StBreton Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 (edited) She refuses to sleep on the mattress we got her. Because she crawls into bed with you? You said your in-laws insist your daughter stay with them because she doesn't have a bed ... but now you say she has a bed but doesn't want to sleep in it? So what are the reasons the in-laws insist your daughter stay with them? I know it's difficult to keep a toddler in their bed, and sometimes they'll wake up and crawl in bed with parents...but if you laid down next to your daughter until she fell asleep, this could ensure she stays in her bed...unless she wakes in the middle of the night. Why are all your daughters things at your in-laws? Even if they are, go get your daughter and go to Goodwill or other agency and get some clothing for her for free or almost free!! Then you don't have to get anything from the in-laws house. Do you want to have your daughter with you or not?? I almost get the feeling you're empathetic about having your daughter with you and just want to get your in-laws off your back or want to be treated like they treat their own daughter. Edited December 9, 2015 by StBreton 1
Author Sugarkane Posted December 9, 2015 Author Posted December 9, 2015 Now I'm in this situation where they aren't answering their phones and they've got my daughter.
StBreton Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 Now I'm in this situation where they aren't answering their phones and they've got my daughter. How long have they not been answering your calls? When was the last time you saw your daughter? Unless the courts have given custody to your in-laws...I'd be on the phone to the police. If anyone ever tried to keep my kids from me...that's exactly what I'd do. To h*ll with any childcare arrangement the in-laws provide to you...I'd rearrange my school schedule for next semester to coordinate with when I had state childcare so my child wouldn't spend anytime with the in-laws. So you didn't answer the question...do you want to be with your child as much as possible? 2
TunaCat Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 If that's really the case, SK, get off Loveshack and call the police! Seriously, grow up, get assertive and stop whining. 2
Author Sugarkane Posted December 9, 2015 Author Posted December 9, 2015 I saw her this morning. I don't get to coordinate my own timetable. It's not like that. Of coarse I want to see my daughter. How long have they not been answering your calls? When was the last time you saw your daughter? Unless the courts have given custody to your in-laws...I'd be on the phone to the police. If anyone ever tried to keep my kids from me...that's exactly what I'd do. To h*ll with any childcare arrangement the in-laws provide to you...I'd rearrange my school schedule for next semester to coordinate with when I had state childcare so my child wouldn't spend anytime with the in-laws. So you didn't answer the question...do you want to be with your child as much as possible?
StBreton Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 I saw her this morning. I don't get to coordinate my own timetable. It's not like that. Of coarse I want to see my daughter. Did your daughter spend the night with you? Where did you see your daughter this morning? How many days a week do you see your daughter? Why is your daughter in daycare now as you are off of school? If the in-laws picked up your daughter...why have you not called the daycare and told them that you are the only person to pick up your daughter? Why do you not get to dictate your timetable? I can't remember what you are going to school for but is it not a regular college and more like a trade school where there the schedule is set in stone?
Author Sugarkane Posted December 9, 2015 Author Posted December 9, 2015 I see my daughter everyday. She's in daycare so that she can interact with others and I still have to pay, even if I don't take her there and I'm on holiday. Yeah my part of the college, we don't get to choose the timetable unfortunately. Did your daughter spend the night with you? Where did you see your daughter this morning? How many days a week do you see your daughter? Why is your daughter in daycare now as you are off of school? If the in-laws picked up your daughter...why have you not called the daycare and told them that you are the only person to pick up your daughter? Why do you not get to dictate your timetable? I can't remember what you are going to school for but is it not a regular college and more like a trade school where there the schedule is set in stone?
