My husband Cheated after 25 years of marriage I think I divorce Part#2

[AngelaLucania]

I posted about my husband of 25 years cheating with my best friend. I has a sit down with my husband,  Ex bestfriend and her husband. She is currently living with her brother, her husband is filing for divorce. My Ex bestfriends husband wanted it all out on the table. They had a prenup and he thought it was only fair to me I get the truth. Comes to find, they have had sex twice. She initiated the sex. She was very remorseful, begging me to forgive her. I never will have her in my life again.  I gently told my husband I wanted a divorce. Surprisingly he burst into tears. Begging me to please give him another chance, we could move away and start over. I told him I could never get past this. I feel I love him, but I have fallen out of love with him.  That has sent him over the edge. He has been acting insane since. My bestfriend has been leaving me messages crying asking to meet. Nope. Just changed my number today. My husband showed up at my work today. With flowers. He's coming by the house begging to talk. I cant legally force him out. It's his house to. He goes into the bedroom and sits on the edge of the bed with his head in his hand just out of it acting strange. He approaches me wanting to hold me, begging to me to just talk to him. I have nothing to say. He works in his family business,  his brother said they asked him to go home take a few days off. He's not able to focus and he is mentally in a blank space. I will run an errand or go to the Gym and he's asking me where I'm going,  why am I gone so long. He's being extremely obsessive and possessive.  It's now beginning to worry me. I don't know if I set something off with wanting a divorce. He calls me crying he can't be without me. He refuses to be without me. I'm not flattered I'm afraid.  What if he tries to harm me in some way when I file divorce papers. I dont know maybe I'm just overreacting.  But I have this weird energy coming from him. I woke up and he was watching me sleep. I try not to provoke him. I just ask him to please leave me alone.  He does apologize  but he tries to convince me to talk. Or he touches me and tries to initiate sex. I told him to never touch me again. I just want him to please just go! But I dont want to start a fight or trigger something in him. Hes not acting right mentally.  Maybe hes just depressed? I dont know?!!! Should I be worried? Maybe I should move out into a extended stay motel until I get divorce papers. I cant do much because of our kids. He has as much legal rights as I. I'm just feeling off about how hes acting. Hes never been violent towards me, but I am not sure what's going on in his head.

[Marc878]

No contact is your best path. Learn to ignore. I understand there is still love for him of some type but you can still divorce him. Not uncommon.

If you know it’s a dealbreaker then proceed. The faster the better. 
 

Sorry you’re here and he’s put you in this spot.

While he may have put you in limbo you are the only one that can keep yourself there.

Inform your work that he’s not to be allowed in.

You are correct. The x friend needs banished permission l

Infidelity will dissipate over time but will never go away.

Edited May 22, 2021 by Marc878

[AngelaLucania]

1 minute ago, Marc878 said:

No contact is your best path. Learn to ignore. I understand there is still love for him of some type but you can still divorce him. Not uncommon.

If you know it’s a dealbreaker then proceed. The faster the better. 
 

Sorry you’re here and he’s put you in this spot.

While he may have put you in limbo you are the only one that can keep yourself there.

Inform your work that he’s not to be allowed in.

You are correct. The x friend needs banished permission l

Infidelity will dissipate over time but will never go away.

I think I need to move out and file for the divorce this week. 

[Marc878]

You may hear take your time no need to rush, don’t make a quick decision, etc. Dragging this out will keep you in limbo hell. A place you don’t want to be very long.

The ones who get through these things best get strong and stay there.

 

[Marc878]

5 minutes ago, AngelaLucania said:

I think I need to move out and file for the divorce this week. 

Once you get the D or separation papers in place you have more control over your time, etc. 

Children exchange depending on age can be 2-3 minutes. You just get it done and LEAVE. Cut out needless contact. Kids or D only. Ignore anything else.

No need to talk. Do everything through text or email.

Edited May 22, 2021 by Marc878

[Marc878]

Right now like most he’s sorry he got caught and is trying to manipulate you into doing what he wants. Your x friend will do the same.

No one has any control over you unless you allow it.

Any sign of abuse or trouble call the police and file a restraining order against him.

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, AngelaLucania said:

her husband is filing for divorce. 

Smart guy. You need to do the same. Consult an attorney for advice on your options in divorce.

Also get a good therapist to help you navigate the emotional side of things.

Ask your husband to move out. He doesn't have to leave the marital home, but ask.

Do not talk to your husband. At all. Reflect in peace without the coercion, manipulation and drivel from him.

[Just a Guy]

Hi Angela, I guess you have been placed between a rock and a hard place. Considering the fact that this incident has taken place very recently, there is no doubt in anyone's mind that your emotions are roiling around and that the emotional pain you are going through is heart rending. However, think of it like this. If you were caught in a cyclone which blew your house away and caused you tremendous loss and trauma and affected your family in a disastrous way including maybe, the loss of a fear one, no doubt you would be completely knocked off balance and would feel rudderless and disoriented. maybe you would feel that life was not worth living anymore. However, with the passage of time things would become better and your wounds would heal. There would ne scars and some of them would be permanent, reminding you of the hell that you had gone through but also reminding you that you came through it successfully. Consider this to be a similar situation. Of course the major difference here is that in the first case there was no trust deficit, it was a natural disaster whereas your current situation involves the breaking of a bond of trust by someone who you trusted completely and unflinchingly. 

You have to let some time pass by so that your emotions cool down and you are able to weigh the pros and vons of your actions going forward in a calm and collected manner. You also have to decide whether this horrific act by your husband is a complete deal breaker for you or is there a glimmer of hope that this experience may have been a life lesson for him. You have 25 years together during which your husband has not failed you. In the last couple of weeks or a month his weakness as a man has trumped his love and devotion for you and he has let himself slip through the cracks of marital bonds that always existed from day one of your union. The fact is that as a man ( and for that matter as a woman) temptation is always round the corner. If it was not your friend it could have been another woman. You, too, could have fallen prey to temptation as that is a human failing. Divorce is a harsh and pitiless monster which will devour not only your husband but will also devour you. After 25 years where will you find another man to be a companion for you, especially with children who maybe teenagers who are not his own.

Whatever you decide to do you should do with a cool head on your shoulders and not with your emotions on s boil. Think about it. Warm wishes.