sunny-daze Posted May 24, 2021 Posted May 24, 2021 One of my best friends of ten years got married over the weekend. It was gorgeous, absolutely perfect. My boyfriend came as my plus one to the wedding. This was his first time meeting this particular group of friends, so I was excited to introduce him even though I knew it would be a crazy, busy night and they wouldn't really have the chance to get to know each other. I was in the wedding as a bridesmaid, so my boyfriend was alone for a good portion. He's very easygoing and personable and texted me at one point that he was fine and had made some friends at the table he was seated at so I wasn't overly worried. Once the reception really got started, we were able to move around more freely and were together the rest of the night. I noticed at one point that he was really pounding drinks. It was an open bar and I feel like he had maybe four or five vodka and sodas in the span of an hour or so. Then he was visibly drunk. Like very drunk. Singing very loudly to the music, and offkey. Hitting the dance floor with some over the top, goofy moves. My friends were in stitches, but I suddenly found myself feeling really embarrassed? At one point he was trying to get me to hold his drink so he could "do the worm" and I was like dude no. And almost felt like I was babysitting him. At one point, I did start giving him water in the hopes that it would help. We left at the end of the reception. I wanted to hang around and make sure the bride and groom didn't need anything, but also needed to get my boyfriend back to the hotel. So we hopped into a shuttle. He was chatting with the driver about music the whole time, but was noticeably slurring his words. Got him back to the hotel, went to sleep, and he was miraculously totally fine in the morning. He did say he drank too much too quickly, but had been feeling really awkward and nervous about not knowing anyone during the first half. Anyways, I'm just wondering how worried I should be about this kind of thing? I've really never seen him like that before but we've also never been to a huge event like that. I just felt like it wasn't a cute look for my grown ass boyfriend to be that obliterated at a wedding. I also don't like I need to look after him at something like that. I don't know if it's break-up worthy, but maybe something I need to keep an eye on?
d0nnivain Posted May 24, 2021 Posted May 24, 2021 Post covid as the world is opening up everybody is going a little nuts. He was also alone most of the time & probably overdid the liquid courage / social lubricant. It's a function of the open bar. I would tuck the info away & keep your eyes open. It's a yellow flag but only time will tell if this is how he acts or if it's a rare thing. However if you are so anti-alcohol that you are thinking of breaking up with him over this, you best not date anybody who likes to party because you will be incompatible. 3
smackie9 Posted May 24, 2021 Posted May 24, 2021 Gosh he lets his hair down for one night and you are all uptight about it? I don't see anything wrong with what transpired during the night or his behavior. He was a delight and the life of the party. You just have never seen this side of him because he's not an out of control person. Do you have alcoholism in your family? or witnessed an ex or a parent drunk and out of line? Then I can see your worry. Me personally have seen real train wrecks at events like this. Your BF had a good time, no one got into a fight, he didn't pass out or knock tables over or was caught urinating in a planter. I think you are good. 3
Author sunny-daze Posted May 24, 2021 Author Posted May 24, 2021 5 minutes ago, smackie9 said: Gosh he lets his hair down for one night and you are all uptight about it? I don't see anything wrong with what transpired during the night or his behavior. He was a delight and the life of the party. You just have never seen this side of him because he's not an out of control person. Do you have alcoholism in your family? or witnessed an ex or a parent drunk and out of line? Then I can see your worry. Me personally have seen real train wrecks at events like this. Your BF had a good time, no one got into a fight, he didn't pass out or knock tables over or was caught urinating in a planter. I think you are good. I mean...is it so wrong to be embarrassed by that kind of thing? It was the first time he met these friends and I didn't like wandering around after him to keep him out of trouble. And yes. My mother is an alcoholic. 1
Author sunny-daze Posted May 24, 2021 Author Posted May 24, 2021 47 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: Post covid as the world is opening up everybody is going a little nuts. He was also alone most of the time & probably overdid the liquid courage / social lubricant. It's a function of the open bar. I would tuck the info away & keep your eyes open. It's a yellow flag but only time will tell if this is how he acts or if it's a rare thing. However if you are so anti-alcohol that you are thinking of breaking up with him over this, you best not date anybody who likes to party because you will be incompatible. I'm not anti-alcohol. I like to drink socially, and definitely was drinking that day. What I don't like is when people don't know when to stop drinking. 1
Sun Seeker Posted May 24, 2021 Posted May 24, 2021 (edited) Wedding... open bar.. it would be wrong NOT to have had a bit too much to drink! Sounds like he had fun and made it a night to remember.. what's wrong with that? It's very worrying you say you are not sure if it's break up worthy. Off course it's not. Edited May 24, 2021 by Punterxx 2
Calmandfocused Posted May 24, 2021 Posted May 24, 2021 17 minutes ago, smackie9 said: Gosh he lets his hair down for one night and you are all uptight about it? I don't see anything wrong with what transpired during the night or his behavior. He was a delight and the life of the party. You just have never seen this side of him because he's not an out of control person. Do you have alcoholism in your family? or witnessed an ex or a parent drunk and out of line? Then I can see your worry. Me personally have seen real train wrecks at events like this. Your BF had a good time, no one got into a fight, he didn't pass out or knock tables over or was caught urinating in a planter. I think you are good. Agreed. Nor did he get verbally and/ or physically nasty with you. So he’s an idiot of when he’s had too much to drink? Personally I’d be relieved if I was you. At least you know it doesn’t get worse than that. 1
smackie9 Posted May 24, 2021 Posted May 24, 2021 5 minutes ago, sunny-daze said: I mean...is it so wrong to be embarrassed by that kind of thing? It was the first time he met these friends and I didn't like wandering around after him to keep him out of trouble. And yes. My mother is an alcoholic. I bet your friends thought he was fun, and don't think anything negative about him or his behavior. It was a wedding, that's what the newlyweds wanted to see...having good memories of people having a good time. So he was the class clown for the night, people do that. Have you not ever seen someone else do this at weddings? What was your opinion of them? You probably laughed and carried on with your night. Look if it bothers you that much say something to him about it. Air it out, then go forward. 1
d0nnivain Posted May 24, 2021 Posted May 24, 2021 13 minutes ago, sunny-daze said: I'm not anti-alcohol. I like to drink socially, and definitely was drinking that day. What I don't like is when people don't know when to stop drinking. Fair enough. Give him this one but keeps your eyes open. If the repeat behavior continues then you know he's not the guy for you.
Amanda92 Posted May 24, 2021 Posted May 24, 2021 Sunny-daze, I feel you! I would be very embarrassed too. I would give him a chance if he says that he is sorry and he knows that it was bad. But if it's okay for him and he is not ashamed, I would go away. Now every time he will drink, you will be stressed that he won't behave good and you will have to control him. 1
flitzanu Posted May 24, 2021 Posted May 24, 2021 this doesn't sound like you have a problem with his drinking. this sounds like you have a problem with thinking your friends are going to judge you and that you are more concerned about what other people think of you rather than your drunk boyfriend. 4 2
Author sunny-daze Posted May 24, 2021 Author Posted May 24, 2021 Fair enough. I guess I just didn't like feeling like my boyfriend was "that drunk guy" at the party. I was definitely concerned with what my friends thought about them, as it was their first time meeting him and I wanted them to like him. 1
Miss Spider Posted May 24, 2021 Posted May 24, 2021 (edited) I feel you, opie. Can be embarrassing when people act a fool /can’t hold their liquor . I have a friend like this. Gets white girl wasted and starts twerking to Britney Spears. Her man cringes but It’s funny to me because I’m not dating her but your bf sounds like kind of a hot mess no offense Edited May 24, 2021 by Cookiesandough 1
Wiseman2 Posted May 24, 2021 Posted May 24, 2021 4 minutes ago, sunny-daze said: I guess I just didn't like feeling like my boyfriend was "that drunk guy" at the party. I was definitely concerned with what my friends thought about them, as it was their first time meeting him and I wanted them to like him. What matters is what you think about him, no? Observe this if you've been dating for 6 mos.
Amanda92 Posted May 24, 2021 Posted May 24, 2021 50 minutes ago, sunny-daze said: Fair enough. I guess I just didn't like feeling like my boyfriend was "that drunk guy" at the party. I was definitely concerned with what my friends thought about them, as it was their first time meeting him and I wanted them to like him. So would you like this behavior if you would be alone at home?
BaileyB Posted May 24, 2021 Posted May 24, 2021 4 hours ago, sunny-daze said: I mean...is it so wrong to be embarrassed by that kind of thing? No, I would have been very embarrassed. That said, it is IMMENSELY difficult to to a wedding where you know no one and your girlfriend is busy/in the wedding party. Kudos to him for doing it. The last wedding I attended was with my partner - we knew nobody except the parents of the bride. Thank goodness, we had each other. We met some nice people but as soon as we had put in enough time, we were both ready to leave. Personally, I would dismiss this as a one off - he was trying hard to impress you at what was probably, a very awkward and difficult social gathering for him to attend. If it happens again, that’s when I would start to worry about his use of alcohol. 1
d0nnivain Posted May 24, 2021 Posted May 24, 2021 1 hour ago, sunny-daze said: I guess I just didn't like feeling like my boyfriend was "that drunk guy" at the party. I was definitely concerned with what my friends thought about them, as it was their first time meeting him and I wanted them to like him. You said your friends were "in stitches" with his antics. They liked him. You were the one who was embarrassed. Don't sweat it.
introverted1 Posted May 24, 2021 Posted May 24, 2021 How old is he? Frankly, I'd have been embarrassed, too. Knowing when to stop drinking is a sign of maturity. Especially given that he was meeting your friends for the first time and presumably wanted to make a good impression. It wouldn't fly with me unless it was truly a one-time lapse of judgement.
