Author AngelaLucania Posted May 20, 2021 Author Share Posted May 20, 2021 2 hours ago, d0nnivain said: The kids will survive a divorce Kids are resilient. Don't stay just for them. Do take your time with this decision. It's why I suggested a counselor. You need somebody to talk to. The rug has been pulled out from under you in a brutal way. Can you take some time apart from him, even a few days. Banish him from the house or you go get pampered at a hotel to clear your head without him under foot? I put him out. But he is texting and calling and sending flowers. Showing up at the door all times of the night. I just put him out he claimed to want to visit the kids but he spent the whole time trying to sleep with me. I'm just disgusted 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted May 20, 2021 Share Posted May 20, 2021 The big problem is the capability is there. Many think they have reconciled the marriage and end up going through this again. Repeated cheating happens. There are never any guarantees. Sorry Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted May 20, 2021 Share Posted May 20, 2021 23 minutes ago, AngelaLucania said: I put him out. But he is texting and calling and sending flowers. Showing up at the door all times of the night. I just put him out he claimed to want to visit the kids but he spent the whole time trying to sleep with me. I'm just disgusted No contact is totally up to you not him. Ignoring is a great exercise. Where is it written that you have to answer him? Answer. Nowhere. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AngelaLucania Posted May 20, 2021 Author Share Posted May 20, 2021 51 minutes ago, Marc878 said: No contact is totally up to you not him. Ignoring is a great exercise. Where is it written that you have to answer him? Answer. Nowhere. I agree!!! Link to post Share on other sites
notbroken Posted May 20, 2021 Share Posted May 20, 2021 I seriously doubt you caught him in 'the first time'. That's just doubtful. Honestly, you'll probably never trust him completely again and trust is a cornerstone of a marriage. I couldn't trust my wife after an infidelity and spent some miserable years after that 'for the kids'. It wasn't worth it at all - for me or the kids and I no longer believe in that (it makes it difficult for the kids to have good relationships later in their life. They need a good model for relationships and you are likely going to be unable to provide that). At the very least, see an attorney to know your options and best course of action. Be good to yourself right now. Life is hard enough. Eat well. The 'divorce diet' / not eating is not healthy. Avoid alcohol/drugs (temporary fix at best that actually makes it worse). Walk/exercise. Find an outlet for your stress that is positive. Don't argue in front of the kids. Be fair in your divorce. Take the 'high road' in spite of what he did. The sooner the better. I'm sorry. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AngelaLucania Posted May 21, 2021 Author Share Posted May 21, 2021 9 hours ago, notbroken said: I seriously doubt you caught him in 'the first time'. That's just doubtful. Honestly, you'll probably never trust him completely again and trust is a cornerstone of a marriage. I couldn't trust my wife after an infidelity and spent some miserable years after that 'for the kids'. It wasn't worth it at all - for me or the kids and I no longer believe in that (it makes it difficult for the kids to have good relationships later in their life. They need a good model for relationships and you are likely going to be unable to provide that). At the very least, see an attorney to know your options and best course of action. Be good to yourself right now. Life is hard enough. Eat well. The 'divorce diet' / not eating is not healthy. Avoid alcohol/drugs (temporary fix at best that actually makes it worse). Walk/exercise. Find an outlet for your stress that is positive. Don't argue in front of the kids. Be fair in your divorce. Take the 'high road' in spite of what he did. The sooner the better. I'm sorry. I agree. I'm done. The kids see their Faddy as everything what NOT to be when they grow up. He taught them a valuable life lesson. And I give the little prick props for that. Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted May 21, 2021 Share Posted May 21, 2021 Tossing him out is probably a good but likely temporary solution. I don't believe its wise to be so concrete about divorce at this point, you may feel differently in a week or month. Then it could make you feel like you've failed for feeling differently. I think you should spend some time just doing your best to focus on the kids and self care. Give yourself times before making the decision. Plan for both divorce and reconciliation know all your options, understand what it will look like financially. We have some good hearted posters he who know that divorce was best for them and tend to push from that perspective, it may or may not be best for you, so don't rush to paint yourself into a corner. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AngelaLucania Posted May 21, 2021 Author Share Posted May 21, 2021 16 hours ago, notbroken said: I seriously doubt you caught him in 'the first time'. That's just doubtful. Honestly, you'll probably never trust him completely again and trust is a cornerstone of a marriage. I couldn't trust my wife after an infidelity and spent some miserable years after that 'for the kids'. It wasn't worth it at all - for me or the kids and I no longer believe in that (it makes it difficult for the kids to have good relationships later in their life. They need a good model for relationships and you are likely going to be unable to provide that). At the very least, see an attorney to know your options and best course of action. Be good to yourself right now. Life is hard enough. Eat well. The 'divorce diet' / not eating is not healthy. Avoid alcohol/drugs (temporary fix at best that actually makes it worse). Walk/exercise. Find an outlet for your stress that is positive. Don't argue in front of the kids. Be fair in your divorce. Take the 'high road' in spite of what he did. The sooner the better. I'm sorry. Thank You. You have expressed exactly what I feel. I know I will Never be able to get past this. I have been very kind and fair. I just want a divorce. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted May 21, 2021 Share Posted May 21, 2021 (edited) Most have trouble making a decision. IMO a quick decision is better than no decision. Too many stand around flat footed in these situations and can end up wallowing in the mire of infidelity way too long. Congrats. Edited May 21, 2021 by Marc878 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TotalTruthing Posted May 21, 2021 Share Posted May 21, 2021 (edited) You know what would be cool? Get STBX and FBFF to come to the house at the same time under the premise that if either relationship is going to be salvaged, you need to speak with them together. Assuming they show up, immediately put each one in a separate room. Give them a pad of paper, and have them write a timeline of the number of times they have had sex, where, and so forth. Assuming they play along, compare the timelines. Then kick them both out of the house. Edited May 21, 2021 by TotalTruthing 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ctdans Posted May 21, 2021 Share Posted May 21, 2021 take it slow but be deliberate. Talk to a good financial advisor as well as a lawyer. If money is an issue there are a lot of organizations that will help out and even pro bono. I agree that the kids will survive and having a happy mother is better than being in a miserable household. As for 45, you are YOUNG and in your prime. I know many guys that found love again with a divorced or widowed woman 45 or even in their fifties. Starting over is defined by the individual. Some want a companion and a great relationship only while others want a new wife or husband. Just enjoy your children, heal, and take things one day at a time. Not all men cheat, not all friends are snakes. Give new people a chance but of course be cautious. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AngelaLucania Posted May 22, 2021 Author Share Posted May 22, 2021 7 hours ago, ctdans said: take it slow but be deliberate. Talk to a good financial advisor as well as a lawyer. If money is an issue there are a lot of organizations that will help out and even pro bono. I agree that the kids will survive and having a happy mother is better than being in a miserable household. As for 45, you are YOUNG and in your prime. I know many guys that found love again with a divorced or widowed woman 45 or even in their fifties. Starting over is defined by the individual. Some want a companion and a great relationship only while others want a new wife or husband. Just enjoy your children, heal, and take things one day at a time. Not all men cheat, not all friends are snakes. Give new people a chance but of course be cautious. Thank you for the advice and beautiful words! Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted May 22, 2021 Share Posted May 22, 2021 17 hours ago, TotalTruthing said: . Give them a pad of paper, and have them write a timeline of the number of times they have had sex, where, and so forth. Seems like a waste of time when a visit to the attorney would solve a lot more problems, no? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HadMeOverABarrel Posted May 22, 2021 Share Posted May 22, 2021 I don't have any great words of wisdom beyond what other posters have already said except: 1) follow your own intuition and do not be persuaded to do anything that may not be right for you, especially by your husband or friend or her stbx husband. 2) seek support from people who specialize in this sort of betrayal (e.g. your personal individual counselor not marriage counselor, infidelity support groups to learn from their experiences.). I'm so sorry you're going through this! 💗 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts