How do I get a girlfriend who will accept my situation

[1D9G8C6]

Hello everyone, I am Derek, I am 35 years of age. My situation is this, i do have asperges  syndrom, a severe learning disability that caused me tofail atgetting an education and prevents me from getting one now. When I focus on trying to get one my mind freezes and i start paniking, its the same with trying to work, and is why I cant work. I live off SSI$1300 month. I cant drive, cook, Ive never had se y or even been kissed or been with a girl in the same room except for family or families friends. I am lonely, but hide it ok, how can i find a girlfriend or what dating site can i use to find a girlfriend who might accept me for me? Ive a good personality and sense of humor, i have money, around 700 after bills and everything so i can provide for her. I am the only member in my family and family's  family who is still single. How can i find a girlfriend, what dating site should i use and what do i ssy in my profile? Also, i live in the countryside because i cant afford to live in the city and theres not even an uber, taxi, or anything outhere, and ive no friends, or family that can help.

[d0nnivain]

Mainstream dating sites will not help you.  Stay away.  People on those sites are brutal.  

Instead use the internet to find support networks for people with Asperger's.  There are tons of them out there.  Read through a few & follow their suggestions.  Try to find a local support group.  

Do not tell people how much money you have or your disposable income.  

If you can volunteer somewhere to make a difference in your community, do that.  I know places like the Elks are very accepting so see if there is a local Lodge near you.  

[Wiseman2]

8 hours ago, 1D9G8C6 said:

I am the only member in my family and family's family who is still single and ive no family that can help.

Why do you need help from your family if you are receiving disability income?

[d0nnivain]

I was thinking about your situation.  If you want to try on line dating, do an internet search for Asperger's dating.   There are a few specialty sites for people with your diagnosis.  I know nothing  about them but you should research them & any other sites you discover,   Posting there will probably yield better results for you.  

The big national cites are too cutthroat.  If I ever went back to dating, I'd go with a niche site before the big one's again.  Although if you can find the money, something like eHarmony with all it's questions may help you find a compatible mate.  You will not get a huge number response but you may get a quality match.  That assumes you can wade through the questionnaire.  It's about 3-4 hours for somebody without a learning disability.  You might not want to struggle through that.    

@Wiseman2 I understood the OP to say he didn't have nearby family to help with transportation or to fix him up.  He's financially independent.  

Edited May 25, 2021 by d0nnivain

[1D9G8C6]

10 hours ago, d0nnivain said:

Mainstream dating sites will not help you.  Stay away.  People on those sites are brutal.  

Instead use the internet to find support networks for people with Asperger's.  There are tons of them out there.  Read through a few & follow their suggestions.  Try to find a local support group.  

Do not tell people how much money you have or your disposable income.  

If you can volunteer somewhere to make a difference in your community, do that.  I know places like the Elks are very accepting so see if there is a local Lodge near you.  

I cant volenteer because i live pretty much in the midle of nowhere with no transportation of anykind. Not even an ambulance comes this far out.

[1D9G8C6]

8 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Why do you need help from your family if you are receiving disability income?

I meant help with finding programs to escape this terrable severe isolation i li ed in for years now because im getting to the point to where im starting to feel like death might be my only escape from it, but i want to try to avoid that but everything i try doesnt work and im at the point where im feeling like giving up and just ending it to escape it.

[d0nnivain]

Suicide is not the answer.  If you live in such an isolated place, is there any possibility that you could move?  You don't have to go all the way to the "big city" but just somewhere where you can access services you need or get an ambulance.  How do you get groceries?  

[normal person]

On 5/25/2021 at 1:20 AM, 1D9G8C6 said:

how can i find a girlfriend or what dating site can i use to find a girlfriend who might accept me for me? Ive a good personality and sense of humor, i have money, around 700 after bills and everything so i can provide for her. I am the only member in my family and family's  family who is still single.

Do your family members know you're looking for a girlfriend? You might want to ask them for advice too. It sounds like you're going to have some hurdles that you may need a lot of help navigating. Also, someone in your situation needs to be vary wary of someone trying to scam or take advantage of you. Don't give or send anyone money. 