ShyViolet Posted May 24, 2021 Posted May 24, 2021 I would be very angry with him if I were you. I disagree with people who are saying this wasn't a big deal. If I were you, I would just talk to him and let him know that you were bothered by this. His reaction will say everything. If he is apologetic and says he won't do it again, then that's a very good sign. If he gets defensive, dismissive, or argues with you about it, very bad sign. Knowing when to stop drinking, and not making a fool of yourself (especially around new people who you haven't met before!) is absolutely a sign of maturity. 1
mark clemson Posted May 24, 2021 Posted May 24, 2021 (edited) One incident is not a pattern. Two, however... So keep an eye on him, perhaps. Edited May 24, 2021 by mark clemson
Acacia98 Posted May 24, 2021 Posted May 24, 2021 6 hours ago, sunny-daze said: I mean...is it so wrong to be embarrassed by that kind of thing? It was the first time he met these friends and I didn't like wandering around after him to keep him out of trouble. And yes. My mother is an alcoholic. No. It's not wrong to feel embarrassment or concern. As for me, on the one hand, it would bug me. On the other hand, I'd remember he was kind of alone and nervous at a wedding where he knew no one. So I'd give him the benefit of the doubt but keep an eye on his behavior around alcohol going forward. I don't think it's a dumpable offense, but it's something to keep an eye on. 1
Caauug Posted May 25, 2021 Posted May 25, 2021 You are feeling embarrassed and likely disappointed for a reason. His actions are the base but also your actions for bringing him in the first place. 6 hours ago, sunny-daze said: I guess I just didn't like feeling like my boyfriend was "that drunk guy" at the party. I was definitely concerned with what my friends thought about them, as it was their first time meeting him and I wanted them to like him. One of the attraction characteristics that women find appealing in men is "status". Him being "that drunk guy" at the wedding in your view has lowered his status and in the way your fiends could view him, and in turn how they view yourself.... It was the first time your friends met him, and first impressions count the most. This is his first and only display of embarrassing behavior. Will you ever return the favour and embarrass him with your actions, at some point in the future? How much do you care for him? Can you face your friends with them knowing you are still going out with "that drunk guy"? How much weight are you going to give to "status" in your attraction to him? Note: This is not to be an attack on any one person or any group of people. Questions are only to provide thought... 1
Fletch Lives Posted May 25, 2021 Posted May 25, 2021 How long have you been dating? If it was a rare thing, as it sounds like it was, maybe you should give him a get out of jail free card. Nobody is perfect, not even you. 1
Wiseman2 Posted May 25, 2021 Posted May 25, 2021 On 5/13/2021 at 11:32 AM, sunny-daze said: .At 6 months I would at least expect to have heard "I like you" at least once. Unfortunately it seems like there's been incompatibilities and disappointments all along in the brief 6 mos. you've dated. Sadly this seems like another incident of stuff he does that upsets and disappointments you. Maybe it's not just about getting too drunk once. Maybe it's about overall embarrassment and dissatisfaction.
poppyfields Posted May 25, 2021 Posted May 25, 2021 (edited) I think you should allow your boyfriend the freedom to behave however he wishes, he is a grown ass man, not a child. If you don't like it or if he "embarrasses" you, then feel free to tell him how you feel, and let him decide if he wants to change that behavior going forward. Anything short of that like "scolding" him (which is how he will interpret) or making him promise to never do it again as was suggested earlier sounds more like a parent/child dynamic and I trust that is NOT the dynamic you wish to establish. It sounds like he had a lot of fun, made people laugh including your friends. Unless he was falling down drunk, slurring words, drooling, acting CRAZY, not sure what the issue is? It was a wedding, there was alcohol, people were partying, drinking, having fun! Might you have done same versus spending your time monitoring his behavior? If you love this guy, accept him for who he is, not who you want him to be, which means not making an issue of a "one off" at a wedding. Continue observing and if you notice a pattern, rethink the relationship and leave if necessary. Edited May 25, 2021 by poppyfields
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