Author Sugarkane Posted January 22, 2016 Author Share Posted January 22, 2016 Have you actually READ anything on this thread? So why is it that I get CONSTANTLY CRITICIZED AND BADMOUTHED THE WHOLE TIME I'm over at my in laws? I am facing the opposite situation, that is with my older brother's wife. Well the truly distressed folks are my parents. My SIL had badmouthed to my brother that we were talking behind her back. Indeed we were. We talked good things about her, we praised how easygoing she was. But ever since her complaints to my brother mounted up day after day such that those complaints were raised into confrontations from my brother to my parents, my judgement of her character has changed totally. She gave an air of entitlement especially after she gave birth to my nephew. How should we deal with her? We all want both of them -- my brother and sister-in-law -- to be a lovely and happy couple but now it seems that they have strengthened to battle against us. They are living with us. My parents helped to take care of them and my nephew and paid for almost everything. Link to post Share on other sites
BettyDraper Posted January 22, 2016 Share Posted January 22, 2016 And how would you know? Have you ever tried actually trying to get crisis pregnancy counseling? One without connections to a church. And have you tried in my city? I am making an assumption based on your very belligerent and defensive posts. If this is how you behave in your daily life, it is not a surprise that you often have a hard time getting along with others. I'm seeing an inability to take responsibility for your actions on top of anger management difficulties. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BettyDraper Posted January 22, 2016 Share Posted January 22, 2016 (edited) Have you read the whole thread? If you do, you will realize it's not really about daycare, it's about blaming the in laws for everything under the sun. The in laws probably do make mistakes, they might even be azzholes, but the OP does nothing but blame them while taking no responsibility for her own decisions and actions. Most of her bitterness seems to stem from her bizarre belief that her in laws should treat her the same as they treat their daughter. She seems to feel like they owe her. I can't understand why she doesn't seem to hold her husband accountable for anything. Entitlement and constant anger gets grown adults nowhere. [ moderator note: this thread has been updated here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/separation-divorce/593197-my-laws-filed-custody-my-daughter-now-we-living-separately ] Edited August 30, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator added link to new thread ~6 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted August 30, 2016 Author Share Posted August 30, 2016 (edited) [ moderator note: Instead of merging this update with the much larger and older previous thread, we will link to it here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/familial/family/503293-bossy-spoilt-criticizing-sil-inlaws ] Hi I don't know where to start. I've been with my husband for about 3 years and have a 2 1/2 year old daughter. My husband and I moved out of my in laws place about a year ago. My in alws have been super controling from the start. They kept making excuses why my daughter had to continue living with them and not us, after we moved out. They kept making more and more excuses and whenever I completed them- they'd be more. E.g Had to get a bed for m daughter, in our place- even though she was sleeping with my in laws. We weren't allowed to sleep with her though. Very, very weird. My husband and I were fighting because he was letting them control our life. A YEAR later, we still only had my daughter 1 DAY A WEEK. My husband told me to speak to his parents- I didn't MULTIPLE TIMES and nothing changed. My husband said this is my problem. We had to clean the apartment because it wasn't up to my father in laws, crazy OCD standards. And it isn't just "high standards"- its full blown OCD. Even though I was only getting home an hour before my husband- to see my daughter and then I had to do the cooking and cleaning my myself. We weren't allowed to have her over because my father in law didn't think the ONLY window wasn't safe. We had to tape it up every time my daughter came over. My husband would never remember to tape it back up. My in laws would drop her off at 4pm and pcik her up 7am the next day. Then complain that we "didn't do anything activities/ take her anywhere". Well how could we in that short timeframe? I was often threatened with verbally abuse by my sister in law, who lives with them. She has threatened me with DHS multiple times because she is jealous and wants to keep our daughter, because she "earns more than us and therefore is a better parent". After all this they had no court order or parenting order to illegally keep our child from us. And I was sick and tired of my husband having no empathy and letting them get away with this. After another time of my sister in law swearing her head off at me and her parents doing and saying nothing. I called the police (they wouldn't let me take my child with me) so I could take my child, to my parents. Edited August 30, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator added link to older thread ~6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted August 30, 2016 Author Share Posted August 30, 2016 We satyed there a week with my husband. And long story short, he endlessly harassed me constantly to go and meet his parents becuase they "wanted to talk". Regretfully i did and they lied that they weren't going to court. My mother in law said I "broke up her family" and made insults at me. As usual my husband didn't say anything. Then at the busiest time of semester- at the end when I was trying to get my assignments done. They filed for custody of my child. I was livid. Months later I am getting screwed over and getting a few hours a week seeing my daughter. My husband is still living with his parents he says because " he has to be there with our child". They also said if I see a therapist and take anti depressant medication, I would get my child back. But they lied again and used it against me in court. I've lost trust and respect for my husband. And all my in laws wanted was t be the parents of my child, they haven't considered my feelings at all. Even the police i called, said they are narcissistic. My family has been broken up and I've lost out on more time with her because my doctor told the court I'm depressed. I don't know who wouldn't be in this situation. Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted August 30, 2016 Share Posted August 30, 2016 Sorry your going through this. My in laws would drop her off at 4pm and pcik her up 7am the next day. Then complain that we "didn't do anything activities/ take her anywhere". Well how could we in that short timeframe? I'm a bit confused. Why were you giving your child to them at 7 am every morning when it was a tug of war to get her back each time? Why is this in Separation and Divorce? Are you and your husband divorcing? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted August 30, 2016 Author Share Posted August 30, 2016 Sorry your going through this. I'm a bit confused. Why were you giving your child to them at 7 am every morning when it was a tug of war to get her back each time? Why is this in Separation and Divorce? Are you and your husband divorcing? Because I we were living them to start of with. I had lost my job and found out i was pregant. My hsbands family are Catholic. And when we later moved out, they continued to keep her there. Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted August 30, 2016 Share Posted August 30, 2016 They return her every day at 4 pm. If you don't want them caring for her, stop turning her over every morning. Are you divorcing your husband? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted August 30, 2016 Author Share Posted August 30, 2016 They return her every day at 4 pm. If you don't want them caring for her, stop turning her over every morning. Are you divorcing your husband? I did try and it cause more arguements. Anyay now I have court ordered visitations. But I'm the one who begged to get her back and yet I'm the one who sees her less. I don't know what to do about my husband. I don't know why he bothered having a child with me, when he is happy for his parents, to be our childs parents. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted August 30, 2016 Author Share Posted August 30, 2016 I'm just appauled that I've never done anything to hurt my daughter or neglected and now yet I'm the one who has to go and see them, to see my daughter. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted August 30, 2016 Share Posted August 30, 2016 (edited) Generally speaking, the courts will do all they can to support a parent to keep their child. So I'm kind of confused by what you say. Did an officer from the Family Court or DOCS (or whatever they are called now) come and visit you and see what provisions you've made for your child? Did they see the allegedly dangerous window? Did they see the state of the apartment before they ordered you to clean it up? If so, what did their report say? And it's completely reasonable for them to order that you have a bed for your child. Are you using Legal Aid to represent you in court? Edited August 30, 2016 by basil67 4 Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted August 30, 2016 Share Posted August 30, 2016 It feels like you're leaving huge chunks of the story out. It's highly unusual for the courts to award custody to grandparents over the child's own parents, when the parents want to rear the child. Typically the parent(s) are seriously endangering the child or are unfit (e.g. active drug addicts). Are you and your husband divorcing? It's the third time I've asked. Still waiting... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Lowrider93 Posted August 30, 2016 Share Posted August 30, 2016 This is definitely a strange situation, why on earth would the courts side with the grandparents and give them custody, are you and your husband unfit to be parents to your child?, why would you willingly give up custody? Peace Link to post Share on other sites
VeveCakes Posted August 30, 2016 Share Posted August 30, 2016 Courts do not order visitation to the mother unless something major happened. So what happened? We cant give proper support without the truth.... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted August 30, 2016 Share Posted August 30, 2016 Courts do not order visitation to the mother unless something major happened. So what happened? We cant give proper support without the truth.... Exactly... What is the full story here. Normally mothers can just walk away with their children and thats that... If you want to go back to your parents and take your child with you there isn't normally anything that anyone else can do about it... Just curious but why is there only one window where you are living? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted August 30, 2016 Share Posted August 30, 2016 OP, I'm not terribly familiar with your story, but based on some of the threads you've started, it seems like you're filled with quite a bit on animosity. Even when you got engaged to this man, your felt the urge to rub it in your ex's face. That was obviously not cathartic, since you're here a few years later thinking of tagging your ex in a Facebook post about bad boyfriends. It seems like you've got a lot of unresolved anger toward this ex. Is it possible it's seeped into other areas of your life? I agree with others who say it's unusual that you're having this custody issue. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 30, 2016 Share Posted August 30, 2016 Generally speaking, the courts will do all they can to support a parent to keep their child. So I'm kind of confused by what you say. Did an officer from the Family Court or DOCS (or whatever they are called now) come and visit you and see what provisions you've made for your child? Did they see the allegedly dangerous window? Did they see the state of the apartment before they ordered you to clean it up? If so, what did their report say? And it's completely reasonable for them to order that you have a bed for your child. Are you using Legal Aid to represent you in court? I was also thinking this. I mean she's acting like the inlaws are giving her the legal orders, and I know that's not right -- or if it is, she's silly for minding them. If CPS or the courts have told her to do certain things, they don't send that message via the inlaws. They tell you in court. Now, if you don't show up to court, that's on you. But yes, courts all want to return children to the mother and/or father if they possibly can. I know heroin addicts who got them back and just kept having drug babies, too. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Bufo Posted August 30, 2016 Share Posted August 30, 2016 The old boxer in retirement heard this bell and is bracing for one more round. Troxel v Granville was decided by the US Supreme Court in 2000. It establishes a parent's constitutional right to custody unless by clear and convincing evidence the best interests of the child dictate otherwise. Do you have a lawyer? You need one because it won't be decided on emotions alone. It's a substantial legal question. Your state may have cases discussing and applying Troxel. And you need forceful advocacy. As well as advice on how to best prepare for the fight of your life. Starting with don't live in a cardboard box under the freeway overpass to get a work schedule compatible with the availability of child care. Remember, YOU are on trial here. Hitting them back with the law will raise their burden of proof. But whatever your lawyer tells you to do or avoid should be carefully considered by you. Inconvenience or even serious pain now may pay dividends in court. Sorry to lecture but old habits die hard, even in retirement. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted August 30, 2016 Share Posted August 30, 2016 The old boxer in retirement heard this bell and is bracing for one more round. Troxel v Granville was decided by the US Supreme Court in 2000. It establishes a parent's constitutional right to custody unless by clear and convincing evidence the best interests of the child dictate otherwise. Do you have a lawyer? You need one because it won't be decided on emotions alone. It's a substantial legal question. Your state may have cases discussing and applying Troxel. And you need forceful advocacy. As well as advice on how to best prepare for the fight of your life. Starting with don't live in a cardboard box under the freeway overpass to get a work schedule compatible with the availability of child care. Remember, YOU are on trial here. Hitting them back with the law will raise their burden of proof. But whatever your lawyer tells you to do or avoid should be carefully considered by you. Inconvenience or even serious pain now may pay dividends in court. Sorry to lecture but old habits die hard, even in retirement. She's in Australia, so those historical cases and the constitution doesn't apply. But in general, I agree she needs a lawyer. Though I suspect that she won't be able to afford on and will use Legal Aid (publicly funded lawyer). And by the sound of things, a social worker to help her sort out the issues preventing her from having full custody. Link to post Share on other sites
Bufo Posted August 30, 2016 Share Posted August 30, 2016 I missed the Australia connection. So I can go back into retirement I guess 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted September 1, 2016 Author Share Posted September 1, 2016 Generally speaking, the courts will do all they can to support a parent to keep their child. So I'm kind of confused by what you say. Did an officer from the Family Court or DOCS (or whatever they are called now) come and visit you and see what provisions you've made for your child? Did they see the allegedly dangerous window? Did they see the state of the apartment before they ordered you to clean it up? If so, what did their report say? And it's completely reasonable for them to order that you have a bed for your child. Are you using Legal Aid to represent you in court? I've never had an offier from the Fmaily Court or DHS come to talk to me. Even though my in laws claim their pediatrician filed a report to DHS. Should I ask DHS why they haven't contacted me? It's very odd. I have just finished my coarse and moved back home. Legal Aid wouldn't help therefore wouldn't help- even though I don't have money. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted September 1, 2016 Author Share Posted September 1, 2016 Courts do not order visitation to the mother unless something major happened. So what happened? We cant give proper support without the truth.... I've done NOTHING wrong. They started alienating me from my daughter a year ago. My husband and I moved out last year. They said they would "increase the days" with in the new apartment because "she likes her routine". A year later we still only had her one night a week. And all I got was broken promises and being blackmailed from staying away from my daughter. My husband didn't care. They only tell me now- 3 years later that they think he has aspergers. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted September 1, 2016 Author Share Posted September 1, 2016 Sorry your going through this. I'm a bit confused. Why were you giving your child to them at 7 am every morning when it was a tug of war to get her back each time? Why is this in Separation and Divorce? Are you and your husband divorcing? I'm not sure. I'll have to look into it, as I'm wasn't a child of divorce like lots of people. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted September 1, 2016 Author Share Posted September 1, 2016 Exactly... What is the full story here. Normally mothers can just walk away with their children and thats that... If you want to go back to your parents and take your child with you there isn't normally anything that anyone else can do about it... Just curious but why is there only one window where you are living? We were living in a small apartment in the city, thats why. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted September 1, 2016 Author Share Posted September 1, 2016 OP, I'm not terribly familiar with your story, but based on some of the threads you've started, it seems like you're filled with quite a bit on animosity. Even when you got engaged to this man, your felt the urge to rub it in your ex's face. That was obviously not cathartic, since you're here a few years later thinking of tagging your ex in a Facebook post about bad boyfriends. It seems like you've got a lot of unresolved anger toward this ex. Is it possible it's seeped into other areas of your life? I agree with others who say it's unusual that you're having this custody issue. Well my ex was a Ahole to me when he broke up with me. Yet I got ostrasized from the group?! Link to post Share on other sites
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