Struggling with end of affair

[torn_heart]

Another update.

Yesterday OW called, she told me she couldn't think straight, that couldn't work, that she was struggling because just days prior taking de decision she was at peace with our relationship, it seems to confirm that what triggered this was my first trip with my gf. I told her that I felt the same way and we said we might chat again tomorrow.

Still, I don't see a way on going back to how it was, what hapenned had to happen, things most change, still not 100% sure what to do, but I'm certain this had to happen and I cannot go back to live a double life as I was.

Also, she told me she felt that way, but it might be just to tell me and her decision might still remain and maybe she even found someone else.

Edited May 19, 2021 by torn_heart

[torn_heart]

Hope everyone is doing ok.

In my case OW reached out and we spoke, in some way we agreed on getting back together. 2 days after we had a chat where we had a misunderstanding and she told me she didn't want to know about me until I was single and wanted to be with her, at night I told her I thought it was a misunderstanding but didn't reply.

The next day she reached out again, just for small talk, just like at the beginning, told me she was going to the ginecologist today and that was it. Oh and she told me I was provoking her with my profile picture of WhatsApp (it's just a formal pic)

Today I just checked how it went with the doctor and that's it. 

I remember when we started talking in the very beginning that I told her that I was tired of relationships with too much drama, the attitude of dropping everything and they expecting me to run after them and she told me she was like that. This is the first time I see that side of her and that I really don't want in a relationship. Made me see the good/great things with my gf and the other side of the OW which I was so desperate to go to. 

I'm emotionally exhausted, obviously I'm not running to her, I'll try to keep NC (from my side) and keep going to therapy. The anxiety declined a lot since the day we decided to "get back" because she opened herself up to me and told me what she wants.

Hope everyone is doing fine, or at least better than me. 

[Aether]

@ButtercuppI hope you're doing ok.  

[NYAG]

10 hours ago, torn_heart said:

Hope everyone is doing ok.

In my case OW reached out and we spoke, in some way we agreed on getting back together. 2 days after we had a chat where we had a misunderstanding and she told me she didn't want to know about me until I was single and wanted to be with her, at night I told her I thought it was a misunderstanding but didn't reply.

The next day she reached out again, just for small talk, just like at the beginning, told me she was going to the ginecologist today and that was it. Oh and she told me I was provoking her with my profile picture of WhatsApp (it's just a formal pic)

Today I just checked how it went with the doctor and that's it. 

I remember when we started talking in the very beginning that I told her that I was tired of relationships with too much drama, the attitude of dropping everything and they expecting me to run after them and she told me she was like that. This is the first time I see that side of her and that I really don't want in a relationship. Made me see the good/great things with my gf and the other side of the OW which I was so desperate to go to. 

I'm emotionally exhausted, obviously I'm not running to her, I'll try to keep NC (from my side) and keep going to therapy. The anxiety declined a lot since the day we decided to "get back" because she opened herself up to me and told me what she wants.

Hope everyone is doing fine, or at least better than me. 

I cannot be done with drama. This just sounds like silly games now. You need to go NC and have done with it. Don't leave any room for temptation because this will never end otherwise. Block everywhere and move on.

[Buttercupp]

10 hours ago, torn_heart said:

Hope everyone is doing ok.

In my case OW reached out and we spoke, in some way we agreed on getting back together. 2 days after we had a chat where we had a misunderstanding and she told me she didn't want to know about me until I was single and wanted to be with her, at night I told her I thought it was a misunderstanding but didn't reply.

The next day she reached out again, just for small talk, just like at the beginning, told me she was going to the ginecologist today and that was it. Oh and she told me I was provoking her with my profile picture of WhatsApp (it's just a formal pic)

Today I just checked how it went with the doctor and that's it. 

I remember when we started talking in the very beginning that I told her that I was tired of relationships with too much drama, the attitude of dropping everything and they expecting me to run after them and she told me she was like that. This is the first time I see that side of her and that I really don't want in a relationship. Made me see the good/great things with my gf and the other side of the OW which I was so desperate to go to. 

I'm emotionally exhausted, obviously I'm not running to her, I'll try to keep NC (from my side) and keep going to therapy. The anxiety declined a lot since the day we decided to "get back" because she opened herself up to me and told me what she wants.

Hope everyone is doing fine, or at least better than me. 

@torn_heart hope your doing OK but it does seem that your OW is going through the same roller coaster of emotions that we've all went through.

I have done the exact as her over time, I've messaged my ex MM being absolutely fine and we've met up and he said I seemed happier and content. Next we are meeting and I'm crying and all sort. Then next we are doing NC because I cannot cope with it then I feel better and thats when he reaches out stating he wants to see me and is struggling. Its that old rollercoaster of emotions, it's the constant internal battle then it comes across as confusion and anger at times.

All you can do is keep trying the NC until your completely clear on what you want.

My update and be good to hear your view on it...  well me and my MM met up last week. I messaged him and we had normal chit chat. Then I just asked can we meet to talk. So we did. No hesitation from him. I was really nervous for some reason and remember we hadn't really spoken since he told me not to be honest and open up. So maybe that's why I was nervous.

He came over and we just chatted about work, movies, pretty much general chit chat. Then he asked "so are you OK?" And I just said I wasn't and that I think this needs to stop, as much as I want to see him etc I cant do It..he agreed but went really quiet. Thats when I noticed he seems really down too... so i asked him is he OK? And he hesitated before he answered and then said "I'm OK just tired" but I felt there was more to it. 

I asked him why didn't he want me to speak openly the other week when he didn't know what I was going to say and he replied with "I don't know, I just... (paused) then said I don't know why I said it to you"

So I left it at that as he seemed down. I dont know if it was about us, his home life. Life in general but he wasn't his usual chirpy self.

Before he left, we did have a sweet moment together that gave me a slight insight to how he felt about me, without him saying anything but same time I just wish he did tell me.

Anyway long story short, he left... we haven't spoken apart from I sent a message the other day about something just wishing him well and he replied saying thanks.

Nothing since.

So I'm interested to hear your view on this as you know we've tried NC. He didn't want me to speak openly yet he willingly came to mine when I Asked. To me I get the impression he's just as lost and confused as me but difference is he's married with kids. I dont know but what do you think? 

[Buttercupp]

1 hour ago, Aether said:

@ButtercuppI hope you're doing ok.  

@Aether I'm doing ok, have had my moments of feeling really down but trying to push past it now.

I wrote an update on Torn Hearts post of my latest situation.

 

Hope your doing OK too 

[Lisa]

Thread is currently under review.  Thank you for your patience.

[Lisa]

Update:   This thread has deviated into sharing and supporting among a few posters who are in a similar position.   While it's encouraging to see posters all supporting each other, it becomes confusing having different people posting similar things on the same thread. Because of this, LoveShack's position  is that each poster has their own thread.   Ordinarily, we would split issues by another poster into a new thread, however the discussion has become so intertwined that it's impossible to do so.

With this in mind, we have started a new thread for @Buttercupp    If you wish to offer support, you will find her thread here 

Meanwhile@torn_heart has an existing thread on the topic and can be found here.  Please offer support on his own thread.

 

Edited May 25, 2021 by Lisa

[Lisa]

@Minnie Moo please flag this comment when you return and we will unlock your thread.