[1D9G8C6]

 

 

They know,  father saysvi dont need a girlfriend, sister says no one will want me, my mother is dying but wishes i had one.

[1D9G8C6]

8 hours ago, d0nnivain said:

Suicide is not the answer.  If you live in such an isolated place, is there any possibility that you could move?  You don't have to go all the way to the "big city" but just somewhere where you can access services you need or get an ambulance.  How do you get groceries?  

I live so far put that not even an ambulance comes, only helicopter, theres no uber, taxi, or anything, only a gas station which is outta walking range, my mom is my only means of transportation, but she is dying, and my food comes from a gas station or dollar store which are both fsr away.

[Wiseman2]

Can you move closer to a city/town?

[d0nnivain]

I'm sorry about your mom but if she is in poor health, while she is alive you need to make arrangements to move some place that will offer you greater opportunities.  

Reach out to whatever social welfare agencies you have & ask them for help

[Foxhall]

Sometimes you can be lucky on dating sites, in just finding someone far away even ,who is willing to strike up an online friendship.

short term that might be your best plan.

Although be wary of what the poster Normal Person there is saying, no sending money its most likely not a girl!!!

Id take a chance if I were you though, try a dating site or two and try to get a bit more connected with people, even if its only online.

[1D9G8C6]

37 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

I'm sorry about your mom but if she is in poor health, while she is alive you need to make arrangements to move some place that will offer you greater opportunities.  

Reach out to whatever social welfare agencies you have & ask them for help

Tried to reach out, im always told the same thing, there are no services in my area and the services i contact located in the city, do not provide services this far out as its out of their area.

[d0nnivain]

Then call your local elected official or a news outlet.  You should not fall through the cracks like this.  

[Trail Blazer]

You have a lot of things going against you.  I struggle to see how you could reasonably expect to get a girlfriend without one or more drastic life changes.  It's nigh on impossible under your current circumstances.

[1D9G8C6]

36 minutes ago, Trail Blazer said:

You have a lot of things going against you.  I struggle to see how you could reasonably expect to get a girlfriend without one or more drastic life changes.  It's nigh on impossible under your current circumstances.

Sadly the changes that id need to make need resources to be done and aquired, and those resources are unattainable for me. I cant drive due to medical reasons, theres no eber, taxy or even medical transportation out here, ive no friends and family wont help because they cant. And theres nothing out here. My mom can bearly take me to the dg store as it is, as as far as her helping me out with finding resources, moving, groups, shes not in a position to help consittering shes basically lives on a feeding tube. Ive been trying since 2016 to change my life but my lack of resources of any kind make it impossible so far. I havent even talked to really anyone other than my mom since 2016, and the level of isolation im in, Death is something i actualy desire terrorably because its the only real way to escape this prison existance i live. Now im not saying that out of depression because i dont get depressed, but i say it after looking at all my options, resources, people or others that can help things i can change to get into a position to have e ternal help and truth is, i cant get there.  "To take the step unto the next stone, the stone must not be submerged" - Sensei Hiyiti W. And i have no more stones left. Some paths , you just cant turn around and go back, and im in that situation, i made bad xhoices and this is the outcome. The quicker i die the better. I was however looking to find someone to love and be loved so at least id have a reason to continue but, i dont, if i were to die, i lose nothing. Lost a life? I have none, no friends no caring family no resources, nothing to look forwarded to but everything to dread. The only thing keeping me alive, is mg mother, once she is gone, i wont even be able to get food anymore, so ill have no way to eat.

 

I was hoping to get or find someone to love and be loved by, hopfully someone with a car so i can get transportation but at the same time, do things for and with. Even after bills and rent and everything, ive got 700 usd to do whatever with, but like they say, having trillions of dolllars wont do any good while your stranded alone on mars with no ship and technology. lol.

[Trail Blazer]

3 hours ago, 1D9G8C6 said:

Sadly the changes that id need to make need resources to be done and aquired, and those resources are unattainable for me. I cant drive due to medical reasons, theres no eber, taxy or even medical transportation out here, ive no friends and family wont help because they cant. And theres nothing out here. My mom can bearly take me to the dg store as it is, as as far as her helping me out with finding resources, moving, groups, shes not in a position to help consittering shes basically lives on a feeding tube. Ive been trying since 2016 to change my life but my lack of resources of any kind make it impossible so far. I havent even talked to really anyone other than my mom since 2016, and the level of isolation im in, Death is something i actualy desire terrorably because its the only real way to escape this prison existance i live. Now im not saying that out of depression because i dont get depressed, but i say it after looking at all my options, resources, people or others that can help things i can change to get into a position to have e ternal help and truth is, i cant get there.  "To take the step unto the next stone, the stone must not be submerged" - Sensei Hiyiti W. And i have no more stones left. Some paths , you just cant turn around and go back, and im in that situation, i made bad xhoices and this is the outcome. The quicker i die the better. I was however looking to find someone to love and be loved so at least id have a reason to continue but, i dont, if i were to die, i lose nothing. Lost a life? I have none, no friends no caring family no resources, nothing to look forwarded to but everything to dread. The only thing keeping me alive, is mg mother, once she is gone, i wont even be able to get food anymore, so ill have no way to eat.

 

I was hoping to get or find someone to love and be loved by, hopfully someone with a car so i can get transportation but at the same time, do things for and with. Even after bills and rent and everything, ive got 700 usd to do whatever with, but like they say, having trillions of dolllars wont do any good while your stranded alone on mars with no ship and technology. lol.

This is very sad.  I honestly have no practical advice I can offer, other than my sincere empathy to your situation. 

I wish you all the best and sorry I have nothing further to meaningfully contribute.  Life can be very unfair sometimes.

[1D9G8C6]

1 hour ago, Trail Blazer said:

This is very sad.  I honestly have no practical advice I can offer, other than my sincere empathy to your situation. 

I wish you all the best and sorry I have nothing further to meaningfully contribute.  Life can be very unfair sometimes.

Yea it can, what sucks to me the most, is not really that this existanse i have is so hopless, but its that i only get one chance at life ever. Cant ever live again, so if i cant get any5hing in this life, then my only question to god would be, what was the point in living only to see everything so amazing like having a girlfriend, kids or family, even having friends if you never had any entintion of allowing me to have them. I prey and prey and pray and then wait now for my whole life and still nothing and not having the posibility of colan cancer, its not like something good could happen, i live to want, not to be able to have, i die alone to burn in hell for turning away from god for obviously not caring to help when i do what i needed to to get said help. Oh from isolation on the surface to isolation in a firy cave. Anyway, i might delete this account soon, creating it was just another desperate attempt to find hope in an area where it obviously never existed. I still want to believe there is hope in the darkness even though i know if i turn on a flashlight ill see the area is empty. Thanks for your kind words though

[Trail Blazer]

23 minutes ago, 1D9G8C6 said:

Yea it can, what sucks to me the most, is not really that this existanse i have is so hopless, but its that i only get one chance at life ever. Cant ever live again, so if i cant get any5hing in this life, then my only question to god would be, what was the point in living only to see everything so amazing like having a girlfriend, kids or family, even having friends if you never had any entintion of allowing me to have them. I prey and prey and pray and then wait now for my whole life and still nothing and not having the posibility of colan cancer, its not like something good could happen, i live to want, not to be able to have, i die alone to burn in hell for turning away from god for obviously not caring to help when i do what i needed to to get said help. Oh from isolation on the surface to isolation in a firy cave. Anyway, i might delete this account soon, creating it was just another desperate attempt to find hope in an area where it obviously never existed. I still want to believe there is hope in the darkness even though i know if i turn on a flashlight ill see the area is empty. Thanks for your kind words though

There's a reason why I am an atheist and it is precisely because of the injustices in the world do not align with an all-loving deity.  However, to not offend, I will not expand upon my beleifs any further.

If you must take stock in faith, there is one phrase which is used commonly; "God helps those who help themselves."

I understand that this quote only brings you back to the same conundrum.  However, whether you believe in God or not, a universal trait among successful human beings is that only those who believe in themselves can truly succeed.