StBreton Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 I see my daughter everyday. She's in daycare so that she can interact with others and I still have to pay, even if I don't take her there and I'm on holiday. Yeah my part of the college, we don't get to choose the timetable unfortunately. So what was the timeline of time spent with daughter since yesterday and till today? I understand you have to pay to keep your spot at daycare...but maybe just leave your daughter there for part of the time and arrive at daycare before your inlaws. Sorry about the timetable at school...that must be hard.
anika99 Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 My husband was homeless for quite awhile too. He knew plenty of homeless girls who ended up pregnant etc. Some grew up right away. Some already started ahead of the game and were just in a temporary rut. Some changed nothing and eventually lost their kids or just sent them off. The number one deciding factor was what one was willing to do or change. The ones that pulled up and did everything they could to keep their kids, did. (In general, depending on if they got a moronic social worker a time or two) Honestly, my husband relapsed at one point. He smartened up a little after and supported our daughter. He really wasn't well enough to have a job at the time. He had injured his back badly (still needs surgery in fact) but he would go out and panhandle and send the money to us to keep the lights on / rent paid until he got treatment etc. He didn't want her to suffer his consequences more than she already had by having her Dad away. Before that happened, I did have to stay with her for a very short time in a homeless shelter because my place lost hear and water. Then my church stepped in. Frankly, unless you are BLATANTLY UNABLE to care for your child, you do EVERYTHING you can to do so. EVERYTHING. If it means going to a shelter, you go. If it means accessing government services, you do. If it means begging, get good at it. Nobody else is responsible for bringing your child here but YOU. Yeah, I was only 16, but once I became pregnant I knew I had to smarten up. I still made mistakes but by the time I had my baby I had completely cleaned house and got myself to a point where I could at least take care of a baby. Off all the girls I was in the home with, about half of us chose to keep our babies. Within in the first year many had had their babies taken away from them as they were unfit ( we were a bunch of underage teenagers ) and several gave their babies up voluntarily because they just couldn't hack it. I might not have made it if myself if my baby had been a different kind of baby. He was born premature and he literally slept about 18-20 hours a day until he was about 6 or 7 months old. They say teenage girls think having a baby is like having a doll. Well mine really was just like a little doll. He would wake up, I would change him, feed him, cuddle him and then he'd just go right back to sleep until the next time he needed to eat which would be hours later. I could take him anywhere and he'd just sleep through it. Thank god because even with an angel for a baby being all alone with a baby and no help from anyone was really hard. OP if I had had the same help that your in laws have given you I would have thought I was in heaven. I tried going back to school at the age of 23, but then I had a 6 yr old and a toddler and no help and I just couldn't keep up. In the morning I had to take my baby to daycare and my oldest to school and then get myself to school. I had to take the toddler by bus to daycare and then take another bus to school. Then I had to do the same in reverse at the end of the day. Then I had to take care of both kids by myself until they went to bed and then try to do homework. Day after day, without a break. What I wouldn't have given to have someone else maybe pick my toddler up from daycare or feed my kids dinner just so I could have some time to focus on school stuff. One of the kids was always picking up a virus and then we'd all get it, so on top of everything else I was always missing classes because of my kids. Can't send sick kids to school or daycare. I dropped out of school and opted to work until both of my kids were teens and then I went back to school and it was so much easier. You need to make up your mind. If you want to complete your schooling now then be grateful to your in laws for their help. You don't have a clue how freaking easy you have had it thus far. If all you're going to do is wail and complain about every damn thing your in laws do and nothing they do is ever right, then quit school and take care of your kid yourself. Just stop whining and make a choice. 2
