Dating Women I Meet in Bars

[BRITISHJOSHUA]

I need advice on dating women I meet at bars...

I get plenty of attention from women at bars, they look at me, smile, make eye contact. I'm happy to go approach them and strike up a conversation, give them compliments. It often ends with me getting their number or social media. And they are normally more than happy to do so. Women say I'm good looking and I'd say I'm about 8/10 in the looks department....

But for some strange reason, out of dozens of contacts I've never been able to secure a date with a woman I met in a bar. I'm often able to go on dates with women I met elsewhere, the street, parties ect......

My question is there something about bars that cause women to avoid dating guys they meet there? Or am I missing something that I should be doing to secure that date? Any advice from men that have more success than me or women who can offer any insight on what I could maybe do better... I'm not some "pick-up artist", I'm not trying to just "pull" I'm looking to make genuine connections with a nice women when I meet her.

Edited May 22, 2021 by BRITISHJOSHUA
Grammar

[Sun Seeker]

Bar = alcohol = lowered inhibitions = saying or doing things you wouldn't 'normally' do.

The next day when they are sober and think back... they realise what they did and decide not to continue.

[chillii]

Don't you end up out in the back seat of the car together, that use to happen to me at bars back in the day.

ps , many moons ago we're talking, back in 20s single days.

Edited May 22, 2021 by chillii

[d0nnivain]

I met my husband in a bar.  In my 20s bars were almost the only option  There was no OLD, heck there was no widespread internet.  

If you met them in a bar & they gave you legit contact info, from what you posted there is no discernable reason why you shouldn't be able to secure a date. Try a softer approach, maybe.   While talking to them, mention where you & your buddies will be hanging out the next weekend.  See if she shows up.  Especially if it's the same bar there's a high probability she will come back.  Once that happens you should be able to reach out & secure a Wednesday or Thursday meet for a drink 

[BRITISHJOSHUA]

53 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

I met my husband in a bar.  In my 20s bars were almost the only option  There was no OLD, heck there was no widespread internet.  

If you met them in a bar & they gave you legit contact info, from what you posted there is no discernable reason why you shouldn't be able to secure a date. Try a softer approach, maybe.   While talking to them, mention where you & your buddies will be hanging out the next weekend.  See if she shows up.  Especially if it's the same bar there's a high probability she will come back.  Once that happens you should be able to reach out & secure a Wednesday or Thursday meet for a drink 

I think maybe that's good advice. Maybe I should just slow down and be less focused on the objective of getting a date and just get to know people. I'll think about that next time.

[poppyfields]

3 hours ago, Punterxx said:

Bar = alcohol = lowered inhibitions = saying or doing things you wouldn't 'normally' do.

The next day when they are sober and think back... they realise what they did and decide not to continue.

I agree with @Punterxxand same thing after a first date as well.

I can appear to be having a great time (and am!) but then once home and thinking about it (and him), decide to not move forward.

Best to be flexible and "roll with the punches" as they say... try to not take it personally (although I realize that's difficult sometimes) and maintain a positive vibe.

Edited May 22, 2021 by poppyfields

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, BRITISHJOSHUA said:

I've never been able to secure a date with a woman I met in a bar.

If they give their number to you, you can be assured 100 other guys have it also. Good idea to meet women other places and other ways.

[Alpacalia]

5 hours ago, BRITISHJOSHUA said:

My question is there something about bars that cause women to avoid dating guys they meet there?

Yes.

Sweet oblivion in bottles.  🍾

5 hours ago, BRITISHJOSHUA said:

I'm often able to go on dates with women I met elsewhere, the street, parties ect......

It seems this method works well for you, no?

[dramafreezone]

9 hours ago, BRITISHJOSHUA said:

I need advice on dating women I meet at bars...

I get plenty of attention from women at bars, they look at me, smile, make eye contact. I'm happy to go approach them and strike up a conversation, give them compliments. It often ends with me getting their number or social media. And they are normally more than happy to do so. Women say I'm good looking and I'd say I'm about 8/10 in the looks department....

But for some strange reason, out of dozens of contacts I've never been able to secure a date with a woman I met in a bar. I'm often able to go on dates with women I met elsewhere, the street, parties ect......

My question is there something about bars that cause women to avoid dating guys they meet there? Or am I missing something that I should be doing to secure that date? Any advice from men that have more success than me or women who can offer any insight on what I could maybe do better... I'm not some "pick-up artist", I'm not trying to just "pull" I'm looking to make genuine connections with a nice women when I meet her.

Not enough information to know for sure (for instance, how do these post-bar conversations usually go) but the simplest explanation is perhaps these women see you as the type of guy that picks up women at bars, and they don't want to be associated with that.

[chillii]

4 hours ago, Alpaca said:

Yes.

Sweet oblivion in bottles.  🍾

It seems this method works well for you, no?

 

Yeah that's a great way of looking at it too really. lf nothing ever comes of it op just take the sort of bar stuff with a grain of salt.

 

 

 

 

[Miss Spider]

I DK. I have met people in bars before. What kind of bar was it? Some people just go to bars to hang with their friends not flirt. But it’s hard to say

[mark clemson]

Since you have good success outside of bars, keep doing that. If they have meetups in your location (once out of COVID) go to those. I'm married and wear my wedding ring but STILL have gotten "hit on" at meet ups. So it seems lots of people looking to meet others at them, AND they won't be wondering if it was just "beer goggles" or having other doubts about "someone I met in a bar" the next day.

Since you are looking for "real connection" you may actually be taking things too slow in the bar actually, per what Chillii said above. BUT that's probably your natural style/what you are comfortable with, so probably no sense in trying to change it.

Overall it seems different contexts can work better for different types of people.

[dangerous]

I don't see why it would be any different. if she gives you here number, she is open. 

If you then contact, are you taking too much time to chat and you blow it? Just contact her "as promised" and arrange date. It should work much of the time. 

You can also warm it up, when you get her number, say you'll call her to arrange a date. And why not close on the spot. Hey, how about meeting next Thursday? I'll call you to confirm the arrangements etc.