Keep getting kicked out from my dad's wife

[Servii142]

Hi you can call me Servii but I really need some advice on a crisis I'm going through right now. I'm gonna go mostly into detail but I'm 20 years old and been living with my dad for a few years since my mom couldn't really take of me at that time. Recently my dad has gotten married to this woman who actually invited us to stay with her however many things have escalated throughout their marriage and they have been married for about a year already.

 

Ever since they've been married they've had problems like his wife keeps drinking and when she gets drunk she becomes violent. Breaks stuff in the house and throws us out after whatever fight they have and we go to my aunt's house until eventually we go back to his wife's home. So this cycle keeps happening they get into a fight and she throws us out and we stay at my aunt's until we go back and this has happened about 6 times already and I'm understandably getting sick of it. This time when we get kicked out we left because my dad went to jail because of her but was able to get out and we went to my aunt's and took all of our belongings. Things have been going good for the last few days until  my dad went back again today and he tried to lie where he was going and now I decided I'm not going back no matter how sorry she sis.

So now I don't know what to do I have a few options on what I could do but I'm not sure what to do exactly.....

I could stay at my aunt's but I feel uncomfortable when I stay here and I'm just tired of staying at other people's places.

 

I could also try to get my own place or apartment but I'm not sure if I make enough to get my own apartment I make at least $200 every two weeks but I don't have a car currently.

Finally maybe I could live with my mom again but she lives in a different state and I'm already so used to living here that I'm not sure if I can they used to living somewhere else but if I had to I would stay with her.

So those are all the options I have and another one would be to just go back but I'm afraid things will just keep getting worse and worse that I get anxiety when my dad's wife drinks because I think about all the possible things she can do when she's drunk.

 

I don't know what to do I've been kinda sheltered as a kid and don't know what to do in a situation like this so I would appreciate some feedback or any advice because I'm lost and I don't even know if there's a right choice. Any kind of answer could be greatly appreciated!

[LivingWaterPlease]

One option would be to find a roommate or two or three and get your own place. You mentioned "we" go stay at my aunt's house. Who is "we?"

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, Servii142 said:

I could also try to get my own place or apartment but I'm not sure if I make enough to get my own apartment .

You're right. You need to move out. Get your own place. Even if you work a couple of jobs.

You need to look around for affordable housing. You're over 18, so no one, mom, dad, aunts etc has to support you.

In fact being out of the house more working as much as possible would accomplish both getting away from the drama and making money to move.

You can complain about the stepmother, but it is what it is.

[BaileyB]

You really do need to move out.

Your dad may chose to stay with this woman, and that is his decision. As an adult, he has the ability to make his own decision and as difficult as that may be to accept, you must accept that he may chose to stay. 

You are under no such obligation. I would not stay in a home with a woman who drinks and becomes violent. You have a few other options - I hear that none are preferable, but they can work short term. Either go to school, or find a job that pays a living wage. You need to work toward supporting yourself and living on your own (with a roommate). Good luck. 

[d0nnivain]

I don't know where you live but If you make $200 every 2 weeks you do not earn enough to live independently.  Rent in most place in the US is $1,000+ per month.  At minimum you will need a roommate which isn't a bad thing at 20.   You should also look for work that pays better, work more hours or get a 2nd job on top of what you are doing.   You may also qualify for some type of public assistance.  You need to budget for shelter, furniture, clothes, utilities, food, insurance, entertainment, a cell phone etc.  $400 per month isn't gonna cut it. 

You may also want to check out Al-Anon.  It's a support group for people who have alcoholic family members.  Your dad may benefit too.  It sounds like his marriage is toxic.  

[ShyViolet]

At 20 it's time for you to move out and get your own place.  Look for a better paying job.  Get roommates.  Your Dad's wife, your aunt, your parents are not obligated to support you.  

[Servii142]

10 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

You're right. You need to move out. Get your own place. Even if you work a couple of jobs.

You need to look around for affordable housing. You're over 18, so no one, mom, dad, aunts etc has to support you.

In fact being out of the house more working as much as possible would accomplish both getting away from the drama and making money to move.

You can complain about the stepmother, but it is what it is.

 

12 hours ago, LivingWaterPlease said:

One option would be to find a roommate or two or three and get your own place. You mentioned "we" go stay at my aunt's house. Who is "we?"

Yeah when I said we I was referring to me and my dad since we both left her house and was staying at my aunt's but as I said already he's gonna end up going back to his wife's so it's just gonna be me on my own.

[Servii142]

4 hours ago, BaileyB said:

You really do need to move out.

Your dad may chose to stay with this woman, and that is his decision. As an adult, he has the ability to make his own decision and as difficult as that may be to accept, you must accept that he may chose to stay. 

You are under no such obligation. I would not stay in a home with a woman who drinks and becomes violent. You have a few other options - I hear that none are preferable, but they can work short term. Either go to school, or find a job that pays a living wage. You need to work toward supporting yourself and living on your own (with a roommate). Good luck. 

Thank you I already have been working at my one job that I've been working at for almost two months and I know it's not enough to pay for when I have my own place which is why I'll try to get another job. I'm not sure if I can go to school now don't really have the money for it currently and would have to save up for it.

[Servii142]

4 hours ago, d0nnivain said:

I don't know where you live but If you make $200 every 2 weeks you do not earn enough to live independently.  Rent in most place in the US is $1,000+ per month.  At minimum you will need a roommate which isn't a bad thing at 20.   You should also look for work that pays better, work more hours or get a 2nd job on top of what you are doing.   You may also qualify for some type of public assistance.  You need to budget for shelter, furniture, clothes, utilities, food, insurance, entertainment, a cell phone etc.  $400 per month isn't gonna cut it. 

You may also want to check out Al-Anon.  It's a support group for people who have alcoholic family members.  Your dad may benefit too.  It sounds like his marriage is toxic.  

Yeah I think I'm just gonna try to make a second job so that I can get my own place. I'm not sure if I can live with a roommate since I don't know anybody who's living on their own and if they want a roommate or not. 

 

Thank you I'll try to mention to him about this group I'm not sure he'll try to reach out but I'm hoping he will.

[Servii142]

4 hours ago, ShyViolet said:

At 20 it's time for you to move out and get your own place.  Look for a better paying job.  Get roommates.  Your Dad's wife, your aunt, your parents are not obligated to support you.  

Yeah I know but it sounds easier than it actually is I've never been on own and my family always taken care of me whenever I wanted their help or not. It's not like I don't want live on my own I just fear of being alone.

[d0nnivain]

1 hour ago, Servii142 said:

Thank you I'll try to mention to him about this group I'm not sure he'll try to reach out but I'm hoping he will.

You need to join the group Al Anon so you can learn to deal with your father's wife.  If you join & learn things he may be more willing to join but you don't need to go together.  It might be easier separately.  

[Donnas]

Why your dad dont man up and get his own place .And take care of this toxic marriage,therapy or something.

You are at a age that you can walk away. Google and ask around options or let your aunt advice you what options you can do in your city.

Maybe if you are a student you can get student housing.

Eitherway work on making more cash and saving. So you can get stable.

Your dad is adult also,so hes not your responsability.

 

[Sugarkane]

I’d definitely go do the roommates option. I wish I did at your age. I’m sorry your dad chooses to stay in this toxic marriage.