anika99 Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 How long have they not been answering your calls? When was the last time you saw your daughter? Unless the courts have given custody to your in-laws...I'd be on the phone to the police. If anyone ever tried to keep my kids from me...that's exactly what I'd do. To h*ll with any childcare arrangement the in-laws provide to you...I'd rearrange my school schedule for next semester to coordinate with when I had state childcare so my child wouldn't spend anytime with the in-laws. So you didn't answer the question...do you want to be with your child as much as possible? What kind of school are you attending full time where the hours are not within the same hours as most daycares operate? Do you go to school overnight or something? Your not even making any sense at all anymore. First you said you couldnt' have your daughter because you didn't have a bed for her, now you say she won't sleep in the bed you have for her. Oh she doesn't like to sleep in her bed? Well then by all means just hand her over to your inlaws then. What reasonable parent would try to keep a child who didn't like their bed. Probably since she doesn't like the mattress you should just give her up for adoption. Good grief!! Like someone else said it's all trickle truth and word games with you and your silly short answers. You can fix this situation, but you don't want to. Why can't you just admit that and then we can all be done with this thread? 3
StBreton Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 (edited) What kind of school are you attending full time where the hours are not within the same hours as most daycares operate? Do you go to school overnight or something? Your not even making any sense at all anymore. First you said you couldnt' have your daughter because you didn't have a bed for her, now you say she won't sleep in the bed you have for her. Oh she doesn't like to sleep in her bed? Well then by all means just hand her over to your inlaws then. What reasonable parent would try to keep a child who didn't like their bed. Probably since she doesn't like the mattress you should just give her up for adoption. Good grief!! Like someone else said it's all trickle truth and word games with you and your silly short answers. You can fix this situation, but you don't want to. Why can't you just admit that and then we can all be done with this thread? Exactly! Especially about the bed situation...these are the things OP has stated re: the bed: -In-laws keeping my daughter because I don't have a bed for her -I had money saved for a bed but hubby spent the money on the holiday cruise -I have a bed but daughter won't stay in it -I don't have a bed for daughter Sugarkane, since the whole situation is occurring because of a bed or lack of extracurricular activities or whatever the reason de jour is, you just give up your daughter to someone else. Your reasoning is sad. Like I said, you've basically abandoned your daughter. FYI...your daughter doesn't need all the interaction of day care compared to time with YOU. Do you think she would choose daycare over you?? When my kids were in preschool, I'd pick them up at noon. There were kids who stayed till 3 p.m. Anytime I walked in for pick up or any other parent walked in, the whole room of 3 year olds would anxiously look at that door to see if the newcomer was "their mom or parent" ...there was always hope they would see their number 1 person in the world. You could see the sadness when the kids realized it wasn't their mom or parent. If I were 15 minutes late, my sons would say to me "mommy why you late?" So I do not understand why you have your daughter in day care all day when you are off. Why? Do you have any feelings for your daughter? Or do you just focus all your feelings obsessing about your in-laws? How much time do you want to spend with your daughter? You show no logical thinking at all. I wonder how you do in school with such a lack of logical and clear thinking. If one of my son's was married to someone who displayed your lack of logical thinking, I'd be quite concerned about any grandchildren in the daughter-in-law's care. I'm thinking your in-laws have concerns about your psychological well being and ability (or desire) to properly attend to your daughter and create a ruse to keep her from you by saying you don't have a bed for her, you don't spend time with her, etc. etc. Just your lack of action to keep your daughter in your care is astounding. That says a lot about YOU as a parent and leads me to some logical conclusions. Edited December 9, 2015 by StBreton 3
hotgurl Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 Yeah, I was only 16, but once I became pregnant I knew I had to smarten up. I still made mistakes but by the time I had my baby I had completely cleaned house and got myself to a point where I could at least take care of a baby. Off all the girls I was in the home with, about half of us chose to keep our babies. Within in the first year many had had their babies taken away from them as they were unfit ( we were a bunch of underage teenagers ) and several gave their babies up voluntarily because they just couldn't hack it. I might not have made it if myself if my baby had been a different kind of baby. He was born premature and he literally slept about 18-20 hours a day until he was about 6 or 7 months old. They say teenage girls think having a baby is like having a doll. Well mine really was just like a little doll. He would wake up, I would change him, feed him, cuddle him and then he'd just go right back to sleep until the next time