & about & strike up a conversation.  If you want that guy, you are fishing in the wrong pond.  That type is not on OLD.  

Edited May 19, 2021 by d0nnivain

[smackie9]

Emily you know the rules...First impressions count. An interested guy doesn't spend his time messaging, he sets up a date asap. I get it...it's the lure of having so much in common is keeping you hooked. Know your value. This guy has been dangling a carrot on a stick. Dump this chump.

 

[introverted1]

2 hours ago, Alpaca said:

Well, then you can stop further communication or just befriend him.

Personally, I think he's low interest:  saying just enough to keep you on the hook but not actually bothering to set up a meeting.  Either take the initiative yourself or, since that is not your style, cut yourself loose. 

Edited May 19, 2021 by introverted1

[Gaeta]

1 hour ago, d0nnivain said:

I understand you desire for a take charge, can do guy but those type of men are not on dating apps. 

There has to be a common denominator amoung the men she gets in contact with. I am online and I have rarely come across a man that didn't take the lead in asking my number and asking for a date. Might be because I am dating older men that still think a man is the one calling a woman, making an invite, driving to her. 

@Emilyinroses What is the age of these men you're getting in contact with?

Edited May 19, 2021 by Gaeta

[Miss Spider]

9 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

There has to be a common denominator amoung the men she gets in contact with. I am online and I have rarely come across a man that didn't take the lead in asking my number and asking for a date. Might be because I am dating older men that still think a man is the one calling a woman, making an invite, driving to her. 

@Emilyinroses What is the age of these men you're getting in contact with?

Yea good point but I don’t think  it can be pinned on age exactly . She says she’s attracted to “take charge” men ... but spends her time talking to the exact opposite 

[Gaeta]

3 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

 but spends her time talking to the exact opposite 

That is true. 

They are 10 mins apart, both work from home and are flexible, they should have met the following day. 

[Miss Spider]

I think Emily likes the guys that are hard to get/distant

[poppyfields]

11 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

That is true. 

They are 10 mins apart, both work from home and are flexible, they should have met the following day. 

Agree Gaeta.

As I said earlier, there are many people (men and women) trolling on line, for validation, ego boost, they're bored, or whatever.

It's possible he's one of them.  I mean he's 10 minutes away! 😳

Seems rather obvious he has no intention to meet.

If you want to talk on line, fine have fun with it, but best to not expect more like to ever meet.

Not gonna happen..  Not with him or guys like him..

 

 

 

Edited May 19, 2021 by poppyfields

[Emilyinroses]

2 hours ago, Cookiesandough said:

Fair enough. I guess it seems kind of strange. He asked you to meet, you said sure, and then.. what? He just changed the subject? Twice? 

Yes, he completely ignored the fact I said I wanted to meet, and continued to talk about other things. 

[poppyfields]

1 minute ago, Emilyinroses said:

Yes, he completely ignored the fact I said I wanted to meet, and continued to talk about other things. 

Trolling.... 😳

Immediate next. 

Edited May 19, 2021 by poppyfields

[Emilyinroses]

42 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

There has to be a common denominator amoung the men she gets in contact with. I am online and I have rarely come across a man that didn't take the lead in asking my number and asking for a date. Might be because I am dating older men that still think a man is the one calling a woman, making an invite, driving to her. 

@Emilyinroses What is the age of these men you're getting in contact with?

He is 40, so he should know already how to ask a woman out.

[Emilyinroses]

2 hours ago, d0nnivain said:

The American male has been virtually emasculated by popular culture & political correctness. Men are conditioned that they are bad, wrong & practically rapists if they do anything other than let women lead.  

If in response to his vague suggestions of let's meet you say anything other then "yes, when would you like to get together?" you will be alone a long time.  You have to push the agenda or you will continue to have this problem.  Guys like him need more than a yes.  You have to spell it out for them.  If you are unwilling to do that simply stop talking to this guy & continue your search.  

I understand you desire for a take charge, can do guy but those type of men are not on dating apps.  They have the guts & the "game" to walk up to any pretty women they see out & about & strike up a conversation.  If you want that guy, you are fishing in the wrong pond.  That type is not on OLD.  

I really don’t care about the popular culture and the sorts. I like a man who has the balls to ask a woman out, and I’ve had many men online who did it easily. There are all sorts of men online.

And no I am not going to do the work for them. That’s not who I am.

[Emilyinroses]

25 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

I think Emily likes the guys that are hard to get/distant

I truly do not. I have been attracting them but now I dismiss them as soon as I see how they are.

[Alvi]

Another possibility about this guy is that he could be married or he is living with someone. He could be  "testing the waters" by going on a dating site chatting with some women. He has no intention of ever meeting someone in person in his life but would like to keep his options open just in case. 

[Emilyinroses]

17 minutes ago, Alvi said:

Another possibility about this guy is that he could be married or he is living with someone. He could be  "testing the waters" by going on a dating site chatting with some women. He has no intention of ever meeting someone in person in his life but would like to keep his options open just in case. 

He did mention that although he lives only 10 minutes away from me, he also has a house 1h away and he goes back and forth from one house to the other. So maybe his wife/girlfriend lives there!? It’s a possibility yes.

But in that case why mention meeting to me, and twice? Just to hold a carrot in front of me? Well it has the opposite effect.

Another thing he said and I didn’t like was that he used to have a mansion and many cars and motorbikes and a lavish lifestyle and wasn’t happy, so he threw it all away. I don’t know if that is true, but I found it to be too much info too soon.

[Gaeta]

I would consider all of that suspicious.