Would you be angry if a friend took a pic of you without your permission?

[enchanted771]

My friend got pissed off at me for taking his pic. We were drinking and I just took it because I thought it would be funny for US to look back on. I was not planning on sharing with social media or shaming him. He went off on me, saying I’m violating his privacy and trust. Even after I apologized he kept saying what a turn off it is. And he never recorded me or took a pic of me. He was intoxicated before 6 pm, and I wasn’t trying to shake him. He has a drinking problem, and was already drinking today at 12 noon so it’s no surprise he reacted like he did. However, making me feel like I did it to shame him or “violate” him like were strangers really hurt me. He couldn’t even cook for himself last night so I did it. I was genuinely concerned and he said things to me that hurt my feelings. I mean if you don’t like it, just say so but then drop it. But he had to go on and on like I’m the immature one. Maybe he was just ashamed…but I didn’t deserve to be talked down to like he did. If we were really so close, he wouldn’t have done that to me. 

[d0nnivain]

I don't like having my picture taken so I can be touchy about it.  Apologize & delete the picture.  He should then apologize for saying things that hurt your feelings.  You should be able to move on from there.  

Going forward when he drinks too much just leave.  By staying you are enabling his addiction.  Read up on the concept if you don't know what I'm talking about.  

[enchanted771]

45 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

I don't like having my picture taken so I can be touchy about it.  Apologize & delete the picture.  He should then apologize for saying things that hurt your feelings.  You should be able to move on from there.  

Going forward when he drinks too much just leave.  By staying you are enabling his addiction.  Read up on the concept if you don't know what I'm talking about.  

Yes I apologized not once but twice. He then proceeded to say how immature I am, how I violated him by taking a picture without permission. Even after I said I showed to him and deleted it. Should come ad no surprise he’s been drinking since 12. 

[enchanted771]

53 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

I don't like having my picture taken so I can be touchy about it.  Apologize & delete the picture.  He should then apologize for saying things that hurt your feelings.  You should be able to move on from there.  

Going forward when he drinks too much just leave.  By staying you are enabling his addiction.  Read up on the concept if you don't know what I'm talking about.  

I’m also going to let him know that I’m going to take some space for a couple days and we can talk at a later time. 

[Cookiesandough]

“Violate” is a strong word, but I generally try not to take pics of people without their knowledge or consent, plus if they want me to destroy it I will do so... 

Btw is this a “friend” you’ve slept with 

[enchanted771]

11 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

“Violate” is a strong word, but I generally try not to take pics of people without their knowledge or consent, plus if they want me to destroy it I will do so... 

Btw is this a “friend” you’ve slept with 

I am not sleeping with him. I slept with him in the past, but that was a couple years back so I’m over that. I deleted it without him asking me. I texted it to him, then deleted it immediately 

[Wiseman2]

24 minutes ago, enchanted771 said:

Yes I apologized not once but twice.

Excellent. Step way back from this. 

[Cookiesandough]

7 minutes ago, enchanted771 said:

I am not sleeping with him. I slept with him in the past, but that was a couple years back so I’m over that. I deleted it without him asking me. I texted it to him, then deleted it immediately 

Okay I see. I don’t know the exact circumstances for you, but one time a guy I was seeing took a pic of us together and put it on fb and I freaked out a little cuz I was seeing another guy at the time I liked more and even though it was a platonic pic, I didn’t want to give the wrong impression where I was at instead of the other guy. I just think your friend is overreacting a bit and you deleted it and apologized . That’s all you can do 
 

 

Edited May 24, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[enchanted771]

5 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

Okay I see. I don’t know the exact circumstances for you, but one time a guy I was seeing took a pic of us together and put it on fb and I freaked out a little cuz I was seeing another guy at the time I liked more and even though it was a platonic pic, I didn’t want to give the wrong impression where I was at instead of the other guy. I just think your friend is overreacting a bit and you deleted it and apologized . That’s all you can do 
 

 

Yes he is. I didn’t put it on social media or show anyone. And for him to think, I was trying to shame him shows me his level of maturity. 

