Did my mother fail me for not taking me to swim lessons as a child?

[Katkats7777]

Was wondering if anyone here thinks my mother failed me for NOT taking me to swim classes when I was a child? I'm an adult now, over 18, but I remember being in middle school around 12 years old and for gym class we all had to take swimming as part of the class. Everyone knew how to swim except me. I almost drowned at the age of 12 in front of the class which was pretty embarrassing. Don't most parents take their kids for swimming classes at an early age like 6? My nephews 12 and 8 already know how to swim. And I know adults can take swimming lessons, but c'mon, most kids by the age of 8 are familiar with pools, especially when summer time comes and all kids like to go the public swimming pool or water parks, etc, etc. Up until the age of 12 I was never exposed to a swimming pool or never even around a waterpark. Is that weird? Was I deprived or sheltered? Or did my mother not know/care about what to teach me?

Edited May 23, 2021 by Katkats7777

[basil67]

I would guess that your mother wasn't a swimmer and it simply wasn't on her radar.  If you were given love, taught to read, had food on your table and a roof over your head, you weren't deprived or sheltered.   

There is no sense dwelling on the past.  If you can't swim now, get yourself into adult swim classes and learn to enjoy the water.  

[spiritedaway2003]

No. Not weird at all. Pretty much the same here.  I didn’t go to any summer camps/water parks/swim lessons/public pools growing up, either. I didn’t know how to swim until high school (we had to pass a swim test).

I didn’t feel deprived because going to the beach or pools just wasn’t something my family did. It was just never a priority.  I was one of the few that didn’t know how to swim at that age, but it’s only odd if you make it so. I ended up enjoying it so much that I joined the swim team, and it more than made up for it.

I wouldn’t dwell on it. People learn things and skills in their own timeline.  I wouldn’t even blink an eye if someone is wanting to learn how to swim as an adult. There’s a reason why there are beginner’s adult swim classes!

Edited May 23, 2021 by spiritedaway2003

[Wiseman2]

5 hours ago, Katkats7777 said:

 around 12 years old and for gym class we all had to take swimming as part of the class.

Seems redundant since you were already in swimming lessons, no?

[d0nnivain]

Your mother did not fail you because she did not get you early swim lessons.  If you were lucky enough to having swimming as a gym class, your parents provided you with other advantages.   Your teachers may have failed you for not being more attentive given your lack of knowledge & your mom may have been remiss in not cautioning the teachers that you had no experience.  

Do you know if your mother knew how to swim?  If you were never around pools, lakes or water parks it was not a necessary skill. 

I'm sure it was both terrifying & embarrassing but you survived.  Since you are now an adult who presumably learned swimming when you were 12, cut mom a break 

Edited May 23, 2021 by d0nnivain

[Blind-Sided]

OK... real simple.... DON'T BE PETTY !!  And, don't try to pass blame to someone other than yourself.  You are an adult... you want to learn to swim... then go do it !!!!!!!!   You don't need lessons.  Not everyone is a good swimmer regardless of lessons.  Go to a community pool that starts shallow, and gets deeper.  Start by treading water... and then start moving water with your feet and cupped hands.  If you aren't a person who instantly sinks... then you will pick it up in a few hours.   

FYI... one of my kids was sinker, and it took time, but she loved the water.  BUT... I didn't let he take lessons because of her issue.  My older kid wanted to take lessons, but didn't like to put her face underwater, and the instructor was being an jerk about it.  So... I pulled her out.  As a family, we swim... go to water parks... and have a boat.  But lessons were a waste of time.

Unless you can say you weren't fed, and loved... then you were fine.  Not to mention... if your mom wasn't a swimmer, then that wasn't something she was interested in doing.

Edited May 23, 2021 by Blind-Sided

[mrs rubble]

Where I live we’re surrounded by water and swimming lessons were mandatory at all schools when I was a child... things have changed over the years and there are now very few schools that still have swimming pools and fewer people learn to swim here as children, lessons are expensive and many parents simply can’t afford it. 

I’m guessing swimming lessons may have been out of your mother’s financial reach, if you can afford to pay for your own lessons I highly suggest that you do so, cut your mum some slack, and learn to love the water. 

I was blessed to grow up with 2 parents who were surf life savers, so I was at the other end... expected to be a top swimmer, I started lessons at 18 months old, and by the time I was 11, I was one of the fastest swimmers in my city... then I broke my arm badly and it was 3 years before I had proper use of it again and my swimming career was toast by then. 

