Miss Spider Posted May 19, 2021 Share Posted May 19, 2021 (edited) 48 minutes ago, Emilyinroses said: He did mention that although he lives only 10 minutes away from me, he also has a house 1h away and he goes back and forth from one house to the other. So maybe his wife/girlfriend lives there!? It’s a possibility yes. But in that case why mention meeting to me, and twice? Just to hold a carrot in front of me? Well it has the opposite effect. Another thing he said and I didn’t like was that he used to have a mansion and many cars and motorbikes and a lavish lifestyle and wasn’t happy, so he threw it all away. I don’t know if that is true, but I found it to be too much info too soon. , Edited May 19, 2021 by Cookiesandough Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted May 19, 2021 Share Posted May 19, 2021 2 hours ago, Emilyinroses said: I truly do not. I have been attracting them but now I dismiss them as soon as I see how they are. So this guy should just be dismissed 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted May 19, 2021 Share Posted May 19, 2021 (edited) 1 hour ago, Alvi said: Another possibility about this guy is that he could be married or he is living with someone. He could be "testing the waters" by going on a dating site chatting with some women. He has no intention of ever meeting someone in person in his life but would like to keep his options open just in case. Very good point . Im sure there’s a lot of men /women on there like this. Edited May 19, 2021 by Cookiesandough Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted May 19, 2021 Share Posted May 19, 2021 47 minutes ago, Emilyinroses said: He did mention that although he lives only 10 minutes away from me, he also has a house 1h away and he goes back and forth from one house to the other. So maybe his wife/girlfriend lives there!? It’s a possibility yes. But in that case why mention meeting to me, and twice? Just to hold a carrot in front of me? Well it has the opposite effect. Another thing he said and I didn’t like was that he used to have a mansion and many cars and motorbikes and a lavish lifestyle and wasn’t happy, so he threw it all away. I don’t know if that is true, but I found it to be too much info too soon. So why are you bothering with him (and, by extension,this thread)? We all have only so many hours in the day and, more to the point, only so much emotional energy. The time and energy you are spending on this guy, who does not meet your requirements and does not bring you joy, is time and energy you are not spending on people/work/hobbies/whatever that would be enhancing your life. Once you've determined that someone is not worth your time, stop giving them your time whether directly (engaging in texts) or indirectly (threads like this one). Spend your time doing things that enrich your life. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
hippychick3 Posted May 19, 2021 Share Posted May 19, 2021 9 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said: So this guy should just be dismissed This guy should have been dismissed without even posting about him (not a criticism, OP, just advice). If the guy is not available/distant/flaky, quickly just move on to the next and don’t dwell on it. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Emilyinroses Posted May 19, 2021 Author Share Posted May 19, 2021 10 minutes ago, introverted1 said: So why are you bothering with him (and, by extension,this thread)? We all have only so many hours in the day and, more to the point, only so much emotional energy. The time and energy you are spending on this guy, who does not meet your requirements and does not bring you joy, is time and energy you are not spending on people/work/hobbies/whatever that would be enhancing your life. Once you've determined that someone is not worth your time, stop giving them your time whether directly (engaging in texts) or indirectly (threads like this one). Spend your time doing things that enrich your life. Noted! And guy deleted. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
hippychick3 Posted May 19, 2021 Share Posted May 19, 2021 And no more wasting valuable energy and time texting deep conversations with complete strangers (which describes anyone you haven’t met yet). 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Emilyinroses Posted May 19, 2021 Author Share Posted May 19, 2021 12 minutes ago, hippychick3 said: And no more wasting valuable energy and time texting deep conversations with complete strangers (which describes anyone you haven’t met yet). The deep conversations happened spontaneously when we were talking on the phone. But yes agree. At least I stopped and acknowledged that should be done in person. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Emilyinroses Posted May 19, 2021 Author Share Posted May 19, 2021 (edited) And guys just to clarify one thing, my top love language is acts of service. That is why I love when a guy asks me out, invites me to something, plans a date and shows effort. That to me is sexy AF. When he does nothing or expects me to do it, I lose polarity and attraction, especially at such early stages. That’s just the way I am. Edited May 19, 2021 by Emilyinroses 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted May 19, 2021 Share Posted May 19, 2021 I’m the same way. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted May 19, 2021 Share Posted May 19, 2021 31 minutes ago, Emilyinroses said: That is why I love when a guy asks me out, invites me to something, plans a date and shows effort. Wait, what? After a few messages it's not a date, it's a brief coffee meet to see if there's any reason to plan further dates depending on in-person mutual chemistry. It's not online-relationshiping, it's online dating. You can't go from texting to a planning a fancy date. You both need the first step of meeting in person. Try to stay away from all the yin/yang business and worse, whatever dating coaches/videos that are promoting this. You'll be single when you're ready for the nursing home if you expect to go from texting to "sexy as hell effort". In fact it would be smart to practice better safety and meet in the daytime on your terms in a place/coffee shop familiar and near to you. Not wait for grand surprises. Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted May 19, 2021 Share Posted May 19, 2021 Coffee meet/date with a guy online is still a date to me. Even if we just go for a stroll, it would be a date if we met on an online dating app. Maybe perfunctory, but still a date. And I’d want him to do the planning 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Emilyinroses Posted May 19, 2021 Author Share Posted May 19, 2021 4 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Wait, what? After a few messages it's not a date, it's a brief coffee meet to see if there's any reason to plan further dates depending on in-person mutual chemistry. It's not online-relationshiping, it's online dating. You can't go from texting to a planning a fancy date. You both need the first step of meeting in person. Try to stay away from all the yin/yang business and worse, whatever dating coaches/videos that are promoting this. You'll be single when you're ready for the nursing home if you expect to go from texting to "sexy as hell effort". In fact it would be smart to practice better safety and meet in the daytime on your terms in a place/coffee shop familiar and near to you. Not wait for grand surprises. Did you read the part where I said "asks me out" and"invites me to something"? That can very well be a day time coffee date. Doesn't have to be a fancy dinner date for the first meet. But, just because it is a first time coffee at daytime doesn't take away the fact he asked me out and made that effort. Maybe even suggests a place to go or wants to come and meet me where I live (I've had guys that did that). That shows EFFORT. And I'm sorry, but for me that starts right from the first meet, not after a few dates. Well if I'll be single when I'm ready for the nursing home, just be it then. Better alone than in a bad relationship with the wrong person. Had a lot of that already. Now I want something really different and good or nothing. And will NOT compromise to wish washy and flaky guys. A real man will stand out from the crowd right from the start by how he acts. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Emilyinroses Posted May 19, 2021 Author Share Posted May 19, 2021 Just now, Cookiesandough said: Coffee meet/date with a guy online is still a date to me. Even if we just go for a stroll, it would be a date if we met on an online dating app. Maybe perfunctory, but still a date. And I’d want him to do the planning I feel the same. A real man acts right and right from the start. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted May 19, 2021 Share Posted May 19, 2021 3 minutes ago, Emilyinroses said: I feel the same. A real man acts right and right from the start. Yea, I don’t think you’re asking for that much.. “Would you like to meet in person?” “Want to meet at [ coffee shop ]or do you have another one that you’d prefer?” If the guy finds that too much effort, then jeezus 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dramafreezone Posted May 19, 2021 Share Posted May 19, 2021 (edited) 12 hours ago, Emilyinroses said: I am not. There’s a difference between ‘attracting’ and ‘feeling attracted’. I do not. But the only reason why you're at this point to make this thread is because you're attracted to this guy. You are attacted on some level or you wouldn't have agreed to go out with him twice. How many more profiles did you not even spend 5 seconds looking at? I would surmise you like (or liked) this guy more than average or you would've deleted him before even making this thread. We unconsciously rank people (whether people want to admit it or not). There's a certain amount of attraction for you to read a profile for more than 5 seconds, more to swipe right on a guy, more to progress to actually messaging the guy, more to progress to suggesting a date, and to actually go on to date the guy, on and on and on. Edited May 19, 2021 by dramafreezone Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted May 19, 2021 Share Posted May 19, 2021 Unless you’re like me and you right swipe on everyone and decide if you want to read profile/reply later Link to post Share on other sites
Author Emilyinroses Posted May 19, 2021 Author Share Posted May 19, 2021 9 minutes ago, dramafreezone said: But the only reason why you're at this point to make this thread is because you're attracted to this guy. You are attacted on some level or you wouldn't have agreed to go out with him twice. How many more profiles did you not even spend 5 seconds looking at? I would surmise you like (or liked) this guy more than average or you would've deleted him before even making this thread. We unconsciously rank people (whether people want to admit it or not). There's a certain amount of attraction for you to read a profile for more than 5 seconds, more to swipe right on a guy, more to progress to actually messaging the guy, more to progress to suggesting a date, and to actually go on to date the guy, on and on and on. The reason I was attracted to him was because of our conversations. He seemed intelligent and we had a lot in common. Then when he ignored me saying I want to meet (and twice) and did nothing about it, the attraction was gone. I guess that’s what dating is. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Emilyinroses Posted May 19, 2021 Author Share Posted May 19, 2021 24 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said: Yea, I don’t think you’re asking for that much.. “Would you like to meet in person?” “Want to meet at [ coffee shop ]or do you have another one that you’d prefer?” If the guy finds that too much effort, then jeezus Exactly. And if a guy can’t even do that, he should be in the kindergarden. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Emilyinroses Posted May 19, 2021 Author Share Posted May 19, 2021 3 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said: Unless you’re like me and you right swipe on everyone and decide if you want to read profile/reply later I don’t do that lol. There are guys who are so creepy on their photos! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 19, 2021 Share Posted May 19, 2021 4 minutes ago, Emilyinroses said: Then when he ignored me saying I want to meet (and twice) and did nothing about it, the attraction was gone. If the bloom is off the rose, just stop talking to him. Why drag this out? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted May 19, 2021 Share Posted May 19, 2021 4 minutes ago, Emilyinroses said: Exactly. And if a guy can’t even do that, he should be in the kindergarden. "Men are this men are that, men should be this, men should be that." 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Emilyinroses Posted May 19, 2021 Author Share Posted May 19, 2021 6 minutes ago, Alpaca said: "Men are this men are that, men should be this, men should be that." They should be whatever they want to be. And I get to choose if I want that or not. Simple. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted May 19, 2021 Share Posted May 19, 2021 (edited) Yea that’s why I date every guy. Because having standards for people you choose to date is uncalled for Edited May 19, 2021 by Cookiesandough 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Emilyinroses Posted May 19, 2021 Author Share Posted May 19, 2021 5 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said: Yea that’s why I date every guy. Because having standards for people you choose to date is uncalled for You date every guy!? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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