Get past this neutral feeling in life?

[Spec1]

I suffered from a real deep depression for about a year. Finally had enough and started getting help with it. I can finally say I’ve come out of that depressed and anxiety ridden state I was in. However, I’m still not 100% myself again. It feels like I’m more in a neutral state in my mind and body. Nothing really bothers me but I’m also not thinking about yesterday, today, tomorrow, or even my future. I don’t think about goals, my hobbies don’t really bring fulfilling excitement how they use to. which I was hoping my hobbies it would again as I still deep down love doing them... but there’s no humph in me to do them. I’m pretty much missing that ambition and drive that use to be so natural. The hunger to be challenged and to look forward to things still haven’t returned.

im mostly just here, in the moment but then that moment is quickly forgotten without any real conscious thought. Everything seems to be a sub conscious thought as life is happening. I don’t feel stressed or overwhelmed but I also just want to sit and do absolutely nothing in a relaxed care free way. So much that I forget appointments, forget plans I make until the day of them, I have to set a hundred reminders on my phone to remember to pay a certain bill on a certain date.  I’ll look at things that need to be done whether at work or my personal life and think “I’ll do it tomorrow” yet don’t do it tomorrow. 
 

The best way I can describe it is once you see things that can’t be unseen or experience things that were very real to you, it shifts your reality what seems like forever. I’m having a hard time not allowing the things over the course of my life to keep me in this neutral box. I at times will day dream about when I was younger and how care free but yearning to live life. Then over time that innocence was lost and that positive outlook at life is barried so deep under the negatives over the years of adulthood. I’d really like to find that person I was but life itself makes it harder with each passing day and year to remember what that feels like. 
 

I’ve come  a long way but don’t want to stop that progress until I do find my sense of purpose again in this life. I’ve tried to sit and construct what I want to do or what will excite me again at 32... but it’s just a empty fruitless thought.  Any advice would be greatly appreciated, Thanks!

Edited May 20, 2021 by Spec1

[Alpacalia]

2 hours ago, Spec1 said:

I’ve tried to sit and construct what I want to do or what will excite me again at 32... but it’s just a empty fruitless thought.  Any advice would be greatly appreciated, Thanks!

I decided one day to get up early and go to my neighborhood park with nothing but my yoga mat in tow.

Lush, green lawns and an eerie but fascinating park full of flowering, colorful trees in full bloom, complete with vibrant blossoms and sweet scents filled the air.

I spread out my yoga mat in the middle of the park and lied flat on my back, eyes closed, warm sun rays glistening on my skin, and an inner glow that linked me to the greatest of all living beings, Mother Nature. The sound of people's laughter and the dawn chorus of birds singing together, fresh clean air lifted my breath.

With my eyes closed, I imagined these feathered, flying birds, tiny and brown with a round chest, beautiful red colors with a white face, singing from a distance of a few branches. The park and such a lovely morning provided the ideal setting for me to unwind, breathe, and let the tension in my body melt away and rest peacefully with my thoughts.

The next time the sun blinds me during my morning Yoga in the park, I'll welcome the flashbacks of huge nights out with friends, dancing, and staying out until the early hours of the morning.

How do you feel about creating some new memories?
Big or small?

 

[Foxhall]

What are your passions or what do you enjoy?

have a think about that and put some time into what you like to do- 

[Wiseman2]

On 5/20/2021 at 10:40 AM, Spec1 said:

I suffered from a real deep depression for about a year. Finally had enough and started getting help with it. I can finally say I’ve come out of that depressed and anxiety ridden state I was in.

Excellent. make sure you discuss each and every symptom or side effects with both your therapist and psychiatrist. That way, treatment can be refined.

In the meantime work on lifestyle changes such as a better nutrition and exercise program as well as surrounding yourself with positive situations, people and places.

Make sure your home/living situation is comfortable and peaceful. Take classes courses, get a side hustle, volunteer, etc.

Treatment for depression treats the depression but unfortunately doesn't guarantee a wonderful life. You'll have to create that now that your outlook is improved.

[dangerous]

All good advice so far. 

Get mindful. Read up on it if you don't know what it means.

Think what did you like before? And do it. 

seek out good company/ old friends. get rid of bad people in your life.

Try new things, clubs, learning etc.

exercise.

Enjoy some self indulgence, including eating, sleeping, anything, as long as it doesn't take over.

Counselling can help too. 

Good luck!