Author Sugarkane Posted March 1, 2018 Author Share Posted March 1, 2018 Everyday is just constantly a screaming match about who's more to blame. My dad also promised to sell one of his cars he never uses and is now lying and calling me a liar. My nan and grandmother also died when we moved out the first time- 4 years ago and my parents didn't share the inheritance. While all the rest of my dads siblings shared it with their adult kids and they all went overseas to scatter my grandmothers ashes. Then my parents came back to brag about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted March 1, 2018 Author Share Posted March 1, 2018 We've also had a couple sessions off marriage counselling, but couldn't afford anymore sessions. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted March 1, 2018 Share Posted March 1, 2018 It sounds like there's a lot more to unpack here than what you've provided in your short version. It's hard to make sense of any of it or offer advice with the sparse details. I'll start with questions. Are you still in school? Why do you say your in-laws are controlling? Do you have examples? Why did they kick you out? What does your husband do On what grounds did your in-laws get "interim custody" if you're at home and not working? What kind of franchise did he buy? Sounds like you don't have a great relationship with your parents? Has it always been this way? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted March 1, 2018 Author Share Posted March 1, 2018 It sounds like there's a lot more to unpack here than what you've provided in your short version. It's hard to make sense of any of it or offer advice with the sparse details. I'll start with questions. Are you still in school? No, I finished about a year ago. But all the jobs require 2- 3 years experience and I haven't been able to get any internships. My university just sent me around in circles. Why do you say your in-laws are controlling? Do you have examples? They wouldn't allow me to be alone with my child. They wouldn't let me sleep with my child (they would). Why did they kick you out? I was sick and tired of being alienated from my child and them saying I can't be alone with my child. My parents FINALLY helped me get her (my in laws must have caught on and her daycare lied that she wasn't there). Then went to my parents. But they got my husband to harass me and say they wouldn't go for custody. I didn't know what to do and Australia seems to be the ONLY western country, without any websites/ forums on this subject. I regretfully went back and then my in laws lied and filed for custody. I was blindsided and they didn't even tell me beforehand. I went back to my parents house, not knowing that the court looks negatively on that. What does your husband do My husband has qualifications in accounting, but when the Global Financial Crisis hit, it hit that area badly. He has worked a number of jobs. He is working in our business now. On what grounds did your in-laws get "interim custody" if you're at home and not working? I didn't know that going back to my parents place, would be used against me in court. I also made the mistake of admitting I was depressed because they destroyed my family. What kind of franchise did he buy? We bought a cleaning franchise. Jobs include people's homes, businesses and if we're lucky builders cleans. The problem is the fees are very high and the complaint system is overly harsh and you're not given any leeway at first when you begin and are learning the ropes. We weren't even trained properly. Sounds like you don't have a great relationship with your parents? Has it always been this way? My dad is a hard person to live with. He blames this whole thing on me. He is autocratic, VERY pessimistic and VERY aggressive. His father was physically and verbally abusive and he is also verbally abusive. His excuse is always his own upbringing and he never would get counselling. The fights with my husband also gets physical and I forgot to mention my husband recently got an intervention order out on me. But made it that we can still contact and live together. I'm PARANOID about getting into a physical fight and breaking these orders. My in laws love using my husband against me. I'm usually not an angry person but its impossible not too with my husband. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted March 1, 2018 Author Share Posted March 1, 2018 I also see a therapist for my own sanity, but she's away for the next couple of weeks. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 1, 2018 Share Posted March 1, 2018 Everyday is just constantly a screaming match about who's more to blame. My dad also promised to sell one of his cars he never uses and is now lying and calling me a liar. My nan and grandmother also died when we moved out the first time- 4 years ago and my parents didn't share the inheritance. While all the rest of my dads siblings shared it with their adult kids and they all went overseas to scatter my grandmothers ashes. Then my parents came back to brag about it. Your parents are not obliged to share their inheritance. You will get your share when they die. That said, I can think of two good reasons to not share the inheritance now: 1. Given the poor state of your marriage, any inheritance you receive would be chewed up by a divorce or awarded to your ex in division of assets. Your parents would want to make sure the money would stay in the family. I found out recently that my parents were not going to share any inheritance if my sister was still married to her ex. Or 2. You've never told us why the courts took custody of your children from you. In Australia, children have to be at serious risk for a parent to lose custody. If the courts don't trust you as a parent, then your parents may not trust you to make good decisions with a lump sum. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted March 1, 2018 Share Posted March 1, 2018 What is your degree in? Or, what line of work have you been looking for a job in? Do you have any other diagnoses other than depression? It seems odd to me, an American, that your in-laws would get custody of your child from both you and your husband. I feel like here that doesn't happen enough and that's how kids end up dead (because CPS failed)! (I'm not at all implying your child would end up dead in your care) Are Australia's laws unduly harsh in this area? My cousin has Asperger's and has never held down a job and he's now a married dad in his thirties (God bless his wife, the sole bread winner). How do you feel about your husband's abilities to hold down a job? How do you feel about your abilities to do that once you find one? Are you both desiring to work full time with benefits? Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted March 1, 2018 Share Posted March 1, 2018 I also see a therapist for my own sanity, but she's away for the next couple of weeks. What does this mean? Do you have a diagnosis? Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 1, 2018 Share Posted March 1, 2018 Your only solution at this point 1. Divorce your husband. Given the violent nature of your relationship, the two of you should never have custody of your child. Perhaps on your own it may be better. 2. Sell the franchise. 3. Get a job. Any job. Do you have good references from any previous employment? 4. Sort out whatever issue you have which is being used against you in court regarding custody. I highly doubt you lost custody simply because you live with your parents and suffer depression. 5. If you're single and working in a basic job, you should have no trouble accessing Legal Aid and challenging custody. But you need to have gotten a divorce first and had any AVOs on you expire. They should not allow a child to return to you and your husband given the abusive and violent nature of your domestic life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 1, 2018 Share Posted March 1, 2018 Are Australia's laws unduly harsh in this area? Australia's laws are not unduly harsh. Courts and social services do what they can to keep families intact if it's in the child's best interests. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted March 1, 2018 Author Share Posted March 1, 2018 What does this mean? Do you have a diagnosis? Just someone to offload all these problems on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted March 1, 2018 Author Share Posted March 1, 2018 Australia's laws are not unduly harsh. Courts and social services do what they can to keep families intact if it's in the child's best interests. Social services were never involved. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted March 1, 2018 Author Share Posted March 1, 2018 Your parents are not obliged to share their inheritance. You will get your share when they die. That said, I can think of two good reasons to not share the inheritance now: 1. Given the poor state of your marriage, any inheritance you receive would be chewed up by a divorce or awarded to your ex in division of assets. Your parents would want to make sure the money would stay in the family. I found out recently that my parents were not going to share any inheritance if my sister was still married to her ex. Or 2. You've never told us why the courts took custody of your children from you. In Australia, children have to be at serious risk for a parent to lose custody. If the courts don't trust you as a parent, then your parents may not trust you to make good decisions with a lump sum. It's just interim custody. I don't have the money to take it the full process to court and Legal Aid wouldn't help because I was living at home. I STILL can't get any answers why this is so strict on me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted March 1, 2018 Author Share Posted March 1, 2018 (edited) What does this mean? Do you have a diagnosis? When we had to get assessed I got diagnosed with Schizoid personality disorder. I didn't even know what was. And its not Schizophrenia. I'm don't entirely agree with this diagnosis. Edited March 1, 2018 by Sugarkane Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted March 2, 2018 Author Share Posted March 2, 2018 I can't decide what to do. I haven't been eating or sleeping properly because of stress. I do love my husband, but it feels like if we had of had things financially in order, we could have had this all fixed by now. Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted March 2, 2018 Share Posted March 2, 2018 When we had to get assessed I got diagnosed with Schizoid personality disorder. I didn't even know what was. And its not Schizophrenia. I'm don't entirely agree with this diagnosis. Was this used as a reason to take custody of your own child away from you? It's still not clear why you don't have custody. You were pregnant in October. Are we taking about one child or two? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted March 2, 2018 Author Share Posted March 2, 2018 Was this used as a reason to take custody of your own child away from you? It's still not clear why you don't have custody. You were pregnant in October. Are we taking about one child or two? They used my depression as an excuse. But it's hard to get reassessed when the psychiatrist session are expensive and I'm struggling, plus an unstable marriage. I lost the second baby last year unfortunately. I would've loved another child. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted March 2, 2018 Author Share Posted March 2, 2018 A lot of views, but not answers here. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 2, 2018 Share Posted March 2, 2018 (edited) What is it that you want? I presume a stable life & custody of your daughter, right? So how are you going to go about getting that? You say you can't get a job in your field because you need 3 years of experience. Somebody somewhere has to be willing to give you that experience. How many resumes do you send out per day? If it is less then 5, step up your efforts. Can you volunteer somewhere to get experience? Are you working doing anything to have an income right now? If not, why not? Are you attending industry related events or job fairs at least once per week to meet people & try to get a job? If not, start. As for custody, when the judge awarded custody of your child to your in-laws that judge put reasons for the decision on the record. If you don't have a written copy of that decision, get one. Read through it & list all the reasons your child was taken away from you. Then create course of action to change the circumstances which lead to the decision. If one of the reasons was you don't have a job, get a job. If it was that you don't have adequate housing, find a place to live. If it was that you are not taking your meds, get a new doctor & start taking care of your health. Things in your life will change when you change them. I understand things are hard & money is tight but you have to prioritize what is important to you. Edited March 2, 2018 by d0nnivain 6 Link to post Share on other sites