he needed to eat which would be hours later. I could take him anywhere and he'd just sleep through it. Thank god because even with an angel for a baby being all alone with a baby and no help from anyone was really hard. OP if I had had the same help that your in laws have given you I would have thought I was in heaven. I tried going back to school at the age of 23, but then I had a 6 yr old and a toddler and no help and I just couldn't keep up. In the morning I had to take my baby to daycare and my oldest to school and then get myself to school. I had to take the toddler by bus to daycare and then take another bus to school. Then I had to do the same in reverse at the end of the day. Then I had to take care of both kids by myself until they went to bed and then try to do homework. Day after day, without a break. What I wouldn't have given to have someone else maybe pick my toddler up from daycare or feed my kids dinner just so I could have some time to focus on school stuff. One of the kids was always picking up a virus and then we'd all get it, so on top of everything else I was always missing classes because of my kids. Can't send sick kids to school or daycare. I dropped out of school and opted to work until both of my kids were teens and then I went back to school and it was so much easier. You need to make up your mind. If you want to complete your schooling now then be grateful to your in laws for their help. You don't have a clue how freaking easy you have had it thus far. If all you're going to do is wail and complain about every damn thing your in laws do and nothing they do is ever right, then quit school and take care of your kid yourself. Just stop whining and make a choice. I was 16 as well when I had my daughter. I finished HS, went to college full time, worked part time and took care of a toddler. My ex was useless. I didn't sleep much. Thankfully I was able to arrange my schedule to work with the daycare schedule. The college had a daycare and family housing. I did have help. There were other single women with kids there and we helped each other. The housing was a square with a park in the middle of the unit. The kids would play while we did homework. there were also a lot of late nights. There were times I would cry because it was so hard. But I got through. My mom did help but she was very interfering. eventually I laid down the law. She would sometime pick DD up from daycare and feed her dinner. I would swing by and get her around 6pm. This didn't happen everyday but occasionally. It gets better when the kids go to school, but summer care is a b!!ch. YOu can do it. You just need to decide if it is important enough for you. There are resources you can take advantage of and you have a husband. My ex took off. 1
hotgurl Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 What kind of school are you attending full time where the hours are not within the same hours as most daycares operate? Do you go to school overnight or something? Your not even making any sense at all anymore. First you said you couldnt' have your daughter because you didn't have a bed for her, now you say she won't sleep in the bed you have for her. Oh she doesn't like to sleep in her bed? Well then by all means just hand her over to your inlaws then. What reasonable parent would try to keep a child who didn't like their bed. Probably since she doesn't like the mattress you should just give her up for adoption. Good grief!! Like someone else said it's all trickle truth and word games with you and your silly short answers. You can fix this situation, but you don't want to. Why can't you just admit that and then we can all be done with this thread? In the OP defense at lot of colleges have evening classes. As an upper classman I couldn't avoid these.
Rejected Rosebud Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 OP - do you ever question yourself about how you blame others for everything that happens in your life? This is not healthy. It's also impossible for other people to be responsible for an adult's life unless the adult hands it over. Are you aware that you do this? It's a big pattern for you I see from your posting history but it's way worse now. If you go to a therapist it would be a good idea to bring up this pattern. You won't be able to raise your daughter in the condition you are in, regardless of what your in laws do or don't do. Please look within and get some help. 1
anika99 Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 In the OP defense at lot of colleges have evening classes. As an upper classman I couldn't avoid these. Full time students generally attend during the day, but if the OP is attending in the evening then her complaints about her in laws picking her kid up from daycare are really nonsense. 2
Rejected Rosebud Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 Full time students generally attend during the day, but if the OP is attending in the evening then her complaints about her in laws picking her kid up from daycare are really nonsense. Yes, unless the OP and her husband make a different plan. If they don't, what is supposed to happen? The child just stays there??
Author Sugarkane Posted December 11, 2015 Author Posted December 11, 2015 She doesn't stay in daycare all week. I mean MOST other people send their children to daycare, its not the 1950s anymore.What else am I supposed to do? Not finish studying and have less chance of providing for her? Exactly! Especially about the bed situation...these are the things OP has stated re: the bed: -In-laws keeping my daughter because I don't have a bed for her -I had money saved for a bed but hubby spent the money on the holiday cruise -I have a bed but daughter won't stay in it -I don't have a bed for daughter Sugarkane, since the whole situation is occurring because of a bed or lack of extracurricular activities or whatever the reason de jour is, you just give up your daughter to someone else. Your reasoning is sad. Like I said, you've basically abandoned your daughter. FYI...your daughter doesn't need all the interaction of day care compared to time with YOU. Do you think she would choose daycare over you?? When my kids were in preschool, I'd pick them up at noon. There were kids who stayed till 3 p.m. Anytime I walked in for pick up or any other parent walked in, the whole room of 3 year olds would anxiously look at that door to see if the newcomer was "their mom or parent" ...there was always hope they would see their number 1 person in the world. You could see the sadness when the kids realized it wasn't their mom or parent. If I were 15 minutes late, my sons would say to me "mommy why you late?" So I do not understand why you have your daughter in day care all day when you are off. Why? Do you have any feelings for your daughter? Or do you just focus all your feelings obsessing about your in-laws? How much time do you want to spend with your daughter? You show no logical thinking at all. I wonder how you do in school with such a lack of logical and clear thinking. If one of my son's was married to someone who displayed your lack of logical thinking, I'd be quite concerned about any grandchildren in the daughter-in-law's care. I'm thinking your in-laws have concerns about your psychological well being and ability (or desire) to properly attend to your daughter and create a ruse to keep her from you by saying you don't have a bed for her, you don't spend time with her, etc. etc. Just your lack of action to keep your daughter in your care is astounding. That says a lot about YOU as a parent and leads me to some logical conclusions.
Author Sugarkane Posted December 11, 2015 Author Posted December 11, 2015 As I said before my coarse isn't available at night. In the OP defense at lot of colleges have evening classes. As an upper classman I couldn't avoid these.
Author Sugarkane Posted December 11, 2015 Author Posted December 11, 2015 I'm now at my wits end. I've spent the past 2 years being sent around and around in circles, trying to get help. So so much for posters saying there's heaps of recourses!! They don't legally have custody of her and NONE of my in laws listen to the word NO. And I'm left with no support and dealing with 3 aggressive people with no boundaries.
Author Sugarkane Posted December 11, 2015 Author Posted December 11, 2015 Spoke to my mum earlier. She thinks I shouldn't go to my in laws alone and threaten to call the cops. Don't know what to do about my husband.
hotgurl Posted December 11, 2015 Posted December 11, 2015 Full time students generally attend during the day, but if the OP is attending in the evening then her complaints about her in laws picking her kid up from daycare are really nonsense. Maybe the USA is different. While the bulk of my classes were daytime. I did have required classes that were in the evening. I did a professional degree and they used professionals as adjuncts to teach some technical classes hence the evening. But my daughter also has some evening classes at a state university. Her labs are later plus an art class.
hotgurl Posted December 11, 2015 Posted December 11, 2015 As I said before my coarse isn't available at night. ok now I am super confused. I thought you had to use your inlaws to watch your child because you had a night class. Did I misread?
anika99 Posted December 11, 2015 Posted December 11, 2015 ok now I am super confused. I thought you had to use your inlaws to watch your child because you had a night class. Did I misread? Have you read the whole thread? If you do, you will realize it's not really about daycare, it's about blaming the in laws for everything under the sun. The in laws probably do make mistakes, they might even be azzholes, but the OP does nothing but blame them while taking no responsibility for her own decisions and actions. Most of her bitterness seems to stem from her bizarre belief that her in laws should treat her the same as they treat their daughter. She seems to feel like they owe her. I can't understand why she doesn't seem to hold her husband accountable for anything. 4
Rejected Rosebud Posted December 12, 2015 Posted December 12, 2015 She doesn't stay in daycare all week. I mean MOST other people send their children to daycare, its not the 1950s anymore.What else am I supposed to do? Not finish studying and have less chance of providing for her? Like EVERYBODY, at least when we're adults, you have to make decisions and compromises. If you can't raise your daughter or tolerate your inlaws while they provide for you, then YOU cannot go to school right now while your daughter is young. Lots of people put things on hold when they have young kids. Since you have clearly CHOSEN to go to school, and let your in-laws basically raise your daughter, please take responsibility for YOUR own choice! You can change what YOU are doing (stop school for now) if you want to raise your child now. Otherwise just stop complaining! As I said before my coarse isn't available at night. Now I am super confused. You go to school during the day. Your husband works during the day. Why is your daughter going to the in-laws after daycare? I don't understand. Do your in-laws believe that you and your husband are unfit parents in some way? 3
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