Your only hope is to keel fighting and try to find a way that you can push through your current circumstances and move on to bigger and better things.

I have learnt in life that fighting through adversity is not only beneficial in the sense that when you get through it, you've reached your intended destination - you've also learned a lot and become a better, stronger person for the journey.

Best of luck and just keep positive.  Remember, if you believe you can't then you guarantee you can't.  Your only shot is to convince yourself you can, and then give it your all.

[1D9G8C6]

46 minutes ago, Trail Blazer said:

There's a reason why I am an atheist and it is precisely because of the injustices in the world do not align with an all-loving deity.  However, to not offend, I will not expand upon my beleifs any further.

If you must take stock in faith, there is one phrase which is used commonly; "God helps those who help themselves."

I understand that this quote only brings you back to the same conundrum.  However, whether you believe in God or not, a universal trait among successful human beings is that only those who believe in themselves can truly succeed.

Your only hope is to keel fighting and try to find a way that you can push through your current circumstances and move on to bigger and better things.

I have learnt in life that fighting through adversity is not only beneficial in the sense that when you get through it, you've reached your intended destination - you've also learned a lot and become a better, stronger person for the journey.

Best of luck and just keep positive.  Remember, if you believe you can't then you guarantee you can't.  Your only shot is to convince yourself you can, and then give it your all.

Wheres some spiritial C4 when you need it, that would make a way real quick, lol. Thanks again for your kind words.

[SumGuy]

If you are Christian could perhaps take solace in the Book of Job.

[Abhainn]

On 5/25/2021 at 8:24 AM, Wiseman2 said:

Why do you need help from your family if you are receiving disability income?

First of all,  I would like to apologize to the OP because this feels to me as a person with a disability (Ehlers Danlos syndrome) that this is a question you should never be asked. It just feels like there is so much judgement coming from a stranger about how you manage your life and funds in this question. I appreciate so much your gentle response to the question, but also just know from experience how much people when they find out you have some sort of a disability, feel like they have a right to a whole lot more information about you and your disability, even when they barely know you. 

Since I'm not sure where you live and you definitely shouldn't tell me on a forum like this, I can't offer to look up resources for you. What I can do is generally suggest moving away from online dating platforms altogether (I mean, they are seriously screwing with relationships and the way they play out and relationship researchers are actually scratching their heads and investigating concepts like relational disposability and other things to figure out why relationships are not lasting, fewer relationships are being formed and other things going on right now and last I knew they were looking into whether dating platforms were contributing to this) and looking for groups with both fellow autistics/neurodivergent folk and folk familiar with the beautful neurodivergent life (neurodivergent ADHDer here also) as a jumping off point for meeting folks. 

I would steer away from believing that you have to be with someone that also has autism (or is autistic since I'm not sure how you choose to identify in that manner).rather just someone who values you for you and meets you where you are instead of demanding that you behave and act neurotypically all the time to make them happy. You deserve more. You deserve to be able to relax into your own way of being and relating. It sounds like you are feeling really isolated without transportation available. I don't want to assume that you haven't already checked out area independence disability centers that might be able to hook you up with transportation options that might be available so you can meet someone downtown or get out some and meet people, and also don't want to assume that you have or have knowledge that places like that exist for you to find, that would give you those services likely without need for payment since you are already on disability. I hope you can find some ways to get out and decrease your loneliness both with friends and hopefully experiences with relationships.

Please keep us posted, I am so rooting for you!

[1D9G8C6]

On 6/3/2021 at 12:31 PM, SumGuy said:

If you are Christian could perhaps take solace in the Book of Job.

Im not christion, I gave up on god like he did me years ago, but i know all about job

[1D9G8C6]

On 5/26/2021 at 5:09 PM, Wiseman2 said:

Can you move closer to a city/town?

that requires a moving truck and transportation to go look at places to live which I have no access too, and requires me to actually be able to find a place, but, all the safe places are $750 and up which I cant afford and the places I can will get me killed as they are in the most dangerous ghettos in the nearest city.