I’m still a strong swimmer though and would love to teach you the tricks if you lived where I do!! 

[mark clemson]

In line with many above, different parents will value/emphasize different things. Parents are only human, and there can be a wide variety of reasons why one didn't get to do certain things "everyone else was doing" or missed out on (what some believe is) an important life skill. There are probably some in the world who'd feel I've been remiss for not teaching my daughters how to skin and prep fresh game. (But we live in a world of grocery chains, at least currently.)

At any rate, if you feel there has been (in your view) a gap, you can and should take it upon yourself to close it in a safe manner, of course.

[Cookiesandough]

I wish the worst parenting mistake my mom made was not getting me in swim classes. I never took swim lessons, but I always was in the water/always knew how to “swim” in the “if you drop a hamster in water it will swim ” type of way. I think your mom could have assumed you wouldn’t need that skill that much if she never really used it and if you really needed it you might be able to since you’re a mammal. I don’t think it’s a huge deal and you can learn  now 

[Donnas]

Why ddnt she?

If thats the only thing she ddnt do, just ask her why and how you feel and move on.

Maybe she was scared of water herself and thought she is protecting you.

There is no perfect parents,they can only do their best. If she giveth you love ,care, feed you etc. be thankfull.

If swimming is really a thing for you,go take lessons now.It will give you a boost also that you still got it done.

And maybe you and your mom can be there at the exam day and hug.😊😊😏🏊🏊🏊

 

 

[Interstellar]

I don’t think it’s weird, your mom just didn’t think swimming is an essential skill you need to develop. I’m guessing she’s not an athlete too? I learned how to swim from watching my uncle float when I was a kid, he visits from sweden every summer and we’d go to the pool every time and I’d watch him and his big belly float on his back all day and I thought that looks really fun so he taught me how to float and I just kept doing it and learned to swim from that.

Edited May 25, 2021 by Interstellar

[S2B]

Learn to swim now if you feel you missed being taught something important.

you are an adult - you can learn anything you want to now! Never stop learning and growing.

[Sugarkane]

Is she afraid of water or do you live near the ocean? I’m in Australia and learning to swim was mandatory here. Don’t know if it still is. If you don’t live near the ocean, maybe she thought it wasn’t important. You can still learn as an adult though.

[dramafreezone]

I wish my mother would have encouraged me to participate in team sports.  I don't think it's reasonable to hold some kind of grudge that she didn't though.  Take adult swimming classes, simple.

[stillafool]

I suppose some parents do the best they can with what they have.  If you want to learn to swim sign up for swimming lessons.  Lots of adults do.

[Indigo Night]

On 5/22/2021 at 10:47 PM, Katkats7777 said:

Was wondering if anyone here thinks my mother failed me for NOT taking me to swim classes when I was a child? I'm an adult now, over 18, but I remember being in middle school around 12 years old and for gym class we all had to take swimming as part of the class. Everyone knew how to swim except me. I almost drowned at the age of 12 in front of the class which was pretty embarrassing. Don't most parents take their kids for swimming classes at an early age like 6? My nephews 12 and 8 already know how to swim. And I know adults can take swimming lessons, but c'mon, most kids by the age of 8 are familiar with pools, especially when summer time comes and all kids like to go the public swimming pool or water parks, etc, etc. Up until the age of 12 I was never exposed to a swimming pool or never even around a waterpark. Is that weird? Was I deprived or sheltered? Or did my mother not know/care about what to teach me?

No, your mother didn't fail you! 

So you didn't learn how to swim as a child. Lots of children don't. It's not a parental failure!

My mom couldn't swim and was terrified of water over waist deep.. When I fell in a canal behind our house as a child, she pulled me out by my hair because it's all she could reach. I don't think she abused me, or failed me. She saved my life!

Parents can do a lot of things to fail a kid, but not teaching them to swim isn't one of them. Consider yourself lucky if that's the worst thing she didn't do for you.

Where was the teacher or lifeguard when you were 12? Why were you in the water knowing full well you couldn't swim? You should have told any adult present you couldn't swim, or even one of your friends. That still is not your mother's fault!

I taught myself how to swim. Started with the doggy paddle until I got better, them taught myself to swim like I saw other petite doing it. I never even thought of blaming my mom for not knowing how to swim like my friends. I watched, I practiced, and I learned.