[Cookiesandough]

9 minutes ago, enchanted771 said:

Yes he is. I didn’t put it on social media or show anyone. And for him to think, I was trying to shame him shows me his level of maturity. 

Yep & (even if you put it up , I just messaged the guy plz take it down)but all you did was take it and you deleted it , then he’s way overreacting as a “friend”. Just give it space for awhile . He should get right and be cool 

Edited May 24, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[enchanted771]

1 minute ago, Cookiesandough said:

Yep & even if you put it up , I just messaged the guy plz take it down, & you respected that , then he’s way overreacting. Just give it space for awhile . He should get right and be cool 

That’s what I felt. I said my peace to him so he can let that sink in and get over it 

[ShyViolet]

His reaction was not proportional to the situation and he sounds a little crazy.  If I were you, I would seriously rethink this friendship.

[enchanted771]

16 minutes ago, ShyViolet said:

His reaction was not proportional to the situation and he sounds a little crazy.  If I were you, I would seriously rethink this friendship.

I have been racking my brain all day. I tried to see his POV and I just couldn’t find any logic. Maybe subconsciously I took the pic to show him how ridiculous he acts when he drinks. I mean he was just exercising, but clearly he felt ashamed to have reacted the way he did. Your right though, something just isn’t right with him. A sane person would just say please don’t take picture of me I don’t like it. But he started acting passive-aggressive and like he was a different person. 

[basil67]

 His reaction is easy to find logic in:  Have you ever heard "the best defense is a good offence"?  It's exactly what he did.   

He was aware that your picture would show him up as a drunk, therefore, he felt he needed to engage in some self protection.  He also would have been highly reactive because he was drunk.  Combine these two things and he went on the offence.   And of course something isn't right with him - he's an alcoholic. 

The reason you're confused is because you're expecting the response of someone who's sober and well balanced.   But his alcoholism means that he's neither of these things. 

Edited May 24, 2021 by basil67

[enchanted771]

7 minutes ago, basil67 said:

@enchanted771   His reaction is easy to find logic in:  Have you ever heard "the best defense is a good offence"?  It's exactly what he did.   

He was aware that your picture would show him up as a drunk, therefore, he felt he needed to engage in some self protection.  He also would have been highly reactive because he was drunk.  Combine these two things and he went on the offence.   And of course something isn't right with him - he's an alcoholic. 

The reason you're confused is because you're expecting the response of someone who's sober and well balanced.   But his alcoholism means that he's neither of these things. 

Thank you-I do understand your logic. I have been in denial because he does have his good days/moments. He has periods where he cuts back on his drinking, goes to the gym etc. What’s the point if your just poisoning your body?? I don’t have proof he was drunk but he was drinking strong beer before noon. 

[basil67]

@enchanted771 Instead of trying to analyse him, I think that you would do well to unpack your own choices.

Your history has a number of topics about drunk male friends behaving badly.  Are these all about the guy who's in this post?  Or do you have a few male friends who drink too much and behave badly?   I think it would be immensely helpful for you to look at all these topics as a whole instead of individual issues and make some changes in your own life.   You can't keep up getting mad at others when you're the one who chooses to have them in your life.

Have you considered attending Al-Anon?  Support group for friends and family of addicts, to help you gain understanding about your relationship with them.  

[BaileyB]

3 hours ago, ShyViolet said:

His reaction was not proportional to the situation and he sounds a little crazy.  If I were you, I would seriously rethink this friendship.

Agree. It was a picture. People take pictures of other people everyday without a signed, written consent. His reaction was very disproportionate to the situation.

Edited May 25, 2021 by BaileyB

[Fletch Lives]

He sounds like an angry drunk. 

Maybe find some non-alcoholic friends. Don't settle when it comes to friends or a partner.

[basil67]

6 hours ago, enchanted771 said:

Thank you-I do understand your logic. I have been in denial because he does have his good days/moments. He has periods where he cuts back on his drinking, goes to the gym etc. What’s the point if your just poisoning your body?? I don’t have proof he was drunk but he was drinking strong beer before noon. 