CatMinx Posted March 2, 2018 Share Posted March 2, 2018 They used my depression as an excuse. But it's hard to get reassessed when the psychiatrist session are expensive and I'm struggling, plus an unstable marriage. I lost the second baby last year unfortunately. I would've loved another child. Oh dear, I'm sorry for your loss. If your marriage is unstable, why do you remain in it? What actions are you taking to make the changes you need to make to regain custody of your daughter? There is no magical answer to your problems..if you want to improve your life, you have to take action. Nobody is going to hand you a steady job or a certificate of perfect mental health or a healthy marriage..so what are YOU doing to make these things happen? And posting about them on a forum doesn't count, as there's not a whole lot anyone here can actually physically do for you. For example, the people who need 3 years of experience in your field have all had to start somewhere too, they were not just handed jobs straight out of school either..have you consulted with anyone in your field on how to get started? Applied for internships? Anything? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted March 3, 2018 Share Posted March 3, 2018 For anyone confused by the OPs story I would recommend taking a quick scan of the below thread to get an idea of who the OP is and why she has the problems she does. OP back in October you posted that you are pregnant again and that there was a possibility that your in-laws might get custody of that baby too. How is that progressing? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/familial/family/503293-bossy-spoilt-criticizing-sil-inlaws Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted March 3, 2018 Share Posted March 3, 2018 Sorry. I just saw that you posted that you lost the baby. Very sorry that you had to go through that. Link to post Share on other sites
Vyliss Posted March 4, 2018 Share Posted March 4, 2018 Sugarkane, this post sounds more like a rant post. Mostly I hear you complaining and blaming your problems on everyone else. I'm not hearing you take responsibility for your own actions. The fact your in laws filed for custody is very telling here. You never once mentioned what kind of mother you are. You've just blamed and complained about everyone else. The fact they won any kind of custody means there's more of this story. I don't sense or feel that you're really doing everything right for your child - but you are trying very hard to gain sympathy from strangers on how "unfair" life has been to you. If you want real help, start listing all the ways you've contributed to this problem YOURSELF and then it will be more obvious what you need to change. That is if you're willing to take responsibility for your current mess and make the necessary changes. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
grace4ever Posted March 12, 2018 Share Posted March 12, 2018 (edited) Dear Sugarkane, I am so sorry for your situation. It sounds that you have been through a lot recently. Remember that you are valuable, important and a person worth of dignity. Please let me tell you that you do have a purpose in life. Have you ever thought of when two persons get married both of them bring their own baggage? Christian counseling can be helpful to work through things like this. Maybe you can encourage him to seek individual therapy first and then you can take the therapy together. He should confess all to you since the beginning however I encourage you to forgive him. You and your husband are valuable and worth fighting for. Through therapy both of you can discover that and help each other. .Problems and struggles will come for any married couple. . Let me tell you that there’s no perfect persons, so there’s not perfect marriage. But there’s couples who never give up and want to fight for their relationship and each other. Have you consider forgiving your husband, your in laws, and yourself? Forgiveness does not mean that he is doing right, but that you appreciate more that relationship between you. Forgiveness does not mean these things did not happen to you, however means that you let the problems go. Forgiveness will return your peace and joy. Forgiveness is the first step of healing and change. Please do not give up! Hang it there! In that way you could start a new chapter in your life and you will see the difference and the impact that this will have in yourself. I hope you and your husband can reconcile all your differences. I hope this will change your mindset of marriage and commitment. Request help of a third part is for brave people or courage couples. Do you have a faith or believe system to help guide you through this? I do not know whether you believe in God but I will keep you in my prayers, my friend. Keep us –posted-Ok! Edited March 12, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator removed comercial link Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted March 22, 2018 Author Share Posted March 22, 2018 Just don't know what to do. had another day of arguing, but my husband can't run this business without me because it takes too long for one person to do. Constant blaming and put downs because I couldn't find work, which led to this chain of events. And my therapist has been away for a few weeks and I had to cancel last weeks appointment because we had too much work. She suggested that my husband could come too, but he doesn't want too. I often think of cheating- just so I can hurt him as much as possible, like he has to me. Link to post Share on other sites
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