If he was drinking strong beer before noon, and has a history of alcoholism and over reacted to you taking a photo - he was drunk.

Just how many of your threads are about this guy in particular?  Serious question.  I'm not saying this to be mean or shame you or anything - rather, I'd love to see you re-read these threads like reading an old diary so that you can see just how problematic having him in your life is.   It's time to stop focussing on him and what he's doing and start to care for yourself.

[Taramere]

If he doesn't like getting his photo taken, that's a boundary to be respected - but you've apologised, and that should be enough to have it done and dusted.  As everybody else is saying, the alcohol issue is not such an easy fix.   I've met plenty of people with issues in my life, but when it comes to people habitually having outbursts of irrational anger and aggression for no apparently people I think alcohol is very frequently involved...and you're not going to necessarily know that, if the person is drinking in a covert way (as people are likely to once others start hinting that they might have a problem with alcohol).

Quote

I have been racking my brain all day. I tried to see his POV and I just couldn’t find any logic

You could drive yourself into a bad place very quickly, trying to see the perspective of an angry drunk.  A friend and I were out for a pub lunch recently.  It was fairly quiet, and there was an old guy in the corner of the room who I didn't like the look of.  I could see that he kept glancing our way, and I had a feeling that sooner or later he was going to approach us in a belligerent way - like the drunk, geriatric and blatantly horrible version of the PUA types who neg women in bars.  The bar staff told him to leave and were very shocked about his behaviour...but I'd seen it coming, and my friend said she had too.    Both of us have had enough professional and personal experiences involving dealing with drunks to not be surprised when something like that happens. 

Not long ago I had a really nasty experience with a friend who's long had a drink problem but who hasn't usually been drinking when he's around me.  I found myself doing what you're doing now - racking my brain and coming up with all sorts of ways in which I was responsible, but vicious drunks aren't like other people when they get angry.  Most people are capable of expressing anger without being really cruel.  Nasty drunks are in a different league.  They'll dive into all their memories about you and pull out the most wounding thing they can find.  The longer you know them, and hang about with them, the more ammunition they'll store up against you for those Ugly Drunk spells.  Fortunately as often as not, the drink will result in them dramatically burning their bridges - and all you need to do then is be unavailable and unreachable to them when they try to rekindle the friendship.

[Wiseman2]

10 hours ago, enchanted771 said:

 I took the pic to show him how ridiculous he acts when he drinks.. 

Perhaps you two need to stop hanging out in this love/hate situation?

You are not FWB or anything anymore. In fact you seem antagonist toward each other.

Stop pestering him. Find other friends and guys to date.

Maybe subconsciously, he knows you're still trying to get back together with him and do these attention seeking (but weird) behaviors to do that?

[enchanted771]

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

Perhaps you two need to stop hanging out in this love/hate situation?

You are not FWB or anything anymore. In fact you seem antagonist toward each other.

Stop pestering him. Find other friends and guys to date.

Maybe subconsciously, he knows you're still trying to get back together with him and do these attention seeking (but weird) behaviors to do that?

There’s nothing attention seeking about it, and I don’t have any desire to get back together with him in a relationship. He knows that. It was a spur of the moment thing and it turned sour. I apologized and I’m not going to beg anyone for forgiveness. If my word isn’t enough, then that person isn’t a true friend to begin with. 

[Wiseman2]

46 minutes ago, enchanted771 said:

then that person isn’t a true friend to begin with. 

Exactly. This is why you need to let go and step away from this.

[enchanted771]

5 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Exactly. This is why you need to let go and step away from this.

Hence, why I haven’t contacted him. He has to battle his own demons, but I’m not allowing him to mistreat me or manipulate me. 

[salparadise]

13 hours ago, enchanted771 said:

Your right though, something just isn’t right with him. A sane person would just say please don’t take picture of me I don’t like it. But he started acting passive-aggressive and like he was a different person. 

This thread has the wrong title—it should be, “is it possible to be a friend to a raging alcoholic?”